Biological clocks are exploding!!!

[jazbri]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
Ok, I completely disagree about the sleeping with someone without knowing if they would deceive you or not. YOU NEVER KNOW!! A relationship is based on trust. I trusted my ex, and after 3 years, some lies surfaced. If you had asked me 3 years ago if he was lying, I would have told you absolutely not, I know my man. WRONG!!! The point is, you never know.

Now, I know of a dude who each time he has sex with someone, he provides the condoms, he STILL pulls out before he's finished, he checks the condom for noticeable breaks, and then he empties the semen OUT of the condom and into the toilet before flushing both of them down. Now, if he is going thru all of that, I would say that there are some conniving women out there. I, myself, have heard of men throwing the condom away and women inseminating themselves after the fact. (Can yall tell I have a lot of male friends? )

It's IDEAListic to say that one should get to know a person SO VERY WELL that there's not a doubt in your mind that that person would deceive you. But that's not very REAListic at all. I would have had to wait 3 years. Hell, I wouldn'ta even been in the mood anymore. LOL! And I believe that my ex did and still does love me. But he was and still is WEAK. We have all done wrongs to people we LOVE.

Just my .08 and I'll step down off my soap box now.

[This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 05, 2001).]

LMBAO at this one. Dayum it's pretty tight when it comes to those type of precautions. One has to wonder if the brother is really enjoying it or if he's worried that something might have bust through!

Seriously, I can definitely agree with the fact that there are some scheming women and men out here. I just find it difficult to feel sympathy for those who feel they've been duped and have impregnated someone unknowingly.

Original Ape, I'ma e-mail you to get educated!

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"Unless you know the road you've come down, you cannot know where you are going"
~Temme proverb, Sierre Leone~

[This message has been edited by jazbri (edited April 05, 2001).]

[DST Love]

Well I'm not saying that just because you know someone that means you'll know whether they'll deceive you into having a baby because there is no way to be 100% about anyone. But it definitely is a hell of a lot better to know them and love them than to sleep with someone you don't know at all.
And my main point is that you cannot be deceived because everyone knows that pregnancy is a possible consequence of sex no matter how safe you are. I say again, when one has sex you have to go into it thinking, 'what would I do if I had a baby at this point and with this person'. If the answer is, 'I have no idea', then maybe one should take time to think about that before they have sex.

And in this day and age, most of the marriages where people get married because of a baby don't last, usually because those people didn't REALLY know each other in the first place, not mature enough to handle the consequences of their actions, or weren't in the mind set of wanting to be committed anyway. But back in the day, most of these type of marriages would last. I'm not saying they were the best marriages but they did what they had to do for their children. My grandparents, parents, my boyfriend's parents, and many other older couples I know were married at a young age due to a baby (not to say they maybe wouldn't have gotten married anyway) but all of these couples made it or make it work because that's what you were supposed to do. If you were grown enough to make certain decisions, then you better be grown enough to deal with the consequences in a responsible, respectful manner that is best for the child who did not have a choice in all of it.

Can you all tell that I have strong opinions on this !!

[DST Love]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
We have all done wrongs to people we LOVE.

Just my .08 and I'll step down off my soap box now.

[This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 05, 2001).]

Ideal08:
I hope you don't think I'm purposely trying to argue with you because I agree with some of what you have said. However, the main issue to me is not about just about people doing wrong to one another or to someone they love, it is about a child being produced. So you say you found out you didn't really know your boyfriend, which we all have been through something like that before, but let me ask you this (if it's not too personal) if you both would have conceived a baby, do you feel you both would have done what is best for the child? And I'm not just talking about marriage. I mean do you think that you both would've been good, active parents whether you stayed together or not? If the answer is yes, then that's all I'm saying in terms of sleeping with people. Maybe he didn't end up being the best person for you, but you would know that at least is a good person overall, as opposed to sleeping with a man who would skip out on the child or sleeping with a woman that would only use the child as leverage with the man. One may not know if a person would deceive them in a relationship, but one would or at least should know if that person has strong convictions about being a good parent to their child no matter the circumstance.

[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 05, 2001).]

[Ideal08]

DST Love, girl, we can go back and forth without it being an argument or whatever. I call it intelligent debate.

And I don't disagree with you completely, either. I now see what you are saying more clearly. And the answer to your question is yes. I know that my ex would be a good father, no doubt. I think that one day he would be a good husband, too, just maybe not mine.

I feel you, my sista, I feel you.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by jazbri:
LMBAO at this one. Dayum it's pretty tight when it comes to those type of precautions. One has to wonder if the brother is really enjoying it or if he's worried that something might have bust through!

Seriously, I can definitely agree with the fact that there are some scheming women and men out here. I just find it difficult to feel sympathy for those who feel they've been duped and have impregnated someone unknowingly.

Original Ape, I'ma e-mail you to get educated!

Jaz,

I'll be waiting.

[AKA_Monet]

I was talking to some younger women in their early 20's about this issue and they said to me, that some women will have these guy's babies because they want them so much that they will get them any way they can--either way, this man will be a part of my life, forever, through this child...

