Kids Say The Darndest Things!! - Page 2

AKAtude · #16 03-23-2001, 03:13 PM

**I've been debating whether or not to post this story. However, I decided to share this just to remind us how impressionable children are. They pick up on things so easily, whether it is positive or negative. It is not my intention to offend anyone.**

My mom and I were visiting my sister and brother-in-law and some of his relatives were there as well. My sister had a chocolate cake and asked if we wanted any. My brother-in-law's niece replied "I don't want any "n..." cake." The room got so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

We all stared at her in disbelief. Then, her aunt asked her to repeat what she said. She told us she said "naked" cake. My sister said the cake is anything but naked with all that chocolate icing. Everyone agreed that we heard the same thing, and we all couldn't be wrong. Needless to say, she erased the "n" word from her vocabulary after that incident.

PinkCashmere · #17 03-27-2001, 01:16 AM

We really have to be careful of what we say in front of children. If they see or hear adults doing it then they feel that it must be o.k.

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Don't just talk about it...Be about it!

Ideal08 · #18 04-06-2001, 04:25 PM

This is courtesy of OhSoPrettyNikki (I thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!):

Hey Everyone!
Did you ever meet a kid that is just really hilarious? Well I have a 24-hour comicview living in the next bedroom! My 5 year old is so funny that he has me ROTFLMBAO!!!!
In one of our recent conversation Tre explained the Bible to me. He attends a Christian Private school, Helping him prepare for his Christian Ed midterm I was running through his questions (could you believe they expected him to know the whole book of Genesis) asking him things like what was created on which day. Finally I get to this question
Me: God created the flowers to make the world what?
Tre: Cute. You see Mommy flowers are for girls so they are cute. If I was a girl then I'd tell you that they were beautiful like the Bible said.
Me:When God created the world,it was what?
Tre:It was okay.
ME: What do you mean it's okay.
Tre: Well Mommy its only the world, he did okay. God said it was good, but I don't see anything good just a whole bunch of bad people. Probably if God didn't kick the Devil out of heaven everything would be good. But now he is down here with us and everything is bad. The Devil is probably in you right now. Sometimes he is in you when you hit me, right Mommy? Jesus had a good mother, her name was Mary she never hit him.
Me: Do I hit you for no reason?
Tre: No. Only when I do something wrong, but you know the devil made me do it and you never hit him. We can't even see him. He's probably here right now! He only goes away on Sundays when God is coming 'cause he scared.
Y'all I was laughing soooo hard that I forgot to correct my baby and tell him that when god created the world it was Good. The poor chile got that question wrong on his Midterm. My bad!

Here's another one: Once while driving on I95. Tre' unbuckles his seat belt and takes off his pants. I'm lookin in the rear view like WTF? "Boy what are you doin'"
He goes "I'm changing my underwear 'cause these boxers won't hold my penis in and it keeps touching my leg!" *the boy's face looks like he is in agony* So he puts on a pair of briefs and then says Mommy do you know that I have 2 balls in my penis? *Me looking surprised* I say "really". He says "yeah one day I woke up and they were in there. There's one on the left and one on the right. I guess that if I ever break my penis like you did yours. I can get a new one 2 more times! You must have broken yours 3 times.
I remember when you had to pee real bad and I was in the bathtub. I saw your penis was gone. Daddy said agina took the penis away from girls. Girls are lucky because penis's dont touch their legs.
Y'all I had to pull over to keep from crashing. My son is a trip for real.
I think I'm gonna tape him and get my baby a sitcom. One day he'll be thankful that his penis touched his leg at only 5.

ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!!!

This had me DYIN'!!! LMAO!!!

1savvydiva · #19 12-02-2003, 10:06 AM

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated,
the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically

impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied,

"Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were

drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,

"Thou shall not kill."

