I Can't Wait To Move Out

[DigitalAngel126]

Shine -- #1. You don't know me. I'm sorry if I came off spoiled and if it offended you. Spoiled is a relative term, so I'm not even going to try to argue that...
#2. You have no idea how blessed I feel that I am. I'm sorry that you lost your father, but I have a hard time believing that when he was around you never got aggravated with him or found him to be unreasonable at times. My inital thread was a vent, not "I hate my dad forever and ever AMEN". I live for my dad...Regardless of what it sounds like, I do everything he asks me to do, within my abilities/power. My dad's happiness is mine.
#3. I do have a right to expect something. I have the right to expect that if he's going to financially treat me like an adult, that he emotionally, mentally, and parentally treat me like an adult as well.
#4. Like I said before, I AM SORRY that you lost your father. I would be lost without mine, he is my heart and my soul. And most of the time my best friend. To set the record absolutely straight, there is no one on this planet that I would wish death on in an capacity.


Librasoul - Thanks for the PM, by the way. Anyhow, I do know that it is possible to be financially independant at the age of 19, I'm not disputing that. I never said that I depended on him for money or even expected it.. All I said about finances is 1, the cell phone thing - - WHICH I had money for, he just simply chose not to tell me I owed him anything until after he had it turned off. I ask you this also: If it's so important to him that he practices "Tough Love", why isn't he doing it? To me it seems a little silly to have MY cell phone under HIS name... Because no matter how much I go over, he still pays it so it doesn't affect his credit.. THEN he asks me for it. Why does he not just drop me? It's not a contract (he has it in with one of the managers, so she didn't make us sign a year long contract or anything). That would make more sense to me..."Maybe then I'd learn".


DeltAlum - Again, I'm sorry that the original post came off so bad, like I said - - I was venting. I'm not trying to cover my butt by saying 'you guys don't know the whole story', but it really is simply too much to get into. So I ask that any/all of you (not just DeltAlum) that wants to criticize or attack me for any certain reason, feel free to ask me to elaborate on a background.. On what started, why this or why that...Back to DeltAlum.. I understand what you meant by they treat you with graditude, for I already feel that way towards my dad. I've made some undesirable choices in life, as has he. I understand most of what he's doing to/for me, just not the dictorial (is that a word?) things.


justamom - As I stated previously, I don't take money from my parents. In fact I make it a point not to. I know what it's like to owe them money... It's not a good thing...Also as I have said, I do try to reason with him...But he's the kind of person that hears but doesn't listen...Which leads to him yelling at me beacause he's right and me yelling back because...well because he was yelling at me.


I'm sorry this turned into such a novel...And if anyone has any questions about anything else I may or may not have gone into and you don't feel like posting it here, feel free to PM me...

[AchtungBaby80]

Yes, parents do have every right to kick their child out the minute s/he turns 18, but that doesn't mean they have to do it! My parents don't agree with that philosophy, and neither do those of most of the people I know. I'm sorry for the children of those who do, but I still don't think DA's father is being reasonable.

[librasoul22]

Originally posted by DigitalAngel126
Librasoul - Thanks for the PM, by the way. Anyhow, I do know that it is possible to be financially independant at the age of 19, I'm not disputing that. I never said that I depended on him for money or even expected it.. All I said about finances is 1, the cell phone thing - - WHICH I had money for, he just simply chose not to tell me I owed him anything until after he had it turned off. I ask you this also: If it's so important to him that he practices "Tough Love", why isn't he doing it? To me it seems a little silly to have MY cell phone under HIS name... Because no matter how much I go over, he still pays it so it doesn't affect his credit.. THEN he asks me for it. Why does he not just drop me? It's not a contract (he has it in with one of the managers, so she didn't make us sign a year long contract or anything). That would make more sense to me..."Maybe then I'd learn".

Okay if you want to focus on the cell phone, are you not aware of the minutes allotted on your billing plan? I am almost positive you know when you have gone over in minutes. I am also almost positive that you know when the billing cycle is over. If you had the money you could have offered it to him when your cycle was up. Why wait for him to ask for it, then get upset when he disconnects your phone? This makes little sense to me. If it is silly to have the cell phone in his name, why not ASK him to drop you, then start up service under your own name?

