FYI Disappointed Moms

[Lightning Bug!]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Which brings its own problems.

Parents can and should provide, to their best of their abilities, opportunities for their kids to make a wide circle of friends not because it will help them meet the "right" kinds of people, but simply because it leads to a richer life.

Super Like!!!

The most insecure people I know are the ones whose parents pushed them to meet the "right" kind of people.

But as you say, networking can lead to a richer life. Support systems are invaluable. And in this age of great mobility post-graduation, networking with a "richer life" as the end goal is such a huge bonus. Very nicely put.

[carnation]

What they said!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Jen

I'd like to stick in here what was mentioned in another thread, that sometimes women are calling home, venting to their moms, but really, they ARE okay. They are disappointed, but they might be coping way better than you assume. So while mom is going "OMG my daughter is depressed and can't stop crying and her life is falling apart." because that's what you're hearing, when in reality, she may get off the phone, dry her eyes and go hang out with some friends she made on her floor or something. She may not be the puddle of sad you think.

I think another thing to realize is that, even at big Greek schools, Greeks are rarely the majority of the student body. So, while you may picture your daughter sitting in her dorm room while every other woman is busy with her new chapter, that just isn't the case at very many places. It is much more likely that you could walk through that dorm and see the vast majority of students chilling out during bid day.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I think another thing to realize is that, even at big Greek schools, Greeks are rarely the majority of the student body. So, while you may picture your daughter sitting in her dorm room while every other woman is busy with her new chapter, that just isn't the case at very many places. It is much more likely that you could walk through that dorm and see the vast majority of students chilling out during bid day.

Right.

It's hard to see that when at some schools, you spend the entirety of recruitment in the dorms early with no one else but other PNMs surrounded by recruitment and recruitment talk.

Even at the BIGGEST Greek schools in the country, the majority of the student body isn't Greek.

So you might spend that entire week in the dorms feeling sad if things don't go the way you'd like, but come move-in weekend, you'll be surrounded by the other 80% of the student bodywho couldn't care less and plenty of other things to do.

[Lightning Bug!]

^^^Yes, so...

Disappointed moms, if you suspect lack of networking was a big part of what worked against your daughter during recruitment, then encourage her to GET INVOLVED on campus and in College Town so she can start learning about the power of building connections through participation in various communities. It will serve her well for the rest of her life!

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Exactly. Some parents are very savvy to this and direct their children toward activities that are designed for meeting the "right" kinds of friends; for other children it happens more serendipitously, but networking is exactly what's going on.

Absolutely not!

This wasn't at all about meeting the "right" kinds of friends. It was about going to summer camp and meeting "new" friends. My parents had absolutely no agenda; I attended a camp run by a community center geared at "inclusion". It was probably the exact opposite of what you are thinking.

Needless to say, I still run into kids that attended summer camp and they are everything from doctors to ministers to factory workers.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Which brings its own problems.

Parents can and should provide, to their best of their abilities, opportunities for their kids to make a wide circle of friends not because it will help them meet the "right" kinds of people, but simply because it leads to a richer life.

Thank you, MC! You know exactly what my parents were thinking.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Which brings its own problems.

Parents can and should provide, to their best of their abilities, opportunities for their kids to make a wide circle of friends not because it will help them meet the "right" kinds of people, but simply because it leads to a richer life.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

Absolutely not!

This wasn't at all about meeting the "right" kinds of friends. It was about going to summer camp and meeting "new" friends. My parents had absolutely no agenda; I attended a camp run by a community center geared at "inclusion". It was probably the exact opposite of what you are thinking.

Needless to say, I still run into kids that attended summer camp and they are everything from doctors to ministers to factory workers.

I didn't mean that I think this is the right thing to do. I'm just saying that there are those types of parents in the world. We'd be foolish to think otherwise. All that being said, children whose parents allowed them to partake in activities over the years that in some way allowed them to make friends whether it be camp, sports, dance, etc., are better equipped to dealing with recruitment. (Which I think is the point of what's being said.)

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Lightning Bug!

But as you say, networking can lead to a richer life.

I'm glad you agree with the rest of what I said, but I didn't say this and I wouldn't say this. I except in a purely business sense, I absolutely detest the term "networking." (Actually, I detest it in a business sense as well, but I can agree that the concept has some place there.)

