Involved sorority collegiate turns invisible alumna

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, I think that everyone is comfortable with a different level of involvement.

True story. In addition, comfort level differs with different chapters. The closest alumni chapter to me is filled with women who are much older than me and married with children. In addition, I don't have time for weekly meetings, teas, etc. So, I am currently not in an alumnae chapter.

However, I am still really involved in my sorority as an alumna. I'm working as a colonization consultant and a PR advisor. These are jobs that I'm comfortable doing and that fit the craziness of life as a first-year medical student well.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

Also, I don't really feel like my region of the country is big into Greek life. Even as a senior in college I left it off of my resume because the odds of a hiring manager having negative stereotypes about greeks are pretty good.

Also also, I don't really know what the alumnae chapters are, outside of their support of the collegiate chapters. Social groups? Service groups? Professional networking groups? All of the above? There are several groups in the area, and I don't feel that any of them could explain that well what they offer.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

Also, I don't really feel like my region of the country is big into Greek life. Even as a senior in college I left it off of my resume because the odds of a hiring manager having negative stereotypes about greeks are pretty good.

Also also, I don't really know what the alumnae chapters are, outside of their support of the collegiate chapters. Social groups? Service groups? Professional networking groups? All of the above? There are several groups in the area, and I don't feel that any of them could explain that well what they offer.

The suggestion with my org is that you not advise until everyone who was active with you has graduated. That isn't a concrete rule because some chapters struggle with finding advisors and if they followed this as a rule all the time, some chapters wouldn't have anyone. But you are right about it being sticky.

Concerning what an alumnae chapter is, with us it just depends. They all have the same standard requirements in order to be and remain chartered (ex: one meeting per month, one Foundation related fundraiser or project per year, and x number of service events/opportunities per year.)

But the degree to which every chapter branches out from those standard events makes the chapter different. So every chapter has a different feel.

Example: The Big Metro Area Alumnae Chapter may have TONS of members in a variety of age groups. That leads to diversity of programming. They might consider the monthly chapter meeting to be just the "business" part of the sorority. They have bi-weekly young alumnae happy hour, a book club, a mom's group, a huge Foundation auction every year, you name it. So the chapter encompasses MANY different aspects of being part of an alumnae group.

In contrast: Small Town Alumnae Chapter might have a small number of members who are all in the same stage of life (ex: everyone is 40+, has a family, etc.) They might not see the need for having more than one event per month, and maybe their one meeting a month meets at the same local restuarant that they've been meeting at for years. Their one meeting might be more of a social event than anything else since everyone is busy with their families and doesn't have time to do much else.

Not saying that there is anything wrong with either type of chapter. i'm just noting that beyond our basic requirements, "what a chapter is?" tends to vary depending on who is in it.

It happens that people are looking for different things in chapters. I've seen Suzy Sigma bypass her local alumnae chapter for Chapter That's Over an Hour Away because it offers the level of activity that she is interested in.

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by DolphinChicaDDD

Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.

This was pretty much my experience. The president made sure to come chat with me for a minute, which was sweet of her, but everyone else quickly formed their groups and I didn't feel confortable breaking in. After the first event I resolved to try harder next time, but at the next event when I did join the conversation it turned out that I didn't really have much to contribute. The younger set (my age group) was all from one of the chapters in the area and since they all knew each other they were talking about mutual friends, their chapter, etc. The rest of the women were older and were talking about their husbands, kids, etc. I had, quite literally, nothing to say.

I don't blame the chapter since I don't really see a way to change things. The only thing I can think of is more structured activity that forces people to mix and mingle, but I think participation would go down if you were making a group of grown women do icebreakers every time they got together. It seemed like everyone just wanted to relax and chat with their friends, which I completely understand... it just doesn't leave much room for newcomers. One of the other members told me they had a hard time retaining new members because they complained that the group felt "cliquey" and I didn't have the heart to tell her that was why I wouldn't be back next time.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

My org is the same. I do understand the rationale, but I wish there was a way I could get involved, even minimally. I hate to complain about my org, but it's tough when you're expected to contribute so much for so many years and are suddenly told your help is no longer needed as soon as you graduate - especially when it's burned into your brain as an undergrad that "sisterhood is forever" and alumnae are such highly valued members of the org. I do think this varies depending on where you are, though - I have sisters my age who have been able to assist with recruitment or chaperoning, or have become "assistant advisors" at chapters in other parts of the country, but when I tried to get involved in these ways I either never received a response or was told I couldn't do anything at all until I was two years out (which I'm pretty sure is incorrect).

