a real good woman would...

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Before a man starts thinking of ways to tell his woman that she has slacked off, it's always best to try and figure out WHY she has become this way. If it's because she's unhappy or depressed, find the cause...and help her through her problems. Now, if old girl has gotten it in her head that now that she's "got" her man, she can let herself go...then that's another story. In a case like that, there should be no hesitation in telling her the truth. It also depends on your definition of "letting herself go". If it's just weight gain, it could be that it's hereditary or because of multiple child births in which case it's something that she has no control over. But there's no reason why she should be neglecting all other aspects of herself. Personally, I think a woman should always keep herself looking "tight". I mean, I don't think a man should leave his woman because she has let herself go (love should be unconditional...I guess )but I certainly could understand how the attraction could diminish.

Hey Sexy! It's good to hear from you again!

Love SHOULD be unconditional, but IT RARELY IS in the real world. In fact, it's more visual than spiritual today. It's there, then it disappears.

I see two causes for this occuring: 1) people are less patient with relationships today; less willing to struggle to make them work, and 2)whatever attracts you to a person initially will tell you the nature of your feelings for that person. If the first thing you notice(and attracts you)about a brotha is his ass, you should know that the nature of any relationship you develop with him will initially be physical. If it's his clothes, car, or house, then it's what he possibly can do for you materially. If it's his smile, or his wit, then it may have a genuine foundation. The key is to recognize what it was about a person that intially attracted you to him/her. A person's physique, and material assets ARE CONDITIONAL.

[Sexy Mocha]

You have never lied! People ARE less willing to work hard to make the relationship work these days. The initial attraction is always a pretty good indication of how deep the relationship will be... which is why relationships like that never endure,because it's based on something superficial from the start. What puzzles me is this... How does one truly know if the relationship is worth the extra effort and time? I have seen it plenty of times where a woman/man has been involved with someone for two years plus, just to have the relationship end. Are we supposed to look at it as one of life's many lessons and move on or after a certain time span of being with someone are we SUPPOSED to stick it out? Want to hear my philosophy on life? I believe life is a series of tests that we are put through. The reasons some of us find ourselves going through the same problems over and over is because we haven't learned the lesson God is trying to teach us. (We keep failing the test.) Once we as men/women learn that no relationship will work without some good hard work, then maybe our generation can start having the relationships/marriages that last for 40, 50 years plus like our grandparents and great grandparents enjoyed!

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by tickledpink:
Ape, I'm curious as to what your response would be for the Do Right Man post in our forum.

I responded to it. Thanks for inviting me.
I hope you find it helpful.

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[blu_theatrics]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:

Remember. Us brothas are raised to keep our emotions to ourselves...expressing pain or pleasure is the act of the weak.

You really just made me think about myself
I agree with this statement so much and I must even say that I am guilty of teaching my son to hold in his pain
("Boys don't cry", "Are you a baby or a Big boy", "shake it of and don't cry")

so since this is the way we raise our men(children), ladies,
Why do we get hurt when they grow up and some how think that if they really tell you how they truly feel they will spontaneously combust or something?

Actually I guess this should have went on the ladies forum, sorry, Ape you just made me realize something and I wanted to let you know.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by blu_theatrics:
You really just made me think about myself
I agree with this statement so much and I must even say that I am guilty of teaching my son to hold in his pain
("Boys don't cry", "Are you a baby or a Big boy", "shake it of and don't cry")

so since this is the way we raise our men(children), ladies,
Why do we get hurt when they grow up and some how think that if they really tell you how they truly feel they will spontaneously combust or something?

Actually I guess this should have went on the ladies forum, sorry, Ape you just made me realize something and I wanted to let you know.

Tell our sistas this too: Make it easy for a man to tell you the truth, AND HE WILL!


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[Sexy Mocha]

Whether it's easy or not, telling the truth is always the best bet.

[SkegeeGirl]

This is a really interesting topic!

Sexy Mocha--they ain't feeling us Gemini's. Maybe that's why I'm still single. OKKKAAAYY...lol!

My major problem (I know that Sexy Mocha can attest to this being a Gemini and all) is that with a Gemini, you never have to guess with her. Everything is straight- forward...ain't cuttin no corners!!LOL~

What I really want is a man who understands me and accepts me for all that I am. And what I have found in dating is that some men like for a woman to be "submissive" and one who does not offer opposition to the things that he may do wrong.

But back to the issue at hand!
A real good woman is god fearing and wants the same in a man,
listens to what her man has to say before flying off the handle (even if you feel it is full of BS),
...knows that she cannot change a man, no matter how hard she tries,
...is a secure within and does not see other women as a threat to the relationship (but men this deal works 50/50)
...makes decisions in the relationship (and even on the first date for that matter)- and is not a doormat.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by SkegeeGirl:
This is a really interesting topic!

Sexy Mocha--they ain't feeling us Gemini's. Maybe that's why I'm still single. OKKKAAAYY...lol!

