How not to write a personal ad...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Joel Austin

What kind of dudes were you nailing? What dipshit would text a chick "let's have sex now?"

First off, I didn't nail him, ugh.

And yes, he was a dipshit. That's why I had deleted his number by the time I got that text.

[LucyKKG]

I got a booty call text from a number I didn't recognize at 2 AM on like Thursday of last week. It said something like "Hey baby, when are you coming over." LOL! I recognized the area code, but it definitely wasn't meant for me! Awkward!!

[AGDee]

*bump*
This one was too good NOT to share... at least this guy is honest about what he wants! (and NO, I will not be responding to his message).

I'm going to be up front. I've been around this POF circuit and pretty much have you women figured out. You give us men the same litany of criteria in every one of your profiles. And most mention that you’re not into games and you don’t want any players. Fair enough, until we find out you are the biggest players out there! I’m not judging! Just trying to even the "playing" field (pun intended).

Here’s YOUR typical story and the reverse applies to us men for the most part (except I'll admit, we're really usually most the blame):

You were married to a lying, cheating prick who wouldn’t have sex with you after you bore his (add the number here) children. The only person/people he had sex with all those years was your best friend, sister, mother (yes! I’ve heard that one too), women he met on-line (this one’s a biggy, probably POF, JUST LIKE THE MARRIED GUY(S) YOU’RE BANGING - perhaps unwittingly - perhaps not) or the guys he’s picked up at the gay bar. Now you're divorced and in need of some action! You want to sample the goods! THAT IS FAIR PLAY!!!!! Don't be embarrassed or feel guilty! It's your turn for god's sake! But at the same time, you still have the perfect image of who you want to end up with after you've had your fill of fun.

The guy you really want, in the end, is the one who owns the palatial lake home, nice cars, has his own business, looks like an Adonis, etc. But you can’t have him! He’s busy with you’re best friend or sister (or he’s already married to your mom - now THAT’s sick!). But if you do get him! Or someone like him, congratulations! But in the meantime, you need a guy like me who is adept in the ways of love-making who will rock your world while you’re still looking for Mr. Right.

I don’t have material things to offer you. And if I did, I'd be with your best friend. But I can certainly make up for some of that lost time you missed out on in the bedroom while you were with that miserable no-penis douchebag. You should really take advantage of this situation (hey, I wish that name wasn’t taken already, perhaps I can be the Middle-aged Michigan Situation) while you can. Because once you find the man with all that material shit, you’re going to find much of it is in his colostomy bag! And that’s a REAL turn off.

Keep it hot!

The Middle-aged Michigan Situation

[KSUViolet06]

Um, what?

[Leslie Anne]

Dear lord!

[LucyKKG]

Hahaha holy crap!

[christiangirl]

[DubaiSis]

I met my husband online 11 years ago (married nearly 8), but while I was doing the thing, I got some whoppers. And yes, the booty calls were COMMON. My favorite was an email from a guy with a picture of his, um, parts. He said he's married, but free most days if I'd like to get together. I got several pictures of parts, but this was the most memorable, for several reasons.

[xomanadaxo]

AGDee, at least he was honest about what he had to offer!!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AGDee

women he met on-line (this one’s a biggy, probably POF, JUST LIKE THE MARRIED GUY(S) YOU’RE BANGING - perhaps unwittingly - perhaps not)

He sort of nailed this one for you, Dee (minus the banging).

I don't know, y'all are clutching your pearls, but I think he sounds like he has a sense of humor. Granted, if I did meet him, it would be in a VERY crowded, VERY well-lit place with a VERY distinct escape plan...but I'd do it if I were single.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

*bump*
This one was too good NOT to share... at least this guy is honest about what he wants! (and NO, I will not be responding to his message).

I'm going to be up front. I've been around this POF circuit and pretty much have you women figured out. You give us men the same litany of criteria in every one of your profiles. And most mention that you’re not into games and you don’t want any players. Fair enough, until we find out you are the biggest players out there! I’m not judging! Just trying to even the "playing" field (pun intended).

