Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

[PM_Mama00]

Damn. Reading this thread, many of you would think the Italians in this area have really really bad etiquette.

I say who gives a crapper about etiquette. Follow the norm of your area.

[copacabana]

Originally posted by Xylochick216
I think it's terribly tacky to include anything telling people where you are registered because gifts are definitely not required and it looks like you are begging for gifts. We set up a website (you can do it at theknot.com, we did ours on geocities) with all your wedding info (directions, hotels, etc.) and included links to our registries. We included the URL on the invite, but you can add a card that has that included, too. People could find out if they wanted to that way.

One of my cousins did this for her wedding and I thought it was a great idea. The URL for their website was included on a little card with their invitation and the website had all of the information about the wedding (directions, places to stay nearby and all that) as well as a link to a registry. It was helpful and definitely not tacky.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by JenMarie
The last few weddings I've been to, I've seen a gift table with things stacked high. I've opted to just sending the gifts directly to the bride and groom through their online registry. That way no one has to worry about what to do with the gifts after the wedding.

That's actually what the etiquette books suggest that one does. I absolutely LOVED the people who did that, as I had their thank you notes written prior to the wedding! It was the only way I could calm down at night!

Also, in each town or circle of friends, there simply has to be at least one blabber mouth who, when told where the couple is registered, will tell everyone else. They live for that stuff!

And those with a computer have no excuse! The minute you receive a wedding invitation, you should immediately check the most likely registries - and if you still can't find them, a quick, "I don't want to keep you but would you mind telling me if Eunice & Heinrich are registered and where?" call would be most welcome! Do you really think that Eunice & Heinrich want to spend their first married days returning 18 toasters or dustbusters?

[Allie]

Originally posted by PM_Mama00
Damn. Reading this thread, many of you would think the Italians in this area have really really bad etiquette.

I say who gives a crapper about etiquette. Follow the norm of your area.

Almost every wedding invitation I have recieved has had a registry card... maybe in Michigan we are just tacky... I'm Ok with it.

Maybe I just have less than perfect friends... thats OK too because I love them. I think it all comes down to the fact that your witnessing and celebrating a very special day with your friends. This fact is so very lost in the who production of planning and ettiquette of weddings today.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

I think it is awfully tacky to send registry information with your invitation. The last two wedding invitations I got had registry information and it just looked tacky compared to the beauty of the invitation itself. For those relatives that are not computer savvy, they're the ones who call anyway, so they can hear that way.

I have another wedding etiquette question. When should you expect a thank you note? I went to one wedding in late May and one in late September and have not gotten notes for each. The may bride sent a TY for her shower gift but the Sept bride hasn't sent anything.

[kddani]

Originally posted by APhi Sailorgirl

I have another wedding etiquette question. When should you expect a thank you note? I went to one wedding in late May and one in late September and have not gotten notes for each. The may bride sent a TY for her shower gift but the Sept bride hasn't sent anything.

You're supposed to send out thank you's ASAP after you receive ANY gift, particularly a wedding! I went to a shower, and didn't get a thank you until AFTER we received the wedding invitation a few months later. And I didn't even get one personally- one note was sent to my mom, and it had my name on it. No matter that we haven't lived under the same roof in 6 years.

That wedding was in July. I received the thank you just last week. To me, that's just too long.

If you have to have a big wedding and get all these gifts, at least have the courtesy to thank people promptly. Particularly when someone purchases something and has it sent to your house- people want to know that you received it!!! Sometimes sales people aren't too swift, and you don't want your $125 vase never getting sent.

sorry, rant there.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by kddani
You're supposed to send out thank you's ASAP after you receive ANY gift, particularly a wedding! I went to a shower, and didn't get a thank you until AFTER we received the wedding invitation a few months later. And I didn't even get one personally- one note was sent to my mom, and it had my name on it. No matter that we haven't lived under the same roof in 6 years.

That wedding was in July. I received the thank you just last week. To me, that's just too long.

If you have to have a big wedding and get all these gifts, at least have the courtesy to thank people promptly. Particularly when someone purchases something and has it sent to your house- people want to know that you received it!!! Sometimes sales people aren't too swift, and you don't want your $125 vase never getting sent.

sorry, rant there.

Hear, hear!!

If you don't want to write the thank you's, don't expect any gifts! And if you're mature enough to get married, you should know to get those notes in the mail ASAP. When I got married (on a Friday), all of my thank you notes were in the mail by Monday. I realize that's a tad anal, but I didn't want to put it off until it was too late.

[kansas13]

Originally posted by APhi Sailorgirl
I have another wedding etiquette question. When should you expect a thank you note? I went to one wedding in late May and one in late September and have not gotten notes for each. The may bride sent a TY for her shower gift but the Sept bride hasn't sent anything.

At the LATEST you should have your thank you notes out four months after the wedding. Now I on the other hand had about 350 people at my wedding and I knew if I procrastinated it would take me forever to get them out. My goal was to do 50 a week and I believe I successed because my wedding was October 16 and I got my thank you's out by early November. I also wanted to get them out asap because I had bought a website from my photographer to put wedding photos on and I put an insert in the thank you's about the site. In case anyone wanted to buy some pictures online.

[AOII_LB93]

I've read that the latest it's considered polite to get a thank you card out is one month after the honeymoon. I just send them as soon as I get the gifts...or at least that is what I have been doing since I've started receiving them. It just seems rude to me to not send them out right away and thank the people that made the effort to be there and bring you something.

