Pregnant Prospective Members?

[greencat]

Originally posted by XOMichelle


You all are way too stiff. Not an appropriate activity?? Who are you, royality from the 18th century? I don't think that's you decision, but the decision of the girl who wants to pursue membership.

Actually it's a mutual selection process. And if a chapter thinks it is great she has a kid, good for them and good for her, but I don't think you'll find that at the southern colleges.

[HederaNaturale]

Originally posted by angelove
it's completely unrealistic to have a child as a teenager, then expect your life to go on as normal.

it's completely unrealistic to have a child at ANY point and expect your life to go on as "normal"... it comes with the territory of having kids. You life with your kids, whatever your situation, becomes your "normal".

And are you really setting a good example for your child by leaving her with a babysitter while you go to a social? Despite what the magazines said in the '80s, you can't have it all - especially if you want to make good grades so you can get a good job to support your child.

Do you feel the same way about women who work? Tell this to every woman in your office who has kids and isn't at home. You're saying the responsibilities of being in a sorority are more than that of a company exec.? There are a LOT of those with little babies..

We looked for PNMs who would be willing to give us a lot of their time - not possible for young mothers (at least if they are doing a good job of mothering). I'm sure there will be lots of replies to this, but I feel very strongly that a woman should choose motherhood or Greek life - but she can't have both.

I take personal offense to that... not because I'm a mom or plan to be any time soon, but because I'm one of the kids who *obviously* had a terrible childhood, never saw her mother and was raised so horribly because my mom was in college, making the dean's list, keeping scholarships, and RUNNING her chapter while i wasted away alone in my crib all the day long.

Clearly, you need to think before you type. I'm sorry if you feel the way you feel, but don't imply that other people can't live and achieve outside of your box.

(longwinded, but... not everybody can be on POINT like MamaNaturale is!)

[dzandiloo]

Personally, I think that a woman who is with child or has a child is perfectly capable of being a contributing member of a sorority, and I don't think it's the sorority's place to tell her what her priorities should be.

Each chapter has to weigh the impact that having such a member will have on their chapter...there are many things to consider, but if a pregnant woman or a mother came through rush who was willing to make the commitment, and understood the responsibilities, AND, I'm being practical here, the environment on the campus is such that it wouldn't damage the chapter to have her as a member, she should be allowed to join, IMHO. (on my campus, it would have been no biggie).

Anyway, if the argument is simply that she doesn't have the time to commit, what's the difference between the mother, and the 18 year old with no child that has to work almost every day and weekend & misses events on that accord, or simply misses events because she's lazy?

[angelove]

If you were, or currently are, an undergrad woould you extend membership to a pregnant woman or a woman who had very young child(ren).

This was the original question, and we're answering it, including those of us who are apparently royal Stepford Wives from the 18th century. No one is trying to tell a mother/mom-to-be not to go through recruitment or how to run her life in general - the original poster wanted to know whether we would extend membership, and my answer was no. I agree with greencat that it's not going to go over well at the more traditional schools. I was pretty surprised by the poster who had a 28 year old sister - kids or not, that seems unusual.

I find it kind of odd that so many who have posted here seem to think that it's appropriate to tell women with children how to behave and where their priorities should be. It's not your job to tell a woman how to run her life, period.

Maybe your chapter is different, but as I recall, my chapter had a lot of rules and regulations that could be perceived as telling me how to behave and where their priorities should be. I couldn't drink while wearing letters or in the house, couldn't have my boyfriend over past a certain hour, etc. Sororities have a tendency to shape their members by setting priorities for them (you must make certain grades, study x number of hours, etc.), so if they can tell women without children how to behave and where their priorities should be, why should we exempt mommies?

Didn't any of you have parents who belonged to social/service organizations as you grew up? What's the difference between an organization in college and the commitment that many require in post-collegiate organizations?

