Advisor needs advice

[33girl]

ASAlady -

Dani is right, make sure you are **technically** the advisor. Are you the primary advisor or one of the others (i.e. recruitment, financial etc)? The reason I ask is because some of the state schools require that the main advisor of a Greek group MUST be a faculty member.

As far as not getting your materials etc - let your district facilitator know. Email her on the hour, if necessary.

[ASAlady]

Yeah, I am "technically" an advisor. I received my letter of acceptance from HQ and everything. The letter directed me to get the proper paperwork from thte chapter, the stuff that was not available from the website. I am meeting with my alumnae chapter this week and the DF will be there. I have voiced my concern to them but I will be more detailed and clear with what is going on. The main reason I posted was to get another POV since national reps are more business oriented, where honestly I kind of feel slighted from these girls. They are my sisters and I don't want to feel uncomfortable around them.
Thanks for all the advice!

[kddani]

Originally posted by ASAlady
Yeah, I am "technically" an advisor. I received my letter of acceptance from HQ and everything. The letter directed me to get the proper paperwork from thte chapter, the stuff that was not available from the website. I am meeting with my alumnae chapter this week and the DF will be there. I have voiced my concern to them but I will be more detailed and clear with what is going on. The main reason I posted was to get another POV since national reps are more business oriented, where honestly I kind of feel slighted from these girls. They are my sisters and I don't want to feel uncomfortable around them.
Thanks for all the advice!

What kind of advisor? You seem pretty fuzzy on the details here. Why did you get a letter of acceptance from HQ? Acceptance to be an advisor? Did you apply? What paperwork from the chapter?

Before I worried about how the girls are treating you, I would figure out what exactly your role is supposed to be. You don't seem to have any idea of what your role with the chapter is actually supposed to be. Straighten that out first!

I understand that you're upset that that girls are brushing you off. I can see where they're coming from, as you've been a sister for less time than the vast majority of sisters in the chapter, and now you're coming in and want to tell them what to do, etc. Especially since you don't even seem to know what you're doing (which isn't your fault, that's okay, but you gotta see it from their point of view as well).

[AGDee]

I think the collegians always feel a little uncomfortable with new advisors. They need time to get to know you and understand that you have the chapter's best interest at heart. You can convey this by spending some time telling them what they're doing right. I usually get reports by telling my chapters that this is their way to brag about all the wonderful things that they're doing. I remind them that our convention awards and merit programs are all based on the reports that are received. I want them to get credit for what they're doing from IHQ and our International Officers. I encourage them to boast! I challenge them to the best that they can be and to show the world what a great group of women they are. When they do something amazing, I praise them to everybody. When I was at the Province level, I encouraged them by challenging them as a group to be the best Province in the Fraternity. I got them excited about earning stars in our 5 Star Program, etc. They always get excited and competitive when it's Greek Week. You have to get them excited and competitive about being the best that they can be in ALL areas. Be really positive and upbeat. When they see that you have their best interests at heart, they will accept and respect you.

Dee

[ASAlady]

For those who asked:
Ritual Advisor
They asked me to take on the position (although I expressed interest in helping out in any area) and with ASA there is an application process where we both fill out proper paperwork and the chapter sends it in. The letter is just a formality I guess, to state that I am "official."
I am trying to figure out my role with them, and I guess that is why I am sad that they are not reciprocating with me. I am ready to jump right in and offer assistance! I really hope after the winter break they are enthusiastic about me coming on to advise. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has dealt with this (although not really glad to hear it happens!)

[James]

Are you a sensitive type person? You keep mentioning feelings and etc. I am not sure that how you feel is all that important.

ITs more important what you do. I think Kddani and others are giving you good advice when they say you need to define your role before you go much further.

This is important because you have an operational role with the chapter that transcends how you may feel or not feel about them.

Also take a deep breath. You have only been Greek for three months. You were only greek for one month before being made an advisor.

ITs a little like putting a freshman pledge on the e-board. So just relax, you have years to learn about the chapter, about its members, and about greek life in general.

In the meantime, get the officer manuals from the national . . . they are usually on the web site, maybe in the sisters only section. They are normally downloadable, if not the national can probably email them to you as an attachment.

Get familiar with the officer roles.

Also, in the meantime take a Servant/Leader approach . . you are there just to help. To help them be more efficient. To just be supportive. You are not there to make it any harder for them.

If they haven't been able to make time for you, make time for them. Meet them on their own time and turf. Be pleasant and not demanding. Be charming. Just listen a lot. You won't know enough at first to really want to be critical.

Do you have any leadership experience? Have you been a budget unit manager or something? Captain of a sports team? President of a club with more than 20 members? Student government? Read a half dozen leadership/management books?

