Another Marriage Question

[soft&beautiful]

Originally posted by SummerChild
Ok, so the Marriage Recipe thread and its discussion of pre-nups got me to thinking...

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?


SC

As a person who is married, I must say the responses are interesting....but these are MY OPINIONS and what WE do....

1. When we got married his father bought us a home and it was in my husband's name only. I was ok with that. However, after some time we were both on the title so now it's 50/50. In our new home *I* own the house but he shares the title. If we should split I have no problem with a 50-50 split. So I guess I'm saying I'm ok with any arrangement as long as it's fair.

2.I have no problem with siging a pre-nup ONLY IF you have substantial assets that you want to maintain separately. However, in my case no pre-nup.

3. In our house my huband deposits around 60% of his income to our joint account. Now Imma get a little heated so excuse me ladies....When we got married, I THOUGHT that we would share a joint account and deposit equally into it. (even if we maintained separate accts. I expected equal donation to the joint) My husband has refused for years to have a ONE joint acct...ok...but yet he will go out pay blanket bills wothout assessing our budget this in turn effects the joint. (Now I direct deposit my monies into our joint ) or MY MONEY. Now he uses the phrase *but its our money no matter what account it's in* however, when I ask him for the card to access *our acct.* I get the riot act over it. Quite frankly I am tired of that sh*t. It's like he wants to manage our finances but yet I end up paying what needs to be paid after he fu*ks up (he gives me the money of course). I left out alot...post would be too long..

to make a long story short, even if you discuss how you will do things it still may not pan out but still have the discussion! This was my greatest mistake. which leads to the last question ....

4. yes, because we as humans will use that as a tool for determining how well one makes decisions, if a man/woman is a good provider, and if she/he can financially take of you and your children should something occur or not. and we may even compare that person to a parent or sibling who is effective and look to the other person as unstable, ungiving, or reckless. This could lead to depression, affect sex, happiness/moods, and overall feelings about the relationship. No money can make you fall outta love real quick if the man/woman can't handle their business...TRUST ME I KNOW!!!

[unspokenone25]

Originally posted by SummerChild
Ok, so the Marriage Recipe thread and its discussion of pre-nups got me to thinking...

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?
Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone?

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?


SC

Soror SC, well you know here in Texas, any assets acquired during the marriage are Community Property. So as much as I can keep Separate Property the better (and vice versa). It might be easier for some couples to do this for tax purposes or even if one person has a significant amount of debt (which in Texas, this can be tricky).

With my SO (significant other), I wouldn't get a pre-nup per se but we would have some kind of contractual obligation to protect certain assets from being commingled in the community estate.

I do think that they way you handle the management of finances is indicative of trust, love and most importantly R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for the other person. If your SO has the potential or doesn't have the potential to earn a certain amount of income and acquire a certain amount of assets (meaning that person is more of a liability than an asset to the Community Estate), it's only fair that the person take some precautions. And even if couples do not have pre-nups, my advice is to draw up a will immediately after getting married to make provisions for one another (in case of an emergency).

Just my .08 cents!

[AKA_Monet]

We broke every rule in the book 'cuz of love...

And in some ways we are paying for it but not with money... More with time and attitude adjustments...

Anyhow, we decided to have a "State of the Proposed Union" and "put our cards on the table"... The "cost analysis" and "balance sheet" to having a "partnership agreement".

Then we eloped.

Then we saw a financial planner who took all our assets and liabilities, convinced us to buy some stuff, and make a realistic long range plan. The kind of info, that was asked, would be very difficult for some folks to skrait out lie, but it is possible. When you actually see a licensed broker who has your best interest at heart, he or she really opens your eyes to the reality of you and your mates assets.

Once we got those in order, we were able to break down our financial arrangements, what bills to pay.

Too much of his and my stuff are tied up into our own individual accounts. Since my brother pissed me off, I put my husband as my beneficiary to most of my accounts... I am the beneficiary to most of my husbands accounts - at least that is what he says - I know I got WHOLE LIFE on his assets...

So we pay our own bills for what we do. Each of us pay part of the household bills and it is not 50/50 - he pays more. Then we have a household account to pay for groceries and joint items. We also have a brokerage account for the house we want. We are currently living in his residence (townhome); however, I may purchase one at my old residence in SoCal for income property or all out sell it...

But I highly recommend first seeing counsellors before you marry. Don't go on whim...

Spiritual
Financial
& Legal...

[StarFish106]

1. In this day and age when folk are getting married older and more established (in terms of property acquisition), etc. do you do the title transfer of your separately-acquired assets into each other's joint names after marriage? What would you do?

He lived in his own duplex before we got married and we are there now until we get a house. My name isn't on it and that is fine with me.Once we get a house we may keep it for investment income. I have land in VA that is in my mom's name that he doesn't want his name on so it works for us.

Ladies, do you expect him to do so or can he keep his stuff in his name alone? Men, do you expect her to do so or can she keep her stuff in her name alone? If we had it prior, then it is seperate but anything from then out isn't.

2. For those who are for pre-nups, are you also for keeping all of your separately-acquired property in your name and not mingling it or its profits with the property that you acquire together?

No pre-nup..

3. When you pay the bills, is it 50/50 or per the share of income that each brings into the house?
He makes more than I do but we both contribute to the joint account for bills and household expenses. We both maintain seperate checking accounts and we have a joint savings account (for saving for the house). This way works for us, it may not for everyone but we like it

4. Is the way that you deal with the management of finances indicative of your trust or love for the other person?

No because before we married we put all our cards (and credit reports + scores) on the table. We accounted for all debt that we had seperately to each other and when we were expecting to have it paid off. He was great at managing his own money and paying bills before we were married (toghether for 4 years prior no live in) and so was I so we were already on that wavelength about credit and bills.