I guess the problem I am having has nothing to do with you not being independent. It's that you seem to absolve yourself of all responsibility. Not once in this thread have you taken responsibility for any of your situations. That is what I have the issue with. I hate that it-is-never-my-fault mentality. I am not saying that you have that mentality as a general rule BUT FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER IN THIS THREAD, in the situations that you have presented, it seeps through.

[pbpck]

Originally posted by Shine
Well, as for my perspective.

I am 19 as well. I turn 20 next month. No, I am NOT fully self-sufficient. My loans pay my tuition, and I pay for food and books, but my mom pays my rent.

HYPOCRACY AT IT'S BEST! I am trying to hold back, but honestly, you have little right to criticize DA's unhappiness. You pay for food and books?! Pretty sure that most students pay that and for more.

Now my parents are well to do, but I cleaned my account out each month to cover rent. I was living off just bread for quite some time because I had to pay my utilites. I was working overtime and I still had to check my books out of reserve because I couldn't afford to buy them. But I didn't complain. I started being grateful for the ability to go to college period and other greater things. I don't want elicit any sympathy. I have a charmed life. I do. And I realize it. My parents saw how hard I worked and are helping me out tremendously now.

I am just incredibly awestruck that you have the AUDACITY to criticize DA. She will appreciate things in due time. But you really ought to have a LOT more sympathy. Seems like you and your mother are a team. I believe that is what DA is searching for. For her father to be her partner not her adversary. She could just as easily argue that she doesn't have a mother figure anymore while you do.

Compassion, that's all I am requesting. Human compassion. Everyone is so quick to judge and slow to love now a days.

[DigitalAngel126]

Honestly?? No, I'm not aware of the minutes allotted on my billing plan because some months I get free minutes from friends. And regardless of that (I never count on that because it's VERY sporadic), my dad lied to me first off about how many minutes I had, thinking I'd go over. Well I saw my bill and saw how many minutes I actually DID have, so that's how many I used. Also, he changed my plan for me to get free incoming calls.. And he told me thats what I had - - FREE INCOMING CALLS, no matter where I am. So whenever I recieved a call, I talked until my heart was content...Only after he got the bill did he tell me that I couldn't roam. So yeah, I guess thats more excuses, but to single the phone out..

Think what you want, but it may seem that I absolve my responsibility because I've only presented you with the situations that I've chosen. The reason I've chosen those to gripe about is because I don't feel they're my fault... If I wanted to talk about what was my fault, I'd talk about the debt I'm in BECAUSE OF ME.. Or the fact that I CAME HOME from school, not got pulled out or kicked out...Or I'd talk about my parents divorce, because it was more or less my fault (in a way...I'm not BLAMING myself, but it was because of my existence that they started having the major problems)....Or I'd talk about a number of other things that ARE my fault...



Since no one seems to care enough to pay attention, let me clarify one more time: I don't EXPECT anything from my dad other than his love and moral support, and perhaps agreement on things that I feel are unjust. I'd like to expect that he'd pick his fights and not call me out on every single one of my little flaws. I'd like to expect that if he wants me to ACT like an adult, it'd help if he treated me like one. I love him more than anything in the world and I understand most of his reasoning - - when it is within reason. None of this is really that big of a deal, I WAS JUST VENTING BECAUSE I WAS UNHAPPY....

[Colleenie]

Oh my little Digital....I was wondering how you were doing and then I discovered this thread. I'm sorry about the problems you and your dad are having. I don't know what to suggest to make the situation better. I hope you both can find some reasonable balance to the situation. I'm sure there are lots of underlying emotions from your parents divorce that have caused this riff in your relationship. I don't think you're spoiled, I would be a hypocrite if I thought so. I hope the job interviewing goes well. If you need to vent you can always PM or e-mail me.

[phimugirlie01]

I think what was meant to be a thread to vent about a problem has totally gotten out of hand. Haven't we all had bad days? Haven't we all had fights with our parents about independence/financial matters/life in general? Just because DA vented about her and her Dad's fight doesn't mean that she isn't grateful for all he does for her. And her situation isn't exactly like anyone elses's, so I really don't think it's fair to read into every single word and anaylze her actions and try to read into her thoughts. I really don't think it's too nice to jump all over her and label her "spoiled" and "ungrateful" because I don't think anyone knows her well enough from her posts to make those assumptions.
What's said in the heat of a moment does not define a person's character!