Originally posted by ASAlady
Yeah, I am "technically" an advisor. I received my letter of acceptance from HQ and everything. The letter directed me to get the proper paperwork from thte chapter, the stuff that was not available from the website. I am meeting with my alumnae chapter this week and the DF will be there. I have voiced my concern to them but I will be more detailed and clear with what is going on. The main reason I posted was to get another POV since national reps are more business oriented, where honestly I kind of feel slighted from these girls. They are my sisters and I don't want to feel uncomfortable around them.
Thanks for all the advice!

[LPIDelta]

I know I said before that being an AI shouldn't matter, but I wonder why they made a new AI the ritual advisor--that seems a little bit like they may have the wrong person in the wrong seat on the bus. (It's nothing personal, I just know from experience it often takes experience to fill roles like that....going through rituals more than once helps.)

I agree with what everyone has said about defining your role with the chapter--talk with other advisors, talk with the president etc. to determine how your skills can best match the needs of everyone involved.

I do not know if you were Greek as a collegian (I was in a local as an undergrad)--but it can be difficult to learn all the lingo, all the traditions, all structures in just a few months. Even with training, it takes time to acclimate. I was a volunteer for more than 2 years before I felt comfortable with all the specific info about the group, and even today I am still learning.

There are many ways to volunteer--if you're really unhappy as an advisor, you might look into something on the national or regional level where you can learn more about the organization, and still contribute your skills to benefit the organization.

[kddani]

Originally posted by ASAlady
For those who asked:
Ritual Advisor
They asked me to take on the position (although I expressed interest in helping out in any area) and with ASA there is an application process where we both fill out proper paperwork and the chapter sends it in. The letter is just a formality I guess, to state that I am "official."
I am trying to figure out my role with them, and I guess that is why I am sad that they are not reciprocating with me. I am ready to jump right in and offer assistance! I really hope after the winter break they are enthusiastic about me coming on to advise. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has dealt with this (although not really glad to hear it happens!)

Okay, "ritual advisor". (Which we don't have in KD, ASA's, is this a common thing in ASA?). This explains why the chapter is overwhelmed with you. It seems that ASA wanted to give you a way to be involved that didn't require too much.

A chapter has ritual, what, several times a semester at most? You don't need to be in contact with the chapter frequently, and certainly not with most of the chapter. You need to be in contact with a sargeant at arms or whoever is in charge of setting up the rituals. And maybe the president at times. And you don't need to meet with them all that frequently- maybe once a semester to inventory your ritual equipment in preparation for what's coming up. It's not like you're advising a standards committee or something that needs more involvement from an advisor.

I can *really* see why they would get upset... if someone who has been through ritual once (as an initiate, not even on the chapter side! there's a HUGE difference) wants to come in and tell them how to do it, when many of them have been through it possibly even 6 or 7 times within the chapter.

Today's collegians are OVEREXTENDED like crazy. HQ each pushes the chapters to do, IMO, way too much. By this point in the semester, they're burned out on ASA and need to concentrate on finals.

Honestly, despite your first post, you seem to be looking for the collegiate experience you never had. That ship has sailed. You're not going to be super buddies with the girls in this chapter.

Your advisor position is a limited one. You seem to be trying to force yourself upon these girls to involve to you to a level that you aren't supposed to be involved.

What assistance can you give them in this role? Honestly, close to nada.

You are an ASA alumna, and an alumnae initiate. Get involved with an ASA alumnae chapter. Yes, you can help out with the chapter- WHEN THEY NEED YOU. But your focus should be on being an alumna.

If I were you, before I started getting pissed at the chapter, i'd be a little upset with whoever the National Officer was that had put me in this position, for not providing the materials needed and not actually defining what your role should be.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by ASAlady
For those who asked:
Ritual Advisor
They asked me to take on the position (although I expressed interest in helping out in any area) and with ASA there is an application process where we both fill out proper paperwork and the chapter sends it in. The letter is just a formality I guess, to state that I am "official."
I am trying to figure out my role with them, and I guess that is why I am sad that they are not reciprocating with me. I am ready to jump right in and offer assistance! I really hope after the winter break they are enthusiastic about me coming on to advise. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has dealt with this (although not really glad to hear it happens!)

Ritual advisor is a limited position. At most, I could see you helping out with Preference, whatever new member ceremony ASA has, and then Initiation. I suppose Founders' Day or other special days you have could fall under that hat as well, but it is not like you are the chapter advisor where you will be at their weekly meetings, chaperoning socials, in constant contact with a lot of members.

I would send the chapter a nice email or card wishing them good luck on their exams, and then next semester ask that the ritual chair contact you to make your master plan for the semester - you could arrange to have the catsuits cleaned, see if anything needs to be ordered, plan out dates for the ceremonies so you can make sure you're available, etc.

[33girl]

OK, that clears things up. I would wager they've never HAD a ritual advisor before so they have no clue what she does. This is a relatively new position period. All the collegians know is that it's another adult coming in.

What you might want to do is contact some of the other ritual advisors (ask your DF for how to find the contacts) and ask them what they have been doing in the position. That would probably be your best bet. Start with the other RA's from your district if possible.

