why in the name of all that is reasonable.....

[sageofages]

You have got to cut all contact. Remember talking to him provides him with intermittent reinforcement....which makes a behavior even more hard to extinguish (yes behavioral psych here

[dphies00]

You know the whole "He's Just Not That Into You Thing?" Where guys stop doing things when they're not interested in us and then, as women, we should be smart enough and confident to say, fine, goodbye!

Reverse it.

He's still calling because you're still talking to him. And you must be getting something from his calls or you'd stop talking to him. So you gotta stop. Taking any sort of calls where you see an unfamiliar number, just leave it and let it go to voicemail. If you really want him to stop calling, don't change your number stop talking to him for however long it takes before he gets the picture that you're just not that into him

And if you're a mashcoist, well you're in a d*mn fine position. Enjoy yourself.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

This is ridiculous.

If you don't want to talk to him, DON'T TALK TO HIM.

This shit about "oh, we still want to be friends" and "he seems like he's pushing for something else" is bullshit. It was a 3 year relationship. If you don't understand that there ISN'T going to be a smooth transition from 3 years of dating to a post-breakup friendship, I don't know what to tell you.



If you're really done with the relationship (and not just really enjoying the attention, which is what I suspect you're doing) proceed as follows:


(1) (optional)Tell him not to call you again. Ever.
(2) When he calls, don't pick up.
(3) When he leaves messages, delete.
(4) Don't return calls.

If after a month he's still calling frequently, change your phone number. Is it a hassle? Yes. Did you bring it on yourself by dragging this out and not making it clear through your words and actions that his behavior was unacceptable? Yes.

[AOIIBrandi]

I'm going to vote for the "No Contact Rule". I have been there and done this. You cannot move on as long as you are trying to make a go at friendship. You need some very definite space between you before you can even attempt it (I'd say at least 1 year). Although, I've found by that time I wonder why I was ever with the person and don't want to even consider being friends with them.

[XOMichelle]

This guy is not taking the hint- he sucks. I understand it's hard. Heck- I am still involved with my ex because I can't follow the no contact rule. I’ll do a really good job for a month or so and then decide that I want to see him.

That being said: Don't call him back! Delete his messages! Kiss other boys! (That last one works very well) If you want to tell him not to call you, record it on your outgoing voicemail message or past your original post here on your IM profile so you don't actually have to talk to him. That should get him angry, and then he wan't call you for at least 3 months.

[adpiucf]

Have one last conversation and tell him that you can't talk to him for awhile while you both get over your feelings for each other. Ask him not to call, email or contact you until you contact him again. If he truly cares about you, he will honor your wishes.

Tell your family what you are doing, so in case he calls a family or house line, they can back you up. Delete his emails and voicemails. It will take awhile but he will eventually stop. And if and when you are ready, you can contact him.

It's hard to be "friends" when the breakup is fresh, and regardless of who did the breaking up.

Good luck -- be strong-- and go on with your life!

[damasa]

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
This is ridiculous.

If you don't want to talk to him, DON'T TALK TO HIM.

This shit about "oh, we still want to be friends" and "he seems like he's pushing for something else" is bullshit. It was a 3 year relationship. If you don't understand that there ISN'T going to be a smooth transition from 3 years of dating to a post-breakup friendship, I don't know what to tell you.



If you're really done with the relationship (and not just really enjoying the attention, which is what I suspect you're doing) proceed as follows:


(1) (optional)Tell him not to call you again. Ever.
(2) When he calls, don't pick up.
(3) When he leaves messages, delete.
(4) Don't return calls.

If after a month he's still calling frequently, change your phone number. Is it a hassle? Yes. Did you bring it on yourself by dragging this out and not making it clear through your words and actions that his behavior was unacceptable? Yes.

Oh snaps kid....

Winnar of da thread.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

I'm just saying -- what gives? This stuff about "this guy isn't taking the hint" and "talk to other people in the room while you're on the phone" is ridiculous.

WHAT hint? She's still picking up the phone! And talking to him! And returning his calls! And how is acting distracted while on the phone going to solve the problem?

She obviously LIKES the attention from him, or she wouldn't keep talking to him. So basically she's enjoying telling anyone that will listen that this guy is SO all about her and SO just can't let her go and blah blah blah, please think I'm desireable.

Be an adult. If you want the attention, date him. If you don't want the relationship, quit talking to him. But quit talking to him, returning his calls, chit-chatting, and generally being two-faced when you're turning around and telling everyone ELSE that she just can't make him understand the relationship is over. How is it over? The only thing you're not doing anymore is having sex!

When she's actually ready to be an adult, she'll realize EXACTLY what everyone else is saying -- that the only way to cut contact is to cut contact.

Shocking idea, but it works.

[kddani]

Damn, HotDamn, right on!

Seems like though you're bitching about it here, you're loving the attention and loving the fact that you're wanted.

It's great to feel loved, but this isn't the way to go about it!