Making friends, in my book, is not the same as networking. My connotation of networking is something that's all about "me" and what "I" can get out of it. Networking is not about making genuine friends, it's about making contacts that I can use to help me get where I want to be and do what I want to do.

I try not to use the word, and I try not to engage in the practice.

[Lightning Bug!]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I'm glad you agree with the rest of what I said, but I didn't say this and I wouldn't say this. I except in a purely business sense, I absolutely detest the term "networking." (Actually, I detest it in a business sense as well, but I can agree that the concept has some place there.)

Making friends, in my book, is not the same as networking. My connotation of networking is something that's all about "me" and what "I" can get out of it. Networking is not about making genuine friends, it's about making contacts that I can use to help me get where I want to be and do what I want to do.

I try not to use the word, and I try not to engage in the practice.

Apologies - I was using it in the sociological/anthropological sense. I have an academic background in network theory, and there it does not carry the negative connotation that it does in "real life" conversation. It merely describes from an analytical viewpoint how people make connections, including deep friendships. Again, deep apologies for misrepresenting (unintentionally) what you said. We meant the same things but were using different language.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I'm glad you agree with the rest of what I said, but I didn't say this and I wouldn't say this. I except in a purely business sense, I absolutely detest the term "networking." (Actually, I detest it in a business sense as well, but I can agree that the concept has some place there.)

Making friends, in my book, is not the same as networking. My connotation of networking is something that's all about "me" and what "I" can get out of it. Networking is not about making genuine friends, it's about making contacts that I can use to help me get where I want to be and do what I want to do.

I try not to use the word, and I try not to engage in the practice.

It is what it is regardless of how people feel about the terminology and how people rationalize it. I chose my friends because I like something about them which consists of how my life benefits from being their friend. I don't have any friends who have nothing positive to offer to my life and whose accomplishments/overall life pattern are not in line with mine. That's the same logic as why I don't have friends who can't pass a criminal background check or whose association with me would reflect poorly on my own background check. That's all the same process of social capital/social ties/networking/social networking/and whatever individuals and fields of expertise choose to call it.

It is also not always conscious. Your ties to people are being built (or broken) even when you are not thinking along those lines. And those who are in privileged positions have an even greater privilege of gaining strong networks even when they claim to be unconcerned with such.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It is what it is regardless of how people feel about the terminology and how people rationalize it. I chose my friends because I like something about them which consists of how my life benefits from being their friend. I don't have any friends who have nothing positive to offer to my life and whose accomplishments/overall life pattern are not in line with mine.

Granted, though I know I have benefited when I have made friends, or at least gotten to know, people who I wouldn't normally consider myself drawn to. It's the "meet the right kind of people" aspect of "networking" as described here that rubs me a bit the wrong way. But I completely get what you're saying. And while I'm sure I unconsciously do it, I just don't think in terms of "networking." For more on why, see below.

Originally Posted by Lightning Bug!

Apologies - I was using it in the sociological/anthropological sense.

No apologies necessary. I recognize that the concept has its place, and that its more academic usage is somewhat different from the more common usage.

My dislike for it comes from three sources:

1) Overuse of the term in business-speak;
2) Overuse of the term in a way that I think reinforces the dynamic I described above; and perhaps most importantly
3) My extreme (and slightly neurotic) dislike of taking nouns like "network" and turning them into verbs. (You'll also never hear me use "impact" as a verb -- the very thought makes me shudder.)

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

3) (You'll also never hear me use "impact" as a verb -- the very thought makes me shudder.)

I don't like it when meteorologists turn the word 'overnight' into a noun. (Ex: We can expect rain during the overnight.) I don't like it.

[DubaiSis]

I think we can shift the paradigm and think out of the box about how to network. HA!

I accept the term network, just like I use the phrase "working the room" as a description for what you do at a cocktail party or chamber of commerce function. I consider it shorthand for what you do, not a derogatory or predatory thing.

And I think the older you get (but maybe this is trending younger?) the more you seek friends with purpose. Probably because it's harder to make friends the older you get, but I don't ever remember saying as a kid, oooh, I could be friends with her, and working toward that goal. But as an adult (particularly having to start from scratch in a foreign country) it happens ALL THE TIME. So yes, I network for my friends.