My major problem (I know that Sexy Mocha can attest to this being a Gemini and all) is that with a Gemini, you never have to guess with her. Everything is straight- forward...ain't cuttin no corners!!LOL~

What I really want is a man who understands me and accepts me for all that I am. And what I have found in dating is that some men like for a woman to be "submissive" and one who does not offer opposition to the things that he may do wrong.

But back to the issue at hand!
A real good woman is god fearing and wants the same in a man,
listens to what her man has to say before flying off the handle (even if you feel it is full of BS),
...knows that she cannot change a man, no matter how hard she tries,
...is a secure within and does not see other women as a threat to the relationship (but men this deal works 50/50)
...makes decisions in the relationship (and even on the first date for that matter)- and is not a doormat.

Sweetheart; we KNOW you are no doormat. Intelligence shines know matter how hard you try to hide it! You are single by choice because, perhaps, your attention span is too short. You probably get bored very quickly, and the men you see probably has some routine you're tired of. I freely admit I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get.

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[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Whether it's easy or not, telling the truth is always the best bet.

true dat, true dat.

[Sexy Mocha]

SkegeeGirl, I can definitely attest to ALL that you have said!! I'm looking for the same things in a man girl! Is it too much to ask for?!?
Original Ape, I don't how you do it...but you have hit it right on the nose again! Geminis are notorious for getting bored too easily with the oppposite sex. Most of us are subconciously scared of commitment, which is why, when the relationship is going good, we suddenly want out...using the excuse that we NEED someone new/different. (Or is it just me??
*sigh* It's not easy being a gemini.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
You have never lied! People ARE less willing to work hard to make the relationship work these days. The initial attraction is always a pretty good indication of how deep the relationship will be... which is why relationships like that never endure,because it's based on something superficial from the start. What puzzles me is this... How does one truly know if the relationship is worth the extra effort and time? I have seen it plenty of times where a woman/man has been involved with someone for two years plus, just to have the relationship end. Are we supposed to look at it as one of life's many lessons and move on or after a certain time span of being with someone are we SUPPOSED to stick it out? Want to hear my philosophy on life? I believe life is a series of tests that we are put through. The reasons some of us find ourselves going through the same problems over and over is because we haven't learned the lesson God is trying to teach us. (We keep failing the test.) Once we as men/women learn that no relationship will work without some good hard work, then maybe our generation can start having the relationships/marriages that last for 40, 50 years plus like our grandparents and great grandparents enjoyed!

I agree with everything you said.

One way to tell if it's worth staying is to see if you're still invited to spend "cheap" time with him. Know what I mean? If he's willing to take you with him to all kinds of places.

Another way is watching what happens when yall disagree with each other. Do you flip a coin, or does either of you just say"____ it!" If yall solve yall's problems by making concessions to each other, IT'S STILL WORTH IT. If you play the pride game-simply wait it out-it's time to go.

Remember. Us brothas are raised to keep our emotions to ourselves...expressing pain or pleasure is the act of the weak.

[blu_theatrics]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Most of us are subconciously scared of commitment, which is why, when the relationship is going good, we suddenly want out...using the excuse that we NEED someone new/different. (Or is it just me??
*sigh* It's not easy being a gemini.

Can I get an AMEN please

[SkegeeGirl]

Original Ape...you are so CORRECT...I just had to laugh when I read your post because I have never had someone just read me...lol. In fact I do get bored with the same routine. I may in fact be single by choice but I like variety. Hope that doesn't sound too "loose" if ya know what I mean...LOL!!

Sexy Mocha...just like you said, it ain't easy being a Gemini. Sometimes we want to bothered with a man (all cuddled up) and sometimes we just want to be left alone. We are afraid of commitment because we know that we will soon get bored. We don't commit because we are sparing the man's feelings.

As a Gemini, I have found that alot of guys are drawn to us and at times think that there is more to "our" relationship/friendship than what meets the eye. I have found myself sitting up there like "Damn, where did he get this idea from"...all I was doing was being friendly.
Girl, I know that you can attest to this also...We unconciously flirt...lol...and it's really harmless and part of our nature but some guys take that as a sign that we are coming on to them.

Oh gosh, this is such a confusing topic. A Gemini is two people in one. Our decisions and "tastes" change in the blink of an eye. This is true for our decisions and taste in men , food, clothes...etc.

Original Ape, thanks for your post. It was right on point and on time.

[This message has been edited by SkegeeGirl (edited July 30, 2000).]

[SkegeeGirl]

Girl, I agree...lol...
You had me rollin with your post. And I agree that if my family didn't love me unconditionally...lawd...where would I be.OKKKKAAAY!!

[Sexy Mocha]

Skegee girl, now there's what I need! A man that will love me unconditionally, with all of my mood swings, different personalities, etc...I think I just need to go ahead and hook up with another gemini. At least that way I know he won't trip about anything because he'll be the same way!