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in
contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown! up and say,'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's
a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out,

"And there's the teacher, She's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching. "Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written
a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

ShiningStar83 · #20 12-02-2003, 08:08 PM

I took my little cousin (who was 4 at the time) to the mall with me to get my nails done. Well, while I was in the chair, she was checkin the place out. So this lady comes in with purple weave, long curvy nails, biking shorts (the black kind with the neon pink stripe down the side)

, a wife beater, and some runt (and I meant run-t, not run) over flip flops. She bout 5'4", 225 lbs. Anyway, Haley sees this woman and immediately runs over to me and loudly says: Christina that lady look a hot ass mess! Can we buy her a jogging suit to hide her fatty fattiness?

Of course I was CTFU on the inside, but I was so shamed! The lady looked over there like she wanted to pistol whip both of us. I told Haley to sit her butt down until we got finished, and once I was through I burned rubber gettin out of there.
SMH at my innocent little cousin

CrimsonTide4 · #21 12-02-2003, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ShiningStar83
I took my little cousin (who was 4 at the time) to the mall with me to get my nails done. Well, while I was in the chair, she was checkin the place out. So this lady comes in with purple weave, long curvy nails, biking shorts (the black kind with the neon pink stripe down the side) , a wife beater, and some runt (and I meant run-t, not run) over flip flops. She bout 5'4", 225 lbs. Anyway, Haley sees this woman and immediately runs over to me and loudly says: Christina that lady look a hot ass mess! Can we buy her a jogging suit to hide her fatty fattiness?
Of course I was CTFU on the inside, but I was so shamed! The lady looked over there like she wanted to pistol whip both of us. I told Haley to sit her butt down until we got finished, and once I was through I burned rubber gettin out of there.
SMH at my innocent little cousin

_________________________________________________

**digging my own grave, double wide**

ShiningStar83 · #22 12-02-2003, 08:22 PM

Haley is mixed and from California and that was her first time seeing something like that, but still....................
And I still haven't found out where she learned "bad words" from either

TheEpitome1920 · #23 01-25-2004, 03:47 PM

My niece lost her first tooth this week. My sister tells her to put her tooth under her pillow so the tooth fairy can come. So while my niece is asleep my sister puts a dollar under her pillow. The next morning my niece says "Mommy, the tooth fairy made a mistake" Sister: "What do you mean?" Niece: "This dollar bill has a 1 on it instead of a 20!"

CrimsonTide4 · #24 02-02-2004, 02:29 PM

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men and she asked him why they were they and he said on TV they say, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

THE ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

MarvyG · #25 02-02-2004, 10:43 PM

My little cousin (2 years old) was in the stage of learning his body parts. He had just learned what his penis is. So he is a little excited that he can name all his body parts. Well he has an outie, so while he is showing me he can name all his body parts, he lifts his shirt he points to his belly button and says "And I have another penis!!!!" He was so excited. I was cracking up.

MeezDiscreet · #26 02-16-2004, 11:13 AM

this is a dialogue between my cousin and her daughter:

daughter: momma, i want to change my name.

cousin: to what?

d: beyonce destinys child terrell

c: why? who do you know who changed their name?

d: michael jackson

c: michael jackson didn't change his name

d: YES HE DID!

c: to what?

d: JANET JACKSON!!

CrimsonTide4 · #27 02-16-2004, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MeezDiscreet
this is a dialogue between my cousin and her daughter:

daughter: momma, i want to change my name.

cousin: to what?

d: beyonce destinys child terrell

c: why? who do you know who changed their name?

d: michael jackson

c: michael jackson didn't change his name

d: YES HE DID!

c: to what?

d: JANET JACKSON!!

____________________________________________

I am scraight up dead. How old is your cousin?
LMAO
LMAO

btb87 · #28 03-22-2004, 06:45 PM

Just this afternoon, I picked up my daughter from school. One of her teachers was standing at the door, so I asked him if she was doing okay since the last time I spoke with him about her (we had some rolling of the eyes issues and other things to deal with). He explained that she was doing well, and that her grades in math had come up, as I had noticed, and that everything was going smoothly.

