Would You Let Your Son . . .Part 2

[ClassyLady]

I don't have any children, but I can't see myself ever keeping them from participating in a certain activity or playing with certain toys because of perceived gender roles. If my son wants to play with an easy bake oven or if my daughter wants to play football, I say go for it. As a child, I played football and softball, acted in several school plays, played the piano, and was an excellent student, especially in math.

I think it's essential to expose children to as many different activities as possible. It lets them grow up into well-rounded adults with an appreciation for many areas, like the arts and science. This topic really reminds of a new commercial stressing the importance of arts programs in school. A little boy is walking past a man beautifully playing violin on the street and all the boy says is "get a job."

[acedawg00-02]

A little boy is walking past a man beautifully playing violin on the street and all the boy says is "get a job."

LOL - I haven't seen that commercial...I'll look for it. But I agree with you on the issue of "gender rolls"...basically, we should define them as narrow-minded azz generalizations and stereotypes - hell, let's be honest! As a BLACK man, I deal with it everday day! People are surprised when I show up on a construction site in the capacity of an architect/or designer! LOL - I call it my "shock and awe" campagin -LOL!! But naw, they think I should be playin' the role of "Toby".....who needs a job a job b/c it's either court ordered...or b/c he's way behind on his child support. Forgive me if this may be a sensitive issue for some....but if I accepted those stereotypes, I would be a"Toby" too. Now, I don't have any children, but I know that their young minds are impressionable, and they need the exposure, proper guidance and support in learning that there are no true boundaries....only those that are perceived. I'll leave you with this....a few weeks back, I was volunteering in a high school science class, and the lesson plan was covering atomic structures. Why did I hear an African-American child exclaim "we don't need to learn this mess....we black." LOL....now, where did they get that from? THIS THREAD IS DEEPER THAN A WOOD WIND INSTRUMENT.....

[DoggyStyle82]

Originally posted by ClassyLady
I don't have any children, but I can't see myself ever keeping them from participating in a certain activity or playing with certain toys because of perceived gender roles. If my son wants to play with an easy bake oven or if my daughter wants to play football, I say go for it. As a child, I played football and softball, acted in several school plays, played the piano, and was an excellent student, especially in math.

I think it's essential to expose children to as many different activities as possible. It lets them grow up into well-rounded adults with an appreciation for many areas, like the arts and science. This topic really reminds of a new commercial stressing the importance of arts programs in school. A little boy is walking past a man beautifully playing violin on the street and all the boy says is "get a job."

I'll just say this. Some things are age appropriate and some are gender appropriate. Its a parents decision to decide what they are, not the childs. If your son wanted to double-dutch, would that be okay?

[ladygreek]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82
I'll just say this. Some things are age appropriate and some are gender appropriate. Its a parents decision to decide what they are, not the childs. If your son wanted to double-dutch, would that be okay?

I have seen boys training to be boxers double dutch--a dexterity and quickness excercise.

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by ladygreek
I have seen boys training to be boxers double dutch--a dexterity and quickness excercise.

That it most definitely is. And, as far as competitive double dutch, there are an equal number of male and female participants. Some of those boys are good. They can backflip and do all kinds of tricks in the rope.

While I do agree with you DoggyStyle that it is the parents' job to decide what activities are appropriate for their children, I totally disagree with your notion of gender appropriate activities. As long as the child's physical and moral health are not compromised, I can't see myself objecting to any legitimate and wholesome activity just because "boys/girls shouldn't do that." Says who????

[toocute]

OK....Christopher LOVES music. He is always dancing and the boy has rhythm at 21 months. I'm not joking. He bops his head to the beat on time when he's in his car seat and we have the radio blasting. Hus daycare teacher tells me he dances all day. Since he loves to dance I say let's get the boy in toddler dance class when he turns two. Oh HAYLE NAW says Mr. toocute. Come on now...I'm not talking about putting my baby boy in a pink tutu and ballet slippers. They have modern jazz and hip hop class for the little ones. He said OK he would think about it but dayum. Shoot I would take the hip hop class with him. Sounds like fun.

BUT...what if your son wanted to take ballet? (wasn't that a movie)

[abaici]

Originally posted by toocute
BUT...what if your son wanted to take ballet? (wasn't that a movie)

When you mentioned boys and ballet I think of the movie center stage. The movie features ballet dancer Ethan Stiefel, who happens to be very heterosexual and manly (he rides motorcycles as a hobby). I read an interview with him where he discusses his introduction to ballet. His sister was taking ballet lessons, and since the studio was far, his mother made him come. He was a precocious boy who was always getting into trouble and his mom would not leave him at home alone. Anyway, he would sit at the rehearsals twisting in his seats because he could not be still. Finally, they had him get up and dance. They found out he had a gift. He is/was a member on the American Ballet Company.

My thoughts are, you have to instill in your child that just because they like an activity that is not traditionally associated with that gender does not mean they are less male or female. The danger becomes when people keep saying only boys do that or only girls do that. I had a student who played football (girl). She was athletic and quite frankly, she was big (we needed the size, our boys are rather small). I applauded her. It's so hard for kids to find something they like, why discourage them?

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by abaici
My thoughts are, you have to instill in your child that just because they like an activity that is not traditionally associated with that gender does not mean they are less male or female. The danger becomes when people keep saying only boys do that or only girls do that. I had a student who played football (girl). She was athletic and quite frankly, she was big (we needed the size, our boys are rather small). I applauded her. It's so hard for kids to find something they like, why discourage them?

My thoughts exactly.

