Tacky wedding "invitation" - Page 2

ADqtPiMel · #16 07-03-2006, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Don't put registery information on the invitation. People will know to call you, your parents, or whoever, and you can inform them where you are registered and that donations to certain foundations would be welcome as well.

sdsuchelle · #17 07-03-2006, 12:47 PM

Ehh, if it's an actual invitation then yes, it's tacky, but if it's a save-the-date thing its not.

And I think if you're having a destination wedding, it's perfectly fine to invite a lot of people. I think it would be a lot ruder to not invite someone just because you assumed they wouldn't come. Maybe some people want a nice little vacay!

PhoenixAzul · #18 07-03-2006, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KLPDaisy

Hijack: when did you get engaged? I didn't know that. Congratulations!

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

AlphaFrog · #19 07-03-2006, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...

gpb1874 · #20 07-03-2006, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

i have a friend who married in jamaica and he sent out tons of real invites to everybody even though he knew most people would not be able to attend... i think it's just the appropriate thing to do

- marissa

I actually just got back from a jamaica wedding a few weeks ago. Invitations were sent to a lot of people (both have mid-size families and tons of friends) and they were real invitations - done about 6 months ahead of time. But, they also had a reception in their hometown for those that could not make it and that information was on the invite as well. About 40 people attended the Jamaica wedding and around the same went to the reception, with quite a few going to both.

I don't think they ended up saving much money by having a destination wedding, especially with the "second" reception......I would have saved more, but then I wouldn't have gone to Jamaica either.

It does sound a little tacky what the above couple did. It's sort of a "save the date" notice, but not really. They should have left off the part about "let us know if you want to go so we can send a real invite later."

OleMissGlitter · #21 07-03-2006, 02:10 PM

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

KSigkid · #22 07-03-2006, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

My advice - don't listen to too much on this board. A bunch of people on here tend to be hyper-critical (and at times nasty) about other people's weddings. If I had paid attention to some of the things on here when my wife and I were planning, it would have stressed me out. A wedding is one of those things that most people think they can do better than the married couple.

If you have questions, ask friends who will be truthful but not nasty with their opinions/viewpoints.

AKA_Monet · #23 07-03-2006, 08:19 PM

My husband and I were "forced" into having a "religious ceremony" with all the trimmings--dress, invitations, reception, etc... And it was destination--thinking that the location was a "spiritual one" that would enhance everyone's mood for love... Boy, were we wrong...

No matter what you do, somebody will ACK a fool 'cuz folks are getting married...

However, I do think it tacky to include a gift registry card in a "save the date" kind of thing for a wedding... Sounds like a "shotgun" wedding to me...

Buttonz · #24 07-03-2006, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OleMissGlitter

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

That's what I would really like to do for my wedding.

33girl · #25 07-03-2006, 10:01 PM

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

honeychile · #26 07-03-2006, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

That's how I always heard it done, too. Friends of mine were married in San Francisco, and when they got home, had a lovely housewarming. Since it was a second marriage for both, it really was a nice way to do it.

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

adpiucf · #27 07-03-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

Oh she is! My mom is the type to send gifts to showers of my friends when she personally has not been invited! We were both floored by our cousin's message. I don't expect to get an invite to the shower b/c I'm out of state, but if I did and had gotten that message, I wouldn't have hestiated to tell my cousin how tacky that was!

Tbagger Vance · #28 07-03-2006, 11:59 PM

One time I got the tackiest invitation from some girl. So tacky that I knocked the black out of her. She's white. Well...now she is

DSTCHAOS · #29 07-04-2006, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wine&SilverBlue

My dad's work partner's son recently got engaged. A few days ago they got the following "invitation" in the mail:

An 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper with a homemade printed "invitiation" mentioning that they had gotten engaged and would be getting married in Bermuda - to let the couple know if you would likely be attending so they could help everyone get travel arrangements, and then included a "reminder magnet" with their picture and the date. I think it said invitiations would then follow to those who were interested.

In other words - "Hi we're going to have a destination wedding so we don't need to pay for a wedding and a honeymoon and we know you aren't really going to come so we're not even going to send you a real invitation. Instead we'll send these to everyone we know so we can fish for gifts without worrying about them coming to the wedding, and then the few people who come can get real invitations - that way we can narrow our costs and guest list but still milk everyone for gifts."

At least that's how my parents interpreted it...

Should they get them a gift?

Is this kind of invite common or tacky? or both?

They should give them a gift and I think your parents are being overly analytical and paranoid.

This is a common invite for people who are getting married overseas--or simply out of town. Why are they concerned about the couples motive for getting married overseas, anyway? Every couple has the right to choose their wedding logistics based on budget and convenience. The family members and friends who can attend will attend without being pissy about it.

PhoenixAzul · #30 07-04-2006, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. And I totally get you on the non-polarizing foundations thing. I was thinking along the lines of the Children's Hospital Free Care Fund or the American Diabetes Assoc. (since both helped me out a lot when I was little).

Quote:

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...

EXACTLY. I don't know what he's on about...my mom and dad love him, his parents call mine his "mother and father in law". He knows I'd say yes, we've been dating for 5 years now...his 7 year time limit is getting close *kidding!*