Weigh In: Infertility - Page 2

KillarneyRose · #16 10-09-2003, 01:59 PM

Random Thoughts:

I think the choice is a personal one; up to the couple to decide for themselves.

I've never figured out if A) there are more children out there waiting to be adopted than there are prospective parents to adopt them or if B) there are not enough children in need of adoption to meet the demand. I've heard both ways.

Anyone remember Bobbi and Kenny McCaugney (sp?), the parents of septuptlets? They had one daughter and decided they wanted more and when Bobbi didn't get pregnant they had fertility treatments. When reporters asked them why they didn't selectively abort some of the fetuses to lessen the risk that the ones who remained would be born without disabilities, they replied that God wanted them to have all seven of them and that is why He allowed her to conceive them. I, on the other hand, think that if God had wanted to have more than one child He would have allowed them to conceive without fertility treatments. But that's just me.

OrigamiTulip · #17 10-09-2003, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose

I've never figured out if A) there are more children out there waiting to be adopted than there are prospective parents to adopt them or if B) there are not enough children in need of adoption to meet the demand. I've heard both ways.

Its both. There aren't enough children out there for adoption who fit the critieria of most prospective parents. A lot of them are holding out for a perfectly healthy newborn boy or girl of the same ethinic background. There are many wonderful people who look past a disablility, different race, or age and adopt children into loving homes, but not nearly enough of those people. So children sit in the system getting older, and not getting adopted, because they didn't mesh into someones mental picture of the perfect family.

Lady Pi Phi · #18 10-09-2003, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
Wow! I'm speechless. So you don't believe that a lot of children in this world are accidents or unplanned? On top of that, some people don't have the money for an abortion...
.

If you actually read my post you would see that I also said that some pregancies were unplanned...but that belonged in a different thread because it's an issue unto itself, and I wanted to keep this thread on topic.
Of course some pregnancies aren't planned, and I am not saying that people should have an abortion.
It's NOT our duty to have children. Many people do not want children so they choose not to have them. You're telling me their wrong and they're not doing their duty? Now I am speechless.
Call me a cynic, but we're not exactly living in a utopia here. You're not doing the kid any favours by bringing him or her into this world.
But what I am saying, if you truely want to have children, and natural conception doesn't work, then by all means use whatever options are available to you.

Lady Pi Phi · #19 10-09-2003, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
...Whether you're 20 or 40, eventually you'll want children.

Also, that's a load of crap. Not everyone wants children. I know there are some women on this board that do not want children. I also know that I'm not sure that I want children. And quite frankly if I decide at 40 I want children, then I'll adopt.

#20 10-09-2003, 03:45 PM

Once again, thanks Lady Pi Phi! I am one of those people that don't want children. If I wanted a child, I'd adopt and I know I can naturally conceive. I don't have to have the perfect family because we live in an imperfect world. I agree that the amount of children in the adoption system works both ways: (1) there's too few so-called "perfect children" in the system and (2) there's way too many children in the system. We all need to learn that no one is perfect and you have to live in an imperfect world. There's no way anyone can have perfection in an imperfect world. You can't create perfection. Also, if you naturally conceive, you run the risk of birth defects, learning disabilities, etc. There was no way that my parents could have known both me and my brother would have a math learning disability.

If they had known prior to our births, would they have had us? I am pretty sure that I can say yes because they are realists just like me and know that this is an imperfect life but they can love me perfectly. The only perfect thing in this life is true love.

MereMere21 · #21 10-09-2003, 03:56 PM

back in the ol'den days we women had all of our babies by like 25, and if we didn't die in childbirth, then we died shortly afterwards. Now that women are waiting longer to start families, thats why infertility seems to be on the rise. After 35, lets just say things don't exactly work like they should

You also have an increased risk for Down's Syndrome, Cerebal Palsy, and PIH (Pregnancy Induced Hypertension) that usually more times that not, leads to an early delivery.

I actually think women over 40 having babies is just insane - but thats because of all the medical issues involved. There are also different types of infertility issues. Something like Endometriosis effects women of all ages and is usually a barrier to women under 35 conceiving naturally.

I'm actually split about the whole thing -

on one hand, I think its amazing that medical science has given us the ability to do things like invitro fertilization etc....., but at the same time, I think have anything over triplets or quads (un-naturally of course) is a bit much, especially at an advanced maternal age. Actually we had a girl here in Dallas give birth to 2 sets of identical twins - like 1 in 36 million chance of that happening. I also think about the medical issues involved with carrying that many children at once. Anyway thats another topic.

Adoption is great if you can survive the 2-3 year process (sometimes longer). I have been seeing many more couples go over seas and bring home children that way. Yay I'm glad you have your child now, but if you wanted a child that badly then why didn't you go through the process and adopt any of the thousands upon thousands of children here? I dunno, just my opinion.

