Disrespected by an Alum - Page 3

Peaches-n-Cream · #31 10-24-2002, 09:36 PM

I'm sorry that you have had such bad alumnae experiences. I think that 33 girl is right on target (as usual

) about the alumnae confusion. These women were out of line to be so rude to the chapter sisters especially the sister that they grilled. I don't understand that type of behavior. I mean do these alumnae think that they will receive another invitation after they treated the sisters so rudely?

They forget that when they walked by or into the sorority house, they were walking into a home. They should have behaved like guests and respected the residents. If they had a problem, they could have resolved it in the future at another place and time. They should have appreciated the effort you put forth and plan an even bigger and better reunion for next time. Now the sisters probably hope there won't be a next time.

LPIDelta · #32 10-24-2002, 11:06 PM

Boy do I hear this one! In my position with my sorority, I help oversee volunteer placements and I can tell you I've had a few conversations with alumnae who just don't get it. Its tough but I have found that it is best to be honest and direct-- and keep the chapter out of it. I would ask this woman why she is interested in being on the advisory board. What is she interested in doing? And find out what she has to offer. Then, politely, inquire about why she was so upset at homecoming and possibly help her understand that as an advisor it would be important for her to support the chapter, offer advice, but not be offended if the chapter did not follow her advice as it is their chapter to operate. I have found, on more than one occasion, that this helps put things in perspective. Importantly, as fellow alumnae, we can't be afraid to confront is a respectful manner. If that doesn't work then I say tell her that you have reservations about her placement and but will keep her in mind in the future.

In my professional life, I am a fundraiser for a major institution of higher education-- and I can tell you that the one's who bark the loudest are usually the ones who just want an excuse for why they can't give their time or money. I often find that these people just don't 'get' what the mission and values of the institution are all about or that they are very resistant to change. In which case, you probably wouldn't want these people around anyway-- right?? The people who are worth the effort are the ones that explain their reservations-- and give you a chance to help change their perceptions. Those are the people I would spend my time worrying about. Doesn't sound like there are any in these situations!

I don't know why alums do the things they do-- but I really think it is a matter of them not understanding that things change or that they hold on to some mentality that they are better that those who come after them (a plague of our greek system!) I encourage you to keep the contact going-- don't ask for money everytime-- and make sure you are asking your alums about what they would like to do for the group as well.

Lady Blondie · #33 11-08-2002, 12:25 AM

Thanks for a different perspective on things. I think the "phone game" may have been part of the culprit, not to mention the fact that Homecoming and Reunions don't always ensure a "happy" reuniting between "sisters." I guess some folks just want to stir up trouble and they have nothing better to do than come back after being out of school for 10 years and cause a scene. Maybe they just feel left out and want to blame someone. Who knows!? I really was horrified though, and the episode at the frat house was MOST embarassing! Perhaps alumni do experience the roller coaster effect you describe....they don't hear from the chapter or anyone for a few years, and then when they do, they may feel ousted and out of touch. After a while, I guess some folks just get bad feelings about stuff. Bummer! Come on alums - try to remember what it was like when you were in school!

Tom Earp · #34 11-08-2002, 10:43 PM

LadyB, I do not know how long you have been an alum, but it aint as long as I have!

When Actives act like they did it all, they are full of them selves and also Sh&T

If it were not for teh Alums, they would not have the chance to try to be smart asses to you! I know I was there and have seen it as I was told that one night!

Well the wrath came down upon the piss ants head! We were the first to not do hazing, but I weill not put up with some of the things that go on and they know it!

I am still a member and he is not! So taht tells you something!

Just point out, if I had not done what I did where would you be?

I am also a tired out typo cowboy!

Keep your head up as you desearve it!

tiramasu · #35 11-30-2002, 01:06 PM

our sorority just held one of our annual events, a mr. and miss competition. we decorate and plan everything for the event. contestants compete for a $100 prize. this was one of my first events as a new member. one of the alumni was quite upset. she sought out one of my pledge class sisters and told her she couldn't believe we even put the event on and that we did everything wrong. most everyone thought the whole event had run smoothly. it was quite upsetting to say the least. this was the first year alot of us girls were helping out, we were just pledges a month ago. so we had no real idea about how stuff was supposed to be. and her she's complaining to us.
perhaps things were ran differently when she was around, i don't know. if she was so disappointed i wish she would have offered to help out instead of yelling and putting us down. but if things were supposed to have gone differently i wish they would have informed us. or our older active sisters.
she is not one of the alumni that isin't able to contact us. her younger blood sister is an active sister and they live in the same house. not really sure what to do.
TIRAMASU
DELTA PHI MU

Tom Earp · #36 11-30-2002, 07:41 PM

Tell her straight up, shut up and help or get out of the way!

If she whats to give critcisim then put forth some effort to help!

It is always easy to sit in the cheap seats and bitch about everything!

These in the Baseball arena are called the boo birds! Boo to everything!

Best of luck and hold your head hi for being the % that is doing and not sitting!