Personally, I find that disturbing to me. Some people aren't meant to be in your life. I think of it as, when you are constantly stuggling trying to include a person in your life and this person is resistant to all you kind suggestions to spend time with each other, then that means to me that God does not want this person in your life. And the more and more to fight against God's will, the more and more He cannot protect you from could happen. So I believe, if a woman is impregnanted by a man that does not care for her, then she just allowed biology to consume her more than what God's will was for her...

Be not deceived, for God is not mocked. Whatever man soweth, therefore shall he also reap...

We can always say it takes 2 to tango. But realistically, the bottomline is that the woman will take most of the burden as a never been married, single parent. Maybe this biology is so powerful that all interventions made by others cannot override the heat of passion??? What I don't understand is what is going through a woman's mind? What was she thinking? If you lay with dogs, you can get fleas!!! So let sleeping dogs lie... But what do I know anyway... I'm still single, alone and childless

[Ideal08]

Ok, now, I agree with you there. I would never have a baby to keep a man. Come on now. Who wants someone in their life who doesn't want to be there. Like you said, some people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Not everyone was meant to be in our lives forever. That is deep, for real. That a woman could love a man SO MUCH that she would FORCE him to be a part of her life. Who wants that type of existence???? If you don't want me, (Pink sing) To Hell Wit Ya.

That's deep. For real. And a damn shame, to boot. *shaking my head*

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by jazbri:
I stand firmly corrected and can definitely say that there are instances where a pure unadulterated deception can take place. However, for those of US who've conceived under normal circumstances WE are ALL responsible for the webs we weave, messed up beds we make, etc. I take full responsibility for my actions and I expect others to do the same.

As Jerry Springer would say, please treat each other safely.... (or sumpin like that)

I appreciate your open-mindedness. It takes a mature mind to correct itself. I admire you for that.

[jazbri]

I stand firmly corrected and can definitely say that there are instances where a pure unadulterated deception can take place. However, for those of US who've conceived under normal circumstances WE are ALL responsible for the webs we weave, messed up beds we make, etc. I take full responsibility for my actions and I expect others to do the same.

As Jerry Springer would say, please treat each other safely.... (or sumpin like that)

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"Unless you know the road you've come down, you cannot know where you are going"
~Temme proverb, Sierre Leone~

[sweet aka]

Good Points jaz.....Well, I'm praying that if God has the marriage and the family instored for me, please let him be real.

I'm almost 27 and I don't know what my future holds for the children thing. However, I definately want to be in the safest spiritual and financial condition possible. Too many people have luggage and I don't want my future children to be weighed down with the problems of their parents. So, I believe God is preparing me for something I cannot handle now.....See, this world is gone crazy, look at Jesse Jackson!!! Now he should know better!!! Now his grandchildren have an aunt the same age!! That is some heavy (LUGGAGE)!!! Trust me I don't want to have my children carrying that much.

Sex is powerful, children are a lifetime and God is the Lifeline....so, I choose my life line.

Originally posted by jazbri:
Wanted so badly to stay away from this one; but, I can't resist.

One general comment, a man is never deceived into conceiving a child. If he's protecting himself, he should be 99.9% safe from impregnating a female. For the other .1%, his decision to sleep with her should include the remote chance that a child may come of it and be prepared. For those men that believe that his responsibility is removed by the female stating she's protected, well I can only say ya stupid!

In regards to those biological ticking clocks, I'd say not to rush into anything. Because nothing is promised to us and there are no guarantees, choose wisely. Even under the best circumstances, marriages end in divorce and both parents will still be responsible for that child. Waiting to find that person that you think is your life-long partner doesn't necessarily mean that you are now ready for parenthood.

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sspearls

[AKA_Monet]

I'm adding more to this story as it goes... Or rather from what I have observed from my unmarried 30 something acquaintences and experiences...

In my questions, I purposely left out those women that goto sperm donors, or have fun with sperm donors or "make arrangements" to be a surrogate. That in itself is a big mess to me. But whateva floats one's boat...

I left out women whose husbands divorced them or died because that is a totally different situation all together. More than likely, the couple decided to have children together, but for whatever reason the relationship did not last or the spouse died. So that is a slightly different situation that I have been encountering...

The situation I am trying to understand is a recognizably, able-bodied, attractive, have many options in life late 20s-30 something woman that is single and no man in sight. I am talking about a woman that already has a Bachelor's degree and is working or has her master's or doctorate or professional degrees. I am talking about a woman that make upwards of $50K or more first job application... I am talking about women who are mostly African American. But some I have seen in other ethnic groups... The one thing these women have in common is that they feel sooooo compelled to not be alone that they go out the, take the "Easy Steps" test for pin-point accuracy, meet some man that they have been eyeing for awhile or think is rather handsome, work with them on the sex on the balcony in the rain--right on the early stages of ovulation, and BAMMMM--TA-DA!!!! "Honey, we're expecting!!!!"

As far as younger folks go such as 25 and under, I hate to say it, but y'all just a little clueless when it comes to what some games grown folxs try to play... If anything, it usually is an older woman catchin' up a younger man 'cuz of a virility issues--no vitamin V needed... But if the woman's slick and deceptive, she will get caught up with a dude that can at least pay for somethin' like the "baby monitor" or the hospital ultrasound tests...