Helicopters, Snowplows and Recruitment

[AnchorAlumna]

I've done recs and our local alumnae panhellenic for many, many years, so I thought I was well prepared when daughter went through. In addition to the recs via the alum panhellenic, i also called friends in various sororities and asked them if they would write a rec for her.
I always thought the moms who'd stay the week were just creepy, so I didn't go, didn't even make plans for bid day.
But when she was dropped after pref, I devoutly wished I had been there to let her cry on my shoulder and to hug her and tell her it would all work out.
But...24 hours later she was fin;, I was the one still devastated!
It all did work out, she got a COB bid to her preferred group. But she was never as involved in her sorority as I was in mine. She never served as an officer, and the only little sister she got didn't show up after bid day. Her closest friends in the sorority resigned in their sophomore and junior years.
So...I don't think handling her recs was "helicopter parenting." It was something I had done for others for many years and that I could easily do. They were my friends, not hers.
It's great for the girls themselves to make the calls and requests, but I always encourage moms to lend a hand. It's a struggle enough when they're that age, so all the better if there's something mom and daughter can work on together.

[GratefulGramma]

Looking back, I am even more proud of BG (Beloved Granddaughter); neither her mother or I were Greek, in fact her mother was almost anti-Greek. BG decided to go through recruitment on her own, I managed to round up two or three recs, but my step-daughter and her friends probably mangled theirs because they had no idea how to to it. BG was home schooled, never went to any camps except church camps, had one friend who was in a sorority. But she got in, found her "squad" and loved it.

Now, post graduation and getting her head together, she has been accepted for Grad School at Boston University and awarded the second highest scholarship they offer. I personally think she's going to freeze to death, but she is ecstatic; we went for an Accepted Student weekend and explored Boston for a few days (her mother and I were just there to sight-see) and she is still excited.

[FSUZeta]

Congratulations to BG!

[ChioLu]

Here’s a couple of the snowplow parents indicted in the college admission scheme. She is known as a Parenting Guru and has written a book with the unintendedly ironic title of “The Modern Girl’s Guide to Sticky Situations”. Not to be outdone in irony, her husband is the author of the bestselling book “First, Break All the Rules”.
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/ne...heater-1195527

[33girl]

Another “influencer” involved? Maybe these girls need to stop making videos and pledge the library.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Cheerio

Do alums in sororities not trust their collegiate members based on the (possible) fact alums don't see newer members as "worthy" or "up to the standard" they themselves fit as pledges thirty years ago?

Sending a rec does NOT mean that I don't trust our collegiate members.
It means that I have insight into a PNM's personality and character that they won't have just from reading a resume or talking to her for 3 minutes.
I'm giving them the info to do with what they will. It might be a warning ("take this girl and nobody from my town will pledge ABC sorority in this century") or it might be a cheer ("Sweet, fabulous girl! A loyal friend and compassionate leader!").
Who they extend a bid to is still up to them.

[granipc]

Say what you will, but I helped my Precious Peanut Butter from start to finish... she is a strong-willed one, so no worries that I was going to bowl her over as she does not hesitate to make it clear when I need to back off. I did stay for recruitment week because it was 8 hours away and I was not making a trip to move her in and then back to bid day a week later... so I stayed (for free) in a house with two other PNM moms (and dear friends) and we hung out and cheered our girls on. They facetimed at night to tell us about their day, get advice, tell funny recruitment stories, whatever. We dropped off food a couple of times because the PNM food was atrocious (I mean BAD), but otherwise stayed away and let them do their thing. It was fun, and I don't regret being there... and my girl would have ABSOLUTELY told me to butt out if she thought I was overstepping.

[Theta1234]

Originally Posted by granipc

Say what you will, but I helped my Precious Peanut Butter from start to finish...

You crack me up! One day each of us will need to write the recruitment story of each of our precious pumpkins. You taught me the trick to seeing which house they were in at what time...it allowed this helicopter to go into a lower gear when I didn't know which houses buttercup was asked back to.

[granipc]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

You crack me up! One day each of us will need to write the recruitment story of each of our precious pumpkins. You taught me the trick to seeing which house they were in at what time...it allowed this helicopter to go into a lower gear when I didn't know which houses buttercup was asked back to.

HAHAHA! That's was the best thing we did all week... nothing like greek row stalking on Life360!

[*winter*]

This makes me think of Lil Pound Cake from Ru Paul's Drag Race. (Lil Pound Cake has a hilarious Twitter, btw.)

Any situations where adults make a decision (adults including undergraduate women) and Mom calls to dispute said decision. THIS is helicoptering. I would DIE of embarrassment if my parents had done this crap.