Unexpressed Racism Paranoia (URP)

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by SiempreCansada
I work in a restaurant where I hold 3 job classes (gotta pay for school and live life!): server, hostess, & bartender. From all 3 perspectives within this particular restaturant, I have seen and heard so much. I know fellow servers (of all races) that "cherry-pick" (pick the tables that they'd rather serve over another simply due to the race of the table). It's sad that a lot of servers refuse to serve black tables because they automatically form a prejudice that the table will be ghetto, uncouth, unruly or will not leave a tip.

Haha...when I was a hostess, I slammed those types of servers with black tables left and right. Thinking about it now, I wonder if I did the right thing...if one feels that strongly against a group of people, no telling what they could've done to their food.

[AKA_Monet]

I am constantly proving my thoughts in the scientific field... That is the nature of my field... However, I get more stares and roughing up not only because I am woman, but I am of African descent... I am not MEANT to be in this arena--ever...

But, the scientific questions I can answer or say, "I've not looked at that..." Whatever...

It's the ignorant racial questions that were once difficult for me... The issue was, these questions arose from folks that are SUPPOSED to be the "best and the brightest"--some of the most educated folks on the planet!!! And when I got them, I went into shock... Then, I got defensive...

And "to whom the gods wish to destroy, they must first make them angry..."

So, with the "answering questions" training I got for my Ph.D., I learned, that I should restate their question, which requires you to suppress every inch of your rage down, then ask these people how you like them to answer... Once you get yourself to do all that, then you start "crackin' up" 'cuz funny thoughts creep into your mind about what they just said... And it is like, you cain't hep yo-sef, you havta bust them out...

My Ph.D. professor skrait up asked me if I thought that students who attend a PWI faire better in science than if they attended an HBCU...

Now, he knew I attended an HBCU!!!

What was my answer...

I couldn't hep mysef... I said, the students are flunking out here!!!

Total shock on his part...

Nuff said...

And as you "practice" this tactic, you only get better...

[StrangeFruit]

AKA-Monet, I like that idea of restating their question.

I am a black woman that absolutely loves to wear shoulder length locks and my nose rings. Currently I'm temping at Wilmington Trust where it's PW and half of the black people that work in department are void of culture and try to assimilate.

I guess there's nothing wrong with that (although I don't believe in conforming to appease the masses). But they treat me as if the only degree I have is a high school diploma, which is not the case. I have a BA and MA and several of these folks only have a BA and a certificate or just a certificate.

They tell me obvious things which irriates the out of me and I wonder is it b/c I'm black, a temp, black with locks and a nose ring. What is it? Do I look stupid? Do I sound stupid when I talk? I'm always wondering. And the fact that I'm wondering what these folk thing irritates me even more.

[James]

Does that really bother people? I hand people their money but if their hands are occupied I have put it on the counter in front of them. I would hate to offend people when I didn't want to.

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
I can only shake my head at the NONSENSE that happens in the world today. Some folks go OUT OF THEIR WAY to be racist. I agree with LibraSoul. Next time a cashier places your money on the counter, let it sit there. Then politely ask her to place it in your hand. If she tries to act crazy, call the manager. You may feel like you don't have time for all that, but it is worth it. That will just make an example of her.

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by StrangeFruit
AKA-Monet, I like that idea of restating their question.

I am a black woman that absolutely loves to wear shoulder length locks and my nose rings. Currently I'm temping at Wilmington Trust where it's PW and half of the black people that work in department are void of culture and try to assimilate.

I guess there's nothing wrong with that (although I don't believe in conforming to appease the masses). But they treat me as if the only degree I have is a high school diploma, which is not the case. I have a BA and MA and several of these folks only have a BA and a certificate or just a certificate.

They tell me obvious things which irriates the out of me and I wonder is it b/c I'm black, a temp, black with locks and a nose ring. What is it? Do I look stupid? Do I sound stupid when I talk? I'm always wondering. And the fact that I'm wondering what these folk thing irritates me even more.

Interesting.

See I was taught that if you're black or Latino, you're going to get treated the same way regardless what you look like or how you dress. I kind of believed that...until a few years ago.

