Grooming your daughters for rush

[FuzzieAlum]

This is off track, but ... up north and out west a lot of us are first generation Greeks. Yet obviously there were plenty of Greeks in those parts of the country (at least at some schools) several generations back. So where did their legacies disappear to?

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
As always, JAM speaks the truth BUT...I need to point out that JAM's experiences pertain to Southern rush. Wouldn't you agree, JAM? North of the Mason-Dixon line I think a legacy would have to be a pretty obvious non-fit with the sorority or fraternity to not be offered a bid. I'm talking about being blatently rude to picking his/her nose during the parties. I think it's very unlikely a legacy would be cut due to too many legacies/not enough spots at a Northen school.

Anyone agree or disagree? I could possibly be a little off the mark.

KR- I agree with you. I go to school in the west and we usually get one maybe two legacies during rush. Usually we love them and want them to be sisters, so there isn't much controversy there.
I don't know where the legacies went Fuzzie... my Mom was an ASA, but they don't have them out here. My grandmothers didn't go to college.
-M

[bruinaphi]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
As always, JAM speaks the truth BUT...I need to point out that JAM's experiences pertain to Southern rush. Wouldn't you agree, JAM? North of the Mason-Dixon line I think a legacy would have to be a pretty obvious non-fit with the sorority or fraternity to not be offered a bid. I'm talking about being blatently rude to picking his/her nose during the parties. I think it's very unlikely a legacy would be cut due to too many legacies/not enough spots at a Northen school.

Anyone agree or disagree? I could possibly be a little off the mark.

Here in the West I think this depends on the organization's legacy policy and the individual chapter. Most organizations do not require their chapters to pledge legacies and while it breaks my heart the 19 chapters I advise release legacies almost every year.

I have seen situations where forcing a chapter to pledge a legacy has worked (the women wind up accepting her, even though they really did not like her during recruitment), and situations where it has not (the women exclude her, make it "known" that she was only pledged b/c she is a legacy, and ostracize her).

[KappaKittyCat]

As an advisor I spend a lot of time at the house and naturally I have my kids up there a lot. I have to admit I am working on Paige. She has her little Chi O sweatshirt which she wears at every opportunity and she tells everyone she is going to be a Chi O. She doesn't understand why she has to wait until she is in college!!!!!!!! I truly want her to be happy and if she goes to a school where she just doesn't feel that the chapter is a good fit, I would understand. I want her to be a part of a super strong and involved chapter. Fortunately, that means in most cases she has no excuse not to love Chi O!!!!!!!!

Heehee, this reminds me of the son of our membership advisor. He's six and incredibly sweet, and she's brought him around since he was born. He calls us his "Kappin Girls" and I swear, his heart will be broken when he finds out that he can't be a Kappa.

My cousin's looking at Monmouth, where our Alpha chapter is. I think I've persueded her to go through Rush, even if she doesn't join. And if she's going somewhere with a Kappa chapter, you'd better believe she'll have a rec!

As for my daughter, you better believe she'll be a KIT (Kappa-In-Training). I'll expect the same thing from her that I expect from everyone: open-mindedness. I'll do my best to prepare her for Rush wherever she goes. And in the end, I'll want her to follow her heart when she makes her choice. I'd rather have a happy daughter of XYZ than a miserable daughter of KKG.

[33girl]

Originally posted by FuzzieAlum
This is off track, but ... up north and out west a lot of us are first generation Greeks. Yet obviously there were plenty of Greeks in those parts of the country (at least at some schools) several generations back. So where did their legacies disappear to?

I think that chapters in the North tend to be smaller on the average. Plus the people who are sending their kids to colege now were more likely to be in college when things were anti-Greek. Once the people who went to college in the 80's when Greek life was more popular have college-age kids, the number of legacies will probably increase. Although it's never going to be like southern rush!

Michelle, just curious, what chapter of ASA was your mom from? You can PM me if you want.

[sirfidelgrl]

my mom was an adpi and my sister a chi-o and when I went to a college that had neither.. they both started going crazy to find out stuff about the sororities here... get me recs. we went shopping put outfits together, practiced what to say.. each day I had to call them and tell them who i got invites from and who I cut! I had a great rush experiece! in a odd way I am sort of glad adpi and chi-o weren't here because it made me go thru rush a lot more open minded!

[chloe173]

Originally posted by Moxie
i've heard people say stuff like this before, but...could someone refresh my memory with the kinds of questions they will ask and what kinds of questions i should ask/things i should say to let someone know i'm interested?

thanks for the tips chloe, i'm sure your advice will help people

Here are a few samples of the type of stuff I went over, and the types of answers I came up with:
Questions you should be prepared to answer:
-What is your major, hometown, year in school, high school you went to, what dorm you are in (basic facts)
-Why did you choose XYZ university?
-Why did you decide to rush? (good answers: to meet people, sisterhood, if your family is greek, philanthropy. bad answers: to meet guys, to party)
-What did you do over the summer? (this may sound shallow, but for many large universities it's good to talk about a fabulous vacation you took or that you just enjoyed your family and friends and not summer job or summer school. It makes you sound more financially independent, and at some very selective schools, this will be taken into consideration)
-How is your first week of college going? (this is a good time to share a fun story about moving in or your first class. Stories move conversations along a lot easier than question and answer sessions and gerenally feel a lot more relaxed.)
-What are your interests? (have three or four things that you can talk about for a while or tell a story about. Don't just wing it, if you get nervous you will want a set answer you can fall back to.)