Here’s YOUR typical story and the reverse applies to us men for the most part (except I'll admit, we're really usually most the blame):

You were married to a lying, cheating prick who wouldn’t have sex with you after you bore his (add the number here) children. The only person/people he had sex with all those years was your best friend, sister, mother (yes! I’ve heard that one too), women he met on-line (this one’s a biggy, probably POF, JUST LIKE THE MARRIED GUY(S) YOU’RE BANGING - perhaps unwittingly - perhaps not) or the guys he’s picked up at the gay bar. Now you're divorced and in need of some action! You want to sample the goods! THAT IS FAIR PLAY!!!!! Don't be embarrassed or feel guilty! It's your turn for god's sake! But at the same time, you still have the perfect image of who you want to end up with after you've had your fill of fun.

The guy you really want, in the end, is the one who owns the palatial lake home, nice cars, has his own business, looks like an Adonis, etc. But you can’t have him! He’s busy with you’re best friend or sister (or he’s already married to your mom - now THAT’s sick!). But if you do get him! Or someone like him, congratulations! But in the meantime, you need a guy like me who is adept in the ways of love-making who will rock your world while you’re still looking for Mr. Right.

I don’t have material things to offer you. And if I did, I'd be with your best friend. But I can certainly make up for some of that lost time you missed out on in the bedroom while you were with that miserable no-penis douchebag. You should really take advantage of this situation (hey, I wish that name wasn’t taken already, perhaps I can be the Middle-aged Michigan Situation) while you can. Because once you find the man with all that material shit, you’re going to find much of it is in his colostomy bag! And that’s a REAL turn off.

Keep it hot!

The Middle-aged Michigan Situation

XITY?

[groovypq]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

XITY?

Hahahahahaha!!!

And holy crap. Points for honesty, at least.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AGDee

*bump*
This one was too good NOT to share... at least this guy is honest about what he wants! (and NO, I will not be responding to his message).

I'm going to be up front. I've been around this POF circuit and pretty much have you women figured out. You give us men the same litany of criteria in every one of your profiles. And most mention that you’re not into games and you don’t want any players. Fair enough, until we find out you are the biggest players out there! I’m not judging! Just trying to even the "playing" field (pun intended).

Here’s YOUR typical story and the reverse applies to us men for the most part (except I'll admit, we're really usually most the blame):

You were married to a lying, cheating prick who wouldn’t have sex with you after you bore his (add the number here) children. The only person/people he had sex with all those years was your best friend, sister, mother (yes! I’ve heard that one too), women he met on-line (this one’s a biggy, probably POF, JUST LIKE THE MARRIED GUY(S) YOU’RE BANGING - perhaps unwittingly - perhaps not) or the guys he’s picked up at the gay bar. Now you're divorced and in need of some action! You want to sample the goods! THAT IS FAIR PLAY!!!!! Don't be embarrassed or feel guilty! It's your turn for god's sake! But at the same time, you still have the perfect image of who you want to end up with after you've had your fill of fun.

The guy you really want, in the end, is the one who owns the palatial lake home, nice cars, has his own business, looks like an Adonis, etc. But you can’t have him! He’s busy with you’re best friend or sister (or he’s already married to your mom - now THAT’s sick!). But if you do get him! Or someone like him, congratulations! But in the meantime, you need a guy like me who is adept in the ways of love-making who will rock your world while you’re still looking for Mr. Right.

I don’t have material things to offer you. And if I did, I'd be with your best friend. But I can certainly make up for some of that lost time you missed out on in the bedroom while you were with that miserable no-penis douchebag. You should really take advantage of this situation (hey, I wish that name wasn’t taken already, perhaps I can be the Middle-aged Michigan Situation) while you can. Because once you find the man with all that material shit, you’re going to find much of it is in his colostomy bag! And that’s a REAL turn off.

Keep it hot!

The Middle-aged Michigan Situation

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

XITY?

