How would you have handled this?

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by Professor
I would have picked up my briefcase and walked right out the damn door.

My mentor says WE should never talk about personal issues with co-workers. Bro. Ward says to stick to topics like sports, the temperture and other non-descript subjects. I've yet to learn the lesson but I'm trying.

I've been doing that for years. I almost never discuss personal, sex or political topics with random co-workers. Better to stick to sports, TV shows and shopping.

[Gyrl7]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
I've been doing that for years. I almost never discuss personal, sex or political topics with random co-workers. Better to stick to sports, TV shows and shopping.

Ditto! Personally Bamboozled, eventhough it was conversation I don't think the conversation was all that appropriate to even have. So in answer to your question I would have answered it the same as you did.

Until two years ago I had no idea that my "up the line family" on my mother/grandmother's side originated in Cameroon Africa. One of my distant cousins who my mother barely knows did a search and called my mother. Until she called I didn't even know I had family in DC. I was very proud of the fact that I at least know where in Africa we originated from, but look how long it took me to find that out........33 years!

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Professor
I would have picked up my briefcase and walked right out the damn door.

I like it!

[hijack]

Y'all might think this is crazy, but ever since the movie The Firm, I've been real careful about how I interact with co-workers. And they HATE it. They want you to come to potlucks and happy hours and baby showers and all that. Nah, man, I'm cool on all that. So I would've never ended up at the restaurant in the first place. Sometimes you have to explain that you come to work to get a check, not to make friends. They always wanna be friends. "Buddy-buddy-buddy all up in ya face." Naw.

[/hijack]

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
I've been doing that for years. I almost never discuss personal, sex or political topics with random co-workers. Better to stick to sports, TV shows and shopping.

Ditto.

Matters of religiono r ethnicity have no place in the ofice. I only discuss things if I know we agree- like politics. I realized today that even at work, I dont know any republicans...

[lovelyivy84]

You really, really, reeaaaaalllly need to start your own business. Yu will neva eva be happy working for someone else, lol.

It's a shame you shut them out though- I have made some great friends and contacts through my jobs. You have to be nice, if ONLY for networking purposes! If I didn't network my butt off I wouldn't have my current job.


ETA: This fostering of goodwill is especially important in non-profits. It's like working for a little family in my experience.

Originally posted by Ideal08
I like it!

[hijack]

Y'all might think this is crazy, but ever since the movie The Firm, I've been real careful about how I interact with co-workers. And they HATE it. They want you to come to potlucks and happy hours and baby showers and all that. Nah, man, I'm cool on all that. So I would've never ended up at the restaurant in the first place. Sometimes you have to explain that you come to work to get a check, not to make friends. They always wanna be friends. "Buddy-buddy-buddy all up in ya face." Naw.

[/hijack]

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
You really, really, reeaaaaalllly need to start your own business. Yu will neva eva be happy working for someone else, lol.

It's a shame you shut them out though- I have made some great friends and contacts through my jobs. You have to be nice, if ONLY for networking purposes! If I didn't network my butt off I wouldn't have my current job.


ETA: This fostering of goodwill is especially important in non-profits. It's like working for a little family in my experience.

Oh, I'm very nice, Soror! For real! But only to a point. I've made great friends from my past jobs, but it's after I've been there for a while. I'm not going to be buddy-buddy with EBERYBODY. I don't want to hear about EVERYBODY's issues at home and daycare and sex lives and politics. That stuff has a place, and to me, the office is not it.

ETA: I'm not always trusting of people that I work with. You never know what will come out in conversation and how it will be used against you later. I've learned from my mistakes. Networking is one thing (I network even better than I procrastinate, if you can believe that, lol). Extradimensional relationships (I made that up, I like it) are another.

But you are right on one account: I do need to start my own business. I will neva eva be happy working for someone else, lol. That is the truth!!!

I'm really not a cold binch. But what am I saying, you know me.

You don't know ANY republicans????? NONE??? Allow me to invite you into my circle of friends. I love these people, but I swear, I don't know why they think the way they do, lol.

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by Ideal08
Oh, I'm very nice, Soror! For real! But only to a point. I've made great friends from my past jobs, but it's after I've been there for a while. I'm not going to be buddy-buddy with EBERYBODY. I don't want to hear about EVERYBODY's issues at home and daycare and sex lives and politics. That stuff has a place, and to me, the office is not it.