[aephi alum]

It is rude not to send out a thank-you card within a few weeks.

When my husband and I got married, we wrote our thank-you cards out on the plane on our way to our honeymoon. You're just sitting there anyway, why not make the time productive? We didn't mail them until we returned to the US a week later, but even so, they got out in plenty of time.

We attended a wedding last year and only just received the thank-you card... This was the same wedding where they ran out of food with fully a quarter of the guests unfed.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

OK so here's the situation. My sister is getting married on Saturday. Her fiancé's cousin was invited along with his wife; both are blind and use seeing eye dogs. Before they responded to the invitation, they called and asked if they could bring their dogs. My sister is asthmatic and highly allergic to dogs and cats. She carries an inhaler in case she has an attack. My mother is the same, and also carries an epi-pen for her allergies. Compared to them I am mildly allergic, and I only carry Benadryl just in case.

So after careful consideration and discussion, my sister said that she would love for them to attend, but without their dogs. This is not an option for them so they declined their invitation. So now the family gossip is that she hates blind people. People who had previously accepted their invitations have now declined as a sign of solidarity. They are also saying that she doesn't really have allergies. She just doesn't want blind people and/or dogs at her wedding. In fact, allergies aren't real; they are just in the person's head. They also said that she would go get shots to get rid of her allergies if she really wanted the couple there. She did that for three years before the doctor told her it was useless for her to continue since she wasn't improving.

This has become a real problem for her and the groom's family. It is causing a rift. They don't even know her, and they have decided she is a liar who hates blind people and dogs. When she asked me what I thought before I heard about all the family gossip, I told her that she can't have something at her wedding that will make her ill. I still feel that way. I'm just disgusted that people who don't even know her have judged and misjudged her so harshly.

I'm venting here, but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions or advice. I generally don't give a crap what people think, but my sister does. I think that she did the best that she could do under the circumstances. She doesn't want to start her marriage by alienating and offending his family. The groom's parents said that they are fine with it, but if they really were, they wouldn't have brought this issue up at the rehearsal dinner tonight. Any advice?

[James]

I dunno, maybe I am just intoxicated but I started laughing at your post Cream. You know I think you are great . . but it just stuck me as funny.

Ok ok ok. Your sister has allergies and asthma and dogs trigger her asthma attacks? Your mom is likewise allergic to dogs? She carries an Epi pen for dogs? ITs unusual to have anaphylactic reactions to that . . . is she more allergic to something other than animal dander?

Anyway, this is what I would have said to the cousins: Its very important that you attend, we need you to be there. I am seriosuly allergic to animal dander, and my mom can have really serious reactions so tell me what i can do to make sure you are comfortable and we are safe. Anything you need I'll make sure you have.

That way the onus would have been on them to make sure the dogs didn't bother you.

As for the rest of it. I would just confront his parents and blow up at them. Its their responsibility to deal with their side of the family. If people are not coming, its their fault. If people think your sister is an idiot its their fault.

If I were her I would call them up in a rage and tell them about her allergies and her mom's allergies and emphasize that they were invited and that its her fucking wedding anyway.. . . its like being allergic to pollen and inviting flowers.

Its like being allergic to shellfish and serving shrimp because the in-laws like it.

Its just moronic . . .

Although, your sister could have been more clever in dealing with it.

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
OK so here's the situation. My sister is getting married on Saturday. Her fiancé's cousin was invited along with his wife; both are blind and use seeing eye dogs. Before they responded to the invitation, they called and asked if they could bring their dogs. My sister is asthmatic and highly allergic to dogs and cats. She carries an inhaler in case she has an attack. My mother is the same, and also carries an epi-pen for her allergies. Compared to them I am mildly allergic, and I only carry Benadryl just in case.

So after careful consideration and discussion, my sister said that she would love for them to attend, but without their dogs. This is not an option for them so they declined their invitation. So now the family gossip is that she hates blind people. People who had previously accepted their invitations have now declined as a sign of solidarity. They are also saying that she doesn't really have allergies. She just doesn't want blind people and/or dogs at her wedding. In fact, allergies aren't real; they are just in the person's head. They also said that she would go get shots to get rid of her allergies if she really wanted the couple there. She did that for three years before the doctor told her it was useless for her to continue since she wasn't improving.

This has become a real problem for her and the groom's family. It is causing a rift. They don't even know her, and they have decided she is a liar who hates blind people and dogs. When she asked me what I thought before I heard about all the family gossip, I told her that she can't have something at her wedding that will make her ill. I still feel that way. I'm just disgusted that people who don't even know her have judged and misjudged her so harshly.

I'm venting here, but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions or advice. I generally don't give a crap what people think, but my sister does. I think that she did the best that she could do under the circumstances. She doesn't want to start her marriage by alienating and offending his family. The groom's parents said that they are fine with it, but if they really were, they wouldn't have brought this issue up at the rehearsal dinner tonight. Any advice?

[AGDee]

I think her fiance is the one who should handle his family and explain how allergic she is to dogs.

[kddani]

Originally posted by AGDee
I think her fiance is the one who should handle his family and explain how allergic she is to dogs.

Ditto. And who the hell wants to spend their wedding day in the hospital? What is she supposed to do, provide a note from the doctor?

I think it's childish and ridiculous on the part of the people pitching a fit about it. Says a lot about their character, IMO.

[ADqtPiMel]

It's her wedding, not theirs. I think that's absolutely ridiculous.