Question for the girls about dating - Page 3

Buttonz · #31 07-25-2003, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
mini-thread-hijjack (how do you spell that word??)

Ok, that really always weirds me out...I have to say that I have a guy friend like that and I'm always like wait...is he just being nice or does he think that we're on a date or something? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that's weird though...any opinions?

One of my best freinds is like that...even when I was out with him and his ex-gf, he wouldn't let me pay! That's just how some guys are...I know I have offered to pay more then once, but I already know not to push it once he says no...but I will make it up in other ways that aren't money related (like giving him a hand on a paper, etc). THere has been times however, where I just put down some money anyways! There are guys like that, and I've learnt that arguing over it dosen't pay...
In terms of a date, when the guy pays it's nice, but I've always been the type that prefer to split things...ethier split everything evenly or he pays for dinner you pay for the movies, etc. My ex and I never did agree on that (he always believed he should pay even if he didn't really have the $$).

KappaKittyCat · #32 07-25-2003, 11:55 AM

I always offer to go Dutch and insist on tipping if the guy pays, but on the first date, I usually don't protest if he won't let me. If things progress, we usually work something out.

I had a boyfriend who used to pay for everything, and that made me slightly uncomfortable, as we both had full-time jobs and were saving for college. He wouldn't even let me tip. I'd usually try to surprise him with bigger evenings (i.e. nice dinner and a play), for which I'd pay, or slip a $20 into his pocket for gas when he'd drive up to visit me.

The other night I was out for dinner with a male friend and spit the check. Later we went for coffee and he said, "I'll just get this." It wasn't a big deal, as I was having a $1.25 cup of tea, but it was the gesture that I thought was sweet. Then we went to a movie and each paid for our own tickets. But we've been friends for years, and we've always had a loose attitude about money.

valkyrie · #33 07-25-2003, 12:14 PM

On any date regardless of who asked, I would insist on paying half. I am not old fashioned and I quite frankly would be offended if a guy put up a big stink about me paying my share. What's the point of that?!

RedHotChiO · #34 07-25-2003, 12:28 PM

I only pay when I want to make it very clear that we're not going on a date. If I end up paying for myself, I'm just assuming that we're just hanging out as friends. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Edited to add: I would be happy to pay for dessert afterwards.

My friend who is very conservative, always says "When a guy takes you out, he buys you dinner simply for the pleasure of your company." I would imagine that it works both ways. If I ever bothered to ask a guy out for the pleasure of his company, I might be inclined to pay as well.

GeekyPenguin · #35 07-25-2003, 01:26 PM

This causes so much drama among my friends, it's ridiculous. I think that the guy should pay on the first few dates, unless the girl asked him. Once you've gotten more settled into a relationship, figure something out based on finances - for example, last semester my boyfriend paid for almost everything because even though his on campus job paid way less than mine, he was getting a great job at graduation, and I had 7 years of school left.

James, I agree that girl was rude to suggest a restaurant with that much of a price difference - if I don't feel like going to TGIs, I'd suggest Applebee's or Chili's, not something in a totally different style and price range.

and PiKA, you can take me on dates whenever you want.

As for the friends paying for things, it's iffy. I've noticed my friends who graduated from the all-boys school will always want to pick up the tab for friends, whereas my friends from my public school usually don't. I haven't figured out if it is having more money, a "better" upbringing, or both. I think it's the upbringing - these guys also will open car doors for all girls, always hold doors open, etc. I love them.

My high school boyfriend and I argued about this all the time - I made at least twice as much he did (he was a lifeguard, I sold shoes) and he always insisted on paying. I felt horrible about it until I learned that his parents helped him out.

valkyrie · #36 07-25-2003, 01:49 PM

I'm just curious and have a question for everyone who is saying that the guy should pay. Why is it that just because someone was born with a penis, he should pay? Bonus points will be awarded if someone can give me a good reason that is not based on traditional male/female stereotypes.

AchtungBaby80 · #37 07-25-2003, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I'm just curious and have a question for everyone who is saying that the guy should pay. Why is it that just because someone was born with a penis, he should pay? Bonus points will be awarded if someone can give me a good reason that is not based on traditional male/female stereotypes.

If he asks me out, I have to take time out of my life when there are a million other things I could be doing to see him, so he should do the paying!

If I ask him, well, I should pay...the road goes both ways, you know.

I'm kidding...I really don't know why. That's just "the way it is."

DigitalAngel126 · #38 07-25-2003, 02:52 PM

I just started dating this guy and he pays for everything, AND he opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc....And I'm not going to lie - - I do love it - - but it does make me nervous. In a time where that's not the majority, it does make you wonder if he's expecting something in return....

PiKA2001 · #39 07-25-2003, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I'm just curious and have a question for everyone who is saying that the guy should pay. Why is it that just because someone was born with a penis, he should pay? Bonus points will be awarded if someone can give me a good reason that is not based on traditional male/female stereotypes.

I would say that even in this day and age men typically make more money than women ( not always the case!) and there are a lot of old-fashioned women who want to find a man who makes money so they can stay at home and take care of the kids.

PiKA2001 · #40 07-25-2003, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DigitalAngel126
I just started dating this guy and he pays for everything, AND he opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc....And I'm not going to lie - - I do love it - - but it does make me nervous. In a time where that's not the majority, it does make you wonder if he's expecting something in return....

I do that too....it's called being a gentleman.

AchtungBaby80 · #41 07-25-2003, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PiKA2001
I would say that even in this day and age men typically make more money than women ( not always the case!) and there are a lot of old-fashioned women who want to find a man who makes money so they can stay at home and take care of the kids.

What's wrong with that?

PiKA2001 · #42 07-25-2003, 03:05 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
What's wrong with that? [/QUO

nothing.

absolutuscchick · #43 07-25-2003, 03:12 PM

Valkyrie...that's just the way I was raised. I expect the man to hold the door for me, to pay for dinner, etc. Maybe it just varies person to person, but growing up (and now), my dad has always opened the door for me, maybe in some weird way that's why I expect it from a guy I'm dating too. Maybe you were raised diferently and want to pay and open up the door for yourself, and that's fine. But I will always want a man who will open up doors, pull out my chair for me, and be a gentleman.

Kristin AGD · #44 07-25-2003, 03:16 PM

If I make the invitation, I pay. If they make the invitation, they pay. I feel comfortable with this because I am only going to make plans for something I can afford. And I assume the person asking does the same.

Guys ending up paying more often, because they do the majority of the asking.

Cluey · #45 07-25-2003, 03:38 PM

This is going to make me sound like a total wench...

If a guy asks me out, I expect him to pay. Of course, I always have a little extra money with me, just in case he's not been trained well. I've never really had a problem with this, though. It might be because I've lived down south, where traditional gender roles are still predominant.

I like guys who hold doors, pay for the check and open the car door. Call me old-fashioned! This may be why I am still single, though.. Hmmm