Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[AlwaysSAI]

Counting the days until I turn in my resignation letter......

[amIblue?]

Damn! Do you need a Pepcid or something? I have heard you belch no fewer than 10 times today. Saying excuse me is fine and all, but that's just nasty.

[lovespink88]

When I come into your office, see you are in the middle of something and politely say "I have a question for you, whenever you have a moment", do NOT answer with "Go ahead" if you're going to get all frazzled, stop what you're doing and ask me to the repeat the question because I interrupted you. I said, "when you have a moment". If you are in the middle of something, you could have very easily answered, "let me finish this thought" or "come back in 15". Don't try to multitask if you can't handle it then get frustrated at me even though I was trying to be considerate.

Actually, the person in question that did this wasn't too frustrated...but I have had that happen with others before. Still, it defeats the purpose!! I asked you have a moment--if you don't that's totally fine! Just don't make me repeat myself just because you thought you could do two things at once.

[adpiucf]

I quit!

[SWTXBelle]

An entire class groaned when told I would not be teaching on campus in the fall.

Yes, you will miss me when I'm gone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1Zcffw76qM

[happilyanchored]

Please please please don't send me on any more errands today. It's too hot outside!!!

[pfauser]

I'm entitled to benefits.

Wow, that one kills me.

[BraveMaroon]

I love having you visit our office, but I'm going to have to ask you to not marinate in whatever fragrance you decided on today before coming in to work. I'm already a bit under the weather, and I'm not especially fond of your Baby Powder Infused Stripper Scented Throatpunch.

Also, I really, really need to bail on my afternoon meetings and go see a doctor - pretty sure this is an ear infection.

[amIblue?]

Lol at baby powder infused stripper scented throat punch. My coworker wears a scent from the same line: gardenia infused stripper scented throat punch.

What I want to say: "athletic" has THREE syllables, not four. There is no vowel between the h and the l.

[HQWest]

What do you mean you FORGOT? You divided up a pile of papers and one didn't get in a pile and you didn't notice a whole in the list of things to do?

[clemsongirl]

Shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!!! Seriously, you start nattering on about God only knows what and continue to do so even as I'm walking away from you and not responding to you. You're like a really annoying fly, except it's illegal for me to smack you. I need to check if it's legal to throw cigarette boxes at you, because I'm gonna do it the next time you start yammering.

[SoCalGirl]

I've been slacking for weeks. Why is everyone still telling me how awesome I am? Does everybody else suck that much???

[Shellfish]

Heaven forbid that anyone should think that that vendor you chose does a terrible job.

[lovespink88]

Just because you all just figured out I'm probably the youngest person at this agency does not mean to be babied on the basics.

Please teach me about new things when it comes to strategy and the industry; I welcome that!

I do NOT need an email reminder to change my voicemail and set my out of office when I am going to be out. I've been working for 3 years--I know damn well to put an out of office on when I'm not in!!!

I am WAY more offended than I should be. But damn!

[amIblue?]

Holy shit! Your kids are just as annoying as you!