What to tell overconfident PNMs

[KSUViolet06]

Overconfident PNMs need to realize that while it's great that they are gorgeous with good grades and tons of extracurriculars, plenty of girls in recruitment will be just as pretty and smart.

For example, you might think that the fact that you were Homecoming Queen in HS makes you unique and special and a "big catch" for any sorority. What you fail to realize is that depending on the school, you will be one of many smart, pretty, Homecoming Queens.

There was a particular girl who came into recruitment and told me "Oh you don't have to talk to me if you don't feel like it, I'm going to be an XY. I've heard they are the best one." She was a Homecoming Queen, 4.0, and very pretty. She told every single sorority the same thing (except XY). Well, when it was time for invites, none of us invited her back. Well that's okay right because she really wanted XY? Well, they didn't invite her back either. She was really upset about it, but that's what happens when you're too overconfident and don't consider all of your options.

[Ivygirl8985]

Originally Posted by adrie435

I was one of those over-confident PNM's during recruitment and thinking back on it now, I really wish my PX had sat me down and just been honest with us about our chances. No one ever told us much about the fact that a lot of girls don't end up where they want. They kept telling us it was a mutual selection process and giving us the numbers of women placed every year (and never really making sure we realized that WE could be one of those 2% not placed rather than the 98% who got bids)

The moment that my group of friends and I first realized that sometimes it doesnt happen perfectly is actually when one of us got that dreaded phone call after preference parties to let her know she had not recieved a bid after suiciding. That was when I finally realized that the house I wanted may not actually want me enough to put me on their top list and I prepared myself to recieve a bid from a house I wasn't too thrilled about (even if I was confident, I wasn't stupid--so I kept all the houses I would be 'comfortable' joining even if they didn't dazzle me at recruitment). Thank God I did that because I did get that bid from my 'not-top house' and I ended up being President 2 years later, served on our campus Panhel, and had a Greek experience 10x better and more successful than any other girl who went through rush with me that semester.

I could have reached that point a lot earlier and taken a little less time to get used to the idea that they may love me, but they just couldn't take me if only our PX's would have been a little more realistic and maybe even harsh with us from the start. I feel like there are so many unrealistic PNM's out there that could make it through recruitment but no one takes the time to knock them down from that high horse before they get cut hard and drop out completely. (Keep in mind I go to a northern school so it's not the "I've been bred for this chapter" mentality, it's the "I was popular in high school and know 50 members of XYZ" one).

I completely agree. Although I didn't have this experience as a PNM, I see it every year. Panhel and the RC's often try and sugar coat it and that ended up blowing up in their faces last year when we switched to a different matching system and it was very different from our old one. Lots of girls who thought they were guaranteed a spot to make it back to even the SECOND night of parties and they didn't get their top ranks. Almost all of those girls simply walked out and we lost about a fourth of the girls who could have joined a sorority on campus (even if it wasn't their first pick). I think it would have helped if the matching system had been better explained and the girls had been better warned that they might not get the house they feel they are a shoo-in for.

[Ivygirl8985]

Sorry, I just re-read that and realized most of my sentences are awful! Thats what happens when I just start typing!

[UGAalum94]

I agree that the official word is often wildly optimistic and that offices of Greek Life and sometimes recruitment counselors can do damage because they spread the word about what should happened in the perfect world, not what will realistically happen to a particular girl in recruitment.

Even reporting 98% placement is somewhat deceptive unless you point out that it's 98% placement for girls who are willing to join whatever groups want them when the whole shebang is over.

I don't think the schools that discuss placement rates even mention the often high number of girls who drop out because they didn't like their results. And at schools like UGA, it's a pretty big number.

[Kitemom]

Hopefully they (entering freshman) will attend some summer orientation at their college where they will see that everyone is pretty, smart, a high school athlete for several sports, was in student government and sang in the choir. I know my daughter was shocked when she came home from the camp saying most of the people were just like her. Some did more and some did less but everybody had done something. The orientation leaders were quick to point this out and say that's why you are at this school because you are smart and did something. Now find a friend in you class who was also a team captian and don't bring you letter jacket to school. (These are popular in Texas from band members to athletes)

[barnard1897]

My personal pet peeve is the inevitable set of emails I get each summer that read something like this:

Dear Mrs. President of Panhellenic and all that Good stuff:

I am going to be a freshman at University of I'm Too Good For Them that has 15 plus sororities, and I am planning to go through recruitment in the fall. I am hoping you can assist me with recommendations. I plan to rush at the following houses as they are my favorites: xyz, abc, def, and zzz. Please send recs for those houses. Thanks so much. Love and stuff, Penelope PNM.

This means I have to go through my little spiel about how we as an APH do not send recs selectively, that our reps will send recs to each house on her campus for which we have delegates, that she needs to keep an open mind and give every house a chance as joining a sorority is a great honor and each one of them can offer her an amazing experience. Then I go into my explanation (short but honest) about how every year, the girls who don't heed this advice run into difficulties, when they realize too late in the game that selectivity is better left to the houses, and that the PNM should really have given each house a better chance. There's always the story about the double legacy who thought she knew better and ended up with no bid. That part I usually leave out.

