Older women & younger men

[AKA2D '91]

I am 28, the oldest I have ever "dated" was 36...

My father was 11 years older than my mother...

[MIDWESTDIVA]

The oldest man I have ever dated is 43. I am 26. Typically I don't want younger men, but that is because most younger men that I have come across are still very immature. Now, that's not to say that when I get to be Tina Turner's age, 60 something, that I won't be like her and date a man in his forties.

[nikki25]

If you know in your heart that he's the man for you, then be content in that. It doesn't matter what the world says, but, rather what you know.

I am 24 years old. I have "dated" younger than I (one year). I have gone out with a man 10 years older, but wouldn't be in relationship with someone 7 years older than I.

There's a tremendous gap in years beyond that...our experience will be far different (as if there aren't enough things that need to be learned in a new relationship)...and then to have the years between us...it's just not good.

I think that people should really know a lot about themselves when they enter into relationships with someone else. Before you enter into relationship, you should be complete and not look to someone else (other than the Lord) for completion, for in the Lord we are made perfect.

But I do have a question about this age thing...what are those who actively seek out persons who are many times older/younger looking for? Are they trying to seek out an authority figure or someone to dominate? And if that's the basis (and you would need to examine yourself hard on this one), then why are you seeking that man/woman (since we have brethren on the forum) to make you whole? Please know that you will always come out the "shorty" when you look for wholeness outside of the One who can make you whole?

Okay, I know that I've said a mouthful. I look forward to reading your insightful replies.



[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited December 06, 2000).]

[AKA2D '91]

20 years older?
That would be like dating my father! Shoot, he would be old enough to be my dad. I don't think I could/would do that.

I think that would be more of an "authoritative" thing, especially for those who did not have a male authoritative person in their life growing up...

That's just MHO!

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by nikki25:
If you know in your heart that he's the man for you, then be content in that. It doesn't matter what the world says, but, rather what you know.

I have "dated" younger than I (one year). I have gone out with a man 10 years older, but wouldn't be in relationship with someone 7 years older than I. There's a tremendous gap in years beyond that...our experience will be far different (as if there aren't enough things that need to be learned in a new relationship)...and then to have the years between us...it's just not good.

I think I may be stepping on some toes here when I say this, but it may be true to an extent. When you date someone 20 years older than yourself, are you looking for a mate or an authority figure?

Let me know your thoughts on this.

My points aren't directed at any specific sista here, but I would like to know how all yall feel about these next points. Has anyone else noticed that it's generally accepted by women to date men much younger, but it's frowned upon today by our society when a non-celebrity man does it. He is often viewed upon as having something wrong with him. Suppose he encounters one of yall; and you offer him new ideas, and convince him to explore other things in life-instead of putting all of his time and attention to his job. He may find you intriguing. Is that wrong? Maybe yall just "have it like that" :-D; and he(like all of us) wants a "fresh perspective".

[nikki25]

AKA2D,

That's kind of what I was getting at.."like dating my father". I love my dad, but I don't need to date a man who has more in common with my parents than me.

But, I am still anxious to hear from others on the comments we've made, though.

[AKA2D '91]

Original...
How old are you, if you don't mind answering?

just curious?
I will date someone older, BUT I would not be into dating someone THAT MUCH OLDER than I am! Nor would I date someone 20 YEARS YOUNGER, either! lol

[nikki25]

IN RESPONSE to the Original Ape's "questionnaire" ...

In MY OPINION, a man or woman dating someone who is nearly a lifetime older/younger than them speaks of some sort of incompletion/"shorty" ness in them. I think that you're referring to the public outcry of the Douglass-Zeta-Jones union.

Again, this "shorty" ness will come into play....he's looking for something in this younger woman...something that he just wasn't complete with on his own...and that's just not healthy...but I think this incompleteness that has manifested itself here is really something that's common in relationships these days and bespeaks of another phenomenon that is troubling... co-dependency.

I'd love to hear comments on that one.



[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited December 06, 2000).]

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91:
Original...
How old are you, if you don't mind answering?

just curious?
I will date someone older, BUT I would not be into dating someone THAT MUCH OLDER than I am! Nor would I date someone 20 YEARS YOUNGER, either! lol

I just e-mailed you. :-D

[Conskeeted19]

I've always thought that society accepts older men and younger women and not older women and younger men. For some reason I've always been attracted to older men and my father was living with me. We also had a good relationship.

------------------
You are the master of your own destiny!

[exquizit]

Just yesterday while I was in the GAP trying on clothes, there was a woman in with her boyfriend. She came out in each outfit to get approval. He came out in an outfit he looked great in and she blurted out "I used to look good in everything too when I was 23" Everyone in the fitting room had to ask how old she was. She was 43 She seemed to have her "groove back" and couldn't have been happier from what I could tell. The down side of that is they seemed to walk out wih two arm loads of clothes and SHE footed the bill. That automaticly made everyone else whisper that the only reason they were together was because she was taking care of him."His Sugar mama"

That's what's wrong these days though, everyone stirring in other people's pot's and haven't really paid any attention to their own!

[sphinxpoet]

Nothing Wrong with Dating a younger man the women I have dated on the average have been 5 - 8 years older than me. That is because women tell me I intmidate women my age! *Yeah Right* but that is what they tell me so by chance or will of God I am always hooking up with older women. They seem to be on my level as well as far as it goes to settling down. The oldest I have dated is 35 and that was by 11 years. It was Like Whoa!

Finally The Sphinxpoet has come Back to the Alpha Kappa Alpha Message Board!!!!

-Sphinxpoet

[Miss. Mocha]

For me, in both cases it would depend on the fella.

If he's younger, but the conversation didn't have an immature vibe, then cool.

The oldest guy I could see myself dating would be about 40, maybe 43, if he was really special. If he's older than 40 and still trying to pretend that he's my age, there's a problem.

Original Ape, don't be keepin' us in suspense. Just because AKA2D was the one to ask the question doesn't mean she's the only one that wants to know the answer.

Miss. Mocha

[jazbri]

equizit,

I'm feelin you! We pay too much attention to whats in otha folks pots and don't sniff and smell that ours burnin up!

and yes

ORIGINAL APE we won't to know yo age. What's up wit dat? Why you in avoidance?

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Miss. Mocha:
Original Ape, don't be keepin' us in suspense. Just because AKA2D was the one to ask the question doesn't mean she's the only one that wants to know the answer.

Miss. Mocha

HE HE HE