Revealing secrets of defunct/absorbed GLOs

[33girl]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Does sharing fraternity secrets really make a marriage stronger?

Some things I just see as NOT Mr. Munch's business...my parents' financial situation, things that were told to me in confidence from other friends, and some information regarding past relationships. He doesn't give two shits about our ritual, and nothing would be gained from my telling him.

Cosign on every single word. (even though I'm not married) "When you're truly in love you share every single thing" is probably responsible for a host of relationship/marital problems and collapses.

Hell, Mr 33 didn't want to hear that I bought pore strips for my nose, let alone any of my sorority secrets.

and I don't know who said that their friend's local had to turn over their secrets to their new national....umm HELL no....especially if there are members of the local who choose not to affiliate with the national. The TKN & LXA situation, that's a little bit different.

[KSUViolet06]

Well, during my NM period, I was told that all rituals were to be shared only amongst Sigmas only. When I'm married, my hubby will not be one, obviously, so he doesn't get the privilege of knowing. Simple as that, and I'm sure he'll understand

[MysticCat]

Originally posted by Glitterkitty
people break vows all the time-especially in the arena of marriage and we're going to go psycho over a wife telling her husband a few sorority things. You can not simplify the whole world into "a vow is a vow"......no its not.

Sorry, but I think it is pretty black and white. A vow is a vow. And breaking a promise is breaking a promise. And just because people break them all the time does not make it okay.

Sure, some vows are "more sacred" if you will, but if I can't honor the "little vows" (such as the one that I made when I was 19 to keep my Fraternity's secrets secret -- not that I consider that a "little" vow, but some might), then why should my wife think I'd do any better at honoring the "big" vows.

Originally posted by Lovely_gurl
I just find nothing "really sad" about having the kind of bond and trust with your spouse that allows you to share everything with one another.

What I find sad is the lack of respect in a marriage where one spouse feels the need or desire to pressure the other to break a promise. I'm reminded of the advice given to Ms. MysticCat and me in the homily at our wedding: May you have enough openness with each other that you would never mind having your mail read by the other and enough trust in each other that you would never want to read each other's mail.

Originally posted by Lovely_gurl

I read this thread and was a little surprised by the reactions, given that the person in question was the husband of this sister. I guess to me, "the two shall become one" has a lot stronger meaning to me than the vows to my fraternity, and I do not consider anything that I share with my husband (or anything that others choose to share with their spouses) to be breaking a confidence, a vow, an oath, or any other honor code, as we have been joined together. While I don't presume to tell people what they should and should not reveal to their spouses, I just don't think it's reasonable to admonish those who choose to have no secrets.

I really don't think that's what "the two shall become one" is all about. As someone pointed out above, you can believe that as a lawyer I don't share everything with my wife -- I have confidences that I'm legally and ethically (and morally) required to keep to myself. They're not pillow talk. Confidences from friends and family should be treated the same way.

Perhaps it's not so much that some vows are more sacred than others but that some secrets are more important marriage-wise than others. Of course, there are some secrets that will harm a marriage if kept -- GLO secrets ain't among them. If keeping one's vow to one's GLO regarding secrecy is going to hurt the marriage, then it's not secret that's really hurting the marriage -- it's the lack of respect.

[ADqtPiMel]

I guess I just don't understand why any husband would care about your sorority secrets. Mr. ADqtPiMel would be all, "I don't get it, why are you telling me that you all wear azure blue catsuits and have pillow fights?" (Or something like that )

[Xylochick216]

I think anyone who takes their GLO vows lightly is probably someone who doesn't plan on being a member forever... they're probably just in it for four years.

My fiance doesn't really understand my sorority, but he went to a community college and has never experienced GLOs. He asked a little bit in the beginning what things were about and didn't understand why I couldn't share, but now he totally understands. My family is the same way, too. They finally realize that it's something I take very seriously and will not ever share with them.

I take any vows seriously, whether they be for my sorority, my wedding, or anything else. I don't think you can judge and say "Oh, this is a vow I can break, but this one isn't." But look at how many people nowadays break their marriage vows. With people breaking vows that sacred, I'm not surprised people don't take their GLO vows seriously. It makes me sad.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by ADqtPiMel
I guess I just don't understand why any husband would care about your sorority secrets. Mr. ADqtPiMel would be all, "I don't get it, why are you telling me that you all wear azure blue catsuits and have pillow fights?" (Or something like that )

Hmmm.... this thread needs to be bumped.

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Wow, just wow.

I'm sure all of your sisters are overjoyed that one of their own has admitted that she picks and chooses which vows she will keep depending on her life circumstances at the time.

I hope you're not a doctor. Doctors take an oath that they will keep patient information private. Lawyers, similarly, aren't allowed to blab about their clients EVEN to a spouse. Does your husband also share your careless attitude toward secrets he swore to keep? Geez, I hope he's not in the military.

Honor means keeping your vows. Period. You don't get to pick and choose. You, my dear, seem to be sorely lacking in that department and I feel sorry for your sisters and even for your husband. Afterall, you might get tired of him in a few years and decide to get rid of him. There's really nothing keeping you two together except for those pesky wedding vows and we all know how you feel about vows

Well, thankfully for all I am neither a doctor nor a lawyer nor even a nurse....so we can all breathe a huge SIGH of relief! All you ready now?....all together...inhale, exhale.

