When Harry Met Sally Debate - Page 3

decadence · #31 02-24-2004, 05:56 PM

Quote:

If that were so, you guys bring it upon yourself.

I was simply suggesting a point for the sake of conversation. The double standards issue.
For example, let's take something - a statement - really crass and immature: "women can't read maps. orwomen can't really drive/park."
If a guy came out with that it'd be argued he was misogynistic (among other things heh) and then it'd be pointed out that, women can do those things.
Yet the argument persists that men cannot be friends with women because they are too stupid to act above an argued omnipresent base instinct because "that's the way they are".

AXJules · #32 02-24-2004, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by decadence
I was simply suggesting a point for the sake of conversation. ....
Yet the argument persists that men cannot be friends with women because they are too stupid to act above an argued omnipresent base instinct because "that's the way they are".

So was I.

And I don't think people say men are too stupid to overcome what you guys say is your nature, I think guys use it as an excuse.

AXJules · #33 02-24-2004, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by damasa
You are faking it Jules, nobody wants to smash with you....

You and Alex should hook it up though.

You're right, B....if you couldn't tell by all my loose cannon posts, I think guys want me but when I leave craze-o messages on their cell phones, they deny it.

And Alex is a chick. What you meant to say is that I should hook up you and Alex.

decadence · #34 02-24-2004, 06:28 PM

Women do say it. Above. Or all but say it.
Or in the film Kalifornia (w/ David Duchovny, Juliette Lewis) when they guys are shooting target practice) Juliette Lewis' character says it "boys will be boys".

So do guys after hearing it so much say it (i.e. repeat it) as an exasperated "yes ok whatever sure"?
Or, is the fact that men CANNOT be friends with women BECAUSE they are INCAPABLE and is it therefore an accurate statement - but many men and women do not subscribe to the theory and so do have platonic rel'ships with the opposite sex?
After it being argued and expected that men do this it does it then happen in a self fulfilling prophecy way?

AXJules · #35 02-24-2004, 06:35 PM

I think that's what I'm getting at.

NOT ALL, but a lot of men want to be "men"...esp. when it comes to their expected roles in relationships. So half the time its falling back on the excuse that its a curse of the gender...and the other times I'm sure its blamed on the fact that its all we (both men and women) say. Which is why I really don't think you can pinpoint it to women hating men.

decadence · #36 02-24-2004, 06:47 PM

For men to be men though, does being a man include not engaging with a woman in any other way than romantic/sexual??

For the people who believe Harry; is effectively what is being said (in the thread generally) that women will not really talk to a guy (or vice versa) unless they want and intend to have something non-platonic with them and if they do not then they will not ever speak to or engage with that person in anything more than a cursory manner (or professional manner if in workplace i.e. if they have to) and will not be or ever seek to be friends with them because that is an impossibility and the only engagement which might have otherwise been possible will not ensue because of the lack of attraction by the party.

As for the "if both parties are in relationships that's different" supposed exception the logical conclusion of that is when one party becomes single the other can only callously say "you're no friend of mine" since it's then, impossible?

damasa · #37 02-24-2004, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXJules
You're right, B....if you couldn't tell by all my loose cannon posts, I think guys want me but when I leave craze-o messages on their cell phones, they deny it.

And Alex is a chick. What you meant to say is that I should hook up you and Alex.

No, I said it right. You should hook up with Alex.

I know she's a vagina but then it will put an end to all your current issues with those friends that are not vaginas but still want you.

AGDee · #38 02-24-2004, 11:43 PM

I have had numerous males as friends, very good friends. I think it's easier as you get older and less hormonal.

Dee

James · #39 02-24-2004, 11:53 PM

Think of the word friend as a verb. As long as there was nothing physical going on you were friends . . .

As far as what people might be thinking . . who knows. It only gets blurred when people feel that they can't control their actions.

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
This is an ongoing debate between Mr. KillarneyRose and me.

I had lots of guy friends in college and I always have and always will maintain that we were just friends and they weren't after any more than that.

Mr. KillarneyRose says that under their "just friends" exterior, they all wanted to, um, hava a physical relationship with me.

I told Mr. KillarneyRose that, just becase he was a big ol' horndog in college doesn't mean that everyone was!

HBADPi · #40 04-24-2004, 03:53 AM

**bump**

found this on msn today and thought it was appropriate to post.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.asp...44659&GT1=3142

comments? thoughts?

James · #41 04-24-2004, 11:04 AM

Cute, although it makes it sound like women get more tnagible benefits from being friends with a man than men get form being pals with gals. That might be true.

Its a little passive agressive and risk aversive when it comes to handlig the posibility of real attraction.

If you think the guy or gal has potential try it out. If it ruins the friendship . . oh well.

sororitygirl2 · #42 04-24-2004, 05:50 PM

I have to say that I have found it rather difficult to maintain a long-term friendship with a guy without one of us being interested in something more at one point or another.

We will often start out as friends when one of us is dating another, but when we both happen to be single at some point a few years down the road, it often turns to more.

I agree with whoever said that of course you get interested in your guy friends because why would you be friends with them if they weren't cool, fun and attractive guys? And why wouldn't you want to date someone who is cool, fun and attractive if the opportunity arose later on?

Sure, it can sometimes ruin a friendship but that may mean that your friendship wasn't that strong to begin with. A true friendship between two people who really care about each other can withstand quite a bit.

James · #43 05-10-2004, 10:28 PM

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde

sororitygirl2 · #44 05-10-2004, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde

Good quote!!! Oscar always comes through...

bluz4 · #45 05-10-2004, 10:37 PM

i thought that it was possible for there to be platonic male-female relationships. but i have not been privy to it. all my male friends have told me in some form or another that they would pursue something more with me and there other female friends if the chance was presented to them.

most of my guy friends are former flings and boyfriends anyway. and those that are not ... are gay. is it possible? i'd have to agree with those of you that said that one of the people has feelings and is just afraid to show it. he or she would rather play the "friend card" then have the person out of their lives.

but i hate to have to admit that though.