SmartBlondeGPhB · #37 12-05-2002, 06:49 PM

As the President of my local alumnae chapter, my philosophy has always been if they're going to complain, they better be willing to help out. If they aren't willing to help (or offer other ideas) than they have no right to complain.

Ignore the alumnae who complain and focus on those who don't. Rather than say anything about those alums who won't pay, thank the ones who do pay, publicly.

We have trouble getting alumnae to actually join our chapter (they just come to some events and get our newsletter) so every fall I take the tact of publicly thanking all those who did pay on our email distribution. Maybe eventually the rest will pay.

As an alumnae who is active in supporting my local collegiate chapter, there are a lot of reasons alumnae don't come to things. Unfortunately, a lot of them are no longer interested after they graduate. Another problem for us, is a lot of them come from out of state to go to school, and then return to their home state.

Don't get discouraged when alumnae don't show up, just keep trying. We just like to feel wanted.............

AXO_MOM_3 · #38 12-06-2002, 12:36 AM

QT Pir - what a horrible thing for the alums to say! I think advisors need to remember that they are there to do just as the name implies - advise. When I was a recruitment advisor, I offered my opinion, and if I felt pretty strong about something, I strongly advise etc...However, if the girls did not follow my advice, I did not get mad and start putting them and the chapter down. The collegiates have to make their own decisions about the chapter that they are currently a part of. Alums should only be there to offer assistance and support when needed. However, when alums are helps, be sure and let them know so they will come back the next time!

crystalline · #39 12-07-2002, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by QT Pie
While there are some alums who come back and are totally wonderful to the girls in the chapter, there are some who just plain suck. Once we had an advisor who was fake, cliquish, and had a habit of staring some of the girls down when she thought we weren't paying attention. Anyway, once she brought one of her fellow sisters from her old chapter to our house and they were both supposed to prep us for rush (even though they kept telling us we had so much to work on, but that's another story). Later on, when those two thought no one was listening, our so-called advisor had the nerve to diss our chapter by griping about how some of us weren't even that cute, and how THEIR old chapter recruited better girls. What a b-tch!!

That's awful! Thankfully, the alum who is our chapter advisor rocks! I am grateful to not have to put up with hateful ones.

Tom Earp · #40 12-07-2002, 08:06 PM

In rereading these post again, it brings 2 things to mind!

We had our 30 th Founders Day Anniverasry and I worked very hard to get Brothers there! We had 80 + show up and were from all over. It made the Active Chapters eyes bug out! Brothers who I had not seen since Graduation were there and Damn Was I glad to see some of them and hopefully seeing me!

It gave a very strong feeling of Brotherhood that weekend!

The 2 nd one is when I attended the B N Chapters 30 th in Fl. I was invited down as a guest speaker by a Brother from BN who I have never met but talk with a lot on the phone! So it waqs the first time ever that I met him face on!

They had Brothers from all over the country in attendance and they were spectacular with the treatment that they gave me. I became an honoray member of the Chapter very early on!

I know that this is only 2 examples and I can speak from being at many Chapters that some treated me like a Brother and one did not! The +'s out weighted the -'s.

If there are some that come back and act like they are the Lord of The Rings, then they really dont know the True meaning of Brotherhood/Sisterhood!!

It is strictly their loss isnt it!!!!!!!!

Lady Blondie · #41 12-12-2002, 05:40 PM

I have been alum for 5 years. I believe alumnae should certainly participate in activities and events, but remember their time as an active has come and gone (it is hard to let go, isn't it?!) Certainly alumnae are piviotal to the chapter's development in the past (also the present, and future.) However, they must realize their time in the spotlight is done. If they have a complaint or think events need to modified or changed, they should offer advice in a positive manner. Alums do not have the right to come back to their undergraduate chapter and begin putting the chapter down or making a scene. As an advisor, I truly agree with what was stated earlier - advisors are there to advise, not to demand or give ultimatums. Tom said it when he said "If there are some that come back and act like they are the Lord of The Rings, then they really don't know the True meaning of Brotherhood/Sisterhood!!" Alumnae should certainly be respected and admired, but that does not give them the right to make the undergrads feel bad. Undergrads are mostly younger and are in the process of developing their management skills and personalities. When alumnae come back and begin bashing the actives, no one wins. Alums - be sure to offer positive reinforcement (just like you would a younger sibling or child.)

Tom Earp · #42 12-12-2002, 09:52 PM

LadyB, a very good insight on the situation!

We set up a mentoring group to work with the Active Chapter. Not to tell them what to do, but to show what we did, offer advice, and answer questions where possible! To discuss options of what, how, when, and why!

We do this twice a year so we can work with not only the older Actives but the New Associate members.

By doing this, we show all of them that there is an active bunch of Alums who are willing to work with them! Key Words, is Work With Them!

It is a two way street, if the Alums do not hear from the Active Chapter, they say screw them, and if the Alumni give and work with them and they do nothing, then it is screw them! SO, Da, Catch 22!