I do still want to advise (when I'm eligible) and get involved with an alumnae association, but I can see how many members would get discouraged by all this and never re-connect with the org. To be honest, I haven't really had any positive experiences with my org since graduation (except for interactions with friends in my own chapter). I would love to have the opportunity to work to change that someday because I love my org and it seems like such a waste to lose alums who want to stay involved.

ETA: It IS reassuring to see other women posting similar experiences to mine. I was beginning to think I was some kind of freak since normally all you hear about is super-positive alumna experiences...

[Shellfish]

It's always surprised me, too, that the leaders of my chapter never got involved as alumnae, not even the chapter president when I was a pledge (and later instrumental in restarting the Panhellenic Association on campus), who just embodied KD to me back then.

On the other hand, a woman who joined as a second-semester sophomore (not that unusual on our campus) and thus had few opportunities for the big positions has been a terrific leader at an alumnae group, one that's supported a couple of our newer chapters. I wonder if you get more mileage from the tortoises than the hares.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Shellfish

On the other hand, a woman who joined as a second-semester sophomore (not that unusual on our campus) and thus had few opportunities for the big positions has been a terrific leader at an alumnae group, one that's supported a couple of our newer chapters. I wonder if you get more mileage from the tortoises than the hares.

There is also the other end of this, the woman who joined as a junior who doesn't feel "qualified" to be involved as an alumna because she "wasn't an officer or anything" or "was only active for like 2 years."

You'd be surprised at how many people I've heard say that when approached about being involved.

Same goes for those women who maybe pledged/initiated but became alumnae due to transferring somewhere without a chapter (ex: Mary Sue pledges as a freshman but transfers to No Chapter University after sophomore year and becomes a 20 year old alumna.) They don't feel like there is a place for them because they were only active for a short time.

They don't get that you don't have to have been Super Suzy Sigma to contribute.

[ZetaGirl22]

I am unfortunately one of the slackers. I was VERY involved as a collegian. I was on Exec for 2 terms, very involved in the chapter, even took a small position on our Programming Council my last semester on campus (Greek Week Chair), I was a Rho Chi, etc. Our chapter WAS a struggling chapter, but I don't think I burnt out or was a us vs. IO mentality for me anyway. I went to an event with our local alumnae chapter literally 2 months after I graduated but I quickly moved to a new town, and while the old chapter was close enough for me to still go to stuff, my work schedule got in the way. I looked into the chapter in my new town, but again, work. And it was like that for the next few years (I didnt have a normal 9-5 schedule, I worked 10-7 and many of the events were in the evenings and on the weekends I was just too tired to really do anything LOL) I REALLY intended on getting involved in our local alumnae chapter and became a member in Fall '09. This chapter is small and didn't have a whole lot going on programming wise. THEN I got accepted to nursing school, and now that I'm in nursing school, I have NO LIFE. Its and evening/weekend program and literally all of my evening and weekend time is swallowed whole with class/clinical/study. I want to be more involved. Hopefully when I graduate this can happen, but who knows. As a new grad RN I'm not likely to be working very normal hours either.

[FSUZeta]

i don't know the rules of other sororities alumnae chapters but with zta chapters, one goal we have is to strive for 10 % membership growth per year. If your sorority has a similar goal, even if you make only one meeting(or none) but pay your membership dues to the chapter yearly, it will be appreciated. it also keeps you in the alumnae loop, because it helps defray costs and keeps you on the email list.

[AnchorAlumna]

Years and years ago, I ran into a fellow DG alum in our small city. I had actually been told by a regional officer that she was moving here. This gal, who had just finished her term as chapter president, brightly asked, "What day of the week do we meet?"
She was shocked when I told her that our small group was doing well to meet once a quarter!

The first couple of times I attended an alum meeting (and it was the younger alums), I was sandwiched between two young mothers who discussed diapering details and toilet training. I was newly married and freshly graduated and had no intention of reproducing for several more years!
I almost didn't go back...it took three or four meetings before I meshed with the gals more at my own stage of life.

That's one thing I like about being a sorority alum...if you can't participate for a few years, it's always there to come back to.

[FSUZeta]

so true, anchoralumna!

[PiPhiERDoc]

Yes I did - both medical school and residency - it took some creative time management. And a lot of work done via the internet/email.

I'm currently in private practice so things are a little easier, but I use one of my vacation weeks for recruitment. Our advisers meet with our exec once a month, so my husband one year pointed out that I was like a reservist in the Pi Phi Army - a weekend a month and one week out of the year. I thought that was pretty funny.