Question for you if you have kids, if you are a recent kid or if you want kids!

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by ZTAngel
That's a great idea!

My parents use to bring the whole family to a homeless shelter in Ft. Lauderdale every Christmas to help serve food. It was a really eye-opening experience.

Every Spring, my mom made my sister and me go through our rooms and get rid of our toys that we rarely used. She then brought us down to the Women and Children's Shelter to drop off our stuff.

It made me so incredibly grateful for what I had to be able to see those less fortunate than me. I think it'll make your daughters understand that they are lucky and they'll appreciate more what they have.

Exactly. I am sure you want your daughters to be Greek one day and this starts them on the right road but teaches them about helping others as well.

[KSigkid]

Originally posted by KSig RC
No one's really answering the other parts of the question, so I'll take a crack at it:


Really, you know your kids better than we do, so I'd suggest keeping a keen eye on them to see if they're exhibiting the 'downsides' of being spoiled. This will take a lot of work and probing - some of the most vicious issues caused are hard to spot. Here's some samples:

-lack of respect for money
-lack of understanding of budgeting and responsible spending
-difficulty in interpersonal relationships where money is either involved, or the monetary backgrounds are disparate (friends right now, coworkers and boyfriends as they get older) - think of sharing, handling less-fortunate friends, showing up others with possessions, etc
-generally misplaced feelings of entitlement (such as "why don't i get that? i deserve it, i've always gotten it before...")

We all know the stereotypes associated with the spoiled, but the reality is that the negative consequences are often far more subtle than we'd like to think, but carry the full burden in terms of the image they convey to others.

Many, many children grow up with a great deal of wealth but exhibit none of the stereotypical features of the spoiled brat as we usually see it. The key, as I see it, comes in exposing your children to a wide variety of things, making them think about issues and others on a deeper level, and most importantly setting a good example for them to follow regarding possessions and treatment/valuation of both things and other people. Keeping them well-rounded but still grounded allows you to have the joy of seeing your kids happy and provided for, while helping them grow up to be free of the bullshit that can be inbued by a carefree (and careless) life as a child.

All good points. KR, I definitely understand where you're coming from; growing up money was a struggle for my family, so I'd like to think that I'll be able to give my kids anything they want/ask for.

There is the side Rob gave as well; having spent time in classrooms, even as young as preschool/toddler age, you can notice a subtle difference between those who get everything and those who don't.

It's difficult because your intentions are great, and I don't think you should worry terribly about it. I think, in some ways, most parents spoil their kids to some degree. You just don't want to go overboard with it.

[Glitter650]

KR, I don't think your daughters are going to grow up like that chick I saw on Super Sweet 16 last night who CRIED when her parents didn't give her the BRAND NEW RANGE ROVER she wanted ON HER BIRTHDAY. Who called daddy to WHINE when her mom shut off her credit card because she took a trip to Santa Barbara when she was told she told she wasn't supposed to go. Did I mention she whined a few more times when her mom told her that dress she wanted (which she had flown to PARIS to buy)wasn't appropriate (it WASN'T it had a plunge in the front to the navel, and wasn't appropriate for a 16 year old IMO) SHer also told her parents "ALLL MY FRIENDS GOT THEIR CARS EVEN BEFORE THEIR BIRTHDAYS" Uggghhh she was HORRIBLE.

Back to the point. I don't think your children will be like that, so no worries.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I think maybe I'll cut back on the impulse shopping and perhaps start assigning them small chores that they can earn money for to buy little extras for themselves.

Or...since they're still young and allowances might not be a big deal right now, maybe they can chores where they aren't paid? At the very least, keeping their personal areas (bedrooms and playroom) clean is something that they'll have to do for the rest of their lives--without getting paid!

As long as they are still respectful of authority and don't complain too much when you ask them to do something that's out of the ordinary, then you don't really have anything to worry about. If they understand that there are negative consequences to behaving badly, and behave accordingly, then they aren't spoiled.

[Rudey]

I've got two words for you:

Sweat Shop.

That's right. Put them to work. Where better to work than a sweat shop? You work long hours, make little pay, and see what it's like to have no money.

Sweat shops always hire kids. Kids have these tiny little hands and they're very good at sewing little Nike labels onto sneakers. There will always be a demand for your children to work the "shop".

-Rudey

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by Rudey
I've got two words for you:

Sweat Shop.

There will always be a demand for your children to work the "shop".

(Groan)

[Rudey]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
(Groan)

Cavemen groan. Speaking of cavemen, who here remembers the Caveman lawyer?

-Rudey

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by Rudey
Cavemen groan. Speaking of cavemen, who here remembers the Caveman lawyer?

