Why is it anybody's business if/when I have children???

[ForeverRoses]

My husband and I suffered a miscarriage with our first child (and we didn't tell anyone other than close family) and a few weeks after that we decided we needed to get out of the house, so we went to a party where we had been invited. Anyway, we had been there maybe 15 minutes when we were asked when we were having kids. I burst into tears and ran out of the room. Needless to say, noone ever asked me that question again.

Sometimes I think that people with kids just want to spread the misery to others (note- I love my kids, but they do drive me to the brink on a regular basis).

[JennRN]

MrRN and I had been married 6 WEEKS (literally, I counted) when we were at a good friend's wedding. At the reception, we were talking with some random dude who said to us, oh you guys are married?? Are you having kids anytime soon?? Maybe it was the gin and tonic, or maybe it was the fact that I didn't want kids ever and that was none of random dude's business, but I yelled at him-geez, we've only been married 6 weeks! Give us some time!!

He looked at me kind of funny and then walked off.
But who asks that!! To perfect strangers??
I agree, it is none of anyone's business but yours and your hubby's.

Ok, so now granted, I've changed my mind, and we do want kids, but I'll never tell anyone what's going on until I'm pregnant because the goings on of my uterus are NOT your business.

[33girl]

That's when you go into graphic detail about the sexual positions you are using to ensure prime fertilization, the methods you're using to collect the sperm for a count, and how you're really bummed that you had to stop doing anal because it doesn't work for procreation.

Rude questions deserve rude answers.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

Does getting married suddenly mean that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, from my family and friends to my co-workers to random strangers) just has to quiz me about children all the time? Seriously?? "Do you have any kids yet? Why not? Are you planning to have kids?" And so on, and so on ... people just don't stop!

I got married last July and ever since then people have felt as though they have free reign to ask me when I plan on having children. It's rude. What if I couldn't have kids? That could be the most hurtful question to someone who wants kids but cannot have them.

I get asked by my co-workers all the time. I've started telling them that I hate children.....which partially true. I absolutely hate crying kids in restaurants and movies and I want to distance myself from that for as long as I possibly can!

My mother is ultra annoying about it. She reminds me all the time that I'm not getting any younger (I'm 27!) and that if I wait too long that I might not be able to have children. I think I may have posted this before but she one time mailed me an article that she found on women who wait too long and then discover they're no longer fertile. She put a post-it note on the article that read:

"Dear ZTAngel,

I want grandchildren.

Love,
Mom"

Argh.

[DaemonSeid]

Can I ask an honest question....?

Does the state of the world in which we are living in right now deter you from having children?

[DSTRen13]

I usually just tell people the truth (I have to take daily medicine that causes birth defects, so I sure as hell better not get pregnant, so please stop hope/praying that I do and it's really irrelevant whether you think I would be a good mother, and if in the future I am permitted to adopt children then maybe I'll tell you about that) and watch their reactions. If they don't want to know, they really shouldn't ask

[MTSUGURL]

I get this question occasionally - I'm single, living with a roommate, and not really seeing any one special person.
"You're 31? When are you going to start having kids?"
What I want to say: "I don't know. Have you found me a man I want to settle down with? Can we start there, or do you suggest I go to a sperm donor and voluntarily be a single parent on my salary while I'm sharing a town home with another girl?''
What I said: "Um, are you kidding me?"

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

I get this question occasionally - I'm single, living with a roommate, and not really seeing any one special person.
"You're 31? When are you going to start having kids?"
What I want to say: "I don't know. Have you found me a man I want to settle down with? Can we start there, or do you suggest I go to a sperm donor and voluntarily be a single parent on my salary while I'm sharing a town home with another girl?''
What I said: "Um, are you kidding me?"

Next time go with what you wanted to say. You will feel better.

I (sorta, just a little bit) understand parents/older generations asking this question, but when it is co-workers and friends.... I just can't believe there are still idiots out there who think this is an okay question to ask.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

I hear ya on that one, I will be getting married in 5 months. We just went to a funeral for my fiance's aunt and afterwards it was, oh by this time next year I'm sure you all will be pregnant. EXCUSE ME!

I'm only 26 just because my fiance is 35, does not mean we're in a rush. Sperm is good for a while thank you! (Which is something I've said to people.) Thankfully my fiance and I are on the same page. He knows I want to wait till we've been married for a few years and he is ok with being "an older dad" as someone said to us.

I agree I want to travel and enjoy married life. Friends of ours just had a baby and they're life is totally different. We have schedule outings around naptime, etc.

Does the state of the world in which we are living in right now deter you from having children?

Yes and no. I'm really waiting b/c I don't want to have kids until I'm in my 30s; however, I see how different it is being a parent now than when I was kid and how much harder it can be. Of course you can never be 100% prepared to be a parent, so I guess it's one of those things you have to understand.

[JennRN]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Can I ask an honest question....?

Does the state of the world in which we are living in right now deter you from having children?

Sort of. Sometimes I'm like-that's it, we're going to home school our kids (a la the Duggars) when you see all the school shootings on the news. So, I stopped watching the news. Every now and then I worry about what kind of environment our kids will inherit-and by that, I mean the physical environment(global warming, overcrowding, etc). On the whole it doesn't bother me too much though.

What deterred me from wanting kids at first was that, I just didn't want them. Period. I was of the mindset that I like my life the way it is, and I'm selfish, and I'd rather spend $$ on me than a kid, and I didn't feel like I had enough love or patience to give a child.

[PinkRose1098]

I hate hate hate that question! At least I did until I had one and now my least favorite question is "When is little PinkRose going to be a big sister?" It's is getting worse now that she's getting ever closer to being 2. I really want to throw whatever drink is in my hand at the person - even my mom. The only people who have a say in when I get knocked up is me and Mr. PinkRose. I wish people would just leave it at that. Ugh!

[sorry, I think the topic hits a nerve with me.]

[summer_gphib]

People are always shocked when I tell them that we DON'T want children-- and that hubby has been *ahem* fixed! We're in our mid-thirties and don't have that desire. If we do later-- great we'll adopt. But it's highly unlikely. It's not that I don't like kids, I love them, I just love my life as it is!

[DSTCHAOS]

You need to stop being so nice or easy to talk to. Then people will leave you alone about this nonsense.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

You need to stop being so nice or easy to talk to. Then people will leave you alone about this nonsense.

So....ummm DSTCHAOS......pssssssssssssssssssssssssttttt


Hey shawtie!@!@!


when you gon' pop out some chaotic babies????

wink wink nod nod...

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

So....ummm DSTCHAOS......pssssssssssssssssssssssssttttt


Hey shawtie!@!@!


when you gon' pop out some chaotic babies????

wink wink nod nod...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ODrDv08KA