Estranged father...

[pinkyphimu]

have your kids ever talked to him? if not, then i would not recommend even having them write thank you notes. you can wrtie them on the children's behalf, but don't make them do it. plus, if they have never met/ talked to him and start getting gifts and are expected to write thank yous it can be more confusing than helpful. give the kids the gift cards, tell them santa brought them and be done with it.

if your children have met/ talked to him, but not in a long time, then i think thank yous are perfect, but i would not make them write any more than you would in a typical thank you.

fortunately, i have a wonderful relationship with my parents. however, i had a favorite aunt who for whatever reason, left and cut off all contact with our family. i was about 10 when this happened and was devastated. after a few years, she contacted my mom, but would hang up the phone if anyone else answered. when i found that out it made it worse. i know i didn't do anything, but i was just a kid, and it made me feel like i did something to make her leave. as an adult, i would occassionally get that feeling even tho i know very well that i had absolutely nothing to do with her leaving. i was lucky becuase a few years ago, i had the opportunity to tell her that i felt that way. she cried and apologized. we don't talk. she doesn't talk to my family, but at least i was able to express what i had felt for years.

[irishpipes]

Good luck to you. I haven't spoken to my own father in 19 years. His last correspondence of any kind with me was a "birthday" letter that he sent me on my 18th birthday explaining how disappointed he was in me. I just cut my losses at that point and moved on.

Last year my 6 year-old son out of the blue told me that he has 2 grandpas - and one of them is invisible. "Invisible?" I asked. "You know, I can't see him. Invisible." That really hit hard. It is one thing for me to decide that I don't want to deal with the anguish that accompanies a broken parental relationship - it is another to deny my child a grandparent. Plus, I found myself wondering how my son would feel if my father died before he ever got to meet him. I still haven't settled on what to do in my own situation. There are some big differences. You haven't talked to your dad in a year - mine has been much longer. Secondly, my dad has never taken the initiative to contact me. I think though, that I would probably allow my kids to spend the gift cards and send thank you notes. You could always tack on a note of your own simply remiding him that he is welcome to contact you if he wishes. That way the responsibility falls back onto him. You won't have regret.

[winnieb]

Thank you all for your suggestions!! I appreicate all the advice.

My kids do know my father. We use to go over and visit, the kids would occassionally stay over there (it was rare!). I live 20 minutes from my father-- we are on that side of town all the time. There is a movie theater not too far from my father's house. My 7 year old asks all the time "when will we see your dad" (note, he doesn't call him grandpa).

My dad has been crappy to me forever. He didn't think he should pay child support, the divorce decree and child support state he was to pay half of my college- I got one $250 check! I was starting to live with the fact that he won't be who I want. But I can't handle that getting passed on to my kids. Three Christmas' ago my oldest son wanted "horse stuff" as he was aspiring to be a cowboy-- he got purple my little pony dolls- the kid was crushed. Two years ago- people there commented on the amount of presents my step mothers grandkids got compared to mine-- it was unreal-- last year was better.

I tried to call for the first 3 months of the year with no returned phone calls and the kids birthday ignored.

I am in a position that I know I won't have that opinion where I think my dad is the greatest thing ever- but I am moving beyond "hurt" to "mad" since whatever his issue, it is now involving my children.

I will keep the gift cards. The kids don't need any toys right now, but I will keep them and let the kids pick out stuff. I am going to have them call him tonight and say thank you.

And to me the whole gift card is a slap in my face-- it is like the final realization that we won't be invited for the holidays. Oh and the cards (the hallmark they signed) were signed with their names, just their names-- no "love" or anything like that either!

[Tom Earp]

Wendy, Can I be a surrogate Father?

I am in Love with You even though we have Not Met and I am sure Your Children are Precious!

I feel so sorry for Two People, You and Then maybe Your Father!

He is the one losing, not You!

[winnieb]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
Wendy, Can I be a surrogate Father?

I am in Love with You even though we have Not Met and I am sure Your Children are Precious!

I feel so sorry for Two People, You and Then maybe Your Father!

He is the one losing, not You!

That is very sweet---- I think my kids are adorable (most of the time!!)
Sure- you can fill the roll of my father-- does that mean my boys are LXA legacies now?

Hey I was on your side of town last weekend---- took the kids to Nebraska Furniture Mart to pick out bunk beds. That place is a freaking zoo-- me, two kids- one of which was tired and grumpy-- and me getting grumpy rather quickly. I only had to explain a couple of time to the kids that #1-you dont have to have the same bed- get what you like, its your room! and #2-yes, you still get toys from grandma along with the bunk beds for christmas!

[madmax]

Is her grandfather estranged or her father?

Originally posted by Tom Earp
Wendy, Can I be a surrogate Father?

I am in Love with You even though we have Not Met and I am sure Your Children are Precious!

I feel so sorry for Two People, You and Then maybe Your Father!

He is the one losing, not You!

[Tom Earp]

Originally posted by winnieb
That is very sweet---- I think my kids are adorable (most of the time!!)
Sure- you can fill the roll of my father-- does that mean my boys are LXA legacies now?

Hey I was on your side of town last weekend---- took the kids to Nebraska Furniture Mart to pick out bunk beds. That place is a freaking zoo-- me, two kids- one of which was tired and grumpy-- and me getting grumpy rather quickly. I only had to explain a couple of time to the kids that #1-you dont have to have the same bed- get what you like, its your room! and #2-yes, you still get toys from grandma along with the bunk beds for christmas!

Boy, I am Pissed with You!!!!!!!!

You were so close, 3 Miles.

Yepper, if they go to any College with A LXA Chapter, I will be there!

Let Me Know!

I am Yours as Always!

[winnieb]

Originally posted by madmax
Is her grandfather estranged or her father?

My father. The grandfather references were towards my kids.

[Tom Earp]

Love Wendy!!! Next time You had Better Call!

Need a surrogat (SIC), I am Available, I dont have anyone!

Trust Me, I am Mature enough!

Merry Christmas My Fellow GCer and KC ette!