But right now is not the time to be doing ANYTHING with the girls in the chapter - they have finals and holidays and formals and are basically stress balls waiting to explode.

I know that you want to not "cross over the line" as far as being an advisor and going out with them and such - but if they feel you are putting up too much of a boundary, they won't want to get close to you or trust you. A very wise sister once told me she wished we could get rid of the terms "alumna" and "collegian" and just all be "sisters." I wholeheartedly agree. That doesn't mean you need to go to mixers with them, but to TGIFriday's or something like that is fine. That's when you really get to bond with each other. It can't all be done during prescribed meeting times and scheduled rituals and workshops and such. Anyone who tells you it can, is dead wrong.

Let me know if you have any questions.

[adpiucf]

Great advice, 33. I agree, the friends thing is a fine line. But you do have to develop the trust.

I used to have a semesterly outing with my girls-- I advised between 5 and 10 officers and our "sisterhood socials" included lunch at the student union or going to the movies (I was advising when the Ya Ya Sisterhood movie came out-- it was the perfect outing!) And being outside the chapter house was when they could open up, ask questions and see me as their sister in addition to being their adviser. Not everyone could make it, and sometimes it was just me and 2 other girls. But they knew I was a stickler when it came to following policy and could be there for them, too, if they were experiencing any growing pains.

My first boss out of college was like this, too. She was a strict task master, but outside of the office we'd go to college football games, lunch on the weekend, etc--- the relationship was well-defined and I respected her as a supervisor but knew when was appropriate for her to wear her friend hat, too.

We haven't worked together in years, but she remains a close mentor and friend.

[Glitter650]

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin

I would send the chapter a nice email or card wishing them good luck on their exams, and then next semester ask that the ritual chair contact you to make your master plan for the semester - you could arrange to have the catsuits cleaned, see if anything needs to be ordered, plan out dates for the ceremonies so you can make sure you're available, etc.

I agree with GP. I would maybe attend one ritual meeting and see that the meeting is being held according to ritual, then just as the others said... attend initiation, help them plan dates, make sure they have all the "stuff" they need for rituals.

I would try to take things so personally, you seem fairly new to the organization, so I know you're probably ready to jump in there, but give it time, you'll find your place and they will get to know and appreciate you.

[AlphaFrog]

I don't remember our ritual advisor attending any rituals - I don't think she even went to Initiation. I do remember her coming to several chapter meetings, and also she was a part of the New Member Ed./Advantage team. And I do also remeber her bringing the god-aweful ASA sing along tape right before our Phoenix Degree. (Shelia, if you've heard it, you know which one I'm talking about). She also went to our final "new member" meeting after initiation to do a thourgh explination of our badge, which was REALLY awesome, that was probably the best thing she did for the new members.

[FSUZeta]

dear asalady, as a former ritual advisor i feel somewhat qualified to share the following suggestons:

as ritual advisor your role to to make sure that the rituals are followed to the letter. you will work with the ritual officer to help her do her job . you may be asked by the other advisors to attend advisory board meetings from time to time, but other than that, you do not need to worry about the other officers. of course, as an advisor you may be called on by a chapter member to be a confidant, but your main interaction will be with the ritual officer and her committee if she has one.

make an appointment with the ritual officer of the chapter, and goe thru all the ritual equipment:make sure it is in pristine order or help her to form a plan to get it in pristine order. if things need to be replaced, suggest that she make a list so that she can present it to the executive officers for the okay to replace the items. help her to formulate a timeline so that these things get replaced in a timely fashion. find out if she has a committee-if she does not, she might like to have one. her committee could help her in setting up the room and cleaning any equipment as needed.

ask her if she feels that all officers(or sisters) who have active roles in the ritual know their stuff. find out if they hold practices so that the ceremonies are flawless.

find out if the every member of the chapter comes dressed appropriately for each ritual. find out what the consequences are if they are not appropriately attired. help to make sure that the consequences are enforced.

you might attend some of the practice sessions before the next initiation, but let them know that you will attend

attend the next initiations to see to make sure that the chapter is attending in the right frame of mind and that all rules are being observed.

if you want, attend any post initiation training the new initiates attend. it will reinforce your own initiation experience and help the new initiates see how important the ritual really is. again make these arrangements with the ritual officer.

[utealum]

Does ASA have a manual for advisors? Many sororities do, and that can help clarify your responsibilities, as well.

When I have served as an advisor I have always tried to allow the chapter to be as self-governing as humanly possible--- I would point out when they were going against their own bylaws, or the sorority's bylaws, but I would very rarely tell them what to do. While I am a sister, I was not a voting member of that chapter, you know?

As ritual advisor, though, your role really is to understand ritual and make sure it is followed to the letter. My first step if I were you would be to familiarize myself with every aspect of ritual I could and become a resource to your officer. Find out what her goals are in terms of helping the chapter and then figure out how you can help her meet them.

Do you have an advisory board chair? She should be a resource for you, too, in terms of training and assistance.