when sororities are dissing each other during rush

[Aphigal]

I tell struggling chapters that I work with this all the time:

there are two circles when it comes to your fate - one circle contains everything IN your control the other contains everything outside your control. Right now by concentrating on what other chapters are doing/saying/thinking about your chapter is focusing on what you CAN'T control. No matter how unfair awful mean this is focusing on that which you cannot control will never help your chapter. Instead turn your energy inward, examining every aspect of your chapter's recruitment efforts and work to improve the situation.

Yes this is "tough love" and may sound mean but it is also true.

[bruinaphi]

Sorry, I assumed it was ASU from her username.

LD

[aopinthesky]

Originally posted by AXWhoah
It's gotten to the point where they have had bad rush after bad rush and they're at the point where there really isn't anything you can do for them.
Thirdly I'd probably be a little nicer if their girls weren't such bitches, some of the most unfriendly woman I have ever met are in this chapter. They're big time shit talkers and so they shouldn't be surprised if people talk back.

I, of course, know nothing about your school or sororities. I am surprised that anyone would say the kinds of things about another group that you have said in a public forum. Anonymity gives you a louder voice, I suppose. I hope your Alpha Chis never experience "bad rush after bad rush" because it is terrible to be in that situation and not be able to dig your way out of it. Perhaps the group does have it's share of unfriendly witches, but so does yours.
ADII - my heart goes out to your group. You have received some good advice and I wish you the best.

[JohnsDGsweethrt]

Brianna,

I feel for your chapter and I'm sorry this is happening. I don't know if you hold an advisor position for you chapter but it sounds like you would be a great one. I'm not sure if it would be appropriate to do this if you weren't an advisor but you guys should be rasing hell with you panhellenic if you aren't already. If other sororities are trash talking they should be getting big time rush infractions. Beyond taking action with panhell I can't think what to do. I suppose it might be possible to call national panhell reps to come observe rush if the campus panhell isn't taking care of the problem. Good luck!

[adpiucf]

Being an alum who has been through all sides of the recruitment process-- PNM, sister, recruitment counselor, adviser, alumnae director, here are some thoughts...

1) No chapter is including "trash talking the other sororities" in their Recruitment Workshops. The goal is to sell "ABC" sorority to the PNMs, and not "how do we make sure that all the PNMs hate XYZ?" I am sure that once in a while, some sorority woman lets something slip to a PNM (whether in a recruitment party or a personal setting), but it is more likely due to a personal problem with another member of another GLO. Any trash talking is the result of an individual, and not an entire chapter. However, a member is a representative of her chapter and Recruitment Chairs should be mindful of this and remind members to watch their Ps and Qs always. You never know who is listening and when you might injure chapter relations.

2) PNM's talk A LOT of smack. There are women who have rushed before, who are older and going through recruitment after a few years of being on campus, who are younger and have friends at other schools in other sororities who think that all groups bearing the letters "ABC" have the same reputation, girls who are legacies, friends of current sorority members, and in those PNM groups, there is a bunch of misinformation that floats around. YOU HAVE NO IDEA SOME OF THE THINGS I HAVE HEARD!!!! This is where the vast majority of those rumors begin! It's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) A chapter with steadily declining numbers tends to have a lower self-esteem, and as the numbers fall, so do things like keeping your negativity within the chapter wall's ears, and an their view of other GLO's. This manifests itself in the chapter members being less friendly and unwilling to accept help or constructive criticism. The smaller group unintentionally alientates itself and feels envy toward the larger, more successful group who has mastered the art of keeping internal conflict out of the public eye. (I AM NOT SAYING THAT SORORITIES WITH SMALLER NUMBERS ARE BAD. I AM SAYING THAT A CHAPTER WHOSE NUMBERS ARE FALLING, WHO IS STRUGGLING WITH RECRUITMENT, ETC., IS AT-RISK FOR THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR).

I think one of the best ways to combat negative self-talk within a chapter is to encourage an open-forum meeting with all the members and the Exec Board once a quarter/semester where members can air their feelings. Having motivational speakers and team building exercises as part of a member education workshop or sisterhood retreat are also great ways to motivate. Setting realistic goals at the beginning of the year is a great way to energize the chapter to reach for the stars! RECRUITMENT IS A 365-DAY-A-YEAR PROCESS. Always put your best foot forward!

[AXWhoah]

APhigal hit it on the head. They have the worst attitude of anyone. I know that THEY talk about the other sororities. And if you'd had the kind of dealings with these woman that I have had then you'd be saying....example my best friend (also and AX here) was dating this guy whose exgf is an ADPi here. This ADPi talks shit about my best friend to whoever will listen. She tried to spread the rumor that my best friend had herpes. Now the AX has never even met the ADPi and the ADPi and the guy broke up before the AX even met him.
I mean the shit talking continues even though my best friend is no longer seeing the guy. Like we're talking two nights ago at a bar to a friend of ours that the ADPi hardly knows. I mean, who does that!!!!???

