When Harry Met Sally Debate

[alikat2]

I definitely think it can happen, but it's rare. Usually, from the beginning, one party is/becomes attracted. It is a cruel fact of life.

[HBADPi]

Originally posted by AXJules
Don't get me wrong. It's flattering, and sweet. And it means more knowing that they didn't feel that way when they first met me, but it was my personality that made it happen. Fine. Great. But it is kind of upsetting when you start friendships going"We're so platonic! This is awesome!" and then you just feel like you've been lied to....and I know it isn't always deliberate but it is kind of a let down sometimes.

And you don't want to start every friendship going "just so you know, I have no attraction to you...." b/c then it makes it sound like you just assume everyone's attracted to you...God could a person sound more conceited?

OY such is life.

Jules I feel exactly the same way and I couldnt have said it better myself. It is flattering to think that it is your personality that ends up making a difference but when you go into it knowing you're not interested and then you start thinking hey he might want more out of this its a tough place to be...

I'm beginning to realize that maybe I missed the subliminal messages and even the times I did notice something I chose to avoid them rather than deal with them. Maybe if I had voiced my thoughts at the time then he would have known where I stood and not attempted to persue taking the relationship further.

Its also hard for me not to befriend guys because being in the computer science field I am definitely a minority. So unless I want to spend the rest of my days not speaking to most of my coworkers/classmates I have to befriend the guys. Drama drama drama....

[wishinhopin]

Not saying I necessarily subscribe to this theory (and I don't know if it's been posted on here before), but www.laddertheory.com is definitely worth checking out. Mainly because there are some truths in there that I'd rather not admit to myself or anyone else, but I will say this- if a guy is awesome enough to be my friend, and I find him physically attractive, chances are I'll have a crush on him at some point. Although I do find guys exponentially more attractive based on how nice and/or funny they are, which this website says is all a lie. So I dunno, take it with a grain of salt I guess.

[decadence]

Men and women can be friends. Ruling out being with 50% (or whatever) of the world just because they do or do not possess a Y chromosome does not make good sense.
Not all men want to hump the leg of any borderline attractive member of the appropriate sex all the time.

[KillarneyRose]

This is an ongoing debate between Mr. KillarneyRose and me.

I had lots of guy friends in college and I always have and always will maintain that we were just friends and they weren't after any more than that.

Mr. KillarneyRose says that under their "just friends" exterior, they all wanted to, um, hava a physical relationship with me.

I told Mr. KillarneyRose that, just becase he was a big ol' horndog in college doesn't mean that everyone was!

[Rudey]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
This is an ongoing debate between Mr. KillarneyRose and me.

I had lots of guy friends in college and I always have and always will maintain that we were just friends and they weren't after any more than that.

Mr. KillarneyRose says that under their "just friends" exterior, they all wanted to, um, hava a physical relationship with me.

I told Mr. KillarneyRose that, just becase he was a big ol' horndog in college doesn't mean that everyone was!

No he was probably right.

Ask the guys - specially if one is married since they'd be willing to admit it now.

-Rudey

[madmax]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
This is an ongoing debate between Mr. KillarneyRose and me.

I had lots of guy friends in college and I always have and always will maintain that we were just friends and they weren't after any more than that.

Mr. KillarneyRose says that under their "just friends" exterior, they all wanted to, um, hava a physical relationship with me.

I told Mr. KillarneyRose that, just becase he was a big ol' horndog in college doesn't mean that everyone was!

Your husband was right. Why do think they were hanging out with you? They weren't looking for advice on handbags.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Mr. KillarneyRose says that under their "just friends" exterior, they all wanted to, um, hava a physical relationship with me.

That's what Harry says too.

I think the sex thing is always there. Even if you don't find someone terribly attractive at first, they often become attractive to you once you get to know their personality. And you like all of your friends personalities, right?

[decadence]

think the sex thing is always there. Even if you don't find someone terribly attractive at first, they often become attractive to you once you get to know their personality.

Not necessarily in a 'we're buds it'd be like incest' way.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by madmax
Why do think they were hanging out with you? They weren't looking for advice on handbags.

There are some men who are looking for advice on handbags, and they are the only types who can just be friends.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally posted by decadence
Not necessarily in a 'we're buds it'd be like incest' way.

That's true, there are some guys I grew up with that I don't find attractive at all. But the guys I've met in college and recently, I find attractive. But most of them are friends with my ex so they're off limits.

[decadence]

I wonder if a lot of things said here (not your post above Lil' Hannah' I hasten to add) are just said misandry?

[AXJules]

Originally posted by decadence
I wonder if a lot of things said here (not your post above Lil' Hannah' I hasten to add) are just said misandry?

If that were so, you guys bring it upon yourself.

How often do we hear (said by GUYS) "He's just being a man. That's what we do. That's how they are. blahblahblah.........

I have absolutely no hatred towards men, can't get enough of them, actually.....but when the same shit keeps happening and your own gender agrees with us that there's some kind of conspiracy theory thing going on....what other conclusions can we come to?

[damasa]

Originally posted by AXJules
If that were so, you guys bring it upon yourself.

How often do we hear (said by GUYS) "He's just being a man. That's what we do. That's how they are. blahblahblah.........

I have absolutely no hatred towards men, can't get enough of them, actually.....but when the same shit keeps happening and your own gender agrees with us that there's some kind of conspiracy theory thing going on....what other conclusions can we come to?

You are faking it Jules, nobody wants to smash with you....


You and Alex should hook it up though.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I had plenty of guy friends in college, and none of them wanted me. I wish that some of them, or at least one of them, had wanted to date me in college.