Is it better to be single or attached?

[James]

Do you guys think there is more pressure on women than men to be involved in a relationship? Why? And is that a good thing?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by James
Do you guys think there is more pressure on women than men to be involved in a relationship? Why? And is that a good thing?

I think the pressure's about equal but at different times in men's and women's lives...

Younger women--say under 25ish, have some pressure, but not much...

Same with younger men.

But once that woman turns past 25, the pressure is ON!!! If it is not the Biological Clock Time Bomb, then it's "have you met a nice boy???"

For men that age, I do not see much pressure until after 32ish maybe... Definitely later mid to late 30's... Especially if homeboy is hangin' out at the club scene and is 40... Or if all his friends are married and he isn't--then his sexual preferences get questioned...

And if a woman is not married by 35ish, then whoa, do family and friends start to wonder what the HAYLE is wrong with her and HER sexual preferences get questioned...

Mind you, old folks don't question those who have been in F'ed up marriages or already have kids runnin' around... They question those who are trying to live a decent life, make the best choices and carefully decide who they WANT to spend the rest of their life with--before bringing children into the picture...

Why does it seem like it is better to FCUK up your life with some luser that steamrollers over you life and lose it (Jerry Springer style), than to never have loved???

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by James
Do you guys think there is more pressure on women than men to be involved in a relationship? Why? And is that a good thing?

I think it depends with who you are talking with. Parents for the most part I think want us all to be attached and living happily ever after. However, I think this is an unrealistic goal nowadays and hopefully we come from a family that is supportive of us whatever our decision is, or whatever our life circumstances are. I think both guys and women have pressure on them to settle down, for example, I've dated guys whose moms' are like "I can't wait to have grandchildren". And I've also heard my mom and my friends' mom's say "you know with the amount of guys you date that never would have been acceptable in my day". Ultimately though, I think WE (whether male or female) put the pressure on ourselves to be involved. I think that there is an innateness in us to want to be involved. However in our society, guys are brought up culturally to become less attached and less "emotional" about relationships. I still think that guys can get hurt though even if they don't "show it" or "talk about it" like us females do. I also think that a lot of us have a time frame in our head of when we should be in a certain stage and relationship. I have this conversation with my pledge mom all the time, who happens to be a doctor. What we talk about is not that we necessarily want to be in a relationship, but we WONDER why it is so difficult to meet "quality" men since we are two single professional women. I don't think being pressured to be in a relationship is ever a good thing because it is always going to blow up in the end.

[James]

I think there is a lack of both quality men and women if I understand correctly how you are using the term.

I think though, its a lot more pronounced in a relationship if the man lacks certain relationship skills, because the man is generally considered the initiator in a relationship.

If he fails to hold up his side of the bargain its glaringly obvious.

I think if you are a pretty well adjusted male with decent relationship and verbal skills its very easy to have really good relationships with a high percentage of women.

Conversely, I think well-adjusted women with good relationship skills can find it harder to have a really good relationship with a lot of males because males really are expected to do a lot of stuff . . . that they don't do.

I think more woman settle than men because they have higher expectations.

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
. I have this conversation with my pledge mom all the time, who happens to be a doctor. What we talk about is not that we necessarily want to be in a relationship, but we WONDER why it is so difficult to meet "quality" men since we are two single professional women. I don't think being pressured to be in a relationship is ever a good thing because it is always going to blow up in the end.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
You can be married and boring...

OR

Single and lonely...

LOL! This is so funny and so true. Sometimes I think that Chris Rock is so much more than a comedian.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by James
I think there is a lack of both quality men and women if I understand correctly how you are using the term.

I think though, its a lot more pronounced in a relationship if the man lacks certain relationship skills, because the man is generally considered the initiator in a relationship.

If he fails to hold up his side of the bargain its glaringly obvious.

I think if you are a pretty well adjusted male with decent relationship and verbal skills its very easy to have really good relationships with a high percentage of women.

Conversely, I think well-adjusted women with good relationship skills can find it harder to have a really good relationship with a lot of males because males really are expected to do a lot of stuff . . . that they don't do.

I think more woman settle than men because they have higher expectations.

