Can a racial slur ever "slip?"

[PerfectVerse06]

I don't think racial slurs can just 'slip' out like that. If you have the capacity to say it, whether intentional or not, obviously that means that you have used it before. It's something that has been embedded in your lexicon, it couldn't have just came out of nowhere. If you've never used the slur before, then you wouldn't think to use it so freely that it just 'slips' out of your mouth without you thinking about it. And if you can and have used it before, then I don't want to associate with you.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
If you've never used the slur before, then you wouldn't think to use it so freely that it just 'slips' out of your mouth without you thinking about it.

I understand your logic.

My thoughts will probably be convoluted.

It seems to me that this is complicated on more than one level.

First, our lexicon is constantly changing. There are some words and phrases that may take on a bad conotation, and some people may not even realize it until they're called on a usage or have ticked someone off. In my lifetime, the "acceptable" word for a group has gone from colored, to negro, to black to African American. My own heritage has gone from Indian to Native American. As society moves along, some people just aren't immediately aware of how things change -- or are slow to understand. Years ago the term "Cop" (police officer) was offensive to people in that profession. Now, they use it to describe themselves.

Second, while this is often a phenominon of youth, there IS a first time for the use of every word. I can actually remember the first time I ever used the word $hit. I had heard enough people say it, and it just popped out there on the elementary school playground. I suppose it could be argued that if you hear a lot of racial slurs in your day-to-day life, you're hanging out with the wrong people.

Third, I think sometimes people talk faster than their brain really processes what they're thinking. Again, I suppose it may be argued that the reason it pops out is that it -- the word or the feeling -- is embedded somewhere in your conscious or subconscious mind, and that's not good. The old line, "Be sure your brain is engaged before putting your mouth in gear," comes to mind.

Fourth, while I can't think of a specific example, some words are a slave to conotation. In other words, a word can have an entirely different meaning, depending on how it is used. That's obviously stating the obvious. The preceeding sentence from our Department of Redundancy Department.

Fifth, there is the whole Politically Correct situation. I hate that term, and won't discuss it here.

Sixth, some words and phrases simply mean different things to different generations. When I was younger, to say something or someone "sucks" was a whole lot more dramatic and drastic than it is today. It was probably one of the worst things you could say to someone. What your peers say, may be highly offensive to a different peer group.

Seventh, life is so complex that things just accidentally come out wrong sometimes. A few years ago, a young African American/Hispanic woman I worked with and her future husband , a young African American man (both middle management, college educated highly respected people working for very prestigious companies), who were living together, were looking for a house to buy. A realtor -- trying to make conversation -- said something like, "a few years ago, a couple like you would not have been able to buy a house." When questioned, what she meant was an unmarried couple -- but it certainly could have been taken differently. In any conotation, it was a dumb thing to bring up, but stupid things are sometimes said in the course of trying to make polite conversation.

Of course, there are some words and phrases that should never be used. Most of them are pretty obvious.

In the end, I think that all of the above should be taken into account. If someone you like, admire, trust, etc. slips and says something offensive and after considering all of the above possibilities (and there are others, I'm sure) you decide it is something they believe -- then I think it is fair for your feeling for that person to change.

Otherwise, to err is human, etc.

In a previous lifetime, when I had training to teach diversity courses for NBC, they pointed out a number of phrasess that almost all of us use in our daily lives -- like "more bang for the buck," that were highly offensive when they started.

People do and say stupid things. It seems to me that you have to evaluate the reason something is said before passing final judgement.

Sorry, I said this would be convoluted. I hope it makes at least some sense.

My very last thought at the moment, is that perhaps if someone says something offensive, it really is a part of their mindset somehow. I'd like to hope not, but I don't even pretend to be absolutely sure about much of anything anymore.

[mulattogyrl]

^^I understand and agree with you, especially the last sentences.

[FSUZeta]

i agree with you perfectverse. i didn't want to go into a long,drawn out explanation, but in senruset's example his acquaintance said the offensive phrase he said just "slipped out". i meant that if it did just "slip out", then it is probably a phrase that he uses enough, that in senruset's situation, the offensive phrase just popped out, without the "friend" thinking about what they were saying. it is a habit.

i have a teenage son. i am sure around his buddies he swears time and again. every so often, at home, a curse word might slip out(like when he is playing a computer game). now i don't approve of that, and i call his attention to it, but i know that he said it without thinking. he screws up at home because he joins his buddies in cursing, as teenagers do.

i am not in any way excusing senruset's "friend". i am saying that if the friends didn't say the offensive stuff often enough, then it would not have "slipped out".

but this could be an opportunity to educate the offender, if senruset can find it in his heart to forgive him.

