I didn't get my first choice - it gets better.

[SWTXBelle]

DBB -
I ABSOLUTELY know EXACTLY how you feel. Losing my chapter felt like a punch to the gut - and then waiting, waiting, waiting . . . yes, my chapter sisters were/are incredible, and yes, they were/are still a part of my life. Gamma Phi Beta is bigger than Gamma Chi chapter, and I've loved my alumnae chapter sisters and have been involved all along.

Still, going back to campus - as I did often since my eldest daughter became the 3rd generation Bobcat from our family - and not having my sorority home to go to hurt. 20 years is a long time to wait!

But the thrill of my chapter returning - the absolute JOY that I feel - well, I can only hope that some few years down the road you too get to experience it.

[MaryPoppins]

Spam Bump Again

[AGDAlum]

What a wonderful thread. My story is like many of yours. I didn't get a bid from where I thought I "ought" to be. But Alpha Gamma Delta found me, I said "yes," and I have Lived With Purpose for 41+ years.

My chapter, too, is closed. That absence affects me to an extent that only fellow GCers understand. (It would certainly be hard to describe it to a non-Greek!)

[Cheerio]

Bump to top...

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I ultimately got my first choice on my bid card, but I struggled a lot during recruitment and had a lot of hard cuts (my story is around here somewhere). I loved my chapter, but we struggled, and it was tough to go through the heartbreak of not making quota every year.

Last fall, my collegiate chapter closed. This was more than eight years after I graduated, but we'd struggled with numbers since before I was even there. I was sad, and it brought up a lot of sad feelings about being in the chapter that, ultimately, nobody else wanted to be in. And I'm totally embarrassed to admit, more than twelve years after I ranked my final pref houses, I actually felt some regret and thought to myself that maybe I should have made a different choice.

But then I also thought about the fact that, in my chapter, I was essentially a "big fish". When I say we struggled with numbers, we were still over a hundred women, and I held virtually every office I wanted to hold, had a lot of friends, and when I spoke at chapter meetings, people listened to me. So, while I had to get over the ego blow of being in a less-popular chapter, I got to be a leader in that chapter.

I'm not a charismatic person. I'm definitely an introvert, and I build relationships one at a time, not by being the center of attention in a big group. I really think that I would have gotten lost in the crowd in a chapter full of really outgoing women. It was easy to think, as I was going through rush, that if I was in a chapter with all these really cool girls, I'd be a really cool girl too. But with the wisdom of age (HA!), it's pretty clear that I would have just been the awkward introvert in a chapter full of cool girls.

I missed this the first time around, but I completely get what you are saying. My experience was very similar.

The downside is that (baring a bona fide miracle) I don't think my chapter will ever be coming back.

[MoonAndTheStars]

I've been meaning to post this on here for awhile, and I really hope it helps someone!

I had a dream recruitment all the way through pref night. We could have a maximum of 2 houses, and I got my two remaining favorites. I struggled with which one to choose but finally made my decision and went off back to the dorms for the night. I knew there was a chance that I would get my 2nd choice, but in past years at my school, most girls usually get their 1st choice. I didn't realize that the huge increase in girls rushing might affect things.

As you can guess by now, I was VERY surprised on Bid Day to see that I had not gotten my 1st choice! I ran to the house and participated in that day's activities with fake enthusiasm. All my new sisters were SO excited, including one of my best friends who had listed them as her 1st choice and was THRILLED! I obviously didn't want to ruin the day for anyone or be a spoiled brat about it, but I sobbed my eyes out when I got back to my room. My roommate, who didn't rush, tried to comfort me, but I was crushed.

I tried to remind myself that at some point I had loved this 2nd choice, but I felt betrayed by Pref night at my 1st choice. I was close to several upperclassmen there, and a Senior I really looked up to had talked to me that night. She asked me if I was going to another house that night, and when I said yes, she proceeded to tell me some very moving things about making the right choice for myself, but that she could see me in their chapter, it made her who she is, all the actives who had met me were so impressed by me and wanted me as their sister, etc.

I read these threads, but I was angry and thought all these happily ever after stories didn't apply to me in the slightest. (I wanted to bold this because if anyone is reading these thinking...yeah right! I hope this helps). I had accepted a bid so if I dropped than I wouldn't be able to rush for an entire year, and it really wasn't feasible to think I would get in my 1st choice as a Sophomore. I was angry and sad for a full week, and I even went to one of the school counselors at the health center because I felt so awful. Another thought that lingered in the back of my mind which I full well knew was awful but still existed...I felt like my new sorority was one of the lower tier ones, and people would instantly label me as loser if they knew I was in it. It pains me to remember that I even thought that back then! My mindset of cool vs uncool was like that of a middle schooler during that time.

I decided to wait out new member period and drop out if I was still really upset by the time initiation came around. Very slowly, things started to get better. I got a new member "sister" before my big, and that was one of the first things that started to make me feel better. She was SO nice! We hung out a couple of times, and she gave me the most thoughtful little gift bag with shirts and other sorority themed things. Going to my first chapter meetings also helped because I saw how strong the sisterhood was in my chapter. Also, I started to come to the realization that I would have felt terribly out of place in other sorority's pledge class, and I felt really comfortable in mine.

Anyway, it took me awhile to warm up to my 2nd choice, but I am SO GLAD that by some chance of fate, this all happened. I really think I would be miserable in the other chapter. I realized mine isn't a low tier at all, we are actually one of the strongest, and it's because we have so many amazing girls who support EVERYONE in the chapter. I'm super proud to be where I am! It actually took me a couple of months to realize truly how happy I am here, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I have leadership positions which I probably would have never pursued otherwise (I didn't have any leadership positions in high school, and my sisters have given me the confidence to do so), and I have an AMAZING big and family who I don't think I would known otherwise. I actually keep in contact with women as far back as my Great x5 Grandbig.

