Girl joke of the day--Not for the teary eyed Guy!

[CatStarESP4]

Originally posted by btb87
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

That's a good one!

[honeychile]

Honestly, I'm really not that much into male-bashing jokes! I've just heard a few funny ones lately:

Today’s Joke: Assassin


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes.” I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[CatStarESP4]

That is another gem!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally posted by honeychile

........She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[SilverTurtle]

Originally posted by toocute
My boss (a female of course) sent me this

NEW DRINK IN TOWN

This guy and his girlfriend head to the local bar. The girl says she'll be happy to pick up the round as she's heard of a new drink she wants him to try.

She returns to their table and has two drinks for him.

One is a measure of Bailey's. The other is full of lime juice.

She says, "Ok, what you have to do is swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then chase it with the lime juice."

He looks a little dubious but does as he's told because she's really cute when she's enthusiastic and he noticed a gleam in her eyes.

First he drinks in the Bailey's. Smooth. A warm feeling in his mouth. Then he chugs the lime juice.

After about a second, the cream in the Bailey's curdles in his mouth.

Two seconds into it his face turns the color of fresh lime juice.
Three seconds and he's finally able to calm his stomach enough to swallow the mess.

As he makes a face, she whispers sweetly in his ear,
"It's called 'Blowjob Revenge'."

That is too funny!!