Some one told me to take a peek at this thread, and in a funny way I'm glad I did. Sadly when I read the post by prettygyrl and the last part of 12dn94dst's post it brought back a lot memories and triggered deep thoughts and many of them are not very pleasant.
Since MamaBuddha said it ALL there is not much I can add to her general comments. All I know is that my sexuality had me so depressed that I had to be hospitalized. Yes, it was that serious.
It still pains me to hear folks say that we choose to be gay and other such notions. It also annoys me how so many people in this word swear up and down they know how you were born *lol*. Just before my friend called me to look at this thread, I was speaking with a young man that is romantically interested in me. Ladies let me tell you...he is handsome, well-spoken, gentle, intelligent, and funny...and I want to like him in that way SO BADLY!!! I just can't find the words to tell him that I can never care for him the way he wants me to, and every time he offers to walk me to my class or asks to take me out I feel like I am lying to him. That's not a good sensation, and I'll be damned if I woke up one morning and decided to feel it. I'm still terrified to "come out" on campus because of the repercussions it might have. And this is the life I choose, right?
When I found out I was gay I was furious. I felt as if I was robbed. In a way, the rainbow community HAS been robbed. Folks seem to want to take away the right to express ourselves, to love ourselves, and to love each other not to mention the right to be OPEN about this love. I feel like the typical dream of a husband and 3.5 kids has been snatched out from under me and left me sitting on my butt with a label across my head! And this is the life I choose, right?
I have seen some awful things happened to gays right in front of my face. When I was a freshman in college I had this summer job I really liked. One day these men walked in, surrounded one of the openly gay employees (male), threw soda on him, hit him, and called names.
And this is the life I choose, right?
Anyways, it's also wonderful to see how many hetero folks have a fairly unbiased view of Rainbowland.
*lol* On the real...I owe my sanity to people like you who loved and supported me when I was struggling with this (and I still am). Well folks like you and GOD. Contrary to some beliefs...He did make me too. Even though you will never truly know how it is for us and you might never fully understand, it's cool to know that you try to accept it.
Peace, Blessings, and all that Jazzzzzzzz...
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