[disnutz]

I am working on my daughter's recruitment story. Suffice it to say - slightly southern school (not SEC). No recs. Indeed, she did not decide until very last minute to go through recruitment. I was in a sorority. No chapter on this campus. I knew what we needed to do. I sent links to this site and all went ignored. I backed off. She signed up for recruitment but decided 4 days before recruitment she was not going though. Changed mind at last minute. Dropped from her favorites. FF two days after bid day, receiving what she "heard" was not good sorority. And I quote "Mom, I LOVE these women, they are the best sisters ever. I would not belong anywhere but here. How could you have let me even consider any other sisterhood."

[DGHawaii]

Your DDs story suggests that most of the time there are happy endings. I agree with so many on this site who recognize there is a life time match for everyone if the PNM goes into recruitment with an open mind and heart. Someone has said take a look at any sorority chapter's website to view happy young women involved in wonderful philanthropies, fun sisterhood and social activities. May we all Greek women give each other positive support though out our lives. Aloha nui loa.

[ellebud]

Two things: I joined AEPhi at USC and transferred to UCLA where I joined AEPhi. BOTH chapters are now gone. I pass the AEPhi house at UCLA often. And when my girls were at SC I saw my old house. It is now a fraternity. Are they taking care of the wood paneling? Where did all the books and pictures go? Sad...

Disnutz: I too wrote my daughter's story. And she went into recruitment with the same mindset. She did just fine. Congratulations to your daughter!

[disnutz]

ellebud -congrats to your daughter too! My heart is happy to see my daughter having a wonderful time attending her first member meeting and her first chapter meeting. I was also warmed to see how well this sorority did in recruitment and the warm congrats from all of the national fraternity sisters. I know my daughter, who has always wanted a sister but has only her brother, now has a wonderful sisterhood to call her own. And all of my sisters (from way many 20 years ago) are loving watching her journey as well. I think that is ultimately what made her decide to go all the way, despite stupid tent talk. She sees how I am still fabulous friends, not only with my own sisters, but with a number of other panhel sisters from other sororities on campus. She has said how awesome it is that all of us are such good friends so many years later.

[AGDAlum]

[QUOTE=ellebud;2179020] It is now a fraternity. Are they taking care of the wood paneling? Where did all the books and pictures go? Sad...
QUOTE]

I've posted my chapter story, but Ellebud's message reminds me of another.

DH and I went to his 50th reunion at Bowdoin in May. Bowdoin closed all the fraternities unilaterally about 10 years ago. As I understand it, the college has long-term leases on the houses which respective house corporations still own. The houses have been remodeled for different uses (students with common majors in the living quarters, conference space in the public areas), updated kitchens and bathrooms, ADA accessible. BUT evidence of the former fraternities is obvious. The class of '62 reunion headquarters was the Zeta Psi house -- the lounge had all the Zete plaques on the walls, old composites, etc. We went into the AD house chapter room (yikes -- painted dark green, no windows, but the dais from which DH presided when he was president is still there. "No windows?" I said. "Yep," he replied. That must have made for short chapter meetings. But he wouldn't tell me the secret work...). The bar in the AD rec room was still AD-themed, and there was a large coat of arms painted on the wall in the entry.

I suppose Bowdoin will continue to house the fraternity heritage until all those alumni are gone so as not to jeopardize donations to the college endowment! (The class of '62 alone (198 still living out of 224 who matriculated) has given/pledged $7.2 million for their anniversary year.)

[gamecockgirl]

Yay Yay Yay I love this! Gamma Phi wasn't my first choice either, but now, like you, I couldn't see myself anywhere else.

Love in IIKE!

[kateee]

Originally Posted by greekdee

Often times, you discover that second choice was number one all along.

I think this statement says it best.

[carnation]

2013 PNMs, heed this thread!

[nyapbp]

After I finished my masters, I spent a year or two as a Greek advisor. It was a job I loved, but it did not mesh with three children in elementary school. I remember attending a good many IFC meetings and discussing with the men that it was to their advantage to encourage women going through Panhellenic recruitment to go Greek without any benefit of which was the only (in the individual fraternity member's eye) chapter to join. I pointed out that the Greek system was small and that the experience to be had by any sorority member was essentially the same in any of the chapters. The groups all did the same things (Greek sing, talent show, homecoming floats, formals, etc.) I tried to point out that the more women who became members of the Greek system, the more it would help grow the system; the men would likely benefit from any gains made by Panhellenic. The fewer women who were heartbroken that they did not get the choice encouraged by the misguided fraternity men in their lives and who then dropped out or declined their bid would mean that fewer women would go back to their residence halls to badmouth Greek life. It seemed fairly obvious to me that the men hadn't really thought this out.

The compelling fact is the experience to be had in any of the 26 NPC groups is essentially the same. Membership is what you make of it. Many, many moons ago, a Panhellenic friend made a comment that has always resonated with me. She described another member of her chapter as being like a comfortable pair of shoes. And I started using that analogy. Stop in the shoe department of any department store and you'll see all sorts of beautiful and magnificent shoes. There are shoes that catch your eye or seem so full of exotic delights. When you try on a shoe that truly feels comfortable, you sense it. You know it will get you through all sorts of adventures. Sometimes that comfortable shoe isn't the one you first saw when you entered the department, but once you try it on you just know that it was meant for you.