ETA: I'm not always trusting of people that I work with. You never know what will come out in conversation and how it will be used against you later. I've learned from my mistakes. Networking is one thing (I network even better than I procrastinate, if you can believe that, lol). Extradimensional relationships (I made that up, I like it) are another.

I feel the same way. You can be nice, and even talk about certain "safe" subjects, like "oh, my son just graduated from college today", or "did you see the Olympics last night?" but sex lives, politics, etc.--NO, b/c you don't know how that can come back to bite you in the behind. My mother taught me to not trust everybody, esp. at work.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Sugar_N_Spice
My mother taught me to not trust everybody, esp. at work.

We have a lot in common, lol. My mother taught me the same thing. I sometimes wonder if I learned the lesson wrong, though. I think it gives me baggage. I'm still figuring that out, though.

[Steeltrap]

Again, I love that this side of GC can pretty much have civil, respectful discussions.

One thing came to mind: In Veronica Chambers' Having it All? Black Woman and Success, one of the women interviewed talked about creating what she called a "corporate space," something that allowed you to be civil while keeping a sense of privacy.

Her point was that if you don't let people in at least a little bit, they will make assumptions about you. I'll post more about this tomorrow. I don't have the book with me at the desk.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
Again, I love that this side of GC can pretty much have civil, respectful discussions.

One thing came to mind: In Veronica Chambers' Having it All? Black Woman and Success, one of the women interviewed talked about creating what she called a "corporate space," something that allowed you to be civil while keeping a sense of privacy.

Her point was that if you don't let people in at least a little bit, they will make assumptions about you. I'll post more about this tomorrow. I don't have the book with me at the desk.

Please do post more, because people do make assumptions about me and it gets on my nerves. I am one of the nicest most compassionate people that I know, yet people think that I'm mean and cold. I let people in a little bit, but my little bit is not always enough for them. They always want more, and I don't have any more to give. I hate to hear people say "oh, don't be like that." Don't be like what? Because I don't desire to go out with you EVERY WEEK or because I don't invite you to lunch with me and my FRIENDS or because I didn't tell you about something personal in my life? Don't be like what? Cuz I'm not going to be phony EVER. It's like no one wants to stay in the little box marked "COWORKER," everyone wants to move into the"FRIENDS" box or the "ASSOCIATE" box. Why we can't just be coworkers? Why can't we go to lunch once in a while. Why can't we become friends if that is what is meant to be. It doesn't have to be forced.

*sigh* I guess I'm a private person. A lot of people think that I'm a social butterfly, and I can be, but really, I like to keep to myself. When people try to invade my space (physically and mentally) I guess I become defensive. I think I have issues.

[lovelyivy84]

I work in NYC. In publishing. Nooooo republicans here my friend.

Although we do publish plenty of them, lol. I have a signed copy of the book with a personal note written by the man who prosecuted the impeachment of Bill Clinton on my shelves. We are also responsible for "Michael Moore is a Bag Fat White Man. Not to mention almost every book by someone who works for the Fox News Channel

But no one here is a republican. Go figure!

Originally posted by Ideal08
Oh, I'm very nice, Soror! For real! But only to a point. I've made great friends from my past jobs, but it's after I've been there for a while. I'm not going to be buddy-buddy with EBERYBODY. I don't want to hear about EVERYBODY's issues at home and daycare and sex lives and politics. That stuff has a place, and to me, the office is not it.

ETA: I'm not always trusting of people that I work with. You never know what will come out in conversation and how it will be used against you later. I've learned from my mistakes. Networking is one thing (I network even better than I procrastinate, if you can believe that, lol). Extradimensional relationships (I made that up, I like it) are another.

But you are right on one account: I do need to start my own business. I will neva eva be happy working for someone else, lol. That is the truth!!!

I'm really not a cold binch. But what am I saying, you know me.

You don't know ANY republicans????? NONE??? Allow me to invite you into my circle of friends. I love these people, but I swear, I don't know why they think the way they do, lol.

[btb87]

Originally posted by Ideal08
*sigh* I guess I'm a private person. A lot of people think that I'm a social butterfly, and I can be, but really, I like to keep to myself. When people try to invade my space (physically and mentally) I guess I become defensive. I think I have issues.

No Soror, you don't have issues. If you do, then so do I.

Speaking of someone invading your space, I had to get a student told one day because he was coming around my desk to look at his profile. AS HE WAS WALKING around to my desk, he decided to ask me "Do you mind?" I told him yes, I did mind because I don't invade his space, and I would appreciate it if he didn't invade mine. Don't know how that went over, neither did I care.

