Getting over a serious ex

[ThetaLove]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

I don't know if I read it right, sorry if I made an assumption. I just don't like to see people hurt from love heartache. I apologize for my presumption.

That's ok. I was really curious where that assumption came from because it was off the wall. Thank you for the apology.

It's ok I understand you don't like to see people hurt.... I'm hurt because the relationship is over of course. But I truly know it is for the best.

[PrettyBoy]

I don't know Thetalove's reason for the break up, but what I can't figure out is when a man and a woman break it off, and say it's for the best. Well, I can see if the relationship is jacked, then it's for the best, but if everything is going good, why break up? See, that's why I cut off all ties. Why do people think you have to be friends with your X?

This is just me, but if I were you, I would tell your X it's over period. I would say don't call me, don't look me up, and don't ask to see me. Let's just have no contact whatsoever, so have a nice life. Then I would move on to someone else.

[AlwaysSAI]

ThetaLove,

It's tough right now, but it will get better.

My most recent ex who was also my most serious relationship have been broken up for about 10 months now. It was really tough in the beginning. I spent about six months just putting myself and my life back together without him.

I'm not completely over him, but I know that I'll never go back. [He (who is 22) left me to be with a 16 yr old girl and now after that stupidity passed, he realizes what a mistake he made and wants me back.]

The biggest mistake I made was making my entire life around him. I never did anything or spent time with anyone without running it by him first. I thought that if I gave him everything I had to give he would always love me.

Just, be strong. You have your sisters and your family and your GC family here around you. It won't be easy, but it will get better.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

ThetaLove,

It's tough right now, but it will get better.

My most recent ex who was also my most serious relationship have been broken up for about 10 months now. It was really tough in the beginning. I spent about six months just putting myself and my life back together without him.

I'm not completely over him, but I know that I'll never go back. [He (who is 22) left me to be with a 16 yr old girl and now after that stupidity passed, he realizes what a mistake he made and wants me back.]

The biggest mistake I made was making my entire life around him. I never did anything or spent time with anyone without running it by him first. I thought that if I gave him everything I had to give he would always love me.

Just, be strong. You have your sisters and your family and your GC family here around you. It won't be easy, but it will get better.

AlwaysSAI said it well. I know with me, I dated but no one seriously until I met my ex. He was two years younger than me and we were together for over a year, and we were soooo in loooovvveeee lol. We lived together last summer, and he went back to school and I had graduated, we broke up in October. It was a mutual breakup, just realizing that things couldn't be the same, long distance was too hard. long story short, my best friend started sleeping with him while he and i were still sleeping togehter even though we broke up. i found out a month later. i hate him. lol and i don't care for her either.
even through all of that, I still appreciate the time we spent together, b/c it made me a better person (though he isn't... i'm not bitter! ) I'm still picking up the pieces, but not really because of him, but because of me, I have to get my own life together. but i digress.

my point is, things will get better, one step at a time, one day at time. There is no set period of time to get over an ex, it's different for everyone. I recommend using your family, friends and GC and getting involved in other activities. that's one thing that I should have done and plan on doing, is taking classes or doing something that I love... instead of sitting home, moping and eating...

[ZTA_Lover]

OP,

I am really sorry to hear about your breakup-- I know exactly how you feel, I was with my boyfriend for 8 months (doesn't seem like long but we were attached at the hip and i was in LOVE!) and then we suddenly broke up. He goes to school 6 hours away and that was mostly the reason- long distance is really tough! He was very cold about it though, and basically cut off all ties to me, wrote me off, and started completely ignoring me. and when you go from being completely in love and planning your life together to absolutely nothing, it freaking blows.

I was absolutely devastated and kinda went into a little depression period- I slowly got over it, with the help of my friends and trying to take my mind off of it... each day little by little until I hardly thought about him anymore. But I guess I never really got fully over it.

Plot Twist- He has since come to his senses ( he apologized immensely and is still in the process of winning back my love and trust..) so now we are back together...

is there any way ya'll will ever get back together? How long did yall date?

some people think ex's cant ever be friends because of too many emotions involved, but i guess it just depends on a lot of things- how long/serious the relationship was, and how both people feel about the possibility of being friends.

sorry to ramble on about my life story- but PM me if you want to talk about anything!!

[justabeachbrat]

I was with ex for nearly a year, it was a very chilly mutual breakup. Things he initially found attractive, enduring, became issues. I am impulsive, a tad too direct, but have been working on it, and am a wash-and-wear girl, not really into makeup, clothes (I am not sloppy, just casual), and tend to wing it.

He is/was very organized, and was the first professional (an attorney) I'd dated in quite awhile, making my mother happy.

I hadn't seen him for almost a year, and he is with the new girl, very polished (my aunt's description).

My ex's mom and mine, and an aunt are in the same local ladies social club. There is an event they are holding this weekend, and a few months ago, my mom asked me to attend and "represent" the family. She and my aunt are on a cruise.

And joy, for joy, I have learned the ex and his current lady are attending. A buddy from college is my date, I need his sense of humor. This all occurs while I am moving. I will stop, haul to the salon, change and then off to the party.