Yes, many parents (including me) are active in social organizations, but we're not talking about the Masons or Junior League or Rotary, here - we're talking about organizations that demand an overwhelming amount of time, second only to collegiate studies.

I don't think anyone on this thread is making moral judgments - if chapters did that, no one would ever be recruited - but those of us who would not extend membership to a mom/MTB are simply being realistic.

[33girl]

Sororities have a tendency to shape their members by setting priorities for them (you must make certain grades, study x number of hours, etc.)

Alexandra? Is that you???

[veemers]

If she held the ideals of my group, yes. Then I would let her have whatever accomodations she needed for pledging. We don't have a live in requirement, so that's not an issue.

[PrettyPetite]

I would have a slight problem with an undergraduate completing intake during her pregnancy, but afterwards, if she was able to balance her time properly, and she exemplified all the ideals of my organization, I would have no problem with it. As a matter of fact, I have found that some of my Sorors with kid(s) have been more involved in some of our national programs (for example the Stork's Nest) because they can relate to the women we assist more than a woman without kids....

[AGDee]

It does always surprise me just how judgmental some of the people here are. I pledged as a single, childless, second semester freshman who worked two jobs and went to school full time. Yes, that was a piece of cake, because other than having to be present in class and work, things were pretty easy over all.

However, while I was pregnant with my daughter, I was working full time, going to graduate school part in the evenings, volunteering as the Finance Adviser of my initiating chapter (spending at least one night a week there) as well as being a wife, cleaning a house and going to alumna club meetings. If you have a healthy pregnancy, why would being a new member be too taxing? Pregnancy isn't an illness!

I'd venture a guess that 90% (if not more) of parents hire a babysitter to go on a date with their spouse, go to a wedding, bowl in a bowling league, etc. This isn't bad parenting, this is taking of yourself.

Sure, maybe at some very traditional southern schools where only freshmen get bids and most women are legacies, it might be a problem, but at urban commuter schools, it's a different world.

Dee

[mommag2]

I posted before on this subject and as I stated earlier, I AM A MOM OF A 2YR OLD little girl. I AM ALSO A PROUD MEMBER OF GAMMA ALPHA OMEGA SORORITY. I along with several other wonderful ladies in my sorority have children. We are not all in the same chapter, but we are spread out across the country and we have all managed to maintain high gpa's, a high level of participation in our respective chapters, have all been to regional conventions (in-state and out of state) without neglecting our sons and daughters. My child is watched by my brother when I have chapter or have to go to any event that my daughter cannot attend. Mary-Katie (my daughter) has attended rush events, socials, fundraisers and community service events. She has been named the Gamma baby by my sorors.

She is loved by my sorors and by 2 very special Omega Delta Phi gentlemen that have watched her on a few occassions(both are in relationships with 2 of my sorors).

My social life DID NOT END when I became a mom.

I DO NOT feel that I have chosen my sorors over my child when I have to be away from her, I stated at the very beginning of my pledge process that my child comes first and my sorority second. Does not make me a bad soror or a bad mom.

GAO has enriched my life so much and they have become such great influences/role models for my daughter. I am lucky to be a part of such a wonderful sorority.

We are not the only sorority on my campus that has members that are or are about to be mommies. KDCHI has a sister that is a wonderful mommie to her son and she will be graduating with me in May. They also have a soror that will make a wonderful mommie to her unborn son, she is not only a soror, but also a member of the Honors program her at my school.

Should she not be in the Honors program, since they take up alot of time as well.

We all have done a great balancing act of sisterhood and motherhood and we have in my opinion done a great job in raising our children to this point.

[insolita]

Originally posted by angelove
Despite what the magazines said in the '80s, you can't have it all - especially if you want to make good grades so you can get a good job to support your child.

What? I didn't noticed they'd stopped.

This isn't the 1950s. It isn't my job to tell other people what they can and cannot do with their spare time. I don't see how it's inappropriate for a collegiate woman to seek out social activity, whether or not she has, or is expecting to have, a child.

