Is he too cheap? - Page 3

sugar and spice · #31 02-01-2003, 05:07 PM

I think most people are missing the issue at hand. The problem isn't that he's getting her a cheap ring -- it's that he's getting a cheap ring when it's obviously important to her to have one of better quality, and that he's getting her a ring she hates, so obviously he's not too in tune with her taste. If he has no idea what kinds of things she likes or wants, that speaks volumes about their relationship, and I wouldn't be surprised if they have significant communication problems.

Obviously the sentiment of the ring is what matters, not the price. But there is also obviously a difference between a ring from a crackerjack box and a $6000 Tiffany's ring. If the ring didn't matter, why bother having one at all?

Kevin · #32 02-01-2003, 05:19 PM

2 months salary traditional!?!

Only since the diamond sellers decided that it would be a good idea to tell people it was traditional.

Anyone remember 15 years ago when 25 year anniverseries were not a call to buy a diamond ring or else be an inferior husband?

cash78mere · #33 02-01-2003, 05:21 PM

2 months salary is a good starting point.

but here's the thing, and it's a problem I see a lot of my friends having. if you can't afford more than $650 for a ring, how are you going to have a life together? you need a place to live, the wedding costs mega $$$, food, cars, and then add a baby into the picture. if you can't afford to get married and start a life, wait until you can. my friends make me crazy when they talk about how they can't afford anything but are paying $20000 for a freaking wedding.

now, 650 is too cheap in my opinion. but if that amount will break the bank, how will you ever be able to make a mortgage payment???????

just wait until you can do it without declaring bankruptcy.

Thrillhouse · #34 02-01-2003, 05:30 PM

Just my opinion, but she shouldn't have been snooping around in the first place but what should it matter how much a ring costs? To me, love isn't measured in how much you spend on someone.

James · #35 02-01-2003, 08:37 PM

No No No.

The men are not saying that the Ring is not an important piece of symbolism that is imbued with a romantic theme.

What the men and the women in this thread are saying is that:

1. 40k a year is not much money, especially if he has bills.

2. She shouldn't have accidently been investigating his bookmarks.

3. We don not see the direct correlation between the price of the ring and either his love or committment.

Think about it folks . . . beyond the obvious, this is not what I fantasized about theme in this thread, is the idea that the guy should prove his love though his purchase lol . . .

So the wealthier you are the more love you can show. OR
perhaps, regardless of your wealth, you should spend enough money on a ring to make a serious dent in your economic viability.

Quote:

Originally posted by cuaphi
Thank you everyone for your input. I especially wanted to hear the male perspective which seems to be, as I expected, that the ring itself isn't as symbolic and emotional as some women make it out to be.

Anyway, from what I understand it really was discovered accidently while looking for something else but I agree that they may have much larger issues here.

ZTAngel · #36 02-01-2003, 08:44 PM

I'm not so concerned with the cost of the ring. I just can't believe some of the prices of the rings so of the girls in my sorority have. I'd be scared to wear them out of the house for fear I'd get mugged. And, I'm so scatterbrained that I'd probably misplace it. Something that costs over $6000 is not something I'd want to misplace. But, I'm also more simple...I don't want anything over a carat (too gaudy).
The main thing in this situation is that he picked out a ring that the girl doesn't like. I think that they should've discussed exactly what she wants for her ring. Also, he needs to look at her other jewelry to see if her style is more conservative or eccentric. Another idea would be to ask one of her friends for an opinion. My boyfriend told me that the day he goes ring shopping that he'll take my roomie with him so that she can help him pick a ring that I'll like.
If he can only afford $650 for a ring then that's fine. Maybe one day he afford to upgrade.

Coramoor · #37 02-01-2003, 09:22 PM

I think part of the problem is that people are way too shallow. This girl probably saw MTV's Wedding Story or one of many other shows where people spend 5K on the cake alone....

All I can say is that those are not real people. They just have more money than sense. However, it seems that the impressionable audiences that watch those shows think that if they don't have a five thousand dollar cake and a ring that costs $15k, they will be shamed in front of all their friends.

Obviously, as it has already been pointed out, that if the girl is questioning her relationship because the price of a ring there are other problems. I know that I could never marry someone that is that shallow and superficial. I would almost guarente that this isn't an isolated incident-there are probably many other situations in life where her insecurities will crop up.

Coramoor · #38 02-01-2003, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

So the wealthier you are the more love you can show. OR
perhaps, regardless of your wealth, you should spend enough money on a ring to make a serious dent in your economic viability.

Not to double post, but I was reading through the thread and this stuck out.

I'm a kitchen boy for a sorority on campus and I've heard discussions that blow my mind in their house...I have some serious trust issues to say the least.

Anyway, I was talking to one of the sisters and like this came up. She basically told me that she expects to get a ring that is at least 7K, even though she knows her boyfriend can't afford a ring even half that price. Her reasoning behind it was 'If he spends that much, he will have to work all the time and not go out-so he won't be able to cheat on me.'