[PerfectVerse06]

Good post, DeltAlum. I see what you're saying!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by FSUZeta
i meant that if it did just "slip out", then it is probably a phrase that he uses enough, that in senruset's situation, the offensive phrase just popped out, without the "friend" thinking about what they were saying. it is a habit.

I disagree. One time after having a few while we were out with some friends who happen to be gay, something slipped out of my mouth that might be considered insensitive and/or offensive to gay people -- I'm not sure it would be, but yeah, probably. It's something I haven't said since HIGH SCHOOL but there it was. I was mortified but tried to play it off and I really, really hope it either didn't offend them or they let it go because it's not something I normally say and I meant absolutely nothing by it. It was just a stupid phrase we used to use to refer to things that were far away -- where it came from now, I have no idea.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by Senusret I

He basically said he was being stupid and he apologized. He also blamed it on pop culture, saying that "shizzle my nizzle" was the same thing.

I was on the lines of it had to be in his norm of conversation to "slip" until I read this.

I think a lot of it has to do with the type of slur and how familiar the phrase it. Unfortunately, if it was the "N" word, while it doesn't excuse it or make it right, modern day speech and (dare I say it) rap music probably makes it easier for the word to "slip".

If I am white and have a hang out with a lot of black people who constantly say "My N" this and "that N's crazy" in a quest to belong or feel cool I can see it slipping out, even though intellectually I know it is wrong.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Eclipse
If I am white and have a hang out with a lot of black people who constantly say "My N" this and "that N's crazy" in a quest to belong or feel cool I can see it slipping out, even though intellectually I know it is wrong.

The problem is that folks need to get out of that mindset...

There is no qualification for profanity among intelligent discussion if only used to hone a point or to exaggerate the context... Some folks are just exhibitionists and use profane language for shock value only... Just because they can use it doesn't make it right...

Still others are just ignorant...

And I think that is what has happened to Sensuret's bloke

Ironically, while in England, the folks told my husband and I that "pap" was a "slur"... We just laughed--probably like little kids laugh when they first say bad words... But, nonetheless, since we didn't know how to use it in a sentence we'd never would use the word...

Funny how when learning a new language and/or lexicon only the bad words are the ones that we remember the most... I wonder why?

[Tom Earp]

Are They Not Used on All Sides?

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
Are They Not Used on All Sides?

No, they aren't. Not with the same effect.

[Tom Earp]

Why is that?

[Senusret I]

Originally posted by Eclipse
I was on the lines of it had to be in his norm of conversation to "slip" until I read this.

I think a lot of it has to do with the type of slur and how familiar the phrase it. Unfortunately, if it was the "N" word, while it doesn't excuse it or make it right, modern day speech and (dare I say it) rap music probably makes it easier for the word to "slip".

If I am white and have a hang out with a lot of black people who constantly say "My N" this and "that N's crazy" in a quest to belong or feel cool I can see it slipping out, even though intellectually I know it is wrong.

I understand.

The word, for sake of this conversation, was "nig." Not nigga or nigger, but simply nig.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
The problem is that folks need to get out of that mindset...

There is no qualification for profanity among intelligent discussion if only used to hone a point or to exaggerate the context... Some folks are just exhibitionists and use profane language for shock value only... Just because they can use it doesn't make it right...

Still others are just ignorant...

And I think that is what has happened to Sensuret's bloke

When I read the beginning of this thread earlier today, I was trying to put into words what I wanted to say. IMHO, AKA_Monet sums it up perfectly.

We've all heard words that we know, deep inside, shouldn't be used - but we occasionally do. That doesn't excuse it, though, and it does change others' opinions of us.

[AGDee]

Reminds me of a good story from when I worked in child psych. We had this young (5 or 6 year old) African American boy who was totally out of control. One of the male African American child care workers had to get the kid in a wrap because he was spitting, biting, kicking, etc. Suddenly, the kid yells "Let me go you white honkey B***". All the staff who were assembled to assist, including the one holding the kid, had to fight the laughter. It was obvious that this kid had heard this phrase and knew it was insulting, but had no idea what it meant in saying it to a male African American staff. (and, this was 16 years ago, before the word B**** was used as it is now).

[enigma_AKA]

Originally posted by Senusret I

1) Will your relationship change?

2) Can racial slurs just "slip?"

1) Prolly so. While we won't stop being friends, some open evaluation will have to occur.

2) Yes--I think so. I think *sometimes* people aren't cognizant of the effect of their language and might not be intentionally rude, condescending or whatever else. They also might have been so comfortable saying around close quarters that outside of that, they don't see the error of their ways. But then again, some people are just assholes and don't care--don't care to know why the slur was damaging. Later for them, anyways.

enigma_AKA