As for reputation... Personally, I'd be a lot more embarrassed by my chapter if we cut the pregnant girl than if we bid her.

[texasgrl]

I think we need to be realistic. In some schools, having a sister who is pregnant and/or has a child would be ok and others it would not. As for the 28 yr old sister, I don't see a problem with that. Some women don't want to be married with kids, some never get married, or marry late. Mentality has alot to do with it. I have friends that are in different stages of their lives and friends of all ages. A daughter of one my mom's friends was active in Chi Omega in her sophomore year. This is the same year as her 10 year high school reunion. She apparently got along great with her sisters. I guess what I am trying to say is different strokes for different folks.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by HederaNaturale
I take personal offense to that... not because I'm a mom or plan to be any time soon, but because I'm one of the kids who *obviously* had a terrible childhood, never saw her mother and was raised so horribly because my mom was in college, making the dean's list, keeping scholarships, and RUNNING her chapter while i wasted away alone in my crib all the day long.

Clearly, you need to think before you type. I'm sorry if you feel the way you feel, but don't imply that other people can't live and achieve outside of your box.

(longwinded, but... not everybody can be on POINT like MamaNaturale is!)

Bravo!!! You turned out very well, did you not? And you mom is better off as well.


And for the people who disagree with me... What you are doing is imposing your idea of motherhood onto someone else. The truth is we have no clue how committed a woman with a child would be to a group, since it would change from person to person. It is true, that some women with children would never work out, but I am sure there are mothers who would love to join a social sorority and would be great members, AND great mothers, and great students. I think saying "no way" off the bat to a mom or a woman who is older is the same thing as saying "no way" to someone who comes from a different ethnic background, or to someone who needs to work to pay for college. People decide to do things differently everyday, it's not our job to say what is right for whom, or if that makes them a good or bad mom.

Also, I am totally against the 80's backlash "you can't have it all..." blah blah blah. There are many things I want to do in my life, and while some compromise may be in store, I think it's shameful for us to be telling women everywhere they need to be putting certian things first. Of course, most will say that this movement only recognizes the need for careful choices, but I disagree. I disagree only because I hear everyone preaching about how they need to take care of their family. "I won't let someone else raise my children" or "You aren't a good mother if...." Honestly, I think there are MANY ways to be a good mother, and resent this popular movement because it seems to be a step backwards in the womens equality movement, which had its first generation of success with our mothers (not too long ago!). I would rather see women lobbying for greater practices of part time work, or other ways to keep careers going while fostering the other important things in life. The reason I would like to see such changes is the grim fact that most women do not stay married, and many must support themselves after they have taken time off to have children.

[Measi]

Well spoken, XOMichelle.

I'm not sure where this over-protective "I must be the only person watching over my children" phase has come from. If a mother chooses to be that way, that's fine. I also realize that every child is different, and some do need more supervision than others-- but if a chapter is willing to put through a mother with child (or children), I can't see how it would be a detriment. If anything, that particular sister becomes a mentor to the others who haven't experienced reality-beyond-college yet.

~ Mel.

[shadokat]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with adpiucf. I wouldn't think a pregnant women or woman with a newborn baby would be interested or have a priority of joining a sorority. Maybe it's just me, but if this is what she wants to do as a pregnant women, she may need to rethink some things.

As others have said, if we had a woman going through recruitment that was pregnant, it would be the talk of rush, bet on it. And the chapter she got a bid from, they'd be part of the trash talk.

I guess my view is that the world isn't all love and flowers, and sorority life isn't for everone...

[KSUViolet06]

Young children, yes. As long as she is a mother FIRST, and has her priorities in order. Pregnant or with a very young infant, probably not. You have TOO much going on and are going to be tired and stressed as is. Also, we all know how much of a financial commitment our orgs. are. I think that a pregnant woman would want to put her $$$ toward preparing for her baby.