Would you date someone with a "mental condition"?

[Dionysus]

I think this is more of a responsibility issue than people looking down.

Also, I think this boils down to not caring what others think. If a guy won't accept me for my problems, or worse deny them, then I wouldn't want anything to do with him.

[AGDee]

Ok, I'm borrowing some things from the "3 DealBreakers" thread here...

-Excessive tardiness
-Being rude, pessimistic, negative to others
-Has no sense of humor
-Does not retain his heritage/ethnicity (at least have some idea of your roots)

-if we just don't click at all
-leaving the cell phone on alert mode (unless ur on call) during the date AND if left on silent mode, you check the cell constantly for any missed calls or voice mail while we're still on the date

1) has more hair on his back than on his head
2) is skinnier than me
3) has issues- ex: ex-girlfriend he can't forget, 5 kids, drug user...freaks out after sex

refuses to shave or wax body hair

1. Poor (Wears Mudd jeans or another such variant).
2. Stupid (Can't understand Kant or do multi-variable calc).
3. Ugly (Doesn't look like Paris Hilton).


Then there were extensive discussions in another thread about not wanting to date someone who has a child.

Then we ask the question about mental illness... you could even ask it about a chronic medical illness too.. compared to some of the above, it's a more serious issue. Some people's dealbreakers are pretty mild things, some are more serious. The thing is, everybody has different things that they can tolerate and live with.

Knowing what you personally are capable of coping with is an important skill in life.

Dee

[ThetaGrrl]

All of the sudden, I'm thinking of that awful movie Pumpkin, that makes sorority girls everywhere looks like the biggest b!tches alive.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

I don't think this thread makes us look like bitches. I think if you look over all of GC, you're going to see some pretty excellent examples of womanhood.

I agree -- you have to include chronic medical illnesses, too. I have von Willebrand's disease, which is a bleeding disorder. That means when I get cut, I keep bleeding. Also sometimes I'm very tired and pale and achy (you know... certain weeks of the month.)

It's too much for some guys.

When my mom was sick and I was so sad.... that was hard for some guys too. Serious issues are not something everyone wants to deal with.

[James]

Uhm, I don't even like to be friends with people that are moody, touchy, or overly sensitive.

They get on my nerves because they make their issues your problem.

So as far as mental illness goes, well as long as it didn't effect the relationship, i.e. their inability to control that facet of their life didn't make me miserable, then its all good.

If it was uncontrolled than its no different than the above moody, touch overly sensitive people i mentioned earlier. . . the illness is just a label.

[AKA_Monet]

Did you know that some bipolar disorders are tightly correlated to type 2 diabetes??? It is called Wolfram's Syndrome.

So, some mental illnesses may be a result of underlying diseases that many people get as they age. So if you all keep living, you will age too...

Generalized Anxiety Disorders may have something to do with Hypertension... Like one of the Salt Transporters in the kidney is not genetically coded properly or is mutated, so there is an increase in blood pressure and an imbalance in sodium. When a similar transporter in the brain malfunctions, it initially causes anxiety... Then the prognosis is poor as one age.

Some learning disabilities and mental slownesses tightly correlate to the incidence of cancer. A child with down's syndrome is more likely to die from malignant melanoma or other cancers than normal individuals as they become adults...

Most cancer patients suffer from depression as a result of treatment... Chemotherapeutics kills all growing cells and some senescent cells, dehabilitating mental function, including the chemicals that control emotion--seretonin, norepinephrine, GABA receptors, NMDA receptors...

Some other disorders could lead to Alzhemiers and Cardiovascular Diseases...

So, I do not think it is an issue of dating someone who has a mental disability is the question that one ought to be asking...

My question is can you manage the care of an individual that actually does have an ill-described illness that begins to manifest itself as an effect on thought habits and emotions???

Moreover, should folks who actively seek help with their disability be having children, when it probably a genetic disease to begin with...

As Rudey would say:

We are all mutants...

[James]

Well Damn AKA_Monet, I think you have now terrified all the members of GC that have some mental issues by suggesting that it could be some deeper and more sinister physiological problem.