It's a constant education, isn't it?

[FSUZeta]

yes it is-and one that many don't heed.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by barnard1897

My personal pet peeve is the inevitable set of emails I get each summer that read something like this:

Dear Mrs. President of Panhellenic and all that Good stuff:

I am going to be a freshman at University of I'm Too Good For Them that has 15 plus sororities, and I am planning to go through recruitment in the fall. I am hoping you can assist me with recommendations. I plan to rush at the following houses as they are my favorites: xyz, abc, def, and zzz. Please send recs for those houses. Thanks so much. Love and stuff, Penelope PNM.

This means I have to go through my little spiel about how we as an APH do not send recs selectively, that our reps will send recs to each house on her campus for which we have delegates, that she needs to keep an open mind and give every house a chance as joining a sorority is a great honor and each one of them can offer her an amazing experience. Then I go into my explanation (short but honest) about how every year, the girls who don't heed this advice run into difficulties, when they realize too late in the game that selectivity is better left to the houses, and that the PNM should really have given each house a better chance. There's always the story about the double legacy who thought she knew better and ended up with no bid. That part I usually leave out.

It's a constant education, isn't it?

I hope that her original request gets included when sent to the sororities that aren't her "favorites."

I swear, btwn GC & stories like this, sometimes I think every other girl going through rush these days is Veruca Salt. And a stupid Veruca Salt, at that.

[barnard1897]

I typically get these "my fave houses" requests from girls on deferred recruitment campuses. Indiana U. is one of these campuses. The girls attend a few informal events in the fall, shop around, and think they know what's what. I have to constantly remind them that IU is an extremely competitive Greek system with too many going through and not enough spots for everyone. AND that the houses there are all pretty strong and have something to offer.

OR, they are from a family with sorority women and they are overconfident. Two years ago, we had an unfortunate situation with a legacy of 2 NPC groups, who decided she was going to start "cutting" houses midway through recruitment at a large Greek campus.

Problem is, she was in no way outstanding or particularly outgoing, and she was riding on legacy coattails which is why she had a few courtesy invites to those 2 houses, phase after phase. She figured she was a lock at one if not both of them. To her horror, she ended up with only one pref invitation to a house that was weak and that she did not want to join--the 2 houses she had legacy ties to released her prior to preference. She was sobbing and called our APH president to say she was dropping out. We convinced her to go to her final party and finish out the process. She was encouraged to attend because frankly, it was better than sitting home all night while everyone else was at Pref, and it was courteous to go back to the one house who had invited her. To her credit, she did attend. She dropped out thereafter, but she learned some important lessons.

[FSUZeta]

some folks just never learn!

[ellebud]

One piece of advice: Do NOT listen to your mother if she is telling you that you must join a certain house because if you don't....the heavens will fall down. Be it because they don't have the social standing that the mother deems desirable, or they aren't "cute" enough, or that they will drag you down to their level (socially speaking).

This is one of your first grownup decisions. And as a mother it is hard (from personal experience) to keep your mouth shut. Fashion advice: yes. Listening and proffering advice when asked: yes. Support: yes, yes and yes. Manipulating your son or daughter? No.

Make your decision, be proud of it, own it and hopefully Mom (and Dad) will celebrate with you.

[33girl]

Speaking of mothers: we touched on this in another thread, but the "times have changed" spiel bears repeating. Such as:

Mandy, I know your mom was an XYZ at Huge State U and had no problem getting in even though it was the most popular chapter on campus. However, rush is not run like it was in your mother's day. Rules regarding total and quota - that means, how many members each group can take - are far more strictly enforced. The amount of students in college is also far more than it was in your mother's day. Greek organizations are more popular than they were in your mother's day. Also, there's been a lot of grade inflation and there are lots of girls out there with GPAs as good as or better than yours.

(if pertinent) I know your mother had no problem getting into XYZ at Teeny Private College, but you've seen what a difference there is between TPC and HSU. That means sorority rush will be different as well.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

(if pertinent) I know your mother had no problem getting into XYZ at Teeny Private College, but you've seen what a difference there is between TPC and HSU. That means sorority rush will be different as well.

Careful! Some Teeny Private Colleges are quite competitive in their own right!

Just didn't want any PNMs to think that they can sail into the chapter of their dreams just because the school is smaller.

Carry on....

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Careful! Some Teeny Private Colleges are quite competitive in their own right!

Just didn't want any PNMs to think that they can sail into the chapter of their dreams just because the school is smaller.

Carry on....

I should have given props to Erik Conard and said Street Car College. But I knew a lot of more recent GCers wouldn't get that.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ellebud

This is one of your first grownup decisions. And as a mother it is hard (from personal experience) to keep your mouth shut. Fashion advice: yes. Listening and proffering advice when asked: yes. Support: yes, yes and yes. Manipulating your son or daughter? No.

If only all of us were lucky enough to have mothers with ellebud's sense of style...