Wedding question - Page 2

mullet81 · #1 08-03-2004, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Is there open bar? Is there a cookie table? If so, go.

words to live by. 33girl, you are a wise woman

lauralaylin · #2 08-03-2004, 04:39 PM

What is a cookie table?

kappaloo · #3 08-03-2004, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lauralaylin
What is a cookie table?

Correct me if what I'm describing is not a typical cookie table...

A cookie table is exactly what it sounds like - a table full of cookies that people can go up to and get cookies from all throughout the wedding reception. Often (in my experience) it is filled with homemade cookies that the family of the bride/groom has made. At my aunts wedding, it was filled with the absolutely best Italian cookies I've ever eaten. Mmm!

#4 08-03-2004, 05:04 PM

I've never seen a specifically cookie table, but at most of the weddings I've been to there is a 'dessert table' that is brought out a few hours after dinner with all kinds of little treats (usually almost all chocolate). I'm not into sweets myself, but it usually goes over very very well

Shima-Mizu · #5 08-03-2004, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kappaloo
Correct me if what I'm describing is not a typical cookie table...

A cookie table is exactly what it sounds like - a table full of cookies that people can go up to and get cookies from all throughout the wedding reception. Often (in my experience) it is filled with homemade cookies that the family of the bride/groom has made. At my aunts wedding, it was filled with the absolutely best Italian cookies I've ever eaten. Mmm!

I've never seen a cookie table before... but when I get married (whenever that may be) I think that's something I'd want at my wedding, I really like that idea...

kddani · #6 08-03-2004, 05:42 PM

I think it's a regional thing. At a wedding here in Pittsburgh last year, the groom's family was all from Maryland. They LOVED the idea of a cookie table and had never seen it before! The groom's sister was getting married two months later back in Maryland, and they decided to have a cookie table because it was so awesome!

winneythepooh7 · #7 08-03-2004, 05:51 PM

I've never heard of a cookie table but I have been to weddings here in NY where the dessert tables are the size of a city block.

ISUKappa · #8 08-03-2004, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
Does anyone know how long before the wedding a bride has to turn in a final head-count to the caterer? I'm currently a yes RSVP for a wedding that I'm not too wild about attending. It's on Saturday. If I let the bride know today, would it be too late for her to talk to the caterer and remove two from the head-count?

For our wedding last year, we had to have a final count in 72 hours before the event. We still had between 15-20 not show up last-minute who had RSVPd yes (yes, I was slightly peeved about that, especially when some of them either offered completely lame excuses or no excuses at all.)

What the bride did is definitely not cool, especially this late into the planning, but as a former bride, I know we're not always thinking how our decisions will affect others.

Are there going to be other girls from your chapter or people you know? If so, I'd say go and have fun with them! Eat up, drink up, take as many favors and pieces of cake as you want. If not, then I'd personally probably stay at home and maybe (maybe) try and get in touch with the bride a month or so after the wedding after the dust has all settled (that is, if you still want to keep in touch with her.)

aephi alum · #9 08-03-2004, 07:53 PM

It depends on the catering hall. I think 72 hours is the norm.

If I were you, I'd go and enjoy. But being fired from the wedding party for such an arbitrary reason is not cool. I'd take that into account when buying a gift.

It's a good idea, when you give your guarantee, to give a figure that is about 90% of the number of people you are actually expecting. You will be expected to pay for the number you guarantee or the number who attend, whichever is greater. So if you guarantee 100 and only 94 show up, you're stuck paying for 100; if you guarantee 90 and 94 show up, you will pay for the 94. Catering halls always leave a margin of error, so the "extra" 4 people will not be getting cheese sandwiches or anything.

I gave a 90% guarantee for my wedding, and a few of my guests had family emergencies, so my guarantee wound up being right on.

astroAPhi · #10 08-03-2004, 08:46 PM

As a professional bridesmaid, I wouldn't go to a wedding if I got "fired" 2 weeks ago from the MAID OF HONOR position. Holy crap that is not something I'd take lightly. That's supposed to be like your best friend!

