Ok With Celibate Male Mate?

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by Choo-ChooAKA
NO. There are too many men out there trying to "pass" (gay but in denial) with girlfriends or fiancees on their arms. My mind would automatically run to, "he's hiding something." He would be suspect - especially if the celibate thing was his idea. If he was respecting my wishes, that would be a different story. Double-standard? Maybe, but that's life.

That is nuts, no pun intended. I'm sure there's a such thing as a man who isn't ruled by his @#$% and is hetero. I co-sign with delph, I would think that is a blessing!

[FeeFee]

Yes, especially if he is doing so for religious/faith reasons.

[delph998]

Okay Lovelyivy...I kinda understand why you would have that viewpoint.

But I truly believe that God can touch a male to be celibate. I have a friend who hasn't had sex in three years because he isn't in a relationship. And he says that when he does get in a relationship, he wants to wait a while before he DOES have sex. There are men who are concerned about STDs and HIV as well, and I appreciate when men have that precaution in today's times.

[lovelyivy84]

I don't doubt that you believe that. But I would not date any man who felt God touched him to be celibate. Absolutely not. Not because of the no-sex part, but because I would be uncomfortable with someone who felt that level of religious fervor. Extremely uncomfortable.

When you get down to it, I like sex. I don't feel that having sex or not reflects on my relationship to a higher power, reflects on the amount of respect people should or should not give me, or to any cultural/social norms about how a woman or man should act. I have sex with my partner when I feel comfortable with them, and it is an important part of our relationship, a part of our intimacy and bonding. I don't think everyone has to feel the way I do, but that's just how I feel. In regards to preventing disease, proper use of a condom can do a lot, and you should be comfortable discussing your past with your partner before you become intimately involved anyway. If you don't trust what they're telling you you shouldn't be having sex.

A man who I had an emotional connection to who wanted to deny a sense of physical intimacy would not be someone I would get involved with. It's like men who don't kiss- very offputting. I would think that they were hiding some part of themselves from me or involved elsewhere.

Originally posted by delph998
Okay Lovelyivy...I kinda understand why you would have that viewpoint.

But I truly believe that God can touch a male to be celibate. I have a friend who hasn't had sex in three years because he isn't in a relationship. And he says that when he does get in a relationship, he wants to wait a while before he DOES have sex. There are men who are concerned about STDs and HIV as well, and I appreciate when men have that precaution in today's times.

[delph998]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
I don't doubt that you believe that. But I would not date any man who felt God touched him to be celibate. Absolutely not. Not because of the no-sex part, but because I would be uncomfortable with someone who felt that level of religious fervor. Extremely uncomfortable.

When you get down to it, I like sex. I don't feel that having sex or not reflects on my relationship to a higher power, reflects on the amount of respect people should or should not give me, or to any cultural/social norms about how a woman or man should act. I have sex with my partner when I feel comfortable with them, and it is an important part of our relationship, a part of our intimacy and bonding. I don't think everyone has to feel the way I do, but that's just how I feel.

A man who I had an emotional connection to who wanted to deny a sense of physical intimacy would not be someone I would get involved with. It's like men who don't kiss- very offputting. I would think that they were hiding some part of themselves from me or involved elsewhere.

I like you Lovelyivy!! You keeps it real. Because you don't believe in God (I'm right, am I?) I can understand why you have that stance.

To the Christians, like sister soror Abaici said, you can be intimate without having sex. And I know a lot of people who believe that sex confuses everything. So not having it, makes it less complicated.

Summerchild, do you mind if we open this up to the fellas? I want to know how the men feel about the subject matter.

[lovelyivy84]

I am a theist. I believe in God, but not in any particular religion.

I believe he's out there, just don't know his name :-)

[delph998]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
I am a theist. I believe in God, but not in any particular religion.

I believe he's out there, just don't know his name :-)

gotcha.

[Choo-ChooAKA]

I see your point. I can't imagine that the courtship would be prolonged, though.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
NO, I would not stick with him. I'm sorry, but I have to keep it real. Sex is an important part of a relationship. It's not everything, but it ranks high. I, for one, don't want to wait around for x amount of years only to find out that it is wack. He may not be able to perform, might be lacking, etc. Though some guys are trainable, I KNOW that I don't even I want to take that chance. I may stand alone on this one, but that's how I feel.

I wouldn't either. For the exact same reasons mentioned.

[Choo-ChooAKA]

I co-sign on every word you said. I don't believe that having/not having sex is any measure of my worth or value.

And I, too, do not believe in any particular religion but God (or whatever one choses to call him/her) is everything in every aspect of my life.

[Choo-ChooAKA]

In my experience this is not "nuts." It's practical wisdom.

TO ALL: I would like to know how many of you ACTUALLY KNOW a man who has voluntarily committed himself to celibacy until marriage (not relationship, but MARRIAGE. I can understand why a person would want to be in a committed relationship before having sex).

If you do know a man who has taken this vow of chastity and has adhered to it for more than 1 year, tell me, what is he like?

[AKA2D '91]

I MUST HIJACK

I think this is the MOST Soror Choo Choo has EVER posted on GC @ one time.

I had to put it out there.

hijack ends

[Choo-ChooAKA]

Ha-ha, Soror. You made me laugh! Yes, there are some things I feel very strongly about. Between that and waaay too much free time at work, this is a very interesting topic!

end hijack

[abaici]

Originally posted by Choo-ChooAKA
I see your point. I can't imagine that the courtship would be prolonged, though.

uh, naw. lol


ETA: I know someone who's been celibate for over a year. It's not an easy thing for him at all, but he has his convictions.

[1sd]

Originally posted by Choo-ChooAKA
TO ALL: I would like to know how many of you ACTUALLY KNOW a man who has voluntarily committed himself to celibacy until marriage (not relationship, but MARRIAGE. I can understand why a person would want to be in a committed relationship before having sex).

If you do know a man who has taken this vow of chastity and has adhered to it for more than 1 year, tell me, what is he like?

Honestly, and this actually discourages me when I think about it, but I don't know many brothas that are abstaining. Even the ones that I know that are in church/on the choir, etc...are still trying to get up in somebody's draws. The ones that (from what I know of them) ARE seemingly abstinent are umm...less than desirable anyway. These days, I find it hard, VERY hard to come across a man who says that he will be completely abstinent. I know several brothas that will WAIT for you, for a established amount of time, but not many that will stay with you for an indefinite amount of time without sex when you are NOT moving toward the prospect (i.e. marriage) of such.