Married Men . . . - Page 2

lovelyivy84 · #16 01-29-2004, 11:45 AM

That is CHEATING. That is emotional and physical infidelity and it is wrong on every level.

On the original question: I think that you should always take yourself out of this situation. I do my best to make sure that I am friendly with all of my guy friends girlfriends. Anything else is an insult to the relationship. If I started to catch a feeling I would make myself scarce, because no one should voluntarily put themself in that position.

I deserve waaay better.

Love_Spell_6 · #17 01-29-2004, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
What is cheating?

If a married man/woman hooked up with a person of the opposite sex and they didn't have sex, is that cheating still?

I was reading this article in Essence and it talked a little about this. I wanna hear your thoughts...

I dont believe that the only way you can "cheat" is to have sex. I would feel cheated emotionally if my man starting sharing all of his innermost feelings, dreams, etc. with another woman vs. me. There is a such things as having "friends" while you're married or in a relationship (Iguess ..

)but I'm sorry,..you cannot maintain the same closeness with a friend of the opposite sex once you're married....I think problems will arise eventually... the friendship should be modified in some areas

delph998 · #18 01-29-2004, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
I dont believe that the only way you can "cheat" is to have sex. I would feel cheated emotionally if my man starting sharing all of his innermost feelings, dreams, etc. with another woman vs. me. There is a such things as having "friends" while you're married or in a relationship (Iguess ..)but I'm sorry,..you cannot maintain the same closeness with a friend of the opposite sex once you're married....I think problems will arise eventually... the friendship should be modified in some areas

I agree. Just wanted to se what ya had to say about it.

ClassyLady · #19 01-29-2004, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
I dont believe that the only way you can "cheat" is to have sex. I would feel cheated emotionally if my man starting sharing all of his innermost feelings, dreams, etc. with another woman vs. me.

Ditto!

In fact, I think that I would be more hurt if my husband was having a relationship with someone else than if he had just had sex with her. The fact that he felt more comfortable and was more willing to talk and spend time with a woman other than me would crush me. That means that his feelings towards me had changed.

SKEEphistAKAte · #20 01-29-2004, 08:41 PM

Cheating to me is doing anything that you would not want your spouse to find out about. If it is calling someone on the phone, sending emails, kissing, or whatever. If you didn't want me to know about it and you did it anyway- you cheated.

SummerChild · #21 01-30-2004, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
Scenario:
You are good friends with a married man. You too often spend time together and for some reason, you have developed STRONG feelings for him.

What do you do?

Me myself and I would pray those feelings away and distance myself from my friend. I know that those feelings would not be ordained by God.

I agree that I would not be spending lots of time with a married man - he should be spending that time with his wife IMO. If I was "caught up" with feelings however, I would let him know the deal, that I think that it is inappropriate, and cut off contact with him.

SC

abaici · #22 01-30-2004, 01:38 AM

I agree with everyone. However, are we extending this to people in a relationship period. Not married or engaged. Just in a relationship. I had a discussion with a couple of friends a while back about this issue. Two felt that they honered only engagements and marriages, men with girlfriends were fair game. I had a little problem with that.

lovelyivy84 · #23 01-30-2004, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by abaici
I agree with everyone. However, are we extending this to people in a relationship period. Not married or engaged. Just in a relationship. I had a discussion with a couple of friends a while back about this issue. Two felt that they honered only engagements and marriages, men with girlfriends were fair game. I had a little problem with that.

I would have a problem with that too. A man who does his girl wrong with you will end up doing it again. And where is your self-esteem that you would want to be affiliated with that person in any way?

If the man breaks up with his girlfriend and then you date that s a different issue. Messing around with someone who doesn't have the courage to just break up with his girlfriend if he is THAT eager to move on is wrong.

But in some ways the rules are different for guys with girlfriends. I would flirt a guy who had a girlfriend. I would still try to be friendly with the girlfriend, but wouldn't feel awkward about having a deep friendship with the guy in that case. I just wouldn't encourage him to cheat.