...I thought it was just me and I was crazy. Whenever I dress more preppy and without any headgear, if I go into a store, I get stares from the people who work there. When I was younger, I was a fan of bandannas and baseball caps. Whenever I went shopping wearing a bandanna or baseball cap, not only did I get stares, but I was also followed around and even questioned about my intentions. When I was hanging around the hotel pool in Indiana two years ago, this hotel manager approached and started questioning me. She had a walkie-talkie and was talking to a man. I think it was security or the police. After, I gave her the answers "she wanted". She left me alone. Then I wondered why she seeked me out of all people. There were other black people present. They were dressed nicer. On the other hand, I was wearing loose and athletic clothes and a bandanna. I guess it was that.

Since then, I have not touch that bandanna or any other one with a 10-ft. pole. I'm also cautious of wearing baseball caps in most places and only wear athletic clothes when I work out. I don't know if that was a smart or dumb decision. It's cool that you did not change your physical appearance, despite your treatment.

[Bamboozled]

Originally posted by James
Does that really bother people? I hand people their money but if their hands are occupied I have put it on the counter in front of them. I would hate to offend people when I didn't want to.

I don't think it's a problem if someone's hands are otherwise occupied. I think she's referring to a situation where a customer holds his/her hand out to get the change and the cashier places it on the counter as if they're a leper.

[nikki1920]

hijack: when i worked in retail, I had kids give me their balled up money. I told them, politely, to please unball their money and hand it to me. Most kids, that I've tended, didnt know that. Some of them were just plain *evil*, but I took it as a chance to teach them something. I show that to my daugther now too.
/end hijack

I get the "you must be an oreo, you talk white, you think you are better than us b/c you went to a white school, blah, blah" all the time. My attitude is this: unless you are signing my paycheck, kindly get out of my air, KMA, and get the heck on. It took me a LOOOOOOONG time to get to that point, though. Some people only see skin color, and that is ok. That just shows how shallow THEY are. I am SO much more than Black, and if you don't/won't/can't take the time to learn more about me, then sorry for ya! Your loss. lol

I do agree that skin color is still an issue in 2003, which is sad.

[AKA_Monet]

Really, I think the more Afrikan centered you appear and the less Eurocentric you look, the more intimidating you are to ignorant folks...

I can be in my Sunday's best and still get harassed...

Then I can run around bummy and get all the help I have ever needed.

That's just me...

It is funny when you get the most racially ignorant to start being at your beck and call.

What you do is make them feel really good about themselves usually complimenting what they are wearing... That's the easiest.

Then start asking them what would look good with what.

Then start asking them to look in the back.

If they run, you can tell they know they've just wronged you...

Right now, I am at a place in my life that I just start to laugh at those less fortunate than me. And I sho ain't gonna let anyone stop me from getting my blessings...

Originally posted by Dionysus
Interesting.

See I was taught that if you're black or Latino, you're going to get treated the same way regardless what you look like or how you dress. I kind of believed that...until a few years ago.

...I thought it was just me and I was crazy. Whenever I dress more preppy and without any headgear, if I go into a store, I get stares from the people who work there. When I was younger, I was a fan of bandannas and baseball caps. Whenever I went shopping wearing a bandanna or baseball cap, not only did I get stares, but I was also followed around and even questioned about my intentions. When I was hanging around the hotel pool in Indiana two years ago, this hotel manager approached and started questioning me. She had a walkie-talkie and was talking to a man. I think it was security or the police. After, I gave her the answers "she wanted". She left me alone. Then I wondered why she seeked me out of all people. There were other black people present. They were dressed nicer. On the other hand, I was wearing loose and athletic clothes and a bandanna. I guess it was that.

Since then, I have not touch that bandanna or any other one with a 10-ft. pole. I'm also cautious of wearing baseball caps in most places and only wear athletic clothes when I work out. I don't know if that was a smart or dumb decision. It's cool that you did not change your physical appearance, despite your treatment.

