wedding Etiquette Question - Page 2

JenMarie · #16 08-03-2005, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
One of my friends is getting married in November, and she's registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. She and her fiance registered for a bunch of gift certificates in several denominations, so that they can use them to buy the stuff they registered for but didn't get.

See that's a little different. They actually wanted them. These people were coming in a buying them because the wedding was in two days and were too lazy to look up their registry.

ilovemyglo · #17 08-03-2005, 12:20 PM

Cash a weird gift? Wow!

My father always gives cash as a gift. I asked my mom how come she didn't get something off the registry and she said "Well, if they want something off there that bad they can use the cash!".

Okay..
I try to give a gift off the registry but sometimes I opt for the cash route too.

On a side note- My brother got married three years ago and I think in total he got about $6K in cash/checks/etc. Seeing as how there were only like 200 people invited that was A LOT. But they didn't get a ton off their registry. So I guess that is why.

aephi alum · #18 08-03-2005, 12:58 PM

Cash is a very common gift around here. I'd say about half of the guests gave cash when my husband and I got married. I got lots of practice signing my new name, endorsing all those checks.

We tend to give actual gifts, though, not cash. Actual gifts seem more personal to me than just dashing off a check.

Anyway... I'd say, contribute to Mr. Pi Phi's cash gift, and have both your names signed on the card.

MysticCat · #19 08-03-2005, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
Cash is a very common gift around here.

Thanks to you and everyone else for the responses.

Like I said, I wasn't asking to be critical -- it's interesting how customs can vary so much.

In my experience, cash is pretty much unheard of. One person -- an old family friend (who, perhaps notably, lived in another part of the country) -- gave us a large check when we got married, but otherwise no cash. I've never known of it being done around here otherwise, and I have the sense that many if not most people in these parts would consider cash a strange if not inappropriate wedding gift.

Of course, seated-meal receptions are also somewhat unusual around here.

AEPhiSierra · #20 08-03-2005, 02:03 PM

Around here the general rule seems to be gifts for engagement parties and showers but cash is the norm for the actual wedding.

As for chipping in toward the gift unless you were invited because you are also friends with the couple getting married its not your responsibity. He should give more cash or a nicer gift though because he is bringing a guest. It costs more money for the couple to have more people there and if you're not particularly close friends with then you're going more for him then for them.

honeychile · #21 08-03-2005, 02:15 PM

I could be very wrong here, but when you go out with Mr. Pi Phi, do you pay for things? The way I see it, if he invites you to a wedding of his friends, he takes care of the gift. If I invite a guy to be my date to the wedding of my friends, I expect to pay for the gift.

peanutttu · #22 08-03-2005, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
I could be very wrong here, but when you go out with Mr. Pi Phi, do you pay for things? The way I see it, if he invites you to a wedding of his friends, he takes care of the gift. If I invite a guy to be my date to the wedding of my friends, I expect to pay for the gift.

Those were kind of my thoughts............

Lady Pi Phi · #23 08-03-2005, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
I could be very wrong here, but when you go out with Mr. Pi Phi, do you pay for things? The way I see it, if he invites you to a wedding of his friends, he takes care of the gift. If I invite a guy to be my date to the wedding of my friends, I expect to pay for the gift.

I'm pretty sure Mr. Pi Phi would tell me not to worry about it. I just wanted to know what the proper etiquette was. I also, don't want to look cheap, and I also feel bad, as my coming to the wedding was last minute notice for the couple. However, Mr. Pi Phi did receive the OK from the groom, that my coming was not a problem.

honeychile · #24 08-03-2005, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
I'm pretty sure Mr. Pi Phi would tell me not to worry about it. I just wanted to know what the proper etiquette was. I also, don't want to look cheap, and I also feel bad, as my coming to the wedding was last minute notice for the couple. However, Mr. Pi Phi did receive the OK from the groom, that my coming was not a problem.

I get it! Offering to help is always appreciated! Enjoy!

Rudey · #25 08-03-2005, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
I didn't want to hijack an unrelated thread.

I am going to a wedding with the new Mr. Pi Phi in 2 weeks. A very good buddy of his is getting married. I have never met his friend before.

Mr. Pi Phi is giving cash as a gift, but I am wondering what the proper etiquette for me is? Do I give a gift of cash myself, and if so, how much? Do I contribute to the cash gift from Mr. Pi Phi or do I even have to give a gift?

Help?

Offer your body?

-Rudey

AGDee · #26 08-03-2005, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AEPhiSierra
Around here the general rule seems to be gifts for engagement parties and showers but cash is the norm for the actual wedding.

Ditto, and it has been this way for my whole life. I was pretty surprised to get a few actual gifts at the wedding and they were all pretty hideous on top of it.

Showers are for gifts, weddings are for cash in the Metro Detroit area.

(How in the world do you get all those gifts home on your wedding night? Just a practical/logistical question)

honeychile · #27 08-03-2005, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee

(How in the world do you get all those gifts home on your wedding night? Just a practical/logistical question)

Technically, wedding gifts are to be sent or taken to the home of the bride and/or groom prior to the wedding. When I got married, I had most of my thank you notes written prior to the actual ceremony.

aurora_borealis · #28 08-03-2005, 08:44 PM

Em~
Give them good chocolate, mmm crunchies!

If you think you should chip in on cash, or buy a gift, do so. However, if it was me I'd check the registry for a small item, or give them a card with perhaps a gift certificate/card enclosed to a restaurant and perhaps movie passes so they have a date night. My usual standby for weddings I attend where I am not close to the couple is a picture frame. With all those wedding and honeymoon photos it will likely be used.

jwright25 · #29 08-03-2005, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
The gift is Mr. Pi Phi's responsibility, not yours. You don't even know the people, so I don't think there is any reason for you to contribute.

I agree completely. If you weren't on the original guest list by NAME, they won't have your address for the thank you letter. Of course they can get it from Mr. Pi Phi, but still.... If I gave cash, I would almost feel like I was "paying" for my plate at the reception. That's just me though.

However, I try and keep a couple of simple, classic gifts on hand for just this type of occasion. Or if I've forgotten to get something off the registry. Tiffany has several things that are quite reasonably priced and classic. Something that most brides would be pleased to receive.

Example: http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item...0-p+1-r+97-x+&

MysticCat · #30 08-04-2005, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
Technically, wedding gifts are to be sent or taken to the home of the bride and/or groom prior to the wedding. When I got married, I had most of my thank you notes written prior to the actual ceremony.

You are truly so Southern.

And where I'm from, gifts were sent to the bride's house (her parent's house technically), where they were displayed. Anyone who came over prior to the wedding was invited to see the gifts. Oohs and aahs were expected.