6/23/03 Dear Abby - Page 3

GMUBunny · #31 06-23-2003, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SSS1365
WARNING: Hi-jack coming....

I agree that having a cash bar only is kinda tacky (and every wedding I've been to so far has been cash bar only), so I don't want to do it this way for mine. BUT I don't like the idea of people getting plastered at my reception and possibly ruining my day just because it's free for them. So my mom and I came up with a compromise (after all, she and my dad are insisting on paying for a lot of the wedding as I'm their only daughter). We're thinking of having a 2-drink limit (and yes liquor is included) for each guest, after which they pay for their own if they want more. We'd have to use tickets to do it this way though. I figure most people will wind up with more than 2 tickets anyway, since our estimate is based on EVERY guest drinking, and not all will (especially those under-age ). I hope that doesn't sound too tacky, but like I said... it's not about affording it, it's about keeping things relatively calm.

END Hi-jack

That's actually a really good idea (even if it is tacky). I've been to so many weddings where there's a free bar and the guests are completely plastered halfway through the reception. I'm having a small, private wedding so I know who's gonna be prone to drinking a lot and I can keep an eye on them

Peaches-n-Cream · #32 06-23-2003, 06:18 PM

I got drunk at my cousins' wedding five or six years ago.

I hadn't had a drink in years so it hit me hard. You two limit rule might have helped.

ETA: I didn't do anything terrible. I was just embarassed.

Kevlar281 · #33 06-23-2003, 06:25 PM

I’ve been to a lot of traditional Italian weddings where money is given but it isn’t to pay for the wedding; it’s to help the new couple start their life. It’s a tradition, not everyone does it but a lot of my family still does; my mother gives a gift but my dad gives money so it’s sort of a double whammy. However if we received an invite like this demanding a certain increment I know we wouldn’t be attending.

AOIIsilver · #34 06-23-2003, 06:27 PM

This has to be the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen!$330 is absolutely outrageous.

Silver

PM_Mama00 · #35 06-23-2003, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kevlar281
I’ve been to a lot of traditional Italian weddings where money is given but it isn’t to pay for the wedding; it’s to help the new couple start their life. It’s a tradition, not everyone does it but a lot of my family still does; my mother gives a gift but my dad gives money so it’s sort of a double whammy. However if we received an invite like this demanding a certain increment I know we wouldn’t be attending.

The only time I've ever seen people give gifts at a wedding are when they are "American" (to Italians, that would be non-Italians). Personally I'd rather get money at my wedding (for the reason stated above) instead of another gift. Think of it this way... the bride more than likely had a wedding shower. The shower is for the gift-giving. If I had a bunch of presents to haul home after my wedding (which will prolly just be repeats of what I got at my shower) I'd be pretty pissy!

aephi alum · #36 06-23-2003, 07:05 PM

That is just WRONG. Can't afford a $330/pp wedding? Scale back your expectations, or wait to get married. My wedding didn't cost nearly that much, and was still beautiful. You don't need to spend a fortune on your wedding - at the end of the day, whether you have a huge gala event or a small family-only event (or elope!) you're still just as married.

As for the cash bar, very tacky. I've been at weddings where the cocktail hour is hosted and it's a cash bar for the rest of the reception. GRRR. At my own wedding, a full bar for the cocktail hour was part of the package... after that, we served wine only. Nobody complained, and nobody went home drunk.

AXO Alum · #37 06-23-2003, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SSS1365
We're thinking of having a 2-drink limit (and yes liquor is included) for each guest, after which they pay for their own if they want more. We'd have to use tickets to do it this way though. I figure most people will wind up with more than 2 tickets anyway, since our estimate is based on EVERY guest drinking, and not all will (especially those under-age ). I hope that doesn't sound too tacky, but like I said... it's not about affording it, it's about keeping things relatively calm.

Not to offend you or your family, but do you really think that handing out little tickets will keep things in check? I am afraid that you would end up with one guy on a scavanger hunt for all the little yellow tickets he could find. And after all, this is YOUR wedding day - not a county fair where x number of tickets will get you on the spinning top looking ride!

What I usually tell my brides is this - If you are truly concerned that things will get out of control, then you either limit the bar as to what is available (no shots for example) or simply limit the alcohol to a champagne pass and toast.

And yes, there will be some under-agers that will be drinking, believe me! It is common for many bartendars to not ID at weddings because so many people (especially women) do not carry those things with them. Plus, there is always that "favorite" cousin who is of legal age that thinks its hilarious to load the 15 year old up! (Think the beginning of the Wedding Singer!) -- actually, if you are concientious with your guest list, then you should know if people are prone to be over-indulgers. Then your wedding coordinator/director or even the head-caterer can be "informed" prior to about the person/people that could potentially cause trouble. Unfortunately, however, receptions are fast-paced and busy - even non-drinkers go to the bar for water or soft drinks -- how are a couple of bartenders supposed to know who is who?