You've said some good stuff James. I think you are right too. Most of the guys I have dated have stated from the beginning "This is who I am, take me or leave me". Us women do have that annoying habit of thinking we can always change you all for the better As my Director always says "How many Social Workers does it take to change a lightbulb? NONE!!!! The light bulb has to want to change".

[swissmiss04]

It's always baffled me how older people (especially in my family) will always say to the younger ones "Have you met someone yet?" "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"and if you answer no they talk about how you might possibly be gay/lesbian. If you say yes, they seemingly do all they can to wreck the relationship. I swear once when I was 13 or so my mother gave me a lecture about how sexual experimentation isn't such a bad thing, as long as you're safe. Of course at that age I was like, "Um, right...." Fast forward to college....we were out to dinner one night and out of the blue my mom says "If I ever found out you were sleeping around I'd pull you out of college." Double bind communication much?! I think parental overinvolvement in their children's relationships is a huge mistake, especially if they are adults. It seems like no matter what I am, my mother makes me feel that the grass is greener.
How much do I owe now? Do you file w/ insurance?

[winneythepooh7]

hey swissmiss you just made me laugh cuz i understand where you are coming from. the best is when you go to weddings and you are placed at the "singles table".

[WCUgirl]

Originally posted by James
I think more woman settle than men because they have higher expectations.

Agreed.

[KSigkid]

It's more important to be happy...period, end of story. If you're happy single, be single. If you're happy who you're with, be who you're with.

I was plenty happy single, and I'm extremely happy as someone's fiancee. It works both ways.

I will agree though, from what I've seen/heard, the pressure mounts on women to have a relationship more than it does for men.

This is only based on my experience coming from a large Italian family though.

[damasa]

Is it better to be single or attached? This post gets my vote for worst post ever.

Like other people have stated, it is much better to be happy no matter if you are single or not.

[nucutiepie]

I think it really depends on where you are in your life. I was constantly in relationships from just before my 16th birthday until i was about eighteen and a half. I'm now 20, and I haven't had a "boyfriend" since I broke up with the guy from when I was eighteen. I've dated plenty of guys, but I'm still so young that at this point in my life unless I meet someone really special, I'm not going to be in a relationship just because its the comfortable thing to do. I know I'm really young still, but in being single at this age I think I am really learning a lot about myself and who I am. I'm currently living abroad, and while the study program I am on is almost over I am goign backpacking for a month, mostly by myself. I KNOW that if I was in a relationship I wouldn't even have left the country, let alone travelled in foreign countries by myself, but honestly the experiences I have had out here have been amazing and really have helped me to "find myself", to use cheesy expressions.

Do I want to get married and have kids? Of course! My parents have been married 25 years and I pray I can have a marriage as strong as theirs is! But at this point in my life, it's better for me to be single and learning about myself - which is what your 20s are for anyway - then to be in a relationship. If I were suddenly to meet the right guy, my views might change, but regardless of what happened I am happy to have been single for two years now because of how much I have learned about myself.

[winneythepooh7]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by damasa
[B]Is it better to be single or attached? This post gets my vote for worst post ever.




I actually think this is an interesting topic. It gets everyone thinking. I agree that it depends on where you are in your life and who you are with. Too many people settle down though with the wrong person and for the wrong reason. And way too many people get attached way too quickly.

[damasa]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by winneythepooh7
[B]

Originally posted by damasa
Is it better to be single or attached? This post gets my vote for worst post ever.




I actually think this is an interesting topic. It gets everyone thinking. I agree that it depends on where you are in your life and who you are with. Too many people settle down though with the wrong person and for the wrong reason. And way too many people get attached way too quickly.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. It didn't really make me think because almost everyone out there ends up "attached." Now not everyone does but most do. I also know a few people that have been single for years and liked it at first but now hate it.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with being attached and it's also sometimes ok to get "attached way too quickly" because sometimes people just know if another person is right for them or not.

Now let's talk about what we like about Arizona or something.

[amycat412]

Originally posted by KSigkid
It's more important to be happy...period, end of story. If you're happy single, be single. If you're happy who you're with, be who you're with.

I was plenty happy single, and I'm extremely happy as someone's fiancee. It works both ways.

Touche.

And that's the basis of it-- you have to be HAPPY period. Happy with yourself will equal happy single and happy as a couple.

I was happy, albeit sometimes lonley, as a single. And I am happy in my relationship.