[cheerfulgreek]

See, this is why Dee should have her own dating thread because it would eliminate two threads. She could post the personal ads, and the dates in one thread. That would be the best thread ever. (Dee, I'm kidding)

[christiangirl]

*bump*

Okay, I decided to go back on the PoF circuit. I'm going into it just as an outlet to cyber-mingle and figured it should provide some good laughs at least. I've been searching for this thread since I got on because WOW this is entertaining. I present to you the profile du jour:

IF YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WHO HAS HER sh*tTOGETHER AND YOU ARE TIRED OF MEETING DUDES WHO ARE FAKES, LIARS, & LAMES THAT PLAY GAMES, LOOK NO MORE BECAUSE YOU ARE READING THE RIGHT PROFILE.


MY NAME IS A******* (BUT YOU CAN CALL ME "MR. ROMANTIC") THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO VIEW MY PROFILE. ( I TAKE IT SOMETHING ABOUT ME CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION.) I AM LOOKING TO BECOME UN-SINGLE BY A THICK, BEAUTIFUL, WHITE, MIXED OR LATINA WOMAN WHO IS LOOKING FOR (ME), A GOOD BLACK MAN WHO LOVES THE KIDS, HAS HIS sh*tTOGETHER, OWN PLACE, JOB, CAR, NICE BODY, FUN & EXCITING AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, NON ABUSIVE, (PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY.) I AM LOOKING TO MEET A WOMAN ON HERE WHO IS ATTRACTIVE, SMART, HAS A NICE,BIG, JUICY ASS, LOVES TO COOK WITH AND/OR FOR HER MAN, IS A CHEF IN THE KITCHEN, A WOMAN IN PUBLIC AND A FREAK IN THE BEDROOM. (IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT SEX WITH ME, I JUST LIKE WHAT I LIKE.) I AM A REALLY GOOD GUY WHO IS REAL, DOESN'T LIE OR PLAY GAMES AND KNOWS HOW TO TREAT, RESPECT & PROTECT MY WOMAN. (MY ACTIONS WILL SPEAK LOUDER THAN MY WORDS, GUARANTEED.) IF YOU ARE THE WOMAN I END UP MEETING OFF HERE, I WOULD LIKE THE SAME TREATMENT IN RETURN. I AM REALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN WHO ARE FUN & EXCITING, (LIKE ME!) DRAMA FREE, VERY INDEPENDENT, NOT NEEDY, DOESN'T SMOKE CIGARETTES (YUK!!) AND IS EASY ON THE LIQUOR. (I GET MY DRINK ON TOO!) FITNESS IS IMPORTANT TO ME THEREFORE, MY WOMAN CANNOT BE FAT, SLOPPY & WAY OUTTA SHAPE (I AM AWARE NO ONE IS PERFECT, I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO BE, IT'S THE EFFORT OF GETTING/STAYING IN SHAPE I WILL APPRECIATE.) ARE YOU REAL AND ONE-OF-A-KIND GIRL? DO YOU LOVE TO GIVE YOUR MAN ATTENTION EITHER BY YOU COMING TO VISIT OR CALLING AND/OR TEXTING BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS OF ATTENTION TO GIVE YOU AS WELL. (NOPE, NOT CLINGY, JUST ENOUGH TO LET YOU KNOW I CARE ABOUT YOU.) IF YOU THINK YOU QUALIFY FOR A GOOD BROTHA LIKE MYSELF, INBOX AWAY!


I'M THE DIAMOND IN THE DIRT THAT HASN'T BEEN FOUND. I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO WILL ALWAYS BE DOWN. I TREAT MY LADY RIGHT YOU CAN CHECK MY FILE. GUARANTEED, THE WAY I PLEASE YOU WILL ALWAYS SMILE. YOU WANT MY NUMBER DONTCHU? YOU JUST DIAL. I'M YOUR BREATH OF FRESH AIR YOU WILL SOON SEE HOW. HIT DADDY UP, I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

NOT CONCEITED, BUT WORD ON THE STREETS IS REAL FINE. IF YOU DISAGREE YOU MUST BE BLIND.