Don't forget also that YOU are liable should someone over-indulge and have an accident (whether on premise, on the way home, or even AT home - check the statutes in your state) -- a bartendar may not know who Uncle George is, but he/she should know when someone has had enough. Make sure that the bartendar is in contact with your wedding coordinator to make sure that anyone who displays drunken behavior is offered a ride home, or a cab ride. My 2 year old cousin was killed (decapitated in fact) by a car full of young women returning home from a wedding reception - all drunk! I am a HUGE advocate of DD's, especially at weddings.

Good luck to you!

LeslieAGD · #38 06-23-2003, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXO Alum
(and obviously in this case there is no wedding coord. because I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would stand by and let that happen!)

These people are too cheap for a wedding coordinator! That's not quite right either, since their tastes run too expensive to pay for their own wedding!

Lady Pi Phi · #39 06-23-2003, 07:32 PM

I have a question for our resident wedding coordinator.

We've already established that having a cash bar is tacky (which I agree with), but what if cost is an issue? If the couple would like to serve alcohol at there wedding but are afraid it might end up costing them an arm and a leg (of which they have none to spare), how is the cost of an open bar figured? Does the bartender tabulate all beverages ordered during the course of the recption and bill the couple after, or does the bartender/caterer/reception hall, etc determine a set fee prior to the engagment?

I'm not planning a wedding here...not even close

, it's just a random questions of which I am very curious as to what the answer would be.

Peaches-n-Cream · #40 06-23-2003, 07:44 PM

I suspect that only their immediate family will actually attend their wedding.

Regarding open bar
I haven't planned a wedding, but when we planned my mother's birthday party, the open bar added $10 per person to the price of the party.

swissmiss04 · #41 06-23-2003, 09:13 PM

Um why not do just a champagne toast? Serve a couple types of punch and maybe sodas in cute antiquey bottles (I saw that @ a wedding once. Very cute!). And then of course coffee and tea. This a)keeps the cost down and b) keeps people from getting tanked. I played at a wedding where 75% of the guests were sh*tfaced by the end of the first hour of the reception. They would come over and talk to me while I was playing. No, not talk. Slur and spit would be a better term. It was disgusting. Champagne is classy, and even if you had something sorta pricey at least the bottles will serve 4 or 5 people. (just an fyi: Spanish champagne has gotten trendy in the last couple years. It's not too bad and it's waaaaay cheaper than other countries' champagnes.) I've been to so many different styles of weddings, and I really favor the simpler ones. I want to feel happy and comfy not miserable and stiff. Barefoot wedding on the beach would be awesome

33girl · #42 06-23-2003, 10:12 PM

The $330 wedding people: I hope that they got some envelopes with Monopoly money in it and tried to spend it. Stupid tacky ass @#$%ers.

Cash bar and tackiness of: Anytime I've been to a cash bar, it's usually for just exotic things like the girly fruity mixed drinks - beer, wine and basic alcohols (yummy, Popov vodka) are free to the guests. Really, it all depends on the economic class of the people at the wedding. If most of the people there are on the poor side, they won't begrudge you about it.

Gifts vs money: Someone said that the shower is for gifts. Where I grew up, the shower is for family and intimate friends ONLY - not everyone you are inviting to your wedding. (Some showers are getting as big as the weddings though, which is tacky in itself) It used to be that the gifts were sent to the bride's home, which of course was her parents' home where she was still living. Of course that is not the case all the time anymore, which is why people bring presents to the wedding. It's not a big deal, you load 'em in the car and dump them at the rents' house and open them the next day or when you get back from the honeymoon. We used to have opening the presents at the wedding, but that is long gone. I would rather get a registry card and know what they want then have no clue. I get bored giving money.

KillarneyRose · #43 06-23-2003, 10:14 PM

I'm all for an open bar; it's just plain tacky to invite someone to a function and then expect them to pay for their own drinks. HOWEVER...it is just as tacky for a guest to get plastered on the bride and groom's dime.

Shortly after my own wedding, my DH and I attended the wedding of a close friend. It was a very elegant affair with an open bar. The emcee announced that the bar would be closed during dinner, so about 5 of the groom's shipmates "stocked up". I'm talking several pitchers of beer and a couple fifths of liquor! I thought that was incredibly rude and they made pigs out of themselves.

RUgreek · #44 06-23-2003, 10:26 PM

asking guests and family to contribute $330 to attend... something tells me this marriage won't last.

lalaelon · #45 06-23-2003, 10:55 PM

haha this was so funny....i read this aloud to my mom this morning and we both agreed how awful it was! what a psycho bride! and i just love discussing these types of things here on GC...

does anyone else religiously scour the sunday weddings looking for tacky or amazingly fabulous weddings? my mom and i do this every sunday....it's the highlight of the papers!