-Rudey

I'm just a caveman . . . your modern ways frighten and confuse me. When i see the neon lights of the city, it makes me want to run away . . . to my beach house on nantucket.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Or...since they're still young and allowances might not be a big deal right now, maybe they can chores where they aren't paid? At the very least, keeping their personal areas (bedrooms and playroom) clean is something that they'll have to do for the rest of their lives--without getting paid!

As long as they are still respectful of authority and don't complain too much when you ask them to do something that's out of the ordinary, then you don't really have anything to worry about. If they understand that there are negative consequences to behaving badly, and behave accordingly, then they aren't spoiled.

I agree. My parents bought me most of what I wanted when I was growing up, but there were places where they drew the line - I got a car when I turned 16, but it wasn't new. My parents pay my tuition after my loans and scholarships, but I'm also required to have a part-time job. I feel like they kept me pretty well grounded growing up, which I think is the most important thing to do.

[Senusret I]

Originally posted by KSig RC
I'm just a caveman . . . your modern ways frighten and confuse me. When i see the neon lights of the city, it makes me want to run away . . . to my beach house on nantucket.

I just got the Best of Phil Hartman DVD two weekends ago and watched it. It was good. Caveman Lawyer was on there.

I grew up in a household where, financially, things were not there until I was about 16 years old. Unfortunately, my grandpa had to die before my parents came into any serious money. (My grandpa left his VERY financially stable business to my dad when I was 16.) Even when my parents first got the business, they still weren't in the financially well-to-do until I got into college.

My brother has reaped far more benefits, materially, from my parents than I ever did. Jealous? ehhh, I don't know but definately not spoiled. When I was growing up, my parents couldn't afford really nice clothes for me. In turn, it fell upon my grandparents (both sets) to get me the Abercrombie and Fitch, department store, American Eagle, etc. clothing if I wanted to fit in remotely at my high school.

I still think $10 is too much to pay for a purse so if was to get a Prada, Dooney & Bourke, Kate Spade, or Vera Bradley purse I'd probably take "too good" care of it, if there is such a thing. I'd be highly pissed if something happened to it. I think it's probably hard to find that middle of the road type of deal with kids. It's either you're sheltered from the nice things in life and get overly protective and possessive of the nice things you have or just dismiss nice things as boring. No in-between kind of deal.

I am sure if someone found a solution or formula on how not to spoil your kids without sheltering them too much from the nice things in life, then, that person would have a goldmine.

Anyways, good luck!

i also have a kid . she ia 3 years old. i think that if you give them gifts and take them out not very often they will start enjoying it more and they will also understand the differance between a regular day and a special day. try to make special events for them on really special days like birthdays namedays vacations or days that actually means something to you and your kids .for example the day they lost their first tooth. understand what i mean?

[nikki1920]

My daughter is spoiled---by her grandparents. Her dad and I provide the basics (and we are co-parenting) and Nana and Poppy give her all the extras she wants, within reason, and assuming that she's earned them by doing well in school. My daughter has chores that she must do everyday before she's allowed to watch TV, play outside, play her video games, or go places with friends. When she does above and beyond in school, she gets rewarded, but is expected to get good grades. When she does poorly, her privledges cease. Her father and I do our best to try to keep her grounded and are trying to teach her the value of money.

I was spoiled rotten. I got most of what I asked for, but I rarely asked for things other than books. I didnt ask for a car until I got to college and by then I needed one, and I am still driving it, 193k miles later. My parents did ok, but I understood that just because I wanted it didn't automatically mean I would get it. I was expected to do my job and do it well (i.e, maintain good grades) and to do chores around the house without being reminded to do them. If I did that, I could ask for pretty much what I wanted and get it sometimes.

Good parents, I think, balance a child's wants and needs and adjusts their expectations as the child grows and matures. And a parent has the right to say no every now and then just because you can.

[Army Wife'79]

Read the book "The Millionaire Next Door". People fritter a lot of money on stupid (and temporary) things. I hate to see what this next generation will do when they are 70 yrs old and have no money saved up for retirement. The best gift you can give your kids is "financial wisdom". Make them work for what they get (within reason). Teach them to keep zero credit card debt and pay the full balance monthly. Teach them to give to the less fortunate. My college senior has a 15 yr old Honda. Yeah, I could buy him a brand new one but I think that takes away the joy of buying his first new car and sitting in it and saying to himself "I just bot a new car with my own money".

The reason we have so many boomerang kids today is that they expect to have everything their folks have in their first year out of college. Hey, it took us 25 yrs to get this nice stuff. It didn't just rain down from the sky.

When your kids are young have them spend one hour reading a book for every hour watching tv or playing computer/video games. They will whine but will thank you later when their SAT/ACT scores are so high.

[nikki1920]

EXACTLY.
My child is 9 and knows that if her school work is not up to snuff, EVERYTHING else stops. Ask her why she didnt go trick or treating this year.