So we're getting in the car, and I told her how proud I was of her, and that she was doing well, and being more responsible about certain things. So I say "Sweetie, you're maturing." She asks what does that mean, and I told her that it meant she was growing up. Her response? "So are you, mommie!"

Nothing I could do but laugh. . .

skywalker20_99 · #29 03-23-2004, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ideal08
This is courtesy of OhSoPrettyNikki (I thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!):

Hey Everyone!
Did you ever meet a kid that is just really hilarious? Well I have a 24-hour comicview living in the next bedroom! My 5 year old is so funny that he has me ROTFLMBAO!!!!
In one of our recent conversation Tre explained the Bible to me. He attends a Christian Private school, Helping him prepare for his Christian Ed midterm I was running through his questions (could you believe they expected him to know the whole book of Genesis) asking him things like what was created on which day. Finally I get to this question
Me: God created the flowers to make the world what?
Tre: Cute. You see Mommy flowers are for girls so they are cute. If I was a girl then I'd tell you that they were beautiful like the Bible said.
Me:When God created the world,it was what?
Tre:It was okay.
ME: What do you mean it's okay.
Tre: Well Mommy its only the world, he did okay. God said it was good, but I don't see anything good just a whole bunch of bad people. Probably if God didn't kick the Devil out of heaven everything would be good. But now he is down here with us and everything is bad. The Devil is probably in you right now. Sometimes he is in you when you hit me, right Mommy? Jesus had a good mother, her name was Mary she never hit him.
Me: Do I hit you for no reason?
Tre: No. Only when I do something wrong, but you know the devil made me do it and you never hit him. We can't even see him. He's probably here right now! He only goes away on Sundays when God is coming 'cause he scared.
Y'all I was laughing soooo hard that I forgot to correct my baby and tell him that when god created the world it was Good. The poor chile got that question wrong on his Midterm. My bad!

Here's another one: Once while driving on I95. Tre' unbuckles his seat belt and takes off his pants. I'm lookin in the rear view like WTF? "Boy what are you doin'"
He goes "I'm changing my underwear 'cause these boxers won't hold my penis in and it keeps touching my leg!" *the boy's face looks like he is in agony* So he puts on a pair of briefs and then says Mommy do you know that I have 2 balls in my penis? *Me looking surprised* I say "really". He says "yeah one day I woke up and they were in there. There's one on the left and one on the right. I guess that if I ever break my penis like you did yours. I can get a new one 2 more times! You must have broken yours 3 times.
I remember when you had to pee real bad and I was in the bathtub. I saw your penis was gone. Daddy said agina took the penis away from girls. Girls are lucky because penis's dont touch their legs.
Y'all I had to pull over to keep from crashing. My son is a trip for real.
I think I'm gonna tape him and get my baby a sitcom. One day he'll be thankful that his penis touched his leg at only 5.

ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!! ROTFLMAO!!!

This had me DYIN'!!! LMAO!!!

I am praying that nobody walks in my office right now. I am laughing like a maniac.

HeartbrAKA · #30 03-23-2004, 03:29 PM

OK these have me crackin' up!!

Here's mine....I have a son who is 12 going on 35..lol...the other night I was getting ready to go to the movies with a male friend of mine. Well he is also my son's instructor for one of his extracurricular activities....so we were trying to keep it on the low, we're not dating but want to be careful not to confuse things...lol...here's the dialog between me and my son:

J: so mommy where ya goin
me: to the movies
J: with who?
me: nobody..just a friend..mind ya business
J: (laughs)I was just asking....so ok a nice friendly date?
me: no..not a date...just a movie
J: ok , well I'll see you when you get back..

doorbell rings..I tell my son to go to bed....I'll get the door-cause he was about to race to the door like he usually does...so I walk him to his bedroom and tuck him in..as I'm leaving his room he says:

J: see ya later mommy...TELL MR._____ I SAID HI!!!

I couldn't help but laugh at him...that's what I get...lol...