How would ou like to be broken up with? - Page 3

James · #31 04-08-2004, 04:20 PM

Just move one day . . without a forwarding address

Quote:

Originally posted by maggieaxid
ok, i found this thread by luck! i have to break it off with this guy. the truth of the matter is 1. he is overbearing 2. he pouts if he doesn't get his way 3. i have decided i am not attracted to him anymore because of his personality.
so how do i say this nicely? i am assuming "you suck, now go away" won't suffice. (i am kidding!)

here's a little more info:
a bunch of sorority women walked into the restaurant where we were eating and he made a comment "I hate sorority chicks, they are bunch of stupid sluts"......i had to point out to him how he was SO wrong.

i haven't mentioned that i am moving to florida soon.

so what should i say?

valkyrie · #32 04-08-2004, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Just move one day . . without a forwarding address

LOL, that's not cowardly at all.

maggieaxid · #33 04-09-2004, 09:25 AM

'cuz really, it's him, not me

MaMaBuddha · #34 04-09-2004, 09:40 AM

hmmmmm....

i've been left twice in my life...i mean flat out just never received a call, a visit, an email, a letter or nuthin'....

it hurt!!!

so i am the one that does the breakin'....

it goes like this....this isn't working out anymore, it's you...not me....

enjoy your life....

----

ok ok....i am bitter at the moment!

maggieaxid · #35 04-09-2004, 11:34 AM

ok, i tried to be nice to him, but he doesn't get it. he has called me 4 (yes FOUR) times in the last 24 hours to talk. What the hell is this- I only went out with him twice. I think it's time to be mean.

alikat2 · #36 04-09-2004, 12:21 PM

He's like that after you went out TWICE? Run, girl, run!

Just tell him you don't see things going anywhere and that should suffice. Not that I am one to talk. I am awful at breaking things off and usually just end up ignoring the guy, which is pretty juvenile.

IheartMATT806 · #37 04-09-2004, 04:06 PM

im sorry but i dont get into a relationship just to worry about how i am going to be dumped. there is much more to worry about and fun times to be had. if you are constently worrying about how someone is going to break up with you then why even bother dating?

maggieaxid · #38 04-12-2004, 09:22 AM

I spoke with him on friday afternoon and i just told him i wasn't interested in a relationship, and although he is a really nice guy, i am just too busy to commit my time into developing a new relationship.
he FREAKED out on me. ranting and raving about how i led him on (ok, can we have a conversation about what defines "leading on")
and that i promised that i would make time for him (which i know i didn't do!) and then saturday night he called me all drunk really late yelling at me how i was a tease. what the hell? i haven't responded to him and i don't plan on it. i'm glad i ran away as fast as i could!

so, whats everyones definition of "leading someone on"?

James · #39 04-12-2004, 11:43 AM

Well in this case . . leading someone on is maintaining contact with him after you have decided that you don't like him without saying you just want to be friends or want nothing to do with him.

Men are not mind readers anymore than girls are . . despite what alikat2 says about him being psycho . . . its not unreasonable for him to feel lead on. Although, he didn't how much diginity in allowing himself to get all upset at you.

Scenario: I go out with a girl on a date twice. Maybe over two different weekends. She is really into me I am less into her. I decide mentally I don't want to see her again. Over the next week or so I stop calling her or maybe I only call her back, and am evasive about wanting to go out. I am busy, plans, hair etc, maybe some other time.

She still likes me so she "hears" that I am busy now, but maybe won't be busy later. She is picking up on the mixed signals, but I keep making excuses that are plausible, and I am still talking to her, and its only been a week or so . . . . she has little reason to suspect that I just don't like her because I am . . drum roll please, I ams till talking to her and not tellin gher anything.

Basically I am treating her like a mushroom, keeping her in the dark and feeding her shit.

Then finally a week or two later, I have enough, screw up my courage and say: I don't have time for a committed relationship blah blah blah . . she is so wonderful blah blah blah. Blowing smoke up her ass.

She is going to be pissed because I could have just told her what was up after the second date. Keep in mind that once we start crushing on someone that crush grows quickly. So I just basically led her on to believe there was the possibility of more, so that she started liking me more.

So yeah, she is going to be pissed.

And yeah, in your case, he is going to be pissed. Although again, is shows a lack of self respect on his part to show that he is visibly upset to the girl that played him.

maggieaxid · #40 04-12-2004, 01:49 PM

i understand what your saying, but i told him flat out on the first date that i wasn't interested in a relationship because i am moving in a month and as long as he was cool with just hanging out occassionally thats all i was looking for. after the first time we went out, he started to call and text msg and email me like crazy (three or four times a day) and i even told him he needed to back off a bit. and then i agreed to go out with him on the second date, like two weeks later, and it did not go well at all. he made some really screwed up comments about a guy in a wheel chair that was there, other people that were at the bar and some of the things i was saying. at the end of the night he asked why i didn't seem like i was having as much fun and i just told him that i didn't feel like we were clicking. i had driven myself to the date, and on my ride home he called, he called AGAIN later that night and left a message, then he text messaged me the next morning. i didn't respond to any of them until he called me in the afternoon and was short and brief with him.
but apparently thats leading him on.