I was dumb founded to say the least...

Rudey · #39 02-02-2003, 01:36 AM

He should just buy her a cubic zirconium or one of those lab diamonds.

-Rudey
--I would slap a White Castle onion ring on the girl's finger and that'd be splurging.

sororitygirl2 · #40 02-02-2003, 08:48 PM

I always used to tell my ex-boyfriend (when he was my boyfriend, of course), that if we got to that point, and he gave me a Cracker Jack ring, that would be enough... just because it was from him. (Also, it's SO Breakfast at Tiffany's...)

So, money-wise, I don't see a huge problem with this situation. I work, and I know $40,000 is not that much money. However, I agree that it is a problem that he is buying something that is so obviously not her style... Marriage is a HUGE step, and it should be something that you have discussed at length, and that you know you both want. So, if this couple is serious enough to discuss marriage, I would think the topic of the ring could casually come up.

Maybe she should admit she wa SNOOPING (Naughty!) and they can talk about it... just kidding.

sororitygirl2 · #41 02-02-2003, 08:48 PM

I always used to tell my ex-boyfriend (when he was my boyfriend, of course), that if we got to that point, and he gave me a Cracker Jack ring, that would be enough... just because it was from him. (Also, it's SO Breakfast at Tiffany's...) But, alas, looks like we didn't get to that point.

So, money-wise, I don't see a huge problem with this situation. I work, and I know $40,000 is not that much money. However, I agree that it is a problem that he is buying something that is so obviously not her style... Marriage is a HUGE step, and it should be something that you have discussed at length, and that you know you both want. So, if this couple is serious enough to discuss marriage, I would think the topic of the ring could casually come up.

Maybe she should admit she was SNOOPING (Naughty!) and they can talk about it... just kidding.

KSig RC · #42 02-03-2003, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by cuaphi
Anyway, from what I understand it really was discovered accidently while looking for something else but I agree that they may have much larger issues here.

This can't be true - the first part, that is.

She most certainly had to see a description of some sort, then click on the link/email/history block/etc to get to the ring. While she may not have been 'snooping' per se (which I'm not sure either way), but she definitely decided to pursue the link once found.

For that very reason, I'll agree with the second part above - these people have stuff to work out . . .

James · #43 02-03-2003, 12:06 PM

Really . . . if your ex-bf had the charisma of a young George Peppard I could see that . . . othewise, well, no!

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
I always used to tell my ex-boyfriend (when he was my boyfriend, of course), that if we got to that point, and he gave me a Cracker Jack ring, that would be enough... just because it was from him. (Also, it's SO Breakfast at Tiffany's...) But, alas, looks like we didn't get to that point.

So, money-wise, I don't see a huge problem with this situation. I work, and I know $40,000 is not that much money. However, I agree that it is a problem that he is buying something that is so obviously not her style... Marriage is a HUGE step, and it should be something that you have discussed at length, and that you know you both want. So, if this couple is serious enough to discuss marriage, I would think the topic of the ring could casually come up.

Maybe she should admit she was SNOOPING (Naughty!) and they can talk about it... just kidding.

Munchkin03 · #44 02-03-2003, 03:13 PM

I just read a wedding announcement in the Times yesterday that made me think of this thread. A couple who had been together for 17 years had gotten married Saturday, and the Times likes to have a long story on one or two weddings that pique their interests. So...these people, both successful architects, had been together for 17 years when they decided that for insurance reasons, they might as well go on and get married. The engagement ring? An $8 ring from the flea market. She loves it, or at least claims to. I guess after 17 years, he was familiar with what she wanted. They eventually upgraded to a 1/2 carat, but for a few years, she wore the flea market special.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who would rather have a $10 ring that reflected my style and that my partner spent some time looking at than ANY ring that didn't reflect my style and what we've discussed.

CarolinaCutie · #45 02-03-2003, 04:12 PM

I work in a jewelry store, one that prides itself on being "The Value Leader". Our original owner went into business because he believed that EVERYONE should be able to own a nice piece of jewelry at an affordable price.

So, I can honestly say that $650 will buy more of a ring than you all think. We sell several two piece sets with 1/2 ctw total for $499... and although it wouldn't be MY choice, they serve the purpose just fine and don't look "cheap". Also keep in mind, many women with smaller hands prefer smaller carat weights because one carat or above overwhelms their finger.

Men are often EXTREMELY clueless about diamonds. They have no clue what's popular right now, or what the woman might want. It can be very difficult to sell a diamond to a man when he doesn't even know if she prefers princess, round, marquis, yellow gold, white gold, platinum.

BUT regardless of how much the ring costs, if you don't LIKE it, you don't like it. And I would honestly be bothered by the fact that my soon-to-be fiancee would pick a ring for me that I hated.