Thank God, I've never had any of these problems and my husband and I have never had to make any of these decisions. My opinions mainly stem from medical knowledge. After having children though, I can understand why people go through so much to have their own.

IvySpice · #22 10-09-2003, 04:11 PM

I think people should do what they think is right. A lot of what they do (like IVF) is stuff I wouldn't do. But it's really none of my business...these decisions are so personal, there's no rule that can be applied to everyone or every situation.

Steeltrap · #23 10-09-2003, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IvySpice
I think people should do what they think is right. A lot of what they do (like IVF) is stuff I wouldn't do. But it's really none of my business...these decisions are so personal, there's no rule that can be applied to everyone or every situation.

Word.

It's a very personal decision. I'm nearly 40, unmarried and not a parent and don't plan to become one unless I'm married. I grew up in a two-parent household.

If I do marry, I may consider both IVF and adoption. But all options would have to be discussed with my husbandperson.

cash78mere · #24 10-09-2003, 05:33 PM

they need to make adoption a lot cheaper. i think the process should continue to be thorough and in depth, but the fees for adoption are ridiculous and many middle and lower class families cannot afford to adopt even if they want to.

ucfcutie · #25 10-09-2003, 06:31 PM

If I couldn't get pregnant the natural way, I'd love to adopt. There are so many children out there in need of good homes!

Tom Earp · #26 10-09-2003, 06:58 PM

Never had Kids!

But lived with a Lady, Had Her Daughthers. along with Her Daughter Who I fired!

Da Drugs. Was Good to her!

She got Pissed,. Took Kids back to Ca.

Her Husband, Ex, was suppling Her !

VCalled and wanted us to Take them, said NO unless we had Custody!

Finaly said yes, flew out in a moments notice to get them!

Lot of shit flew, COPS were There, and We gotthe Kids

Had them, drug babys, Loved them like my Own, Not Grand Kids!

Had them for a Year

What a Great Year! Told bring the kids back or Mama was going to jail! Should have told them to f-Off!

Paid both ways, lost Kids, Court Battle! LOST, Cried Like Hell!

Still hate that decision especiall when this Ass Said I molested them!

Went nuts with the counselour! There!

Not! Messing with them!

what a sad piss o shit was this clown was

ThetaPrincess24 · #27 10-09-2003, 07:03 PM

I was an adopted child myself. I was adopted when I was born, and proud of that fact.

If I were not able to have a child naturally, though I hope to, then I would certainly look into adoption. If i'm unsuccessful here, I'll try overseas, like others that I've known. I also agree there are too many older children in the system. Having said that I dont know that I myself would adopt an older child, but I have always had the desire to be a foster parent to an older child--who knows, I may end up adopting the child that I foster

Munchkin03 · #28 10-09-2003, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BetaRose
A lot of them are holding out for a perfectly healthy newborn boy or girl of the same ethinic background. There are many wonderful people who look past a disablility, different race, or age and adopt children into loving homes, but not nearly enough of those people. So children sit in the system getting older, and not getting adopted, because they didn't mesh into someones mental picture of the perfect family.

Exactly. If any of you are really interested in adoption, check out The Kid by Dan Savage, it's all about how he and his boyfriend went through the process of adopting a child. Bascially, they went into the process as the only ones in their group who weren't obsessed with having the Perfect White Male Baby--and they were the first ones picked to adopt. They were selected by a "gutter punk" who hadn't received prenatal care until her second trimester--a concept which scared most of the suburban white couples who demanded a birth mother who was college educated, extremely healthy, and who had prenatal care from the moment she found out she was pregnant. I mean, how rare is that? So, a lot of people are sadly disappointed due to super-high expectations in the adoption world.

As for myself, I don't know. I guess it all depends on my situation when it's baby time.

carnation · #29 10-09-2003, 10:46 PM

We have never once regretted adopting internationally and would do it again. However, there are some people (other than psychos and druggies and so forth) who absolutely should not adopt. They're the ones who really really wanted to conceive and are only trying to adopt because they think they're expected to have a kid.

We've known several families like this--they treat their adopted kids like poop, especially if a biological kid should come along because they never really wanted a nonbiological child.

valkyrie · #30 10-10-2003, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Also, that's a load of crap. Not everyone wants children. I know there are some women on this board that do not want children. I also know that I'm not sure that I want children. And quite frankly if I decide at 40 I want children, then I'll adopt.

I'm older than most of you and I do not want children. I've never wanted them. Ever.

I'm sure that most if not all of you would disagree with this, but oh well. I am not in favor of fertility treatments or anything along those lines. I think that if you can't conceive "naturally" there is a reason and it should be left at that. At that point, nature is saying that perhaps there are other roads to travel in life -- either adopt or do something else that doesn't involve having kids. Besides, there are too many people on this planet already.