Mental Health and Taboo topics in OUR community

[RedHot]

Originally posted by ladygreek
Ideal08,
I think it is great that you are posting this here. These are the kind of topics that we as Black folx need to be more open about discussing.

.

People in general need to discuss these topics. I know MANY white people that act like their family is perfect and they have these things going on....

[Ideal08]

After watching Intervention tonight, I thought of this thread, but could not remember what the title was. I am so search challenged. Anyway...

After watching that episode, I realize that everyone's experience is totally different. No one in my family drank every day; they had drinking binges. But her laying out on the front lawn totally took me back. And I totally felt for those kids because it SUCKS being a kid in that type of environment. I rarely took friends to my house because you just never knew what type of craziness awaited.

And the comment I made about my uncle never coming around and not bringing his kids around... I totally understand now. My child will spend VERY LITTLE time in Cleveland. And it's just my sisters and my niece, none of whom have ever done anything to me. But their lifestyle is just not one I want my child exposed to. Kids should not have to witness that madness.

Now this post down here, I totally forgot about that conversation. The friend I refer to is now my manfriend. I have shared some stuff with him, but still not the whole. And I've not taken him to Cleveland yet, either. I know now that we are in it together for the long haul, but I still am scared to death for him to meet my family in all their craziness. I love them, but I don't love their crazy.

He really didn't stop loving me. *sigh* I love him.

I haven't done so well renewing those other friendships. That's on my to-do list.

Another thing: after reading those books, I learned why I developed my "peacemaker" mentality. My sisters are not talking to each other and I refuse to play the game with them anymore. I will not send messages between the two and I will not patch them up. I am TIRED of the roles. I still try to keep the peace in other areas of my life, but I refuse to do it with them anymore.

Originally Posted by Ideal08

I just had to come and tell y'all this. I mentioned in a PM conversation about my "friend" in Ohio and how I was afraid to share any of this with him. Now, he has been with me through thick and thin and knows all the crap about me, yet he is STILL in my life. So he calls today to share some stuff with me. So I decided to share SOME of this with him. One of the things I learned in the ACoA book was that we are afraid that if people find out what really happened in our lives/homes, they will leave us. I have ALWAYS thought this!!! It doesn't make it any better that my ex could not deal with my emotional issues. So the last thing I wanted to do was share this with my friend. But the Almighty showed me exactly why I love this man. I told him about the books and everything without going into too much detail. He told me that what I am doing is very noble and courageous. Why is it that I can never tell when I exhibit courage? Anyway, I told him that one day I would tell him some of the stories of things that happened in my house. His response? "That's cool. When you're ready. I'll never stop loving you." Y'all, this made me cry. Now I know why I love him so much. This gives me the courage to renew other friendships that I have "pushed away."

But I posted this so that others can see that people will STILL love us regardless of the disease that plagued our families. We can STILL have positive, loving relationships. Other people will never be as hard on us as we are on ourselves.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by RedHot

People in general need to discuss these topics. I know MANY white people that act like their family is perfect and they have these things going on....

(old post, I know, but this is why ladygreek said what she said)

There are some communities where things like alcoholism, suicide, and mental disorders are kept very hush-hush. It's not about acting like your family's perfect but more about the added stigma, lack of information, and denial that these are illnesses/disorders that "our people" deal with.

[nikki1920]

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September of last year.
I didnt tell ANYONE until several co-workers confronted me about the change in my appearance. When I finally confessed that I wasn't myself, one of them broke down and told me her story. I could see myself in her story. I also shared my struggles with a Soror and darn it if she wasn't going through the same exact thing, at the same time. We agreed to not keep it quiet anymore. I've been blessed to have several people on this site serve as sounding boards or encouragers or a cyber shoulder to cyber cry on.

Funny aside: I was telling my therapist about this (a white male) and he said, "I thought Black women talked about everything." I told him, "We do. Just not about mental issues." And that is a truly sad statement. The more people I talk to, the more I find have or are dealing with the same issue. And true, you don't have to tell everyone ALL your business, but someone you know may have the key to help you get through it and sometimes it helps to know that you really AREN'T the only person who is going through something.

[Ideal08]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September of last year.
I didnt tell ANYONE until several co-workers confronted me about the change in my appearance. When I finally confessed that I wasn't myself, one of them broke down and told me her story. I could see myself in her story. I also shared my struggles with a Soror and darn it if she wasn't going through the same exact thing, at the same time. We agreed to not keep it quiet anymore. I've been blessed to have several people on this site serve as sounding boards or encouragers or a cyber shoulder to cyber cry on.