[DigitalAngel126]

Originally posted by phimugirlie01
I think what was meant to be a thread to vent about a problem has totally gotten out of hand. Haven't we all had bad days? Haven't we all had fights with our parents about independence/financial matters/life in general? Just because DA vented about her and her Dad's fight doesn't mean that she isn't grateful for all he does for her. And her situation isn't exactly like anyone elses's, so I really don't think it's fair to read into every single word and anaylze her actions and try to read into her thoughts. I really don't think it's too nice to jump all over her and label her "spoiled" and "ungrateful" because I don't think anyone knows her well enough from her posts to make those assumptions.
What's said in the heat of a moment does not define a person's character!

Amen sista-friend!

[pbpck]

I agree, PhiMuGirlie!

Shine and librasoul, I take it that your absence of response displays your admission that you were wrong, hypocritical and rude.

[Dionysus]

I kind of have the same issue w/ my father. It seems that your issue is deeper than "I'm sick of dad treating me like a 13 y.o." kind of thing. I sense that you are more upset about him not giving you EMOTIONAL support more than financial or any other kind of support. I know what you are going through.

I think the majority of the people who posted on this thread COMPLETELY missed her point.

And, about this belief of anyone above 18 who does not support themselves is "morally apprehensible" is total BS. People mature at different ages. I've known 16 year olds who could pull it off, and 26 year olds who couldn't.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by pbpck
Shine and librasoul, I take it that your absence of response displays your admission that you were wrong, hypocritical and rude.

I'm willing to consider that DigitalAngel was just venting, but before I would call anyone "wrong, hypocritical and rude," I'd go back and read that original post. Whether she meant what she said or not, it was pretty over the line -- or is talking about "smothering" your father a normal thing to put down in print? It appears that has been edited out -- which is good, I think.

Then I'd think twice about the definition of the word hypocritical. Shine and Libra would have been hypocritical if they had "sugar coated" their responses. They gave their honest reaction to the post -- which was much like my own. That is not hypocracy, it's honesty. A little blunt perhaps, but certainly not hypocritical.

As for rude, think about what you just wrote and then think about "Judge ye not lest ye be judged."

DigitalAngel is probably a very nice young lady, but I don't think anyone missed the point. The point was how her rant "sounded" to the rest of us. We don't know if she is "spoiled" or not -- but the post certainly gave that impression. Or at least it did to me.

Maybe what should be learned here is to seriously consider what you type, and how others may react to it before clicking that "submit reply" button.

[Shine]

Originally posted by pbpck
I agree, PhiMuGirlie!

Shine and librasoul, I take it that your absence of response displays your admission that you were wrong, hypocritical and rude.

Don't put words into my mouth, honey.

My lack of response was due to the fact that I had to go to class, and then out to dinner with some friends.

You know, having a LIFE. I can' t be on the internet 24-7.

All I say is this: When I itemized who pays for what in my life, I left out a LOT of things. My mom only pays my rent, which is dorm rent, and cheap. I appreciate every cent of that money, but I do have my own expenses. I pay for books, food, health insurance, car insurance, doctor care, perscriptions, phone bill, cell phone bill, credit card bills, internet access, clothing...

The list goes on.

I am NOT a hypocrite. I stand by what I said. If it weren't for my mother's help, I would never survive on my own and be able to stay in school. So I appreciate whatever she does for me, and don't expect anything from her. I doubt DA could survive if her dad didn't help her out, so she should stop bitching. It could be a lot worse.

I think the main thing that made me angry about DA's post was that she said she wanted to "smother her dad in his sleep." I have NEVER, EVER in my life said anything even remotely like that about anyone, even as a joke.

Yes, in high school I would vent to my friends that my dad was a jerk and my mom was a bitch when I wouldn't get my way. Since then, I have grown, matured, and learned that talking my problems out with my family is better than venting on a message board.

Her father sounds no more unreasonable than my parents, or any other parents I know. He wants the best for his kid, and wants her to learn how to live in the real world.

Pardon me if it offends me when a person wishes death on a father that loves and cares for them, when I would give anything to bring my father back to life.

[Dionysus]

Where do you guys get all of this money?
I have a job too, it is impossible for me to pay what some of you are paying for.