Telling people that have some type of anxiety disorder that there really MIGHT be some horrible dehabiliting disease in their future that their enxiety is merely a symtom if is . . . well it should get some funnny reactions from people during the deep watches of the night.

Good for you lol

Much terror from a brief post.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by James
Well Damn AKA_Monet, I think you have now terrified all the members of GC that have some mental issues by suggesting that it could be some deeper and more sinister physiological problem.

Telling people that have some type of anxiety disorder that there really MIGHT be some horrible dehabiliting disease in their future that their enxiety is merely a symtom if is . . . well it should get some funnny reactions from people during the deep watches of the night.

Good for you lol

Much terror from a brief post.

Pick your poison...

Cancer or Heart Attack??? Or stroke??? Or Alzheimer's???

The fact is folks need some level of treatment. Either chemical, spiritual or whatever allows them to function in today's society.

There is hardly a person that has the perfect genetic structure without some ailment. And then, if our genetics doesn't get us, the pestilence will.

Some things can be overridden with the will of the mind. But when it is clear that for proper development of the mind, appropriate treatment and nurturing has to occur--or that luck of the draw, you are what your genome says, happens to be that way, then, why not seek something out that can help???

The point is that in the ebbs and flows of relationships, we all have to deal with folks idiosyncracies, neurosis, psychoses and probably serious illness...

What do you think "they" mean "in sickness and in health"???

It is a part of the human condition...

If folks know they cannot deal with a person who speaks and curses at a wall, then hey, more power to them for at least acknowledging that issue in themselves...

I cannot deal with a man that has baby's mamas dramas... That's why I did not marry a man that had children...

I could not marry a man with a criminal record. But many African American men have had altercations with the judicial system... So, if I chose to be alone for the rest of my life because I could not meet a Black man without a parole officer, then hey, I would have had deal with that...

Luckily, I did marry a man that did not have a criminal past... However, that does not mean he never will have an altercation... Although I doubt he ever will...

But just like not choosing someone who has a mental disability, would you really not choose someone if you knew that they would get a serious illness later in life--that would probably leave them bed-ridden???

Could you be a caregiver???

I know I could because I grew up in that environment and actively saw it as a teenager in the nursing home where my grandmother resided... Then having to watch my mighty, extremely intelligent grandfather suffer through a dehabilitating stroke only to drool because he had diabetes. And he probably had stroke onset because he was under stress--because he worked too much and didn't stop... Obsessive-compulsive-type A personality...

But, hey, if folks cannot deal with progressive loss in health as one ages, then at least they know their "weakness"...

But, one without training, ought not actively help another if at the time that is not something one should deal with... Meaning, if you are in college trying to get a degree, why should you deal with a boy or girl who decides to take his or her life if they choose not to get treatment???

Ever hear of codependence and enabling?

[James]

I already helped take care of two terminally ill people, that was quite enough thank you.

Codependance and enabling are usually rationalizations for weakness and being fed up, respectively.

Originally posted by AKA_Monet


But, one without training, ought not actively help another if at the time that is not something one should deal with... Meaning, if you are in college trying to get a degree, why should you deal with a boy or girl who decides to take his or her life if they choose not to get treatment???

Ever hear of codependence and enabling?

[James]

It just occurred to me though . . . isn't it generally conceded that all women are neurotic? Especially about relationships? And food? And weight? And handbags? And shoes?

So isn't worrying about some labeled conditon merely secondary to the normal psychosis that men have to deal with all the time?

IF we can deal with the above quirks, mere psychotic delusions and small things like bi-polar should be easy

[dzjessdz]

"Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older—about 1 in 5 adults—suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.
When applied to the 1998 U.S. Census residential population estimate, this figure translates to 44.3 million people.
In addition, 4 of the 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders-major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time."
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/numbers.cfm

I'm not trying to be flamey or anything, and while i'm not offended, or upset with any one poster, I find myself bugged in general by this thread. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I'm feeling stigmatized because i'm a member of this mentally ill group that's being discussed in a way that makes me feel labeled, like people could be defined by their disorders and not who they are? i don't know.