Funny aside: I was telling my therapist about this (a white male) and he said, "I thought Black women talked about everything." I told him, "We do. Just not about mental issues." And that is a truly sad statement. The more people I talk to, the more I find have or are dealing with the same issue. And true, you don't have to tell everyone ALL your business, but someone you know may have the key to help you get through it and sometimes it helps to know that you really AREN'T the only person who is going through something.

I suffer from Clinical Depression, too. I have since the mid-1990's. I was recently diagnosed with Agoraphobia (w/o panic attacks; I've only had one). Afterwards, I realized that what I thought was "normal" wasn't. I didn't know everyone didn't get nervous for no reason. I didn't know everyone didn't have an escape plan no matter where they were. I still think this should be removed from the list of symptoms as to me it's necessary to know how to get out of somewhere should something happen; it's a safety issue. Just like not going into places that only have one entrance/exit. To me that's a safety issue and if something happens (fire, gunshot, etc) getting out would be *sigh* I get nervous just thinking about it. So some stuff I never mentioned to anyone cuz I thought it was as normal as getting chill bumps.

I am not always homebound, but I do isolate often. I have lost friends due to this because people don't understand that some things are beyond my control. Which is annoying in itself because I'm a control-freak.

We definitely don't talk about everything. I can't say that I'm willing to make myself completely vulnerable in that way because of my relationships that have been damaged in the past. So sometimes I just pretend that none of that mental health stuff exists, pray that the Almighty gives me strength and courage, I put on my mask, and I KIM. When I'm unable to even wear the mask (read: I'm not up to it cuz it's exhausting playing the "I'm Ok" game), I isolate. I think it totally scares my manfriend, so when he thinks I'm isolating, he will make sure to take me out somewhere. I'll go out with him because I feel "safe" with him.

It's hard because a lot of people who think they know me, really only know the mask. So when they learn of my "issues," they don't believe it (cuz I'd really make it up ) because they've been fooled by my performances over the years. And I am a MASTER at the mask. Which is also on the list of descriptions of agoraphobics. I read books on the subject and it made me feel better to hear other people's experiences and healing. It's nice to know you're not alone in dealing with stuff. And it helps to finally understand the why behind your actions.

It's SO nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, though. I "talk" to a soror who totally understands and I am SO glad to have "met" her. Sorors truly are priceless. Because my blood sisters know about the depression, but they only know the surface. They worry too much to know the whole story.

I'm going to change the name of this thread...

[DSTCHAOS]

And these topics have gotten more attention in the black and Hispanic communities but there are still many people whose advice is "pray on it," "seek a closer walk with Jesus," and "you just need a good ol' exorcism."

I don't expect everyone to share their story on this board because there are other ways to get these topics discussed in our community. But I hope that everyone finds someone they trust and can talk to.

[darling1]

as i read your post im reminded by some of our offline conversations. i am proud of you . you are a blessing to someone here. do not be afraid to tell your story. 10 years ago, i was properly diagnosed as bi-polar. i also deal with anxiety and clinical depression. it is through god's grace that i do not worry about what people think --that is what i strive for .

take one day at a time. and thank you for changing the name of this thread.

Originally Posted by Ideal08

I suffer from Clinical Depression, too. I have since the mid-1990's. I was recently diagnosed with Agoraphobia (w/o panic attacks; I've only had one). Afterwards, I realized that what I thought was "normal" wasn't. I didn't know everyone didn't get nervous for no reason. I didn't know everyone didn't have an escape plan no matter where they were. I still think this should be removed from the list of symptoms as to me it's necessary to know how to get out of somewhere should something happen; it's a safety issue. Just like not going into places that only have one entrance/exit. To me that's a safety issue and if something happens (fire, gunshot, etc) getting out would be *sigh* I get nervous just thinking about it. So some stuff I never mentioned to anyone cuz I thought it was as normal as getting chill bumps.

I am not always homebound, but I do isolate often. I have lost friends due to this because people don't understand that some things are beyond my control. Which is annoying in itself because I'm a control-freak.

We definitely don't talk about everything. I can't say that I'm willing to make myself completely vulnerable in that way because of my relationships that have been damaged in the past. So sometimes I just pretend that none of that mental health stuff exists, pray that the Almighty gives me strength and courage, I put on my mask, and I KIM. When I'm unable to even wear the mask (read: I'm not up to it cuz it's exhausting playing the "I'm Ok" game), I isolate. I think it totally scares my manfriend, so when he thinks I'm isolating, he will make sure to take me out somewhere. I'll go out with him because I feel "safe" with him.

It's hard because a lot of people who think they know me, really only know the mask. So when they learn of my "issues," they don't believe it (cuz I'd really make it up ) because they've been fooled by my performances over the years. And I am a MASTER at the mask. Which is also on the list of descriptions of agoraphobics. I read books on the subject and it made me feel better to hear other people's experiences and healing. It's nice to know you're not alone in dealing with stuff. And it helps to finally understand the why behind your actions.