Questions you Should (And Shouldn't) Ask:
Good questions:
-Tell me about what your chapter does for [insert philanthropy here]. If you already know the name of the houses philanthropy and have a basic understnading of what it is, they are going to be impressed. You can find out this information on the houses national websites or through your schools panhellenic office.
-Who gets to live in the house and how is that decided? (if they have a chapter house, they need to have girls living in it, so if you are interested, this is agreat question)
-What type of leadership positions are available in the chapter?
(again, the house has offices that need to be filled, if you are interested, they would love to know)
-Are many of the sisters involved in other campus activities? (the more activites are represented in a house, the easier it will be for you to become involved int hose organizations?)
-Do you feel you have a strong sisterhood?(every house will say yes, but it's good to try and gage how real they are being when they answer)
_How involved are your alumane? (This will give you some indication of how involved you can expect to be after you graduate--sorority for life or for four years?)

Bad questions:
-So which frats do you hang with most often? (you don't want to come off as a party animal and there is probably some rule that they can't mention specific house names anyways. If you really want to know, ask about "Social opportunities"
-What are dues like/are their scholarships for dues/how much do other activities cost? (They want someone who can make dues, plain and simple. Most likely, the panhellenic office can give you the average dues for your university. It may be superficial, but at large, competitive schools, this is the way it goes.)
-Don't ask any questions about drinking, smoking, or drug use.
-Questions that lead to conversations and not more questions are best.


Whew! I think that waaaaay over-answered your question!

[GPhiBLtColonel]

...Chloe, you know I rushed at Southern Cal ages ago -- in 1974 -- so this perspective could be dated, but asking

Who gets to live in the house and how is that decided? (if they have a chapter house, they need to have girls living in it, so if you are interested, this is agreat question)

was a huge no-no -- I unfortunately learned this the hard way -- I did not know any better and I asked the very same question you suggested at a certain house at the opposite end of the row from you, but I was dropped the next day...after rush ended (and when I was where I meant to be anyways -GFB) a very dear friend in that sorority told me that my question got me dropped because a number of the gals I had met only thought I was interested in finding a place to live...not true but that is how they perceived my asking the question...

some houses go begging for girls to live in them while others have to have a method for deciding who gets to live in the house and who doesn't...maybe the campus around USC is safer these days but when I was there, apt living was not overly desirable...

my advice would be to avoid asking specific questions about living in the house -- perhaps more general questions would be best like "how big is the house" or "how many girls get to live in the house?" etc or make general praise comments like, this house is so beautiful it must be a blast to live in it!

just my two (old) cents!

[chloe173]

I certainly haven't heard about his practice GPhiBltColonel (although I think I have a pretty good idea about which house you are referring to . Our rho chis reccommended asking questions about living in the house and I remember in several different houses I was asked if I had any interest in eventually living in a house. THese days, I iknow that at USC many of the largest houses, the only girls living in are sophomores and exec board. Juniors and seniors usually choose to live out so that they have more freedom.

However, if this is a concern, PNM's may want to ask their rho chi's about such a question to see how it is thought of at their school. And like GPhiBLtColonel said, there are other ways to ask this question such as "how many girls live in the house" or asking the girl you are talking to if she lives in the house and if she likes it.

[amycat412]

Hey fellow USC gals--

I fall somewhere between GPhiBLtColonel's and Chloe's advice...

Based on my USC rush experience, you can ask the question, but I'd word it differently-- like GPhi said "How many live in" and "is living in a requirement" THAT was a big question in the late 80s when the houses DID require that actives live in the house for at least a year.


Amy

[GPhiBLtColonel]

...and even though I wanted to live in the house, none of the new members were permitted to live in the house -- my apt roomie (a pledge sister) and I were first on the waiting list though and things were re-arranged when our little apt was broken into -- while my roomie was in it

[amycat412]

YIKES GPhiB!!!

Yeah, in the late 80s, you could not live in as a pledge as a rule, though exceptions were made. Holdovers could usually live in, as by time housing contracts were signed, they more or less knew they'd made grades and would be initiated soon into the fall semester.

Ah, the days of the semester + pledge period.

[ChiOJenn78]

Reading all these posts make me wish Greekchat was around in 1997 (when I rushed). No one in my family had gone Greek, and until senior year, i don't think I even knew what a sorority was! Rushing never even crossed my mind, even though towards the end of our senior year, other girls in my class were busy looking for recs. No one shopped with me, groomed me, told me what to say-when I went through Rush, it's safe to say, I had NO CLUE. I went to school on the east coast, recs weren't needed, and I'm sure there was alot less pressure(than rushing at a Southern school).

If I have daughters, you bet I'll groom them for rush. They'll be legacies to Kappa, ChiO, AXiD, and ADPi, and I'd want them to be better prepared than I was! But, like others have said, I'll encourage them to keep an open mind and find the home that they love and fit in!!

[justamom]

Legacy- I will ALWAYS bow to the knowledge of the Northern and Coastal beauties that grace GC! Too, I admit there is diversity
from campus to campus. To quote myself-Sometimes I'm too cautious!

Now, I KNOW there was a thread on things to talk about, but these "tips" are excellent!

[texas*princess]

I am the first 'Greek' girl in my family, and I honestly had *no idea* what a big deal formal recruitment was until I transferred schools! When I was moving in, I could see all the Rho Gamma groups going to each chapter room, and all the decorated cars & everything! I went through spring informal, but was very lucky to have GC for all the tips on the little things like which questions are good questions to ask, etc, and I found the house of my dreams. If I ever get blessed with a daughter (not now! maybe like in 10 years!) I will definately try my best to get her prepped for rush.