Loyalty Question

[LionTamer]

Speaking as someone who is out in the working world, I'd approach it like a job that didn't work out.

Go find something that's a better fit, but don't burn any bridges or trash your former organization (although they sound as if they deserve it). As someone suggested "It didn't work out" or "the chemistry just wasn't right" is a good neutral way of dealing with questions. There's nothing that sounds worse than someone bad-mouthing their former organization, even if it was deserved. And if the guys are jerks, people will already know this, and admire your restraint.

The fact that you aren't listing where you're from or naming names tells me that you have already figured this out.

It's a shame you had time to develop a fondness for the national organization, but there are plenty of good, strong fraternities out there. Greek life ends up paying dividends long after college is over, so I hope you're able to find a new home. Good luck.

[_Opi_]

Ronso,

I've been in a similar situation like yourself, although I wasn't a pledge or anything. I was interested in a sorority, loved the girls, great organization, spent alot of time with the girls (before and during the time I was interested). All in all, I was really impressed with the sorority. In the end, I had to part ways, because although locally things were great, I learned somethings about the organization and its beliefs that didn't mesh well with me (religious reasons). I still think they are a great organization, taught me alot about greeks (I really didn't know anything about them before hand), but I don't regret my decision. Now I am currently pursuing another organization happily.


My advice to you: RESEARCH thoroughly..both locally and (inter)nationally. Give the orgz on campus a chance.


Good luck on your search

[PiEp299]

I'd have to agree with most. You need to rush all the fraternities you can. That is the only way to decide which one is right for you and which ones aren't. I thought I knew what fraternity I was going to be in when I went to college, but through rush I discovered how much they truly sucked and didn't deserve me as a member.
Also, get to know the other "rushees". Find the guys you fit in with and who share your same ideals. It will (from reading your posts) be the ruling class of that fraternity at some point. It will be a fraternity that not only "talks the talk", but also "walks the walk".

[ASUADPi]

Ronso,
Hello and welcome.

I have to agree with what everyone is saying, rush again. Keep your mind open, experience the other chapters, don't bad mouth the other chapter.

I definately have to agree with greencat. They should have stuck by you when you have personal problems. They claimed all this "brotherhood" and then when one is faltering, they don't even stick by you. No offense to them, but not cool in my book. I may not know you personally, but I do know that you definately did not deserve to be treated that way.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do and keep us posted.

Brianna

[DawnDZ]

I agree 100% with what everyone else has said. I definitely think you should go into rush with the intent to visit each organization available at least once. I think its the only fair thing to do. I suicided last fall, I know the decision was right for me. I also attended the rush events for other GLO's on my new campus. I wanted to make sure that I chose a GLO based on a good personal fit. IFC rush is different in that they don't require you to attend events held by each fraternity (the way sororities do).

It really doesn't sound like XYZ is your best match. If I were you I would talk to the 2 brothers who your still friends with, and explain that while they are all great guys, you may not be the best match for them. I would also tell them that your considering rushing again and would like to still come to one of there rush events to see if this would work but at the same time you will be looking at other fraternities.

Everyone has doubts initially about where they belong. Sometimes things like this happen for a reason. Maybe it means your not meant to be a member of there organization, but maybe this your chance to try ABC and CDF. This decision is for life, not just your college years. I hope it all works out and you get the right brotherhood for you

[Ronso]

After redoing rush this fall I got a much better feel for the houses on campus and even found one I felt fit me perfectly. Unfortunately I did not recieve a bid from any of the houses on campus including my old one. I've yet to decide if I want to put myself through the process again in the spring, but I'll update if I do.

Anyway, my thanks to everyone who posted or PMed with words of advice and encouragement, they went a long way towards helping me sort this out before rush began. I hope all of you had successfull recruitment/rushes both locally and nationally and continue to have great school years.

[FSUZeta]

i don't know how i missed your postings the first time around! i am sorry that the outcome wasn't what you(and all of us) hoped for you. however, if you think that you might like to give greek life one more chance, there are some things you can do(if you haven't already) to show all the chapters what a great member you would be:

1) join a club or special interest group on campus-it can be one related to your major, or just a hobby

2) keep those grades up

3) volunteer your time to a worthy cause-it could be volunteering at a soup kitchen, tutoring a child or a fellow student, joining in on a campus wide volunteer event, etc.

items i and 3 will enable you to meet other students with similar interests and some of them will be greeks-networking is one of the best ways to become known, and in structured settings like the above, it takes the pressure off both you and any fraternity members you meet. sorority members also could be a help by gettng to know you and then introducing you to their fraternity friends.

you sound as if you would be an asset to any house. i hope you won't give up on greek life. lisa

I had a very good friend that pledged a sorority and ended up finding out during her pledging period that she was pregnant. She finished pledging and was not able to become initatied because she had to leave school because of her high risk pregnancy. Once she was able to return, the sorority president let her know that she couldnt be initiated. She was so devastated and went through rush again and was given a bid by another sorority where she is now an active and very happy! Some sororities and fraternities chapters are just not understanding!
Good Luck with whichever you choose to do!
Brandi

[Tom Earp]

RONSO, the second time around is the hardest for re-recruiting. All of the Houses know that you went with xyz and left.

They may not know the real reasons that you left so wont recruit you.

Give it a little time and get to know members of other Houses.

Do your checking of what the Nationals Stand for, what other Chapters who are close are like.

It is hard to beleive that you would look back to the same house that you were in. Of course it depends on why you left. If they ignored you then I would have second thoughts.

You were not just trash to be set out curbside and forgotten.

Good Luck!

[ASUADPi]

Not that I'm familiar with how fraternity formal recruitment goes, but isn't it just as "tedious" as sorority FR? I ask because I have heard on many occasions from PNM's who got cut or received no bids during FR but then went through COR/COB. Also, with fraternity as with sorority are there rules on GPA?

I ask this because if fraternity recruitment is anything like sorority there are so many more "rules" and "regulations" during formal than there is during informal.

My advice is, if there was a house you were incredibly interested in, get to know the guys better on campus. Maybe some of them are in your classes. Say hi if you see one around. If they aren't at total they might hold some informal recuitment activities, go to those because they will be a bit more "down to earth".

I also have to agree with FSUZeta, get involved on campus in other ways. Do some volunteer work. Most importantly take care of yourself (mentally and physically) and keep your grades up. Remember, even if you don't end up joining a fraternity, that isn't what college is about, it's about that francy shamancy diploma where it should come to gold plated for the amount of money you spent on it


Good luck with whatever you decide to do and keep us posted!

[Tom Earp]

Depending on when recruitment is, Fall or Spring dictates a lot.

Figure that a New Frosh going to College had good enough grades to Associate in the Fall.

Yes, NIC does have rules on GPA. If an Associate does not get the prescribed GPA, usaually higher than College they will be Initiated, if not held over for another Semester.

Only held over one time.

I am only speaking for LXA of course. But, I take for granted that most NIC Organizations are similar.