Men, Women and break-ups: Its Over vs. Renegotiation

[James]

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[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by James

Ok along the lines of the last topic.

Most men when they break-up, or even when thy arebroken up with, think the relationship is over. I know there are exceptions, but if you ask the average guy what gives after a break-up he will say, its done.

When women break-up or are broken up with, a lot of times it seems like its a prelude to renegotiation.

If I ask the girl whats going on after the break-up, I might get responses like: I don't know, we haven't talked.

Its almost like the break-up is her way, or time to try to work out certain behaviors, and if they don't work out, maybe try and establish a friendship.

But a lot of time it leads to the continuation of an odd quasi relationship, where neither person has totally moved on, they aren't together, but they are kind of mentally into each other still.

Has anyone else noticed this as well? The threads on here seem replete with it.

This thread is old, but I'm laughing because it's so true. Yeah, once I'm done, I'm done. None of that can we still be friends stuff. All bridges are burned to the ground for me. I move on.

[AGDee]

I'm of the "If it's over, it's over" mindset but have dated several men who were not. If I broke up with them, it's because I don't want to see them again. If they broke up with me, then I don't want to see them again because.. why would I want to be with someone who doesn't think we're a good fit? When I was dating a lot (after my divorce), I had several men say we couldn't go out anymore because they had worked things out with an ex and were going back to her. Perhaps it depended on who did the break up? I dunno. And, this phenomena started back when I was 16 and my 19 year old boyfriend decided to go back to his ex, so it's not just recent!

I do have several friends who have one ex that they have pined for and can't let go. I've never had that experience either. Perhaps for a few weeks or so, but never YEARS later. They beat themselves up over screwing up that relationship or compare every new guy to the "one that got away". Almost always, within months after the breakup, I think to myself "What did I ever see in him?" The only exception is my second husband because we had a great dating relationship and his deep seated issues didn't show themselves until the expectations of marriage and parenthood kicked in. However, he still reminds me often why I left him, even though I have very good memories of our dating relationship.

[BlessedOne04]

In my experience I have seen the exact opposite. I am the type that when its done, its done and I don't look back. However I have a friend who her men won't let her go even if she says leave me alone. So what I'm saying is that it really depends on who the person as to whether they let go or not.

[ZTAMich]

I was just at the engagement party this weekend of people who over the summer swore their relationship was over. LOL You never know...