struggling with Greek life - Page 2

Shine · #16 08-17-2003, 03:55 PM

I felt all of these things about my org, and I did disaffiliate.

There were constant rumors going around and a lot of backstabbing. Our dues never seemed to be a problem, but I know of a lot of women that were turned away from orgs they were perfect for because they couldn't front hundreds of dollars on such short notice.

At rush the actives told me all about formals, socials, and sisterhood parties. They told us about the fun philanthropies.

They didn't tell us about all the mandatory stuff that would take us away from family. They didn't tell us about the mandatory community service projects that were boring and hard manual labor.

They left out all of the negative stuff, and in my mind, once I had been in for over a year, the negatives did outweigh the positives, and I disaffiliated.

sugar and spice · #17 08-17-2003, 04:08 PM

I also think that this isn't really a situation comparable to a job interview. After all, during a job interview you're expecting the job to include things you necessarily want to do -- because you're getting paid to do them. With GLOs, you're the one paying -- and you shouldn't have to pay money to do things you don't want to do. You could do those things for free!

Tom Earp · #18 08-17-2003, 04:14 PM

Shine, I am very sorry to hear about your situation

I know there was and mybe still an ASA who was/is on GC who did the same thing!

I talked to her in hopes that I could give a little better perspective, but she Did disaffiliate anyway.!

We had a Brother at my Chapter Who did the same thing and would not talk to me or our advisor about it. I had become quite close as an Alum to him!

Sometimes it does happen!

33girl · #19 08-17-2003, 09:23 PM

Life is life! Life during your college years is full of drama, no matter WHERE you are - believe me, I saw plenty of drama in the dorm before I pledged. Everything is so amped up compared to how dull life eventually gets.

The lows are lower, but the highs are higher.

If you are in a smaller chapter, you can't hide whatever drama there may be from the pledges. If you do hide things from them and they get in and are upset, you haven't opened up to those women. You haven't truly thought of them as your sisters. If you keep your chapter a sterile environment where no one ever gets upset or pissed off, or where people might have those feelings but are afraid to share them, you have a very very shallow sisterhood - if it can even be called a sisterhood. I'm not saying more drama = closer sisters, but if you are trying to be perfect all the time it's hard to be real with anyone.

This is a big reason I have a problem with how watered down the pledge programs have become. For their whole pledge time the girls are told they are perfect and special, they don't HAVE to do anything, and anytime they are upset someone will handle it for them. Then they initiate and find out they have mandatory events, some people don't like them, they have to fight their own battles. Pledging should not be unnecessarily hard, but to make it too easy misleads a lot of people.

As for $$$ - that really depends on your school. Most groups now have payment plans. It is up to us to make rushees comfy enough to ask about that, or better yet, to provide the info through the Greek life office or on the website.

MoxieGrrl · #20 08-17-2003, 09:35 PM

To the original poster - Yes, I understand just where you are coming from, as I have felt the same way sometimes too. How to solve the problem? I don't know. If you avoid pledging girls until the internal drama is caused....well, the internal drama won't matter because you might not have a chapter by that time. There isn't really a way to incorporate, "Hey, sister XYZ gets drunk all the time" "Sister ABC has been accused to talking behind people's backs and stealing." *shrugs* I just don't know!

33girl: Great point about if they don't know the internal dramas by the end of the pledge program, then you haven't opened up to them. Every girl who pledges a Greek org wants to make her house better through her special skills, personality, etc...If new members have a chance to see the internal dramas, which most of the time are completely normal!, they might dispel some of it.

MareImbrium · #21 08-18-2003, 12:11 AM

Yes life is life I agree. *sigh* There have been really great times tho with lots of laughs and all the sugar and spice. We actually had one of those talks where we just get our feelings out in the open and I think it's helped some. When there are such negative energy floating around I have to honestly admit that I'm not so proud to wear my letters sometimes. And even though we're a diverse group, a good majority of the group is of one ethnicity and I think they forget there are other ethnic groups as well.

I'm just glad that I'm not alone in all this. I try real hard not to think too much about things. I just do whatever I need to do and give my 100%

Buttonz · #22 08-18-2003, 12:36 PM

While being a pledge, my pledge sis and I knew EVERYTHING that went on! It was good because we knew what to expect, but bad because we felt caught up in it. There was a girl that pledged in the fall and by the time I came around (End of March) she already disaffilated.

shadokat · #23 08-18-2003, 04:28 PM

I would encourage you to take a look at WHY things in your chapter feel the way they do. WHY is there backstabbing, etc., and what can I do to change it. This way, you make the sorority a better place not only for yourself, but for PNMs as well, and then you're not hiding anything, are you? I agree with what ChaosDST said...they don't need to know what goes on behind closed doors until they are members.

phisigscooby · #24 08-18-2003, 07:58 PM

To the original poster....and your last response

That is all you can do. Believe me I understand how you feel and what you feel.

Scooby

momoftwo · #25 08-19-2003, 10:05 AM

A long time ago, I attended a management training seminar on team building. Of all the classes I've taken throughout my career, this one has had continued relevance to me in both my professional and personal life. I think this is relevant to this discussion because, with new members coming in and others graduating, the dynamics in a GLO are always changing.

The premise of the class was that, when a group of people come together for a common purpose, there are four quadrants of team dynamics. The first phase is getting to know each other--in this phase people tend to be polite, and there's not much drama because folks tend to ignore any issues that may occur.

The next phase is the drama phase. Lots of infighting. You bring up the issues, but don't do anything to effectively resolve them. In this phase, there's lots of distrust.

Ideally, you move beyond drama to the third phase. The group members decide they're tired of the drama and begin to work things out. They come up with approaches to resolving issues and stick to them.

Finally, you're a fully functional team. The problem resolution processes work and the team is able to deal with issues and resolve them. All team members contribute to whatever the group's goals and objectives are.

Just because you got to phase four it doesn't mean you'll be there forever. It's possible to slip back to the drama when new members join the team or when new things need to be accomplished.

Whenever I'm in a situation where there's a lot of backstabbing or frustration, I remember this concept. If it's a new situation, I tend to be encouraged that we're moving forward. I realize it's possible to get beyond the conflict, if you really work at resolving the roots of the conflict. Continuing to be polite, and ignoring the elephant in the room, only prolongs the drama, it doesn't get you past it.

Probably one of the reasons that fraternity and sorority members tend to do well in their careers is that through their membership, they learn how to deal with group dynamics and are ahead of the curve when they get out in the real world.

oldalphasiglana · #26 08-20-2003, 12:21 AM

I'm not in a sorority anymore, but now that I'm out (I knew this before dropping out though) even at work or amongst other affiliations rumors etc still go on. My mom is in her 40's and she has come home upset due to drama at work; so it doesn't just happen in sororities. I think in general drama happens whenever a group of people are together. Heck drama and rumors even go on at church as does separate groups.
So when you look at life this way you realize if the other stuff in your sorority is good then the drama will only make you stronger.

socialbutterfly · #27 08-20-2003, 02:15 PM

whenever you get a group together regardless if its men or women...problems will start because everyone thinks different.

When you go into a group you are told all the good stuff that they went through....and how you can be a part of it too...what they don't tell you is WHAT they didn't expect to happen, and sometimes are ashamed it did. I don't think anyone would join something if they knew what could happen, we all just go into it hoping the best, and the members take us praying for the same thing.