KappaKittyCat · #11 08-03-2004, 11:15 PM

I'd already purchased the shoes and put $100 down on the dress, which had been ordered (we were doing alterations when it happened). She's having my dress altered to fit the new MoH, and said that she'd pay for it. So she owes me $100, which I really need. She said she'd write me a check the week after the wedding because she "doesn't have any spare money right now." Okay. The reason I'm worried about not going to the wedding is that I'm afraid she might not give me the money she owes me if she winds up having to pay for us and we don't come.

The official reason for her firing me was that she felt that she and her wedding were not a priority to me. In reality, she'd been working with this other girl, who'd been serving as an amateur wedding coordinator, and was upset that I didn't start planning her shower three months in advance. (I was kind of busy graduating from college, moving, nearly being disowned, and looking for a job at the time.) So rather than talk to me when she was upset with me, she let it fester for several weeks, then called a tribal council of the rest of the bridal party and kicked me off the island.

I've realized that she doesn't really have friends; she just has people who can do things for her. She hung me out to dry. I told her that I was concerned about the implications that this had for our friendship, and she told me that I had no right to feel that way. I said that I felt hurt; she called me immature. "The only thing I'm sorry about," she said, "is having chosen you in the first place." As far as our friendship is concerned, unless she apologizes for going behind my back instead of talking to me when she had issues, I really don't think I'm going to be able to trust her again. So there's that.

navane · #12 08-04-2004, 12:43 AM

At first I thought it was kind of rude of you to want to cancel at such a short notice. Though, now I can totally see why you're not feeling sure about attending. I see two options:

1) Call her up and explain that you can't go because still feel hurt. You can explain that you are concerned that the bad feelings will only add a negative vibe to the happy occassion. Say that you would feel bad if that vibe somehow carried over on to other guests or even her. Figure that, if she's going to continue to refuse to acknowledge your feelings, then she's probably not a friend for you.

Furthermore, you bought items with the intention of participating in her wedding. It would be one thing if you were keeping the dress. However, she is giving your dress to your replacement and therefore must pay you the $100 deposit back. You didn't quit, she fired you. She can't keep your money. If she does, I hope you all go on People's Court 'cause I'd like to hear what the judge has to say about that.

2) Suck it up and go. Be a gracious lady. Give them a modest gift with your warm wishes for a happy marriage. Hope that you are seated far away from her - fade into the background if necessary. Enjoy the "free" dinner. Duck out from the festivities early if you can do so without being obvious. Then, a few weeks later, inquire about the $100 reimbursement. See if you can have a talk about your feelings. If she still thinks you were childish...just drop it. When you get the check, write a thank you note acknowledging the payment and then promptly drop her from your list of friends.

I'm favoring option #2 as it's probably the right thing to do. It won't put out anyone's catering orders, no one can be mad at you for acting like a true lady and graciously giving a gift even though you were wronged, she can't use your absence as ammunition, and she just *might* get over herself after the wedding and sheepishly realize what a bridezilla she was.

Good luck!

.....Kelly

BabyP · #13 08-04-2004, 12:44 AM

just go eat the food and dont get a great gift, get something on sale. after the food and drinks (if any) go to a club or somethign

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #14 08-04-2004, 08:05 AM

Ew, what a situation! And Kappa, you sound like this is the LAST thing you need right now.

Please realize you AREN'T getting the money back. If you were, you would've gotten it already. I say skip the gift. If money is tight and she's already got $100 out of you for this wedding, you're good to go. She SHOULD reimburse you -- but I'd quite sure she won't.

Like the others said, if you want to save the relationship, or think you might enjoy the other attendees, then go. Otherwise just skip it and write her (and the $100, unfortunately) off.

winneythepooh7 · #15 08-04-2004, 08:51 AM

I also agree about losing out on the $$$ unfortunately. I got screwed awhile back because one of the bridesmaid's was supposed to reimburse me for money towards the bachelorette party. She never did. I asked the bride to talk to her and nothing ever happened. That is the thing that sucks about being in wedding parties.