I think it is simply a matter of how you look at things. To me, my spouse is an extension of me....and I simply would have no problem sharing with him any aspect of my life because we are partners. If he wanted to know (which I'm sure is probably the last thing on his mind) yes, I would probably tell him. And other than reading this board, I would expect that my sorority sisters would not have any inkling about that because my husband would know that it is not appropriate to attempt to bond with my sisters over this knowledge.

I guess I am just one of those people who takes the words that "the two shall become one" very seriously and I think it is quite different from telling my aunt or my uncle or a close friend. But this is ME....not you or anyone else....and I do not presume to force you to AGREE with my interpretation or judge you based on your choices of what you choose to share and do not share in your marriage. Am just offering a perspective that would explain why the original posters friend may have shared this stuff with her spouse.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by Lovely_gurl
Well, thankfully for all I am neither a doctor nor a lawyer nor even a nurse....so we can all breathe a huge SIGH of relief! All you ready now?....all together...inhale, exhale.

I think it is simply a matter of how you look at things. To me, my spouse is an extension of me....and I simply would have no problem sharing with him any aspect of my life because we are partners. If he wanted to know (which I'm sure is probably the last thing on his mind) yes, I would probably tell him. And other than reading this board, I would expect that my sorority sisters would not have any inkling about that because my husband would know that it is not appropriate to attempt to bond with my sisters over this knowledge.

I guess I am just one of those people who takes the words that "the two shall become one" very seriously and I think it is quite different from telling my aunt or my uncle or a close friend. But this is ME....not you or anyone else....and I do not presume to force you to AGREE with my interpretation or judge you based on your choices of what you choose to share and do not share in your marriage. Am just offering a perspective that would explain why the original posters friend may have shared this stuff with her spouse.

Why should your husband trust your marital vows when you can't even keep a simple, and effortless oath like not revealing your fraternal secrets?

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by Xylochick216
I think anyone who takes their GLO vows lightly is probably someone who doesn't plan on being a member forever... they're probably just in it for four years.

I take any vows seriously, whether they be for my sorority, my wedding, or anything else. I don't think you can judge and say "Oh, this is a vow I can break, but this one isn't." But look at how many people nowadays break their marriage vows. With people breaking vows that sacred, I'm not surprised people don't take their GLO vows seriously. It makes me sad. [/B][/QUOTE]

*grinning widely at this one*
I think there is an assumption that because one shares with her husband, she is taking her GLO vows "lightly" and I would have to disagree. because our interpretations are just different in terms of what we consider to be a broken vow....for me, when two people are joined together in marriage, sharing with that spouse is *not* breaking a vow because you are now ONE. I would not make the same argument for sharing this information with my brother, my sister, my mom, my dog, my cat, etc....

I understand that some may not view this spiritual connection with your spouse in the same way as i do....and that's up to you....but it seems odd not to allow for the possibility that those who do to be just as "serious" about their vows as others.

And, I had to grin at the "just in it for four years" assumption....as this is so not true in my case. Generalizations are rarely a good idea.

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by PhiPsiRuss
Why should your husband trust your marital vows when you can't even keep a simple, and effortless oath like not revealing your fraternal secrets?

*giggles* oh my....

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I have never discussed or shared ritual with someone who isn't a sister. I hope that my sisters demonstrate the same level of integrity.

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by ADqtPiMel
I guess I just don't understand why any husband would care about your sorority secrets. Mr. ADqtPiMel would be all, "I don't get it, why are you telling me that you all wear azure blue catsuits and have pillow fights?" (Or something like that )

*shrugs* couldn't tell you....my husband would likely have the same reaction as yours. Maybe the original poster's friend was just chatty to her husband...or maybe he was the type to ask. Who knows...

[Lovely_gurl]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
You, my dear, seem to be sorely lacking in that department and I feel sorry for your sisters and even for your husband. Afterall, you might get tired of him in a few years and decide to get rid of him. There's really nothing keeping you two together except for those pesky wedding vows and we all know how you feel about vows

*smiles* i thought this personal attack was pretty unnecessary and a bit overreaching.

[Tom Earp]

While I cannot speak for all of My Brothers of LXA, all of the ones that I know of or in talking to their wives at functions have no clue about LXAs Ritual.

Ss the founder of my local and being married my final year, the equipment was sent and stored at our house. I was instructed not to look into the trunk and I didnt. My then wife, married for 20 years asked me if she could look into it. With that question, I just told her if I find out you did, I will divorce you, plane and simple. I worked to hard at that point to lose what was in the near grasp for all of the guys of the local.

So you sleep with your mate, doesnt he or she have respect for what you went through to become a Brother or Sister?

I am proud of LXA Ritual and everytime I attend one, I still get misty of eye and hair standing on the back of my neck.

Is it for everyone, no it isnt, just like each of yours.

If you want to spill your guts about something, tell about the little pecidellos that you had before marriage or even during!

Maybe mine means more to me for what I went through to get it as it does many after me, 600+!

I doubt it!

[pinkyphimu]

Originally posted by aephi alum
I didn't swear on my wedding day to love and honor my husband and tell him what my sorority's letters mean.

this is too much!! i have the picture in my head and i can't stop laughing.


on topic...i never really wanted to share my ritual with anyone because it was this little thing between me and my friends. plus the oath said no one who is not initiated into phi mu...and i am positive that none of my boyfriends have ever been! the "two become one" is a pretty weak argument. not telling him how much money you spent on your new clothes is a lot different than not telling him that chocolate pudding is your sorority password.