Conskeeted7 · #24 01-30-2004, 11:15 AM

Look at your motives, honestly...are you close to that man because you had feelings for him all along? Are you trying to wait and see how his relationship goes so you can be there to 'support him' if he has problems?

If so, respect yourself, respect the institution of marriage, and get the he** out of the situation. Don't disrespect yourself by fooling yourself and pretending that it's cool to be close to this man that you have feelings for. Why are you tempting yourself and him? Develop other relationships and focus on single men, no girlfriends or wives.

Love_Spell_6 · #25 01-30-2004, 12:02 PM

Ladies,
As I read our responses, I can't help but think that we must be the cream of the crop when it comes to women....or some of us are just not being honest. There are so many people cheating and being cheated on....so many of us that do not respect relationships, marriage etc....so many of us that see a "good" brother and will go after him at all costs because he is a good catch...and because of the shortage of good brothas...regardless of if he is involved with someone....

If more women thought the way we are saying we think...there would be a lot LESS infidelity..

AKA2D '91 · #26 01-30-2004, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SKEEphistAKAte
Cheating to me is doing anything that you would not want your spouse to find out about. If it is calling someone on the phone, sending emails, kissing, or whatever. If you didn't want me to know about it and you did it anyway- you cheated.

You are right, as well as Love_Spell...

If he is doing more with his "friend" than you (his wife)...yeah that's cheating.

HC I know of a situation where the husband bought his BEST FRIEND a Coach Briefcase, but hasn't purchased anything by Coach for his wife?

They have been friends for yearsssssss, but still...

As the best friend, would you have accepted the gift especially if you know he hasn't done anything like that for his wife? ETA

Love_Spell_6 · #27 01-30-2004, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91

As the best friend, would you have accepted the gift especially if you know he hasn't done anything like that for his wife? ETA

HEck No!
Any woman that would does not respect his marriage and probably wants him for herself... I always treat married men the way I would want another woman to treat my husband...

lovelyivy84 · #28 01-30-2004, 12:55 PM

I honestly don't know. That is a FANTASTIC gift, and my first instinct would probably be to keep it, lol.

But I also wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of gift giving. It would definitely make me wonder about how my friend saw me to give such an extravagant gift. If his wife got BETTER stuff then that's no problem, but if he's buying her Gap and me Coach I would really wonder....

I would also wonder if he was expecting a Coach bag for Xmas too- and nobody but my sweetie would merit a gift like that! :P

So I would probably tell him to give the bag to his wife.

But sadly. Very, very sadly.

TruePursuit · #29 01-30-2004, 02:26 PM

Hey yall,

I just had to reply to this thread because I can see this is where I'm going to end up one day. I have a couple of males that are my friends. I'm talking, never dated, never flirted... anything! But as we get older I see them engage in long term relationships it made me think, "he's going to get married one day!" What do I do? Fortunately my best guy friend seriously dates anything one of my good female friends but although we're friend (she and I) I can tell by some of the things she says that she's jealous of our (he and I) relationship.

I'm just not sure what I should do. I mean, these guy have been my friends for years and years... I do understand that I will have to step down and we won't spend as much time together but should I expect our relationship (he and I) as a separate entity to end?

What do you guys think?

SKEEphistAKAte · #30 01-30-2004, 03:02 PM

I don't think that your relationships with them have to end entirely, but you need to take a step back. I would say try to objectively think about how you would feel if your significant other had a female best friend. Consider what you would and would not be happy with. The thing is to be OBJECTIVE about it, not making excuses. Also, I think that a good thing to do is for you to double date. If you have good male friend who is seriously dating someone else, you should double date. That way, his girlfriend has the opportunity to see you with someone else and that will kind of qualm her issues with you wanting her man. Hopefully she will see that there is no romantic interest between you and her man and that in fact, you are very much involved with someone else. Plus, if she is really that important to your friend, you should respect her as such and maybe even seek out a friendship with her. This discussion reminds me of the movie Brown Sugar.