I learned the hard way, just like many others on here, to not let everybody into my little private world. I tend to like to spend time by myself I think because I grew up as an only child, so I learned to be alone (but not necessarily lonely).

I have an exceptionally nosey co-worker that asks questions like "Why do you want an SUV?", when I mentioned that I wanted one. I don't care if gas gets up to $5.00/gallon, that doesn't stop me from WANTING one. Don't I have the option to want what I want? And secondly, I asked her for not one red cent toward my blackToyota Sequoia!

You let in your little space who you want to let in when you want to let them in. If they don't like it, well then tough ______ said the kitty, and the milk is sour too (fill in the blank)!

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by btb87
well then tough ______ said the kitty, and the milk is sour too (fill in the blank)!

LMAO!!! I have never heard that but I WILL be using it!!! LOL LOL

We have totally hijacked this thread. Sorry Soror Bamboozled.

[Bamboozled]

I thank you all for your insightful repsonses. It feels so good to know I'm not alone. Like I said, I had never be asked that type of question in such an environment, so it just really bothered me. It's sort of like a rapist asking a rape victim how she feels about rape.

I agree about keeping your work life separate from your private life. I almost never go to lunch/dinner/cocktail hours with my co-workers. That's why this time, I kind of had to. We were celebrating the completion of a project and they tried to accomodate me by going somewhere on my side of town. Believe me, if I could have come up with a good excuse quick enough, I wouldn't have gone.

When I first started working here, I was accused of being anti-social because I declined an invitation to go to lunch EVERYDAY with a group of girls who do just that. They sit around and gossip and talk about what was on TV last night. That's just not my forte. Another co-worker asks me almost everyday to join him for lunch. He told me today he was going to ask me everyday until I said yes. I told him, "Don't do that. When I want to go, I'll let you know." Like Soror Ideal said, I'm not here to make friends. We most likely wouldn't be friends if we didn't work together, so why try to force it because we do? Honestly, I just want to be left alone to do what I'm here to do. I don't invite you to any of my private functions, so please don't feel obligated to invite me to yours.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my co-workers. I actually kind of like some of them. It's just that I don't want to reveal that private part of myself. I mean damn, can I keep something for myself? Again, like Soror Ideal said, even if you get a little, they just want more adn more. I actually enjoy attending the Christmas party and other functions throughout the year that foster better working relationships. I enjoy getting to talk to people and see them outside of the work environment. Isn't that enough?
Have any of you read the book Shifting (thanks Soror lovelyivy)? The authors kind of touch on this subject.

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by Bamboozled
I thank you all for your insightful repsonses. It feels so good to know I'm not alone. Like I said, I had never be asked that type of question in such an environment, so it just really bothered me. It's sort of like a rapist asking a rape victim how she feels about rape.

I agree about keeping your work life separate from your private life. I almost never go to lunch/dinner/cocktail hours with my co-workers. That's why this time, I kind of had to. We were celebrating the completion of a project and they tried to accomodate me by going somewhere on my side of town. Believe me, if I could have come up with a good excuse quick enough, I wouldn't have gone.

When I first started working here, I was accused of being anti-social because I declined an invitation to go to lunch EVERYDAY with a group of girls who do just that. They sit around and gossip and talk about what was on TV last night. That's just not my forte. Another co-worker asks me almost everyday to join him for lunch. He told me today he was going to ask me everyday until I said yes. I told him, "Don't do that. When I want to go, I'll let you know." Like Soror Ideal said, I'm not here to make friends. We most likely wouldn't be friends if we didn't work together, so why try to force it because we do? Honestly, I just want to be left alone to do what I'm here to do. I don't invite you to any of my private functions, so please don't feel obligated to invite me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my co-workers. I actually kind of like some of them. It's just that I don't want to reveal that private part of myself. I mean damn, can I keep something for myself? I actually enjoy attending the Christmas party and other functions throughout the year that foster better working relationships. I enjoy getting to talk to people and see them outside of the work environment. Isn't that enough?
Have any of you read the book Shifting (thanks Soror lovelyivy)? The authors kind of touch on this subject.

I have Shifting, thanks to Soror LI84, which is co-written by a college friend of mine, Charisse Jones. I have got to start it, but I've read previews. The book that I referenced from Veronica Chambers also deals with some of that.
There's nothing wrong with keeping some privacy. I had to learn to do that myself.