It's SO nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, though. I "talk" to a soror who totally understands and I am SO glad to have "met" her. Sorors truly are priceless. Because my blood sisters know about the depression, but they only know the surface. They worry too much to know the whole story.

I'm going to change the name of this thread...

[darling1]

you are definitely a blessing to me and to those that you see and dont 'see'. walk in your faith and know you arent alone.

Originally Posted by nikki1920

I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September of last year.
I didnt tell ANYONE until several co-workers confronted me about the change in my appearance. When I finally confessed that I wasn't myself, one of them broke down and told me her story. I could see myself in her story. I also shared my struggles with a Soror and darn it if she wasn't going through the same exact thing, at the same time. We agreed to not keep it quiet anymore. I've been blessed to have several people on this site serve as sounding boards or encouragers or a cyber shoulder to cyber cry on.

Funny aside: I was telling my therapist about this (a white male) and he said, "I thought Black women talked about everything." I told him, "We do. Just not about mental issues." And that is a truly sad statement. The more people I talk to, the more I find have or are dealing with the same issue. And true, you don't have to tell everyone ALL your business, but someone you know may have the key to help you get through it and sometimes it helps to know that you really AREN'T the only person who is going through something.

[AKA_Monet]

{{{{{{{{{hugs for Nikki1920}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{hugs for Soror Ideal08}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well, I have gotten teased here for being vocal about what happens to me more on a constant basis than before. I am encountering drug failure - when the meds fail to work like prescribed. That happens with a few people. Guess I am one of them.

When I was 14, my mom and I had "yelling contests". See who can yell the loudest. I was wound up, ready to crack, gung ho about something I wanted to, run around in the cold and rain with shorts and T-shirt. I'd do my homework and it was "gobbly gook". Kids I thought were my friends, really weren't. They did drugs, and yes, it was easy to experiment...

Then, one day, I just felt tired of the yelling and the fighting and the arguing and the bitterness and the crying and the accusing and the hatred and the ignorance and the inability to express how I felt and what what going on that I came to the conclusion that if I just did not wake up in the morning, everyone would be better off...

So, my freshman year in college, I took 60 pills with the intent to not wake up...

God had other plans for me...

It took close to 10 years to get a correct diagnosis. Bipolar II: hypomania. Runs in my family, most people substance abuse. Most people are manic that deeply depressed.

If anything, I can maneuver the "system". I know how to get where I need to go and how to get there when it comes to my health.

Now, I do feel that the waters were muddy when I was younger, but I've learned to wade. It is not perfect and I would be lying if I did not think about the "bad tapes" that get played. I hate being seen as less than sincere by others - that personal foible I have... I mean, why should I care? However, that is how I am.

However, I would not wish this on my worst enemy... This issue, does not dictate my character as a person. I have to tell myself this to K.I.M. and LIVE!!!

[nikki1920]

(((((to all of us))))

This lack of discussion and lack of seeing brown female faces in the therapist's chair is why I am so adamant about going into the field of psychology. There are too many of us and our other sisters of color (and sisters, PERIOD) that are suffering in silence because of cultural issues, lack of access and other issues.

*sigh*

[neosoul]

((((hugs to all))))

therapy is SOOOO crucial, even if you don't speak, and just lay on the couch and catch a few zzzs (like me), having that space that you can call yours and feel comfortable enough to be totally honest and speak about what's going helps soo much

[txdiva]

((((hugs to all))))

I'm glad that this thread is up. I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression last year, and it's a very difficult topic to discuss with people who just don't know or can't relate. I'm happy to know that I'm not alone and maybe we can get through this together.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

(((((to all of us))))

This lack of discussion and lack of seeing brown female faces in the therapist's chair is why I am so adamant about going into the field of psychology. There are too many of us and our other sisters of color (and sisters, PERIOD) that are suffering in silence because of cultural issues, lack of access and other issues.

*sigh*

yes, therapy is essential in combination with the meds. I have been anti-depressant med free for over ten years (after being on them for nearly ten years,) but I still make lay on that couch when needed.

[SigKapAngel767]

I am in awe of you ladies. Thank you for sharing your stories. I am in complete admiration of your strength and courage.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

(((((to all of us))))

This lack of discussion and lack of seeing brown female faces in the therapist's chair is why I am so adamant about going into the field of psychology. There are too many of us and our other sisters of color (and sisters, PERIOD) that are suffering in silence because of cultural issues, lack of access and other issues.

*sigh*

When you are able to see clients, I will come see you!

I think there is silence because of "stigma" attached... When you tell folks, they can turn tables on you and throw it back up in your face. It has happened a dozen or so times in my life alone. That is why I do not talk to people about when I see similarities with my situation in others...