Is it normal to regret which sorority you joined?

[FSUZeta]

Everyone feels overwhelmed at times and hey, you are dealing with a lot.

Most sororities consider an undergrad an alumna if she is no longer enrolled in the college where she was initiated. Since you are going to be attending a cc next semester, your problem will be solved (as long as you take care of your membership obligations until the end of this semester). You may want to confirm your status(and any requirements or paperwork that might need to be done) with one of your chapter's alumna advisors. You may find that in some year to come, you will be able to appreciate your sorority membership and be grateful that you did not resign your membership.

[AOII Angel]

It sounds like you are making changes that will improve your situation. As FSUZTA said, leaving the university will give you a chance to distance yourself from your chapter while preserving your membership with the organization. Make sure you leave in good standing. Hopefully being closer to home and away from stimuli that trigger emotions you can't handle at this time will be beneficial to you. Find a new counselor when you get to your new school. Don't stop therapy...it's hard to keep going when you can't afford it on your own, but you need help to deal with all the stressors in your life. Good luck.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

Yes, mainly due to financials and my therapist's recommendation, I'll be going to community college for a semester or two starting this fall. I'm not sure yet if I'll transfer back to my current school or not after community college, but I don't want to go back to the school just because it's what I'm familiar with - I want to fully explore my options, which I didn't do when applying to colleges in high school. I feel like I can finally start fresh, and maybe it'll be like you said - I can get closer to my sisters later in life, when we have more in common.

I would also like to apologize for any immaturity in any of my posts. I have been forced to mature very quickly in the past couple of years, and I often help friends and family with their personal issues, being forced to stay strong and mature the entire time. When I get upset, as I have been while posting here, I lose that, and have some immature tendencies, and I know those can be difficult to deal with sometimes. When I'm upset, acting a little immature is the only way I can really act my age, rather than acting more mature. So I would just like to apologize for that.

Hang in there.

BTW, you might find that a different college/university is a better fit for you overall. I attended a small LAC and a regional university as an undergrad. I had a lot more in common with students at the university than I did with the students at the small LAC. Your fit problem with your chapter might be reflective of an overall fit problem with your school.

[FirePaint]

Originally Posted by KDCat

Hang in there.

BTW, you might find that a different college/university is a better fit for you overall. I attended a small LAC and a regional university as an undergrad. I had a lot more in common with students at the university than I did with the students at the small LAC. Your fit problem with your chapter might be reflective of an overall fit problem with your school.

That's actually what I was starting to think, because I've been observing the overall behavior of everyone at my school, and a lot of it is similar to what I've experienced in the chapter. And considering this wasn't my first choice school, I'm not surprise it's a bad fit.



While I can't go alumnae until after I walk at graduation, my roommate informed me that, since I'm a transfer and not technically dropping, I can go to any chapter after graduation (if I don't go to a school with their own chapter) and go through our alumnae ritual. I hope that things can improve in the future, it's just a shame they couldn't work out now.

[angels&angles]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

While I can't go alumnae until after I walk at graduation, my roommate informed me that, since I'm a transfer and not technically dropping, I can go to any chapter after graduation (if I don't go to a school with their own chapter) and go through our alumnae ritual.

I'm not the expert some GCers are, but I don't think that's correct. You may not be able to go early alum if you stay at your current school but I'm pretty sure if you transfer and don't join a chapter at your new school (out of choice or because there isn't one), you're automatically alum.

I'm not sure what this "alumnae ritual" you're talking about is. If you're already initiated and you don't terminate your membership, you're a member. At this school or any other.

[ASUADPi]

I'm glad that you are taking a year away from the sorority and the school. I think you need that time to heal. You need to focus on YOU. Not a sorority. Not a boyfriend/fiance. YOU.
I encourage you to continue seeking therapy. I have suffered from depression off and on since college. I have seen a therapist off and on since college (and am currently seeing on). I also take anti-depressants (which honestly have been a life saver!). YOU CAN DO IT!
As for your status in the sorority, talk to an advisor, not to a collegiate. Most collegiates don't know the true intricacies of the sorority. While you many not be able to go "alum", you may be given a "leave of absence" (not the right term but I'm blanking now). I know ADPi does it and it is for one calendar school year (so fall and spring). Then you have to reapply. (Girls at the chapter I used to advice would apply for this, like when they did study abroad).
As for the "alumnae" ritual, I can't speak for any sorority but ADPi, but ours isn't "required" for you to be considered an alum. Not everyone will go through it. It's just a little ceremony that we do for the women who are graduating or have graduated.