James · #41 04-12-2004, 01:59 PM

To him it was . . because you went on a date . . and then kept talking to him . .. and then went on another date two weeks later . .. and kept talking to him.

I am not saying you did anything wrong. We all may do stuff. . . but you asked whether it was leading him on and it was.

valkyrie · #42 04-12-2004, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
To him it was . . because you went on a date . . and then kept talking to him . .. and then went on another date two weeks later . .. and kept talking to him.

I am not saying you did anything wrong. We all may do stuff. . . but you asked whether it was leading him on and it was.

I don't agree. By your logic, unless you're really, really into the person right from the start, you should cut off all contact lest you be accused of leading someone on, right? Where does that leave the large number of women on GC who feel that sparks develop over time and who like to continue dating someone they're not really into at first (and I don't mean you, maggieaxid)? If a woman tries to "develop" sparks with a guy and it never happens, you'd just say she was leading him on the whole time, which is silly.

I think that the concept of "leading someone on" is bullshit, unless someone is blatantly lying to you about where the relationship is headed. Each person should do what she wants and hang out with someone if she feels like it -- if a guy reads more into her behavior than she intends, that's his problem, not hers.

James · #43 04-12-2004, 08:42 PM

Thats a different context. Maggie said she had determined ealry on she didn't want to see him but didn't tell him that. Probably to avoid drama

You are talking about girls that want to continue seeing the guy in the interest of possibly (I guess through some divine will or sick desperation) developing feelings. Thats different.

Although, it will look the same to the person on the receiving end.

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't agree. By your logic, unless you're really, really into the person right from the start, you should cut off all contact lest you be accused of leading someone on, right? Where does that leave the large number of women on GC who feel that sparks develop over time and who like to continue dating someone they're not really into at first (and I don't mean you, maggieaxid)? If a woman tries to "develop" sparks with a guy and it never happens, you'd just say she was leading him on the whole time, which is silly.

I think that the concept of "leading someone on" is bullshit, unless someone is blatantly lying to you about where the relationship is headed. Each person should do what she wants and hang out with someone if she feels like it -- if a guy reads more into her behavior than she intends, that's his problem, not hers.

maggieaxid · #44 04-13-2004, 12:57 PM

i never said i decided early on-- i decided AFTER the four stalkerish phone calls that i really didn't want to see or have contact with him. i did tell him in the begining that I was not looking for a relationship. i don't know about you, but i don't consitute 2 days and a few mutual phone calls a relationship.

Kevin · #45 04-13-2004, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Well in this case . . leading someone on is maintaining contact with him after you have decided that you don't like him without saying you just want to be friends or want nothing to do with him.

Men are not mind readers anymore than girls are . . despite what alikat2 says about him being psycho . . . its not unreasonable for him to feel lead on. Although, he didn't how much diginity in allowing himself to get all upset at you.

Scenario: I go out with a girl on a date twice. Maybe over two different weekends. She is really into me I am less into her. I decide mentally I don't want to see her again. Over the next week or so I stop calling her or maybe I only call her back, and am evasive about wanting to go out. I am busy, plans, hair etc, maybe some other time.

She still likes me so she "hears" that I am busy now, but maybe won't be busy later. She is picking up on the mixed signals, but I keep making excuses that are plausible, and I am still talking to her, and its only been a week or so . . . . she has little reason to suspect that I just don't like her because I am . . drum roll please, I ams till talking to her and not tellin gher anything.

Basically I am treating her like a mushroom, keeping her in the dark and feeding her shit.

Then finally a week or two later, I have enough, screw up my courage and say: I don't have time for a committed relationship blah blah blah . . she is so wonderful blah blah blah. Blowing smoke up her ass.

She is going to be pissed because I could have just told her what was up after the second date. Keep in mind that once we start crushing on someone that crush grows quickly. So I just basically led her on to believe there was the possibility of more, so that she started liking me more.

So yeah, she is going to be pissed.

And yeah, in your case, he is going to be pissed. Although again, is shows a lack of self respect on his part to show that he is visibly upset to the girl that played him.

James, your example here reminds me of a theory (well, we now call it a law) that one of my brothers shared with me about a week ago.

The Shadow Law: Relationships are like shadows. Imagine yourself standing and facing the sun, paying it attention, where does your shadow go? Away from you. If you turn your back on the sun (ignore it), your shadow follows you.

Relationships are like shadows in this way. If you pay someone a lot of attention, they generally move away from you. If you ignore them or pay them very little attention (or as you said, treat them like a mushroom), they gravitate towards you.

I think the Law of Shadow is more applicable in early-stage relationships. Seems very applicable to the situation that the thread's originator was experiencing though.