[justabeachbrat]

Originally Posted by ugablonde

hmmm... sounds like you need to look the part, strut by him and show him ( he sounds too up-tight for you anyways) what he's missing!!

That is what I plan to do. Thanks for the comment, it is same view of my buddy date, who knows all of us: me, the ex, the new girl. Adding to this, I have a bum toe, can't wear the high heels. Before heading off for the cruise, mom got me a great dress, is covering the cost of my hair at the salon. I plan to pull it together as best I can.

[ThetaLove]

Originally Posted by ZTA_Lover

is there any way ya'll will ever get back together? How long did yall date?

Thanks for the reply. No, I really don't think we will get back together. I can't say that anything major happened... but I don't see the same future that I once did.

We dated a little over a year.

I'm making it. Of course the pain is still there, with regret about things I did/didn't do and things he did or didn't do. Just taking one day at a time and trying to do things because I want to, not because I feel like I should be doing them. Such as going out with friends and dealing with men. I have plenty of things to keep me busy.

[justabeachbrat]

My last serious relationship of a year, and the first in quite awhile, ended badly about a year ago. A fight about little things spun out of control in the parking lot of a restaurant. The poor valet, all he wanted was the stubs so he could get our cars, not high pitched drama.

Since then, I decided to go back to school and put myself in my own little world getting ready. My friends saw it best not to bring the ex up until I was warned he would be attending with the latest girlfriend an event I was attending earlier this month. posted elsewhere about this, so will just be brief.

A buddy of both of ours went as my date. I managed a brief civil (described as perhaps a tad chilly) conversation with the ex and the new girl. Dang, she can smile, smile, smile.

Do I miss him. Yes and no. I miss the beginning of our relationship, some crazy fun, but not the nasty crash. Perhaps both of us should have a warning label.

[dekeguy]

This is a rather unusual thread for me to be posting to, but it does strike close to home. My first really great love and I grew up together. From seventh grade through highschool, staying close despite my being away for two years while my Dad was in London, through college, until I left for initial active duty. We had hopes and plans but sometimes these things do not work out as anticipated. She decided that she did not want to be an Army wife and I was on duty in Europe for three years and then more while I did an MA(Oxon). By the time I got back and started law school we had drifted apart and despite a bitter-sweet attempt to sort things out in the couple of weeks before law we were history. Midway through 2L I was called up and deployed forward. I heard nothing from her while I was in Iraq and when I later returned to finish Law School. Then I did an LLM (BVC) in the UK to qualify for the English Bar and when I returned to the US so I could begin to take over some of my Dad's international practice I saw an obit for her father who had died that week. What hit me like a sledge hammer was that in his obit it mentioned that he was pre-deceased by his daughter who had died while I was deployed. I did not know and as both her mother and father were now dead I had no easy way of finding out what happened. I finally found her obit in a small town newspaper where they used to have a summer house. She had been diagnosed with an advanced and aggressive form of cancer and died within weeks of its discovery. Since then I have been unable to completely shake off the feeling that I missed the one great love of my life. I have a reasonable social life and an incumbent "favorite female" but she is aware that I cannot seem to go the the next level of a relationship. I am afraid that something crucial is deeply scarred and I don't know when or if I will be able to get over it. Life goes on but something is diminished.

[ThetaLove]

Wow. Your post game me chills. Thanks for posting that.

[honeychile]

This advice that I was given may help you (or someone else): Whenever you think of your ex, use the phrase that he is "someone I used to love." It doesn't put blame on either of you, it simply helps your mind reprogram in a positive way.

Another good one, for nosy people who know that your ex has already hooked up with another person is, "He has the unique ability to make two women happy. I was thrilled to get rid of him, and she was thrilled to get him. I like to think of it as recycling."

As crazy as those phrases sound, it's all about resetting your brain, which in turn, will reset your heart. Good luck!

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't know Thetalove's reason for the break up, but what I can't figure out is when a man and a woman break it off, and say it's for the best. Well, I can see if the relationship is jacked, then it's for the best, but if everything is going good, why break up? See, that's why I cut off all ties. Why do people think you have to be friends with your X?

i tend to agree, i only have tried to "remain friends" if the relationship was still pretty much brand new and we mutually agree that friendship is as far as it should go.

[James]

The secret that no one ever tells you about getting over an ex is . . .

Drum roll please . . .

You have to want to get over him/her.

If you break up and you wonder "where you guys are going from here" or "how can i make sure we stay friends." Or any of a myriad other silly things people do post break up. You actually are not wanting/trying to get over the EX.

Like trying to lose weight and looking to find ways to over eat . . .

[xoheatherxo]

me and my first love are still really good friends. we were together for about 3 years. it ended and of course we stopped talking for awhile. but then we ran into each other and decided that we missed each others company and that it was possible to be friends without being in a relationship. hes one of my best friends now. were both very supportive of each others lives. i think were both a lil older and a lil more mature now and realize that were better off friends. i know thats not the norm for ex's and i also know that this is one of the only ex's that im still really close with.