[pbpck]

Alright, simma.

I don't want this to turn into another closed thread. But shine I will say that I have posted only on this thread recently and I have checked it so often today since it was an issue that I was fairly passionate about.

Shine and Delt ALum, I will retract my statement that you were wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and on a random internet site, anyone is more than free to post their thoughts.

Delt Alum, you can say I was rude in my post, but it is only in response to the constant negativity and constant "rudeness" of related in posts. I admit I let my frustration get the better of me in that snide commment. In fact that may be construed as hypocracy. Oh, and I read the first post and it seemed like she was a normal frustrated 19 year old dealing with the cliche "growing pains." You of all people, with children, I would expect to understand that. I don't condone her "death wish,"but she has retracted it and admitted that it was typed in anger and was wrong.

I said Shine initially came across as hypocritical because she is attending school and is not enduring the awkward position that DA is in, even though she said she "was in a similar situation." She took an arrogant tone by belittling DA implying that she was enduring so much more than she financially. That DA should be GRATEFUL for all that she is given, when Shine posted that she paid for "books and food." She had no tolerance for people who don't venture out on their own, yet posted she was only paying for "books and food." As you all have posted time and time again, I can only respond to what you post!

Any way, this isn't my fight. You guys are really not as understanding and tolerant as I thought you all were.

I must come to terms with the fact that some people are just in things for arguments sake. You guys still show no compassion.

And shine, since DA edited out the part about wishing her father dead, it's obvious it was a simple product of anger and frustration. Adrenaline was pumping and she regretted it. I would think you would start taking a more positive approach. But you seem not to have the positive attitude I would hope.

[DigitalAngel126]

To all of the people I regretfully got involved in my simple need to vent:

librasoul22 - whether you come off as harsh or not is a matter of opinion, my opinion being that i would've gone about saying some things differently... BUT thanks for saying what you did

Cream - yay for tact!! Thank you for that, and your message came through loud and clear.

APhi - good to see I'm not the only one in this type of situation, contrary to what some people are trying to insinuate.

DeltAlum - Being a dad is more than I could ever imagine, so I commend you. I'm sure your children have turned out beautifully!

33girl - Good advice, I didn't think about having my old advisor call him, maybe I'll try that.

Shark_in_Skirt - You seem like a very compassionate person .. Good for you, there needs to be more of that going around. And good luck with whichever GLO you choose, they'll love you!!

Shine - For the last time, I'm sorry that I may have offended you. And again, I'm truly sorry about your dad... Believe it or not, I do have a heart, not just a mouth...

Phimugirlie01 - Thanks for the words of encouragement!

Pbpck - LOL Thanks for all the posts I guess You're very good at standing your ground!

AchtungBaby80 - Same goes for you.

justamom - I can't tell you how many times I've tried to talk to my dad on neutral ground with understanding and no yelling, and I can only try for so long.. But I'm going to try again.

Colleenie - Thanks for being a sister....I'll PM you.

Dionysus - You morally apprehensible devil, you.. Thanks for saying that, it definately made me laugh - - I had almost forgotten about it!

To anyone arguing amongst themselves, this is a stupid reason to do it, on account of me or anything I said or did. This thread was started so I could vent, nothing more, nothing less. I am truly sorry that it digressed to name calling, arguing, and just rudeness all around (I'm not saying everybody).

In closing the last post I will be posting on this thread, I'd like to say... No matter what your relationship with your parents, I strongly suggest going out and renting John Q. with Denzel Washington (oh baby!!). That movie moved me in a way that I wasn't ready for and I bawled almost the whole time. For those of you that have seen it, you'll understand what I'm talking about when I say that I know my dad would do for me what John Q. was willing to do for Michael. I always knew that in my heart and never once doubt it, but it made me cry even harder to see all this petty stuff screwing up our relationship. You never know when someone could be gone - - a parent, a friend, a fellow greek, your favorite pet ... nobody knows, for today may not always be followed by tomorrow. Another movie (which I watched last night) that moved me to tears for the duration was I Am Sam. I almost had to turn it off. It's a wonderful film and I reccommend it to anyone and everyone. Again, it's about a father and his child...That's all I'm going to say though, because I'm starting to tear up at the thought of the movie.

Hope to see you guys on different threads, less any animosity.

Peace.
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