[James]

Keep in mind that diagnosis is a matter of categorizing a group of symtpoms or behaviors.

It doesn't necessarily denote an organic source. Also, you don't have to be defind by the conditon, depending on what it is of course.

Personally I just don't enjoy people that victimize others with their poor emotional control.

I don't care if thats from a bad day, lack of sleep, lack of food, over sensitivity, or immaturity. Nor do I care if its from a diagnosed mental illness.

I don't baby sit other adults, nor do I like fixer-upper people.

I am adversarial enough in my outside existance, business, school, etc. I rely on my friends, acquaintances and lovers to be a positive influence on my mood and experiences.

So if you are basically unpleasant, I am going to provide you limited access to my emotional well-being.

Y'all realize that your lover has enormous influence over how you feel about life in general? KEep that in mind if you allow people with malfunctioning social skills a lot of access to your life, regardless of the source.

Originally posted by dzjessdz
"Mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older—about 1 in 5 adults—suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.
When applied to the 1998 U.S. Census residential population estimate, this figure translates to 44.3 million people.
In addition, 4 of the 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders-major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time."
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/numbers.cfm

I'm not trying to be flamey or anything, and while i'm not offended, or upset with any one poster, I find myself bugged in general by this thread. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I'm feeling stigmatized because i'm a member of this mentally ill group that's being discussed in a way that makes me feel labeled, like people could be defined by their disorders and not who they are? i don't know.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by James
Personally I just don't enjoy people that victimize others with their poor emotional control.

I don't care if thats from a bad day, lack of sleep, lack of food, over sensitivity, or immaturity. Nor do I care if its from a diagnosed mental illness.

This is not directed at you. But sometimes it's a no win situation. As one of those "mentally ill" people, yes I have bad days. And those bad days can be worse than others.

Usually the best thing for me to do when I'm in one of my "moods"(if that's what you want to call it) is just spend the day by myself. Curl up on the couch with a good book, watch some tv, sleep it off, have a good cry. I just need to be alone. To some of my friends, they think I'm being anti-social. They get all pissy with me if I choose not to go out with them. But if they do manage to convince me to go out with them and I'm not having a good time, they get all pissy with me because I'm not enjoying myself.
I know it would be better for my friends and family, if I spend that time alone, rather than rain on their parade.
Sometimes I can suck it up and go out and I will have a good time. But other times I know I just need to work out my issue(s) alone.

What's a "sick" girl to do?

[ztabchbum]

I am an EXPERT on dating with someone with a "mental condition." Not only does my boyfriend (of 2+ years) have OCD but ALSO ADHD!!! Talk about problems but I love him to death and wouldn't change anything! He's OCD about being clean which is a really good thing because he NEVER gets sick so he's always there for me when I am! I guess what helps me deal with him is that I have bi-polar disorder as well as my aunt who is also a recovering alcoholic and my ex who I dated for 3 years almost up until the time I met my now boyfriend was an alcoholic and heavy drug user. Then there's the guy one of my dear friends from high school dated and he had Turrets (SP?). I know it was hard for her but she loved him, and that's all that matters. I agree that this post is a little touchy because we're all people with problems - some just more than others. And if you can't look past someone that may have ADD or ADHD or OCD or depression, then what does that say about yourself? Just my .02

[Kevin]

Wow.. y'all would rank ADHD up there as a mental condition?

I dated a chick for a few weeks who I later found out was bipolar/manic depressive and off her meds. She just disappeared after awhile, so I just moved on. Turns out she hooked up with a friend of mine.

Found out a few months later (she saw me on the street somewhere and decided to call me) that she had actually been diagnosed with her 'conditions' shortly after we ceased communication. She'd attempted suicide 4 times since then but was okay now... and did I want to go out and do something sometime? The answer was sorry, no thanks

Talked to my friend about the situation when I saw him on campus. Apparently the gal's father was paying him to go out with her but she had become too much to handle. Why can't I ever get a gig like that?