[miss priss]

As I was reading an old issue of Essence (October 2002, my fav) it talked about the issue that the relationships that black professional women have with their white counterparts. (Click to read:http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m.../article.jhtml)

Since posting this topic, I have since found a better job in a different city and position. My boss ( ironically, a white female) loosely throws around the fact that she is my boss. Cool. However, when she needs a "favor" she always "jokingly" says "I would hate to fire ya if you don't do it". I don't find this funny or amusing. when she comes to my office she tends to be highly critical of small things---very small things. For example,the heat went out in the building, so my office was very cold (we're in Detroit yall!). All we had was 1 space heater ---ONE to heat a very big office. Once, one of my employees forgot to turn it off once we left work (it wasn't like we felt heat). This heffa took the heater because she "warned" them to turn it off and said I should have warned them also--which I did! Now I know those things can be dangerous BUT if you walked in an office and saw it on why wouldn't you just turn it off? It's chit like that that she does!

Anywho, I'm having a problem understanding the superiority complex---which also exists with black women as well. URP again?

[ShamikaT]

Is it just me or do white folks be tryin' to rush you and stuff? Dem white folks always seem to be in a hurry. I am ShamikaT and I will take my sweet a$$ time to do whatever I want. Ain't no black person ever blowed their horn at me when I'm driving. Some old white man almost rear-ended me this morning on the way to school. I looked back at him, and he was cussin' and gesturing. Fool, I might have been driving 20 mph in a 35 mph zone, but that was because if I went any faster the trashbag that I use as my rear-left window would've flew out. Duct tape can only hold so much. Isht, if he was that much in a hurry, he might as well sent me some money, so I can buy a new window.

I know I must be a Christian now, because last Friday I've would've slapped a tr!ck. I was doing Christmas shopping at the local mall. As me and my peeps was chillin and takin our time to walk to Penney's, these three white girls busted through our group doing that speed walking. They turned around and at us. One heffa even slinged her hair in my face, when she got parallel to me. Oooooooh weeeee! The lawd must've had his hand on me that day! Why were they so eager to get to Penney's? I don't know.

[Lady of Pearl]

People are unreasonable look over them-don't own their perception of you don't own it at alll IT"S THEIR PROBLEM NOT YOURS, unfortunately racism is alive and thrivin in 2005 in all its various forms

[honeychile]

Sorry for crashing, but this discussion came up over the weekend. My biracial cousin (who is a nurse and spent 3 weeks in the Gulf, cleaning up after Katrina) and a white former soldier were both profiled in the local paper - guess whose picture was used? We were wondering why Monica's photo wasn't used, as she actually ended up spending more time volunteering, then she just said, "Well, some people are born stupid and others have to work harder at it."

I hate that this still happens, but I love her attitude!

[Sahara]

My best friend since kindergarten is white. We lost touch shortly after H.S. graduation. We got back in touch about 2 years later and went to her parent's house one day.

Her mom came home and didn't even look in my face, say hi or anything. She said to my friend "you should tell your friend that she left her car light on". I was standing right there. So I had to put my face in hers so she could see who I was.

After she recognized me, she was all happy to see me. She once told me, when I was in elem. schl., that me and my family were the only black people she liked (that was supposed to be a compliment).

It's hard for some people to change but she's at least trying.

[AKA_Monet]

Yah know, sometimes I wonder if I have schizophrenia multiple personality disorder and I am a phasic/amnesiac. Because really, the stuff I deal with, I MUST let it go in one ear and out the other because now, since being diagnosed with benign hypertension, I cannot allow these folks get the best of me. It's just not worth it.

Aside from the fact that we African Americans are resolved to take on positive attitude in the midst of so much negativity and it's toll on our health as a result of utter shear stressfulness--and the fact that we just cannot go and actually do the crap that's on "Grand Theft Auto--San Andreas" if we are "quasi sane educated thinking individuals", we have to have this "spiritual transcendence" that looks like a mental illness from a Freudian/Jungian point of view that requires, yet another medication.

I dunno what to tell you young people because hayle, I face some of this isht on a daily basis. And I guess I just don't have the spiritual strength to battle it anymore with folks I know are just plain ignorant and like it that way--even if they are authority figures.

To me, it has now become pointless.

Have I given up the the good fight? Naw... I'm just in my corner for a respite...

[southernelle25]

I agree with AKA_Monet, but I don't make them feel really good about anything. No complimenting, ...I just put them to work.