[rho4life]

I haven't popped out any poodles, but.........IF it were my kid, I would encourage them to become engaged in any extra curricular they were interested in pursuing. Also, I would enforce a "one season rule". You can't just try it for a week, if you want to do tap class, you have to do it for an entire series of classes.

What about a girl playing football - with the boys?

[Reds6]

Originally posted by #1 Leading Lady
Heck no.....I am one of those REAL moms who would say the first thing that came to my mind (thanks to my late GREAT Grandmother) "Heck naw you ain't playing No darn flute you betta go beat a drum or something" cause ain't no boyperson child of mine playing no flute. Then I would make him watch DRUMLINE 1913 times a day until he is interested in the drum.

LOL, I agree Soror

[DoggyStyle82]

Originally posted by ladygreek
I have seen boys training to be boxers double dutch--a dexterity and quickness excercise.

That is a key qualifier, "they used it for TRAINING", not as something they wanted to do.

Secondly, for you ladies who have sons, what you think is "cute" aint necessarily cool. That is why boys need fathers actively involved in their lives. Mothers think that soft ish is cool, let their boys play with dolls, etc. Pop Doggystyle was having none of that. I know women who won't let their sons play football because they are afraid he will get hurt. Already starting them off fearful and overprotected, Soft as Charmin tissue. Ballet? over his dead body. Playing girl games? Being in the room when women are doing hair?

Children should be allowed to expand their horizons and develop their interests and passions, but they should be guided and counselled by adults as to what is appropriate, not allowed to do something because it is cute. Blurring gender roles can lead to as much confusion as it can edification if it is done simply to indulge the childs whims.

[acedawg00-02]

Bruh, I understand where you're coming from on the whole "cute" issue. I don't get upset, but I'm like "damn"....esp. when I see a man who is confused about his sexual identity. I mean, that is what the main concern is here! Can a man experience these things and maintain his 'manhood?" Now, I was up in Atlanta..what I saw up there was a different story - and I won't even go there - LOL!

But I have a homeboy who is a single father, and has raised two teenage girls...and he's doing a damn good job by himself b/c of the exposure he had to "different" things growing up. He does their hair...takes them shopping and even makes suggestions on their outfits. Hell, he didn't even miss a beat when they started their "womanhood"...he knew what to do and jumped right in. I know, the argument here will be, "well, he has to b/c he's a single father." But how many people are willing to step outside of their BOXED-IN-MINDS and do what it takes to get the job done!

LOL - and no, there is nothing soft about the dude b/c we compete in some of the same body building shows...and the way this m/f trains, kicks my ass at times!

My point is, there is a fine line here...and we have to be careful about how we associate or assign certain attributes according to gender. I mean, what about jobs one would consider to be "gender appropriate"? Cuz, I know a young lady who works for UPS...and the way her lil' toned azz be handlin' dem boxes....MAN, THAT S*** TURNS ME THE HELL ON - LOL!

[toocute]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82
Ballet? over his dead body. Playing girl games? Being in the room when women are doing hair?

Aight man re read my post. I said jazz and hip hop class. And my son sits/stands/plays in the bathroom with me when I get ready in the morning...he aint up in the salon with me. Believe me Christopher is ALL boy and his Mr Toocute has already checked up the Hackensack/Teaneck pee wee football team. I think he did that when I was still pregnant

I still don't see anything wrong with a 21 month old BABY messing around with his mommy's stuff because he is only imitating what he sees an adult do. Just like one minute he is trying to step into my husband's Tims and the next moment my pumps. He doesn't know that there are things that adult FEMALES do and somethings adult MALES do. There will be a time when I will say "CJ those are Mommies things and you can't do that" But that will be when he understands. Imitating others is how babies learn and through this he will learn (at a later date) that little boys don't put on hairclips and play with blush brushes.
Until...yes that isht is cute as hayle.

[ladygreek]

Originally posted by DoggyStyle82
Secondly, for you ladies who have sons, what you think is "cute" aint necessarily cool. That is why boys need fathers actively involved in their lives. Mothers think that soft ish is cool, let their boys play with dolls, etc. Pop Doggystyle was having none of that. I know women who won't let their sons play football because they are afraid he will get hurt. Already starting them off fearful and overprotected, Soft as Charmin tissue. Ballet? over his dead body. Playing girl games? Being in the room when women are doing hair?

ROTFL. You remind me of that van with the Hemi engine commercial. But, is tap dancing okay? I mean you do know that tap dancers also study ballet for form and movement--right?

[DELTABRAT]

I have a ten year old son who plays both tennis and golf (very well I must add). He also plays the drums but that was second to him wanting to play the sax and not being able to during the formative years.

My dad asked me the other day if I had him in any "sports." When I said what they were, he gave a little chuckle. I was like "damn pops." This is the same man who is a complete sports FANATIC. Watches every sport there is. Conditioned my brother (I say this because conditioning is what we are doing to our children) to be a sport fanatic himself to the point he was overly interested in sports ( like didn't attend prom because he barely had time for dating, etc.)

Tennis is non-traditional but it's only because we condition our kids to do the more masculine out of fear of, yet again, homosexuality. It's only non-traditional until we partake in it and blow the f___ up. I say what's more is "can my son play a non-traditional sport and still have a sense of self as a BLACK male(think Tiger...he BLEW up in a non-traditional sport but now he's marrying the white chick)? I, like any other mother, want grandchildren and a daughter-in-law. Do I think because my son does not play football that this won't happen? No.

On the converse, I know a little boy, 20 years as well. He weighs about...170 pounds. A big kid. Plays football. Loves football. He is really sensitive. He is being raised by a single mother and really is empathetic to his mom and women in general. Will he be a punk? Who knows?

My point is, I don't think it makes a difference either way.