[adpiucf]

You will be granted alumna status immediately upon graduating, transferring, or dropping out of school. Any ceremony is just sort of icing-- not necessary to confer the status (unlike membership initiation after pledging). And yes, you could receive the alumnae ceremony from any chapter anytime-- even 30 years from now.

You have said you're transferring out at the end of the year to a college closer to home. Therefore, you will automatically be an alumna. Talk to your chapter adviser now and make sure that she is aware you are leaving. Put it in writing to the exec board that you are leaving the university, and sign and date any letters. This way, the chapter won't be assessing you dues in the fall.

[FirePaint]

The way we've always talked about our alumnae ritual, it seems as though it's "required" to be an alumnae, but what you guys are saying makes sense. Also, thinking back, I remember being told that to go through the ritual, we need to have walked. So I think that means I will be alumnae once I transfer, but I will not be allowed to go through the ritual until I have graduated from college. That makes more sense.

[thetalady]

I may be splitting hairs pretty finely, but I do think that when a woman becomes an alum early can differ, depending on the organization.

I believe that some groups do not confer alum status on women who have transferred until their gratuating class has completed 4 years. So if you are initiated as a freshman, you are not an alum until your class has graduated in 4 years.

By doing it that way, if a woman transfers away from her original school, she becomes inactive/ unaffiliated or whatever they specifically call it. Then if she transfers a second time to a school that has a chapter of the organization, she is still eligible for active status. Make sense?

[*winter*]

Originally Posted by KDCat

Hang in there.

BTW, you might find that a different college/university is a better fit for you overall. I attended a small LAC and a regional university as an undergrad. I had a lot more in common with students at the university than I did with the students at the small LAC. Your fit problem with your chapter might be reflective of an overall fit problem with your school.

THIS! That was my experience in transferring. At CC, everyone is mostly doing their own thing, working and going to school. Of course, there is stuff to get involved with if you'd like, too.

I agree, keep up with therapy, too.

In time, if/when you go back to another 4 year college, consider looking into organizations like my sorority, Gamma Sigma Sigma. It's a service sorority, non-NPC. Just because you can't be in another NPC sorority doesn't mean that you won't be able to be part of a sisterhood again. Obviously we don't offer houses or the whole "experience" but that might make it a better fit for someone like you.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I may be splitting hairs pretty finely, but I do think that when a woman becomes an alum early can differ, depending on the organization.

I believe that some groups do not confer alum status on women who have transferred until their gratuating class has completed 4 years. So if you are initiated as a freshman, you are not an alum until your class has graduated in 4 years.

By doing it that way, if a woman transfers away from her original school, she becomes inactive/ unaffiliated or whatever they specifically call it. Then if she transfers a second time to a school that has a chapter of the organization, she is still eligible for active status. Make sense?

With the varied sorority representatives that have written in this thread, someone who is a sorority sister of the OP might have explained the alumna status process to her in the thread. If not, maybe they will. I also think that is why most of us use the caveat "most, often, sometimes" when we are involved in a general discussion. We know our sorority policy and realize that others might have different procedures.

From my experience, both as a collegian and an alumnae advisor, I advised the OP to find out her sorority's policy from an advisor to her chapter or consult with someone at her sorority's headquarters. I have found that at times the collegiate officers(or roommate) give the wrong information. Either they don't bother to consult their officer membership manuals, or they think they know the proper procedure when they actually do not.

[FirePaint]

Well I've been talking to my roommate about it all because she's our alumae chair; she makes sure all seniors are on track to become alum and anything to do with current/future alum - which is why I'm trusting what she says.

I've started to inform those who need to know about my transfer, and it feels good. Almost like I'm a little more free of the stress. I'm still worried about the chapter (a lot of non-officers have a very rebellious mentality; many went out drinking after formal, against rules. It was considered an after-party, which we weren't allowed to have), because I really do want this chapter to be the best it can be, and I know it has a long way to go before that. I hope the chapter doesn't fall apart, but with the mentality many members have, it's a possibility.

But then we have members like my roommate. She knows what two positions she wants the next two years, both of which directly involve new members. This way, she can help teach the new members the correct mentality to have about the chapter, and all of the little things that go on behind the scenes in the chapter, so there's actually a future for it.

I'm both nervous and excited for the chapter, and I know that if we start recruiting members to actually show leadership potential, it's going to go really far.