ETA: adpiucf also hit it on the head in point number 3. We did mock rush with them this past fall and we all were very polite and gave them constructive critism because the things they did wrong were things they probably couldn't fix. Anyway, then they came over to our house and tore us apart. Seriously my mouth dropped at what some of them said. And they all felt the need to play the problem PNM. We were all like, what the F&%k just happened.

[valkyrie]

AXWhoah, it sounds like you have a personal problem with members of ADPi and you're only making yourself look bad by posting such things here -- you're coming off as all the things you're accusing them of being. It's completely inappropriate.

[33girl]

What you don't seem to be getting (requiring me to make it tragically obvious) is that by saying things like "well they deserve it because of blah blah blah" you look just as bad as you are saying they look.

If you were offended by what ASUADPi was saying and thought it wasn't true, you could have picked another way to convey it other than saying the things you said.

[aephi alum]

OK, so this is the situation as I understand it. Be aware that I'm unfamiliar with the greek system in question.

1. The ADPi chapter is small.
2. The ADPi's feel that other chapters are bad-mouthing them, especially during rush.
3. Some members of other chapters feel that ADPi has talked smack about them.

For point 1, I feel your pain. I recently posted a thread about my concerns regarding my chapter's size. I do have to commend the other sororities at my school, though, for not bad-mouthing us... the only thing I fault them for is going to deferred recruitment without re-evaluating total.

For points 2 and 3, if this is what's going on (from either side) it's very immature and un-Panhellenic. If XYZ badmouths ABC and ABC retaliates by blasting XYZ, that just makes both XYZ and ABC look bad. Two wrongs don't make a right. It's doubly wrong during rush; the message during rush should be "Go XYZ", not "Don't go ABC".

The fact is, it doesn't matter who started what. ADPi is small and needs to regroup and recruit and grow back to a viable size. The other sororities and their members need to give ADPi the space they need to do that. Among other things, that means no bad-mouthing - of any sorority, by any sorority.

ETA: Aphigal... you hit the nail on the head!

[AXWhoah]

I am not bad mouthing them. I merely stated the facts. And it is so easy for all of you to be all holier than thou since you're not here. And to clear things further my recruitment conselor partner, whom I choose, was and ADPi and I love her to death.
My original point before I got side tracked was that they are beyond struggling. They have somewhere between 20 and 30 women on a campus where total is 130 and the next smallest chapter has 70. Sometimes there isn't any more that you can do, and I don't think that it's unpanhellenic of me. No one is saying bad things about them during recruitment.
What I meant by what I said before was that they have gotten to the point where they ooze negativity and you can feel it during recruitment.

[AZPhiPsi]

Welp, it's time to say what noone else has the gumption to say...the cold, hard truth.

I go to the University of Arizona. The sad fact of the matter is that ADPi has been known as "The Arizona Dog Pound" (ADP) since before I was a freshman. They have had less than 20 girls for some time now, and they are some of the bitchiest girls on campus to boot.

Noone wants to be associated with them. It's just that simple. I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but it's noone's fault but their own that they're in their current situation.

You should never blame your problems on someone else. Take responsibility for your chapters failure, and learn from your mistakes. Don't try and pawn your failures off onto someone else "talking badly" about you. ADPi is the only chapter at the University of Arizona out of 15 some sororities that is doing this poorly.

Grow up and take responsibility, because in the real world noone cares WHY you failed, the simple fact that you did is what counts.

[33girl]

Originally posted by AZPhiPsi
I'm really not trying to be an asshole

You're succeeding, though.

[AZPhiPsi]

The truth hurts. The sorority system is the biggest load of sugar coated, politically correct garbage I've ever seen.

Sometimes you have to take the gloves off to get to cause of the problem, which IS NOT that other sororities talk poorly about them during recruitment. As someone up above stated earlier, that's not a taught or practiced recruitment tactic, in either the fraternity or sorority system. You sell what your chapter has to offer, not what other chapters are lacking.

Again, the simple truth is that they're unfriendly, unattractive, and have low numbers. While an extremely politically correct airhead might like to overlook this and focus on an irrelevant result (talking smack) instead of the real reasons, the items listed above are why their chapter is really failing, whether you want to crawl out of your potically correct hole in the ground and acknowledge it or not.

[valkyrie]

Hey AXWhoah -- I mean sock puppet -- I mean AZPhiPsi -- Yeah, and you just happened to be reading GC today and decided to register because you just happened upon this thread. We believe you, really. It always enhances your credibility when you create a new username.

[ZTAngel]

When you create a new username while still logged in on your old name, you should remember to change your profile.